Things The Movies Have Taught Us

[MickS]

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - noone will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.

[PAT303]

Defectives solved every crime in the 60 mins the show ran for,unless ratings were low then something happened to the lead actor and they made you wait till the next week for the climax. Pat

[V8Ian]

And the goody in a gun battle will be the sole surviver, emerging unscathed, using a 22 cal hand gun against half a dozen machine guns.

[MickS]

Every lane way in the city has several stacks of empty cardboard boxes and garbage truck reversing to block a hero's path whilst driving.

Whistling for a taxi in the middle of a busy city will summon one immediately, and even more surprising, the driver will speak English and know where he's going.

You can zoom in and 'enhance' any photo or CCTV footage regardless of format or quality.

Cops can only monitor a conversation if they're in the back of a van with large tape reels rolling whilst smoking with their ties undone and complaining about 3 hour old cold coffee and stale donuts.

[V8Ian]

Role models and anti- heros can drive at insane speeds through crowded city streets without hurting anyone, including themselves if they have a prang. No wonder our kids think they're invincible.

Violence is merely a discomfort and death is not permenant.

[subasurf]

In order for a grenade to work, the pin MUST be removed using your teeth.

Car doors will stop bullets.

Punches never bruise the good looking main character.

[Ausfree]

All the above is true and I have to add the following:

If the goodie is using a six shooter it always holds more than six bullets.

If the goodie has to swim with a knife to attack a baddie, the knife must be held between his teeth.
:D

[Redback]

The good guys hat never comes off in a fight.

The good guys hair is perfect all the time

You can back out of any driveway fast without looking and there is never any traffic

You can drive along talking to the passenger without looking where your going...."Unless" the passenger is going to die at some point, then they will hit another car or drive off a cliff.

Steven Segal will always make a bad movie:D

Baz.

[MickS]

Steven Segal will always make a bad movie:D

Baz.

:Rolling::Rolling:

The many expressions of Steven Seagal (went to the same school of "show me love, show me anger" acting classes as our boy Chuck.....

Wife just had a baby...

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/03/1186.jpg

Receiving the Academy Award for most movies with the word "kill", "vengeance" or "justice" in it...

http://www.rankopedia.com/CandidatePix/15813.gif

Just had a crap....


http://fracasnoir.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/steven-seagal-c10056290.jpg

Being awarded the gong for "man most likely to star in a movie where he is shot, becomes comatose and wakes up after 7 years to avenge the loss of his family but somehow manages to fall in love with the hot nurse" award....

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/03/1187.jpg (http://images.askmen.com/blogs/entertainment/steven-seagal-dude-or-douche.jpg)

Receiving communion in church...

http://www.freewebs.com/enviroscam/17_steven_seagal_sensei.jpg

and to wrap it all up.....

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/03/1188.jpg
(http://minorityblog.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/steven_seagal_expressions.jpg)

[Frenchie]

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.


this is true in real life too. ;)

The 555 phone number thing is quite amusing, when you are aware of that you notice it all the time.

Here's another: After a night of hot, sweaty sex the characters will always wake up dressed in underwear or pjs.

[V8Ian]

this is true in real life too. ;)

The 555 phone number thing is quite amusing, when you are aware of that you notice it all the time.

Here's another: After a night of hot, sweaty sex the characters will always wake up dressed in underwear or pjs.
Many years ago Hollywood bought the exclusive rights to the 555 prefix, in order that they would not use existing phone numbers.

Must be (cool) cotton. ;)

[subasurf]

If aliens invade, they will always target world wide tourist attractions first.

Bullet proof vests always stop bullets....no matter how big they are.

Police in America ALWAYS reside in doughnut jobs and coffee diners.

Hacking into computers is cool and exciting with lots of flashing effects.

Breaking into a suspects home to place a phone bug can only be done as the suspect is pulling into the driveway.

All Islamic bad guys have beards and headwraps.

When a detective goes undercover he'll always fall in love with the bad girl.

Michael Bay will continue to direct appalling movies.

[dullbird]

when the good guy gets apprehended by a number of bad guys and fight breaks out, the 15 bad guys he fights all take turns in attacking him they never all jump the good guy at the same time

[Cap]

Speaking of actors, not sure who I rank worst, Steven Segal or JCVD...

Almost all action movies have a pistol showing in the front cover.
Once you have a skill (like a sniper), you will never loose or become rusty with that skill, even if its been years since you last used it.

[Frenchie]

Hacking into computers is cool and exciting with lots of flashing effects.



...and when a computer displays text on a screen it always makes a sound like an old teleprinter....


.

[dullbird]

and they only ever download it just in time for someone arriving home or walking into the office

[digger]

no matter how many laws you break, as long as you win its OK!!

nobody has to pay for damages caused in line of duty (apparently!)
in the real world, scratch someone elses car, its weeks of headaches!!

No good guy ever has to sight his/her rifle in - its always dead on, and kills bad guys within couple shots, whereas a bad guy with 2,000 rounds and machine gun who is expecting your arrival couldnt hit a barn!

even in the middle of the donga the phone will work if needed.

whoever they ring almost always answers! - they always know the number of who they want to ring....

security officers are either ex sas or useless... (expect for night in the museum!)

[Frenchie]

whoever they ring almost always answers! - they always know the number of who they want to ring....


...and the person on the other end always picks up straight away, and they never say goodbye at the end of the conversation, just hang up.

[MickS]

Hitting someone on the back of the head will always result in instant unconsciousness for whatever duration you require.

Evidence obtained while beating the crap out of someone will always be admissible in Court.

The end always justifies the means. This includes murdering the crime boss at the end.

If a car speeds away from you in a crowded street it is always a good idea to fire off 4 or 5 rounds in the general vicinity of the car.

