THE DEFENDER AND THE STORE THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED.

[digger]

Right, bear with me people!!

BACKGROUND:-

People who know me, know that I have a particular dislike for IKEA and “the store that shall not be named”.

IKEA because when you walk in you become a hostage - there is no easy way out, and by the time you reach the cafe area you have Stockholm syndrome!!! And think you enjoyed it.

“The store that shall not be named” because they refuse to trade in my state so therefore they are a bunch of dodgy mongrels.!! (I think things out in a simple manner, it’s easier for me!)

Harry, Carolyn, Muddy and Paul somehow realised this dislike of mine and over Easter at Melrose started trading on it!!

Conversations seemed to continuously go like this:-
Me:- “Strewth, thats a ripper (insert name of gadget or useful bits being used), that would be
great, Did it cost much?”
Others:- “No, actually it cost (less than a fart in an empty bottle) it was on special.”
Me:- “That is smooth, where did it come from?”
Others:- (with large grin!)” It’s from (the store that shall not be named)!!!”
Me:- “The bastards!”

I SWEAR THEY SET ME UP!!

Well, My 10 year old son, Will, received a package in the post, followed with an email I was forbidden to read but was addressed to him on my email!!

Will, for some unknown reason, is a land rover lover!!, This was switched from a mild fanatical obsession to a major, Norman Bates style addiction when he was given a ride in a 101 (not naming anyone Harry!), taken off roading in a TD5 ex mil (full cammo etc) (again not naming anyone Paul) and taken for short trip in an 80” all in two days.....over Easter at MELROSE!

As I said... this seems to have cause him to like the landys!! (I have no idea where this would have started!!)

So, this package that arrived not that long after easter was unwrapped and contained a project for him to work on “with a little help from his old man!”

Here, finally, are the photos.

(I have had trouble downloading photos since I dropped the camera just after easter, I have finally gotten an adapter so I could recover the photos stuck on its little hard drive... so here they are! )

Will, a work in progress.
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2013/06/1496.jpg

These other photos were taken at Wills direction.... (he gets a tad artistic!!)
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2013/06/1497.jpg
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2013/06/1498.jpg
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2013/06/1499.jpg
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2013/06/1500.jpg
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2013/06/1501.jpg
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2013/06/1502.jpg

Except this one... this was taken by me – it reminds me of the Goodies 
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2013/06/1486.jpg

THE BEST BITS ABOUT THIS?

Will and I spent some quality time spread over a couple weeks putting this together.

Will insisted on everything being done correctly, he was meticulous! (not normal for laid back Will!)

He even used a toothpick to place glue in places so that it wouldn’t be excessive or out of place!

Because of my shift work we did this project gradually over a few weeks, and it was actually quite fun, I remember the airfix models small tins of paint and gorilla grip when I was a young ‘un but didn’t recall it was so much fun!

The model is a cracker, except that its left hand drive, you’d swear it was a big one washed in hot water and shrunk!!

It has been a great thing.

The model (which I caught Will at the front of “Bear” with, with my bonnet up comparing the models engine bay to mine!!) has pride of place in the lounge room!

I am very thankful for that model and more for the opportunity to spend some 1 on 1 with Will and especially for that I thank you very much Carolyn and Harry!

BUT

I still won’t waver from my rule, until they open here, THE STORE SHALL NOT BE NAMED!!

Cheers
Digger (and Will... mini digger....Perhaps I should call him Bobcat? :) )

[460cixy]

Nice work there a cracker of a model I had to go to a heap of un named stores to find one eventually got one in yass

[tonic]

Great storey:D. Even if you were in a state where the store is, you would be lucky to get one of those. My wife tried everything to get me one.

[UncleHo]

G'day Digger,congratulate Will on a job well done,looks very good,I too, can remember spending many hours building "Airfix" kits of all the popular WW11 aircraft in kit form,must have had over a dozen hanging from the bedroom ceiling.

Love the pic of the cat,we have one almost totally the same,de-sexed male "Festus" by name,one of a litter of 4 that my daughter got after they were dumped at the pound, "Festus" "Fungus" "Flatulance" and "Mildew" !!!! Gives you an idea of my daughters weird sense of humour,"Fessie" is coming up 4 and a bit know,and has just got a new playmate, a "black smoke Devon Rex" kitten "Yoda"




cheers

[justinc]

G'day Digger,congratulate Will on a job well done,looks very good,I too, can remember spending many hours building "Airfix" kits of all the popular WW11 aircraft in kit form,must have had over a dozen hanging from the bedroom ceiling.

