If you never had the chance to meet your dad...

[Land Rover Widow]

What would you want as a momento?

I'm in the process of creating a memory box for Lucas...I have no idea what to keep, and I just can't keep everything.There is so much!


So far I have on the list things like his wallet, ID, passport, a copy of the death cert, a copy of the police report, photos (lots and lots), his land rover scale models, his motor cycle jacket and helmet, His work uniform, a pair of his shoes, his aftershave which although it will probably not smell right it will have the name on it. I have the few voice recordings and one video that I will be putting on a CD and a USB...no idea how technology is going to go over time. I'm trying to find something in his handwriting, he was a shocking speller so he never really wrote things down.


I'm trying to create a sense of who Simon was...

We're keeping all his tools of course but I want this to be a box that Lucas can explore over years and get different things out of it.


I've obviously never had the Father-son relationship (nor have I ever known my own father) so I don't know what would be valued. What do you think?

[ericpicc]

I lost my Dad this time last year myself.
I've kept his wallet and other personal items he had on him at the time of his death in the car accident.
That brings to mind I"M SO NOT HAPPY WITH MY MOTHER & BROTHER:mad: I can't believe they took the 120 euro he had in his wallet before they gave it to me, who does that?
I don't care about the money, but me I would not have emptied a dead persons wallet.
Anyway I digress (Sorry for the out burst)
If I could have gone to France, I probably would have saved more then what I've been told was brought back for me.
I have a very money hungry family so anything of value I'm sure has been sold or kept for themselves.
I can't look at the newspaper report as yet, but in time I might get it printed and framed.
Lucky for me he did pass onto me his military uniform insignia and papers from when he served in Algeria so theres a plus.
Anyway I could go on but I won't, just keep what you think you can store and pass on at a later time I guess.

[CraigE]

Sarah,
As a male I would say keeping the tools for him is great, any happy photos (happy ones) are good, Things like watches or rings if he had any are good. I would be a bit hesitant on the police report etc (though I would keep it but probablly not make it available until he is a man and wants to look at it).
A good idea is to vaccum seal a lot of the degradable items (maybe good for the aftershave) and open as he wants to explore. Whatever you do make a copy of all doccuments and photos and store with someone else as a backup on USB or DVD.
Cheers
CraigE

[Land Rover Widow]

Sarah,
As a male I would say keeping the tools for him is great, any happy photos (happy ones) are good, Things like watches or rings if he had any are good. I would be a bit hesitant on the police report etc (though I would keep it but probablly not make it available until he is a man and wants to look at it).
A good idea is to vaccum seal a lot of the degradable items (maybe good for the aftershave) and open as he wants to explore. Whatever you do make a copy of all doccuments and photos and store with someone else as a backup on USB or DVD.
Cheers
CraigE

Thanks Craig, Yep the emotionally 'heavy' things are going to be kept for when he is older. But things like Police Reports are only kept on file for a number of years and then they won't be obtainable so I want to make sure I have it. Even if he's never interested.
I have one of his watches, he never wore jewellery really.

Tools - Simon wanted us to buy tools for L every year for Birthday and Christmas, for his first birthday we bought him his first snap on tool box....it's a roll cab, not a box haha. So at least once a year I'll be adding to the collection, and he'll get all of his Dad's as well. He had better like DIY and mechanical things :p

[lebanon]

Sarah,
As a male I would say keeping the tools for him is great, any happy photos (happy ones) are good, Things like watches or rings if he had any are good. I would be a bit hesitant on the police report etc (though I would keep it but probablly not make it available until he is a man and wants to look at it).
A good idea is to vaccum seal a lot of the degradable items (maybe good for the aftershave) and open as he wants to explore. Whatever you do make a copy of all doccuments and photos and store with someone else as a backup on USB or DVD.
Cheers
CraigE

Hello Sarah,

after loosing my dad because of a heart attack, I kept his wallet where everything is still the way he put it, glasses, pictures of him and his perfume, when ever I have the blues for him his perfume helps me in bringing back his memories.
I also kept his car that I will refurbish one day.

As I posted before, you will find that he is still with you because love doesn't vanish.

May his soul rest in eternal peace.

[flagg]

Things that are important to their time of life.. toys when they are young, books when teenages, tools a bit later etc.

[strangy]

As many pics with Simon, Lucas and you as you can find.
For Lucas, being able to see that his Dad loved him, will be be a critical thing in the future as he grows into a young man particularly.

cheers

[Sleepy]

Music is important for me.
Is there a favourite CD that Simon had, or perhaps a song he used to whistle or sing to himself? If not perhaps just some music that identifies the era Simon lived in.

[Yorkshire_Jon]

Sarah,
Fortunately Ive not been in this position myself yet (at least Ive not lost a parent, wife of child).

However, I remember vividly as a kid when "working" in the garage with my dad, he always had a battered old oil can that he never used, but it had oil in it. One day I asked him what was the go with the knackered old oil can, he paused a while and simply replied in a soft voice "It was dads, don't break it". Nothing more needed to be said, even though I was quite young I knew instantly that the oil can was worth more than anything else in that garage.

The point being, Im sure its the simple little things that have emotional attachment / memories associated with them that are the things to keep.

hth
J

[MEANZ06]

I would say as much as physically possible...


is there a back story to this?

[LSD_AUTOMOTIVE]

I would say as much as physically possible...


is there a back story to this?

yes, sorry...I signed in under the non-business name...if you click my signature it should give you the back story needed

[MEANZ06]

yes, sorry...I signed in under the non-business name...if you click my signature it should give you the back story needed

im so sorry Sarah! if theres anything i can do from across the pond let me know.

you're #1 is very important. i know this personally...

[LSD_AUTOMOTIVE]

Thank you

[WhiteD3]

My younger brother John died a few years ago leaving a wife and son (then 4yo). Millie kept some tools (John was a sparkie), pictures of course, a watch and all the bits of paper you mentioned.

A couple of weeks ago they were broken into and theives took, amongst other things, the watch, some of the tools and other bits and pieces.

My point is make sure you store these treasures in a manner the deserve. Like at the bank.

[LSD_AUTOMOTIVE]

Yes, I work at a bank...I can have a free safe packet and free safety deposit box... I'll investigate the options. I'm so sorry they lost those items. That would be awful

[loanrangie]

Ok unless i'm reading it wrong, the first line says "if you never had the chance to meet your dad", well if he wasnt around for me to meet him then no physical object would make any difference to the way i felt about him.
Two scenario's would change my above comments -

1) if he didnt stick around after i was born then good riddance to him and i'd want nothing.

2) if he died tragically before i was born then any photo's, books, journals/diaries and the like would be my choice.

[LSD_AUTOMOTIVE]

Ok unless i'm reading it wrong, the first line says "if you never had the chance to meet your dad", well if he wasnt around for me to meet him then no physical object would make any difference to the way i felt about him.
Two scenario's would change my above comments -

1) if he didnt stick around after i was born then good riddance to him and i'd want nothing.

2) if he died tragically before i was born then any photo's, books, journals/diaries and the like would be my choice.

Um..perhaps taking note of the back story would be a good idea.

He died tragically and my son is one, so he won't remember him and it is virtually the same as never meeting him. I think physical objects make all the difference. It has nothing to do with changing how my son feels, it's about giving him the chance to know the sort of person his father was.

[superquag]

Apart from the physical, collect stories of and about him... to show what sort of person he was, his mannerisms, quirks, all sorts of "little things".... indeed the mundane will be just as valued in later years for the sense of connected-ness they give...

Whilst I have only a few artifacts of my father, I'm comforted (?) I suppose, and somehow feel at one with his abilities and life...knowing we both have the same instinctive reaction when in a storm at sea...

Silly little things...:p

[Hoges]

did Simon ever write to you? any love letters? When Lucas is older and trying to gain some sense of "who" his Dad was, especially when hopefully the time arrives and he has children of his own, such mementos can become very important in providing some 'direction' not just the "inner man" but as a broader picture of a man who loved his wife. Kids want and need to see / believe in that .. plus the suggestions of others re. his possessions. I wish you well. I think you are very brave!

[akelly]

I have my Grandfathers watch, which came to me via my father (who is still with us but wanted me to have it). It was his 'gold watch' from Ford for 25 years of service (he did about 40 all up I think). I wear it on very special occasions (like my wedding day) and I take it out of the box whenever I'm missing him or just thinking about him.

You're doing an excellent thing for Lucas - it will make a big difference.

[DiscoMick]

Stories about him would be good. Apart from writing, maybe you could record some interviews with people who can talk about their memories of times with him. Get the interniews soon, before people forget, lose contact or die.

[Basil135]

Sarah,

If you can, why not start writing a momento book. Jot down all the good times you had with Simon. His reaction to finding out he will become a Dad, the time when Lucas was born, your plans together, a nick-name that Simon gave Lucas, the nights that Simon walked Lucas to sleep.... add some photos to the book, and explain what they are in a note underneath.

These are the sorts of things that Lucas can show his kids one day.

Having never known my own father, and my grand-father taking his place the best he could, I cherish everything that I have that was theirs. Right down to an old wooden extension ladder that was probably fit for the tip about 50 years ago.

I have a couple of photos that I cherish. They have been scanned & printed, and the originals are locked away carefully.

You cant create memories, but you can certainly let Lucas know how much his dad loved him. It is important that Lucas understand when he is older, that what happened to Simon wasn't his fault. It isn't anyones fault, and he cant blame anyone.

One other thing to maybe include. Print out the original post that you put up, telling us about Simon. That post includes your thoughts at the time. They might be hard to read right now, but it was clear to all of us that read it, that Simon was someone very special, and that Lucas was a very important part of his life.

[jsp]

I have a few things of my dad's which my wife just doesn't understand why they are so important to me, I lost my dad when I was a teen. I was lucky enough to get his wedding ring, it was the only jewelry he had apart from cufflinks which I also got.
I got my dad's ties, he had allot as he was on tv and couldn't wear the same one twice in a year, and I also have his old HMV valve radio, which doesn't even work and is in poor shape, but I have memories of him telling me about how he used to listen to it as a kid. I have since collected a few radios exactly the same which work, and built valve radios and amp's but am leaving dad's just as he left it.
I have the clock which used to be on my dad's desk in his work office in the early 80's, its a piece of junky plastic rubbish to anyone else.

I guess anything which was important to Simon and shows years of his use either a manual or address book or something he has thumbed through, favorite clothes which show years of wear, anything he loved also and had for a long period of time no matter how mundane or simple.

A whole bunch of news papers from the time is also good, makes you remember or think about how some things were at the time, from simple things like what a house costs and the weather was like, through to what news things were happening.

I just went through the same process again after having to clean out my grandfathers house as next of kin and executor. Its very hard to do, and I know you said space is a premium but anything you can put away is a bonus.


Its amazing how the most silly little objects can stir such emotion and make you realise how lucky you are.

Now Im ranting.

[Disco Muppet]

Hi Sarah
Sorry for such a late post, but you may find this helpful
It's not the most practical, or even possible thing.
But to have something that he started; a project, a workpiece, car to be restored, etc.
Something that can be picked up from where he left off.
Thankfully my old man is still with me, but i was around when grandad died, and saw the effect it had on my father.
Anything that helps your son connect with who his father was will help
All the best
Cheers
Muppet

[uninformed]

Unfortunately I am one of those that has been in this type of situation, my father died from cancer when I was 4. I was left with many things: Fishing gear (lots) some fire arms, a few tools, a few photos, watch, his reading glasses, Camping/kitchen Knives, books.

The photos of him arent that many, as a young family in the 70's he was the one taking the pictures. I have no video/motion picture or sound recording. This is a big one for me. If you have ANY sound or video, make multiple copies and store in different locations. Pictures speak somewhat, but no where near the magnitude of video/voice.

Also if Simon has his parents or brothers that you feel are similar and on the same page (some family members dont get along at all and have completely different outlooks on life........) it will be great for Lucas, along with Simon's male friends. This wasnt the case for me so much, my grandfather died from the same cancer 3 months before I was born, leaving myself and my uncle as the only 2 males of our family line in Australia. I do not speak to my uncle. My family also moved interstate when I was 2 so my fathers long term friends where not about.

All the bits and pieces, books have given me a small glimpse into a man I never knew. I got my Interest in LR from him. Depending on what you have left from Simon, may pose a dilema for Lucas at an older age, what to keep and what not to........but thats not as bad as having nothing to touch feel....I have sold most of the fishing gear becuase it was all in A1 condition and vintage. I did not want to use it and I did not want to have it end up rusting or the like....I sold 2 of the 3 fire arms, the last will never be sold! The watch will never be sold! I have passed on some books, mostly the re-loading books to guys that put them to use.

