Thread: SIR HUMBERT has sent a Christmas message...

Whilst I wish you all a prosperous time of the Christmas, in the vast dry colony to the distant south, my loyal servant, Jeffrey, has informed me of your activities with our vehicles. I must say, dear chaps, that your conduct is untoward.

Prior to my stewardship of the Rover group of companies in 1958, the previous 'in charge' apparently allowed your otherwise good selves to take our carriages off the macadam. (I must say it was not of my intent to have colonials and other immigrants, operating our carriages to create your 'Snowy System').

For the following carriages we create, individually and by hand, this 'orfroad' activity must cease immediately. Land Rover 3, (I believe you refer to such, erroneously, as a Discovery) and all Range Rover carriages.

Further, in order to cease any abuse of our other carriages, I have instructed Jeffrey to personally order the cessation of the production of the carriage known as the (thank you Jeffrey) Defender and its derivatives.

Jeffrey has also informed me of a carriage known as the Freelander; whilst I have know such knowledge of such a device; I have it on good authority this carriage is a creation of the devil. Please return such to your colonial purveyor of Land Rover carriages and have all markings of said, removed, forthwith.

I also take this opportunity to remind the lessees of our Range Rover carriages, that abbreviation of the name is not acceptable. The 'RR' title is the exclusive behold of the carriages of which I frequent - Rolls Royce.

At this time of the Christmas I most strongly recommend that all veteran AULRO lessees of our carriages have them returned for maintenance - you will be issued new carriages - on the condition they do not leave the macadam.

(Another gin, Jeffrey).

If you insist on operating our carriages in such a parlous manner, I will have no alternative but to have a word with Phillip and have you all conscripted to the colonial military, where I understand a version of our carriage, the perentie, is operated by those who defend the realm; this is the only exception where the production of my plant is allowed to operate off the macadam (kerbed and guttered, bitumen sealed roads, for 'English language defective' colonial squatters and convicts).

I also request all 'good' fellows of the distant commonwealth to continue such a situation of a Land Rover lessee/operator, lest the empire fall to those of the near north of your colony.

Jeffrey has informed me that the Christmas is to be 'merry' and I expect that while this time includes consumption of whisky, please ensure that your consumption is of the Jameson and not of the Bruce or MacDonald.

(Jeffrey, another gin, there's a good chap. No Jeffrey, no, a bottle of Beefeater, not another glass, for god sakes, did you take this note to the colonials? Jeffrey?)

Yours, and wishes, in the Christmas.

Sir Humbert.

Jeffrey has informed me that owing to appalling weather in the Queens home of the empire, that Sir Humbert (recovering well, following his collapse) has had an epiphany. Apparently "Ma'am" has discarded her Daimler Princess for a Land Rover carriage and has been riding in her consorts carriage, a Land Rover 3....and has been seen to have left the macadam.

There is more in the telex from 'Earl Jeffrey of Solihull' but it has been embargoed until January 2.



quiggers.....