Love the pic of the cat,we have one almost totally the same,de-sexed male "Festus" by name,one of a litter of 4 that my daughter got after they were dumped at the pound, "Festus" "Fungus" "Flatulance" and "Mildew" !!!! Gives you an idea of my daughters weird sense of humour,"Fessie" is coming up 4 and a bit know,and has just got a new playmate, a "black smoke Devon Rex" kitten "Yoda"




cheers


This book was obviously an important read in your household, too!!:D

Fungus the Bogeyman - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Great literary work by Raymond Briggs:)

JC

[sheerluck]

Looks like your son has really enjoyed doing that, Digger. And some great pics there.

The "store that shall not be named"? Do you mean A.....<sounds of vigorous strangulation......>

[dullbird]

I think I should buy up some of these models and start a spare parts store :p

[The ho har's]

Thank you Digger, bobcat;) and family for the terrific holiday we had in S.A.

Glad to see you had a great time with Will:D

Mrs hh:angel:

P.S. We had to go to "the store that shall not be named" and buy it for you as we know they don't trade in S.A.:p:wasntme:

[87County]

you may get some toys yet ....... :)

from ABC news ....

Supermarket chain ---- says it will open stores in South Australia, expanding its Australian reach beyond the east coast.

The company said it was making plans to open up to 50 stores, creating 900 jobs.

It expected to take some years to find a warehouse site and retail store locations across SA.

The company said it would work with the SA Government to help find appropriate sites.

Independent Senator Nick Xenophon questioned whether SA shoppers would benefit.

"The collateral damage will be felt by the smaller independents," he said.

"If you squeeze out and hurt the smaller independents that's ultimately bad for the community, bad for consumer choice."

The Independent Supermarket Retailers Guild said smaller stores in SA would remain competitive.

Colin Shearing from the Guild said, unlike ---- which imports many groceries, independent supermarkets supported local products.

"At the end of the day we have distribution channels that are a little bit different, where we can actually tap into local produce and local suppliers, so we have that opportunity," he said.

[Davo]

I don't know about that other shop, but I haven't been into an Ikea since a horrendous visit over eight years ago where I was practically crawling out at the end begging for food and water. Never, ever again!

(Ironically, I have no trouble at all assembling their stuff.)

[Draco Australis]

This is so cool Digger and Will. You two did a very good job at assembling it. A proper job! I got a mini me for my birthday and that made me pretty happy. This makes me want to make some airfix models now. :D

Draco

[Landy Smurf]

I love both stores mention(or not so much mentioned) dad hates them.
That is cool, the 2 defenders together!

[austastar]

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2013/06/1486.jpg

Big lions over your way

cheers

[vnx205]

Big lions over your way

cheers

In the "Big Cats" thread, I think some people claim to have seen larger felines than that roaming the Australian bush. :)

Last time those DIY models were available, I decided that it was time to start educating my 3 year old granddaughter about iconic vehicles, so I bought one for her as well as one for myself. She enjoyed helping me assemble it and seems to treat it with a good deal more respect than her other toy cars. :)

[muddy]

Hi Digger

Passed one of that company vans on the way home from Melrose--










Sorry it was in NSW and couldn't catch him to divert him over your way

[The ho har's]

I think Will's defer has one over you..his has a sun roof and you don't:p

Mrs hh:angel:

[disco 3 door]

you may get some toys yet ....... :)

from ABC news ....

Supermarket chain ---- says it will open stores in South Australia, expanding its Australian reach beyond the east coast.

The company said it was making plans to open up to 50 stores, creating 900 jobs.

It expected to take some years to find a warehouse site and retail store locations across SA.

The company said it would work with the SA Government to help find appropriate sites.

Independent Senator Nick Xenophon questioned whether SA shoppers would benefit.

"The collateral damage will be felt by the smaller independents," he said.

"If you squeeze out and hurt the smaller independents that's ultimately bad for the community, bad for consumer choice."

The Independent Supermarket Retailers Guild said smaller stores in SA would remain competitive.

Colin Shearing from the Guild said, unlike ---- which imports many groceries, independent supermarkets supported local products.