When you are injured, if your partner tells you you're going to make it, it's time to start worrying.

Bad guys who insist on exercising their right to silence can always be persuaded to talk, usually with surprisingly good grammar and enunciation.

The first person who you show a photograph to will instantly recognise the subject and will supply you with their full name, date of birth and current address.

The "chief" is usually an overweight black guy who smokes and will always rip the hero a new arsehole or demote or seperate him and his/her partner to "traffic" duty, only to bring them back to solve the crime.

There is always a locker room scene where deep and meaningful discussions take place, or the corrupt cops beat the crap out of the "serpico" type.

[clean32]

all short arms have 1684947 round clips and never heat up, smoke or bind. all 6 round wheels hold 34746 rounds.

double action guns are more accurate than single.

soft Kevlar vests will stop a long arm round and a hard vest will stop a short arm round but knock you off your feet

All Dodge Challengers in san Francisco have 27 hubcaps

[MickS]

Antime's a good time for a Chuck segue.....

Wife just had a baby...

http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/original/chucknorris.jpg

Receiving the Academy Award for most movies with round house kicks to the head in them...

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/03/1178.jpg

Just had a crap....

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/03/1179.jpg

Being awarded the gong for "man most likely to get every last man out" award....

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/03/1180.jpg

Receiving communion in church...

http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/unfairpark/chuck%20norris.jpg

and to wrap it all up.....

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/03/1181.jpg

[Ausfree]

Have you ever noticed that ten minutes before the end of the movie the badguy has been drowned/blownup/fallen from a building/shot, etc (you get my drift) and our handsome hero grabs the beautiful fair maiden who he has spent the whole movie trying to rescue and he is just about to plant a big pasho on her when all of a sudden from left of screen the bad guy suddenly comes back with a new lease of life, bigger and stronger than ever and with one arm hanging off and an eye hanging out of its socket has yet another go at killing our hero.:eek2::rocket:

[Basil135]

Regardless of where you are, and what injuries you have suffered, you not only have the time, but also all of the required ingredients to make an explosive device of just the right size, and is guaranteed to explode with just the right magnitude at just the right time to take out the bad guys.

AND

Whenever someone needs to start a fire, they instantly have a Zippo available that they will throw into a pool of petrol, unless they need a time delay, then a cigarette & match book is available.

[d2dave]

When ever the hero of the film meets a girl who he usually has her help throughout the movie, at the end they become an item and live happily ever after.

Dave.

[rockyroad]

Lethal Weapon 2 taught me to check the toilet for explosives.

Medical staff use the defibrillator to shock when the patient is "flatlining" which is not possible (or good practice).

Explosions that are powerfull enough to send the hero flying through the air will not damage the internal organs or hurl debris at him.

When some poor sod takes a bullet through the head while sitting in a car and the bullet exits with a large amount of splatter on the window but the bullet never brakes the glass.

And my personal favourite, all highschool proms have cheesy bands playing "dont you forget about me"

[d2dave]

Whenever the police do a raid on a house and they start doing room by room holding their gun two handed at eye height shouting "Clear".

As soon as the first "Clear"is shouted you know that the house will be empty.

Dave.

[Grockle]

I would never go on a driving holiday with Dennis Weaver

[Jamo]

All Vietnam veterans can fly helicopters.

[kenleyfred]

Rambo taught me that RPG 7's are actually incredibally accurate and have no back blast. In fact they can be fired through a helicopter windscreen (which as Jamo stated, all vets can fly) without harming any POW's that are in the back of helicopter.

Also a LMG with a 200 round belt can be fired from the hip single handed without it riding up. And 200 rounds on fully automatic lasts a really long time.

Obviously Rambo is far superior to me, cos when I tried that with the LMG I would have been lucky to keep all the hits in the same hemisphere.

Kenley

[clean32]

LOL like a constant fire from a 50 cal. more than 50 rounds the barrals tend to snap off but never in the movies

[subasurf]

LOL like a constant fire from a 50 cal. more than 50 rounds the barrals tend to snap off but never in the movies


aaaah, that's why I love Saving Private Ryan. When attacking a machine gun post halfway through the movie they actually plan to wait till the gunner is changing out barrels from the overheating. Brilliant :)

[Tombie]

Movies taught me I was wrong...

Apparently asking the wife if her best friend can join us in the bedroom will NOT be met with 'sure honey'...

Nothing like what happened in the movie.... :wasntme:

[Frenchie]

Movies taught me I was wrong...

Apparently asking the wife if her best friend can join us in the bedroom will NOT be met with 'sure honey'...

Nothing like what happened in the movie.... :wasntme:

Ah that's where you have it wrong, you should have tried the sister.....:wasntme:

[BigJon]

Ah that's where you have it wrong, you should have tried the sister.....:wasntme:

:Rolling::Rolling::Rolling:

My other half is an only child...:mad:

[MickS]

If you're South American, you're a drug baron.

If you're Asian, you're a triad member.

If you're Russian, you're in the Russian mafia.

Despite already loading your firearm and checking it, it's necessary to rack it prior to any engagement.

Shotguns should be racked at every opportunity.

Limousine drivers are all African American and wear hats.

If there's a building site there has to be at least one jackhammer and one arc welder in every scene.

Drugs should always be sampled by way of using a flick knife.

CS/tear gas can easily be countered by cupping your hand and putting it over your mouth and coughing slightly.

[Outlaw]

Speaking of actors, not sure who I rank worst, Steven Segal or JCVD...
Missed one worse... Dolph Lundgren!!! And to make matters worse, they recently re-paired him and Van Damme in another Universal Soldier (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1288403/) :Rolling::Rolling::Rolling:

Oh and a nice twist on the 555 movie number... i have one of those. Been offered on the GC for a couple years now :angel: