Funny Movie Quotes...

[justinc]

just starting it off with this;

"Get Smart" (1965) - Memorable quotes (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058805/quotes?qt=qt1158738)


My Favourite one would have to be the 'poisonous Achtung' quote, from the movie 'The Nude bomb'

:D:D:D:D


JC

[vnx205]

From Steel Magnolias

Truvy: Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood 40 years!

[mikehzz]

Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
Brian: Did you say "ex-leper"?
Ex-Leper: That's right, sir, 16 years behind a veil and proud of it, sir.
Brian: Well, what happened?
Ex-Leper: Oh, cured, sir.
Brian: Cured?
Ex-Leper: Yes sir, bloody miracle, sir. Bless you!
Brian: Who cured you?
Ex-Leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.
Brian: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?
Ex-Leper: Uh, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that I suppose. What I was thinking was I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the ass to be blunt and excuse my French, sir.

[DeeJay]

My favourite line in Get Smart was a "oncer" where Sigfried disagrees with agent 99.
He says Nein Nein 99
:D:D

[justinc]

The amount of material from the Get Smart series is staggering, clever stuff some of it.

IIRC another Steel Magnolias Quote was something about 'That man being a boil on the butt of humanity'.:p

JC

[mikehzz]

Mrs. Tarantino: Are you the police?
Elwood: No, ma'am. We're musicians.

[justinc]

HA! The Blues Brothers is another complete library of quotes!:D:D:D Thanks for that!!

JC

[sheerluck]

The Life of Brian is full of great quotes for me:

Jesus (in the distance) - ".....and blessed are the meek"
Audience member - "Oooh, that's nice. They've had a terrible time of it recently, the meek."

[Disco Muppet]

"look....if we made this giant wooden badger...."
:D

More python.

"Blessed are the cheese makers? What's so special about the cheese makers?"
"It's not meant to be taken literally dear, it's referring to all manner of producers of dairy products"

[DeeJay]

HA! The Blues Brothers is another complete library of quotes!:D:D:D Thanks for that!!

JC


It's dark and we are wearing sunglasses - classic

Blues Brothers - all the epic lines - YouTube

[Reads90]

The Life of Brian is full of great quotes for me:

Jesus (in the distance) - ".....and blessed are the meek"
Audience member - "Oooh, that's nice. They've had a terrible time of it recently, the meek."

Don't start me on that film. So many lines from that.

" you lucky lucky '
I leave the rest

[sheerluck]

.........." you lucky lucky '

"Proper little Jailer's pet aren't we? What wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face!"

"So what have the Romans ever done for us?"

[Disco Muppet]

"So what have the Romans ever done for us?"

"What's this then? 'Romanes eunt domus'? People called Romanes, they go to the house?:
"It says 'Romans go home' "
"......No it doesn't!"
Life of Brian - ROMANES EUNT DOMUS - YouTube

Brilliant :D

[scanfor]

Mrs. Tarantino: Are you the police?
Elwood: No, ma'am. We're musicians.

They've got SCMODS - State County Municipal Offenders Database System

Sounds a bit like SPER up here in QLD.......

[rovercare]

"Be still Cat"

:angel:

[mikehzz]

Too many lines....move the thing....and the other thing,
inconceivable,
did I make it clear your job is at stake?

Cliffs of Insanity - YouTube

[Landy Smurf]

we quite often quote monty pythons material( who doesnt) and ace ventura is another favourable one

[Gooner]

Caddyshack.

Ty Web (Chevy Chase)..."your uncle molests Collies".

[mikehzz]

we quite often quote monty pythons material( who doesnt) and ace ventura is another favourable one

Lois: How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.

[mike_ie]

“Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.”


Naked Gun - another series of movies ripe with quotes.

[rick130]

Too many lines....move the thing....and the other thing,
inconceivable,
did I make it clear your job is at stake?

Cliffs of Insanity - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClzaP8HN2wc&feature=youtube_gdata_player)

A poor bloke was asked to remove his tee shirt on a Qantas flight from Auckland yesterday as it said;


My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.It upset them ?? :rolleyes:

[Redback]

“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”
― Douglas Adams (http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4.Douglas_Adams), The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3078186)

:D

[Marshall]

...

[Marshall]

I would love to put some Full Metal Jacket lines up, but I fear that they may get caught up in the swear filter:angel:

[R2D2]

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"

Dont forget Mel Brooks made a heap of films, not only Get Smart on tv.
"Blazing saddles","Spaceballs" and "History of the world part 1" too name a few.

Have you seen " The adventures of Ford Fairlane" With Andrew Dice Clay? Another ****er.

Been a while since my mates and i had a Python or Mel Brookes movie marathon. hmmmmm!

I bought a Kogan 24" 12v led tv /dvd for about $250. Perfect for camping. You can hang it on the rear wheel and watch it.

They are all much funnier after a couple of drinks.
Most females just dont get it.

cheers
R2

[mikehzz]

Dr Ray Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.......This man has no dick.


Dana Barrett: [possessed by Zuul] Do you want this body?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Is this a trick question?
[Dana is possessed]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.
[Dana starts passionately making out with him]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule...

[justinc]

Mmm, well that didn't take long for things to depart from light hearted fun, did it???

:(

JC

[jonesy61]

You do not have to follow me, you do not have to follow anybody

Yes Yes

You are all individuals

we are all individuals

I'm not

Still cracks me up...

Mind you, I cannot watch a scene with any panorama of Venice without thinking...

and here we are back in Venice...with more @@#@#%& gondolas!

[Saitch]

"It gets to -173 here on the moon"
"Celcius or Farenheit?"
"First one, then the other!"

[bob10]

And the three stooges...."What's this you're doing? "
" The elevator dance"
" Elevator dance? "
" yeah, there's no steps to it! "

Boom, Boom, Katish! Bob

[mikehzz]

Mmm, well that didn't take long for things to depart from light hearted fun, did it???

:(

JC

Hey it was Ghostbusters. Young kids loved it. :)

[SimonM]

Brian Fantana:
[about Veronica] I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.


[opens cologne cabinet]

Ron Burgundy:
Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight.

Brian Fantana:
No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

Ron Burgundy:
It's quite pungent.

Brian Fantana:
Oh yeah.

Ron Burgundy:
It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.

Brian Fantana:
Yep.

Ron Burgundy:
Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.

Brian Fantana:
They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.


[cheesy grin]

Ron Burgundy:
That doesn't make sense.

Brian Fantana:
Well... Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.


[snarls]

[korg20000bc]

And the three stooges...."What's this you're doing? "
" The elevator dance"
" Elevator dance? "
" yeah, there's no steps to it! "

Boom, Boom, Katish! Bob

Welcome to Instant Rimshot (http://instantrimshot.com/index.php'sound=rimshot&play=true)

[korg20000bc]

Game Over Man! - YouTube
bull**** or not - YouTube

[Disco Muppet]

Ahhh Anchorman. So many lines.

"Boy...that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast"
"It jumped up a notch"
"It did didn't it?"
"Yeah...I stabbed a man in the heart"
"I saw that....Brick killed a guy...Did you throw a trident?"

:lol2:

[Blknight.aus]

"if theres anything on this space ship more important than my ego I want it caught and shot right now"

"Drinking one is like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick"

"the ships hung in the air in precisely the same way that bricks dont"

"Sounds broken," "Most likely Sir"

"so is it the new blues mobile?","Fix the lighter"

"My own brother comes and picks me up from prison, In a Police car"

"The use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the blues brothers has been approved"

[SimonM]

Dave:
Who are you talking to?

Wally:
I'm talking to you, you *****.

Dave:
Why don't you look me in the eye and say that?

Wally:
I would if I could but I can't, I'm blind.

Dave:
You're blind?

Wally:
Yes I'm blind, what are you ****ing deaf?

Dave:
Yes, I'm ****ing deaf!

Wally:
You're really deaf?

Dave:
I'm really deaf.

Wally:
Then how do you know what I'm saying?

Dave:
Because I'm reading your lips now you want the job or not?

[Homestar]

'Listen mate, strange women, lying in ponds, distributing swords is no basis for a system of Government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.'

[Disco Muppet]

'Listen mate, strange women, lying in ponds, distributing swords is no basis for a system of Government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.'

"If I went round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd lock me up!"

:D

[Landy110]

We are all well versed in the hitchhikers guide and monty python.
One of my faves from the guide is:-
"Pardon me for breathing which I don't do anyway so I don't know why I bother saying it, oh god I'm so depressed"

What about Donald Sutherland in his best role. Oddball in Kelly's Heroes.
"Enough with the negative waves moriarity"
"There you go, hitting me with them negative waves again"
"Why do you have to hit me with them negative waves so early in the morning"
"Can't you say something riteous for a change" and Moriarity's reply, "CRAP"!
"Just think it's a mother beautiful bridge and it's gonna be there"
"To a New Yorker like you a hero is some type of weird sandwich"
"Wow man, so many positive waves, maybe we can't lose, you're on baby"

[Disco Muppet]

Not even slightly film related, but how about some of the Goon Show? :D

"I went to a good school mate, I went to Eaton"
"How long were you there?"
"About 5 minutes. I was delivering the vegetables"
"You were a green grocer?"
"Not really green, more of a dirty yellow colour"

Can't be topped :D

Now if you didn't know my age, how old would that make you think I was? :eek: :angel:

[bob10]

We are all well versed in the hitchhikers guide and monty python.
One of my faves from the guide is:-
"Pardon me for breathing which I don't do anyway so I don't know why I bother saying it, oh god I'm so depressed"

What about Donald Sutherland in his best role. Oddball in Kelly's Heroes.
"Enough with those negative waves moriarity"
"There you go, hitting me with them negative waves again"
"Why do you have to hit me with them negative waves so early in the morning"
"Can't you say something riteous for a change" and Moriarity's reply, "CRAP"!
"Just think it's a mother beautiful bridge and it's gonna be there"
"To a New Yorker like you a hero is some type of weird sandwich"
"Wow man, so many positive waves, maybe we can't lose, you're on baby"
That is so 70"s , man, and on reflection, with hindsight, so cool, baby. :angel:

[carjunkieanon]

Not even slightly film related, but how about some of the Goon Show? :D



Can't be topped :D



'It looks like an aeroplane, it smells like an aeroplane, it....tastes like an aeroplane. Why Neddy, this aeroplane is beautifully cooked!'
'Thank you, I've had it in the oven all night'.

'Wait, what are these blackened twigs approaching?'
'They are my legs, my captain.'

(making tea)
'How many spoons, Ned?'
'Two please.'
(clunk, clunk) 'I'm sorry we haven't any sugar.'

'Wait, this seat's dangerous! It's got no bottom on it!'
'Well sit on it and it will have.'

'Hey, look at them pigeons.'
'They're not pigeons you idiot, they're gulls.'
'Oh...boys or gulls they're nice pigeons.'

(at an auction) 'And what am I bid for this equator?'

I could go on....and I'm not that old.

[Andrew D]

When I was a teenager I had a good laugh over this seen.

Heartbreak Ridge Roy Jennings Rousting Marines - YouTube

By the way the quote was "send you home with a look on your face like you just pumped the neighbour's cat."

Classic Clint Eastwood.

Regards
Andrew

[Jojo]

...there might be a mess in here, but no messias!

[Pedro_The_Swift]

To Ripley-- "I thought you were dead?"

Ripley-- " Yea, I get that a lot"
:Rolling:

[Pedro_The_Swift]

What about Donald Sutherland in his best role. Oddball in Kelly's Heroes.


Thats a big call!!
(he WAS good in that though;))
He's done some great stuff.

How about him as the original Hawkeye,, :cool:

[sheerluck]

More Life of Brian:
Brian: I'm not a roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!

Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?

[Landy110]

Thats a big call!!
(he WAS good in that though;))
He's done some great stuff.

How about him as the original Hawkeye,, :cool:

Didn't really do a lot for me as Hawkeye, good but not great, this is probably because I was so familiar with Allan Alda in that role before I ever saw the movie.

[bob10]

And then, the master of one-liners, Groucho Marx. You have to wait for the 2.50 mark. Bob
Marx Brothers Duck Soup - YouTube (http://youtu.be/d5cJuAtNcJA)

[Disco Muppet]

And then, the master of one-liners, Groucho Marx. You have to wait for the 2.50 mark. Bob
Marx Brothers Duck Soup - YouTube (http://youtu.be/d5cJuAtNcJA)

Groucho: Why do you have so many children?
Person: Well Groucho, I love my wife.
Groucho: I love my cigar, but I still take it out of my mouth occasionally

:twisted: :Rolling: :Rolling: :lol2: :lol2:

[Homestar]

Not a film, but I just remembered something from my childhood while I'm on my third g&t...:D

Anyone here remember Ripping Yarns? Just thinking of a few lines from 'The testing of Eric Olthwaite'. A couple of beauties...

Eric Olthwaite: It were hard to accept I were boring. Especially with my interest in rain fall.

Eric Olthwaite: That night, as we talked excitedly about shovels and precipitation, Arthur and I decided we had so much in common, that we would form a gang, dedicated to persuing our common interests. Arthur, with his long criminal record, was loathe to divulge his name, so we called ourselves... the Eric Olthwaite Gang.

Eric Olthwaite: Your black puddings black today mum. Even the little white bits are black.

I have a book with the entire first seasons scripts somewhere, I'll have to dig it up.

Cheers - Gav.

[Blknight.aus]

From TankGirl.

Its like the first time you got laid, youve just gotta say daddy, are you sure this is right?

Now - everybody throw down your guns or I scrape off all her make up!
[considers the Madam's face]
This might take a really long time.

It hasn't rained in 11 years. Now 20 people gotta squeeze inside the same bathtub - so it ain't all bad.

Look, it's been swell, but the swelling's gone down.

Tank Girl: Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry **** continues, shoot me now, please.

Deetee: Okay, we're gonna give you babes a chance to prove yourselves. Call it an initiation.
T-Saint: You fail, you die!
Donner: Yeah, but first, you gotta strip.
Booga: That's not in the plan.
Deetee, T-Saint, Donner: Why not?

[justinc]

Hi everyone.

It has been an interesting thread, BUT some have overstepped the mark RE cleanliness. PLEASE avoid the innuendo and smutty postings, I was just after the amusing and G rated stuff. I agree some Python sketches and others just scrape through on that point, but you know what I am talking about.

Thanks,

JC

[nugge t]

Hi everyone.

It has been an interesting thread, BUT some have overstepped the mark RE cleanliness. PLEASE avoid the innuendo and smutty postings, I was just after the amusing and G rated stuff. I agree some Python sketches and others just scrape through on that point, but you know what I am talking about.

Thanks,

JC

Given some others I thought mine would be Ok but if it offends, please feel free to remove it.

[d@rk51d3]

Red Dwarf.

3 million years into the future, the mining ship Red Dwarf has finally turned around, and is heading back to earth.

Now, after 3 million years, the mail pod has finally caught up, and Rimmer receives notice of his fathers death. Rimmer and Lister are having a heart to heart, when the Kat (a creature evolved from a pet cat on the ship) bursts in through the door.........

Kat: "Meeeyoooooowwwwwwwww........ Man! I'm so hungry, I just have to eat!!!"

Lister: "Ssshhhhhhh Kat, Rimmers dad's died....."

Kat: "Hmmmm, OK.......... But I'd prefer chicken."

[Disco Muppet]

Red Dwarf.


"Permission to look smug sir?"

'Nuff said :D

[justinc]

Given some others I thought mine would be Ok but if it offends, please feel free to remove it.

i don't have mods jurisdiction here Nugge_t, it was mostly a request for contributors to keep it on the straight and narrow from here on in. thanks for that, though :)

jc