I will say this, of any the material things you have from Simon, under NO circumstance lend them to friends or family, no matter how small they may seem. There is nothing worse than having something broken/lost and the bad attitude that goes with it. Once that has been done you will never get it back and feel stupid for doing so...its not the item but the sentimental value that is the key.

hope this is of some help in a very difficult time. Great that you are thinking ahead.

cheers,
Serg

[Land Rover Widow]

Hi Sarah
Sorry for such a late post, but you may find this helpful
It's not the most practical, or even possible thing.
But to have something that he started; a project, a workpiece, car to be restored, etc.
Something that can be picked up from where he left off.
Thankfully my old man is still with me, but i was around when grandad died, and saw the effect it had on my father.
Anything that helps your son connect with who his father was will help
All the best
Cheers
Muppet

Thanks Muppet :) I have his Series 2a that I intend to keep for Lucas, that would be the project that was started :) Thanks for taking the time to make the suggestion

[Land Rover Widow]

I'm very sorry you lost your Dad at such a young age, Serg. I am very wary about lending anything...the things I gave in the week after he passed never came back. I learnt pretty quickly to not let things go.

I have a large tool chest filled for the moment - clothes, uniform, motorbike helmet and jacket, his old lunch box, reading glasses, land rover scale models, a snap on tools sticker, business cards and magnets, a watch, a toy tank I bought for him that he LOVED. All the photos I had, printed. I hope it will go a little way to explaining who he was :)

[Land Rover Widow]

It's been almost 9 years and the questions about Dad are starting to increase. I will forever be grateful to those that took the time to offer their thoughts on this. It really has made all the difference.

[1950landy]

I have my dads work glasses , he was a boilermaker ,they are covered in weld spatter. I also have a lot of his wood working tools & fishing rods . I used to go to Double Island Point fishing with him in his S3 , unfortunatly he sold the S3 before he died & I hace not been fishing since his passing.

[scarry]

My Dad has been gone 36 yrs,this March just gone.
Went young,stroke.[bigsad]

Time definitely heals,but i still think of him at times.

Yes we got lots of gear,firearms,equipment,tools,have many really good pics,etc,etc.
Mum didn't want a lot of this so we split it up between us 4 brothers.
Oh,and we got the Series 1 in my sig.
And a RR Classic,which was sold at the time.

But now our mother is getting frail and not the best mentally,she is 86,so this is now an issue for us.[bigsad]
She has started cleaning out her place,soon she will have to move out to a place with care.

[pop058]

It's been almost 9 years and the questions about Dad are starting to increase. I will forever be grateful to those that took the time to offer their thoughts on this. It really has made all the difference.

A lot of us (from then) are still here Sarah. If you need anything, same as before, just ask.

[gavinwibrow]

A lot of us (from then) are still here Sarah. If you need anything, same as before, just ask.

And please don't feel embarrassed in any way. We are here to help our fellow idiots, and apart from anything else, we have to instil in the next generation the "madness" for LR.

[Land Rover Widow]

A lot of us (from then) are still here Sarah. If you need anything, same as before, just ask.

Thanks, Paul! It's crazy how much has changed over the years. Lucas has grown into such an amazing young man. I am sure Simon would be incredibly proud of him, particularly how skilled he is in working with his hands.
Like many kids his age he's also very into "gaming" at the moment. When he plays racing games he always tries to use a Land Rover 'like Dad used to have'. I've tried explaining that a 110 isn't really a great choice for racing but he's certainly loyal to the marque nonetheless.
He has two little brothers now so I'm sure the love of cars is something that will be shared in our house [smilebigeye]

[UncleHo]

I lost my Father a few years ago at the age of 92,my sister and brother-in -law wanted to go around Australia, so they stuck him in the local War Vets home, Dad,who was a VERY private man,lasted 7weeks,(I often wonder if I have any Indid in me) it was as if he willed himself to death,my sister and b-i-l were most upset they had to return for the funeral,and people wonder why I don't talk to my Sister[bighmmm]


cheers