"At the end of the day we have distribution channels that are a little bit different, where we can actually tap into local produce and local suppliers, so we have that opportunity," he said.
The unnamed grocery store get ther groceries & produce from local suppliers & manufactures. Electrical & other supplies mainly come from Europe as Australia does not manfacture the products.

[Basil135]

Ok, couple of things need to be said here...

Firstly, if anyone can get a couple of those models, drop me a line... PLEASE :D

Secondly, Digger, from one bloke to another, from one father to another, from one Landy lover to another......

Next time you are forced to attend Ikea against your own free will, let me know. Under sufferance, I will attend, and show you the "secret blokes short-cuts" ;)

Built into every Ikea store, are a series of short-cuts, back alleys, and secret paths that are invisible to women, thus can only be seen by men. :D

Actually thinking of setting up a service for like-minded guys. $5 per tip sounds fair to me... :angel:

[Davo]

Okay, but only if you supply emergency rations.

[digger]

Ok, couple of things need to be said here...

Firstly, if anyone can get a couple of those models, drop me a line... PLEASE :D

Secondly, Digger, from one bloke to another, from one father to another, from one Landy lover to another......

Next time you are forced to attend Ikea against your own free will, let me know. Under sufferance, I will attend, and show you the "secret blokes short-cuts" ;)

Built into every Ikea store, are a series of short-cuts, back alleys, and secret paths that are invisible to women, thus can only be seen by men. :D

Actually thinking of setting up a service for like-minded guys. $5 per tip sounds fair to me... :angel:

So far my solution to the Ikea problem is I find a fellow 'hostage" male and I then 'stage' a fight with them, staff attend promptly and drag us both out of the store the shortest way possible.

Thank my co conspirator and look for the nearest spot to celebrate my freedom (theres a pun there) with a beer! :)

[Landy Smurf]

and just when you think you are done.. oh what is that down stairs too :D

[digger]

and just when you think you are done.. oh what is that down stairs too :D

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek: :o

---I feel now is an appropriate time to apologise to Banjo Patterson for what I have done to his poem, "Lost"





IKEA - OH DEAR!
"He ought to be home," said the old man, "without there's something amiss.
He only went to the IKEA — he ought to be back by this.
He keeps riding that number 41 wheelie trolley, he would have his wilful way;
And, here, he's not back at sundown — and what will his mother say?

"He was always his mother's idol, since ever his father died;
And there isn't a trolley within the store that he isn't game to ride.
But that number 41 trolley is vicious, and if once she gets away
He hasn't got strength to hold her — and what will his mother say?"

The old man walked to the sliprail, and peered up the dark'ning track,
And looked and longed for the flat pack shopper that would never more come back;
And the mother came and clutched him, with sudden, spasmodic fright:
"What has become of my Willie? Why isn't he home tonight?"

Away in the maze like store, at the foot of flat pack fake wood -light and dark,
The allen key master laddie was lying stiff and stark;
For the number 41 trolley had smashed him against a leaning display,
And his comely face was battered, and his merry eyes were filled with dismay.

And the dangerous number 41 trolley, the flatpacks stressing her flanks,
Was away like fire through the ranges of goods and smashing balsa wood predrilled wood look planks;
And a broken-hearted woman and an old man worn and grey
Were searching all night in the two storey store till the sunrise brought the day.

And the mother kept feebly calling, with a hope that would not die,
"Willie! where are you, Willie?" But how can the dead reply?;
And hope died out with the daylight, and the darkness brought despair,
God pity the stricken mother, and answer the widow's prayer!

Though far and wide they sought him, they found not where he fell;
For the playroom ballpit held him precious, and guarded their treasure well.
The painted clouds above him, and the blue balls so close by,
And the leaking brown balls buzz the secret, and the punctured red balls sing reply.

But the mother pined and faded, and cried, and took no rest,
And drove each day to IKEA on her hopeless, weary quest.
Seeking her loved one ever, she faded and pined away,
But with strength of her great affection she still sought every day.

"I know that sooner or later I shall find my boy," she said.
But she came not home one evening, and they found her in “Bedding section” lying dead.
And stamped on the poor pale features, as the spirit homeward pass'd,
Was an angel smile of gladness — she had found the boy at last.

So heed my timely warning, ignore it and results may be dire,
If you enter an IKEA, take lots of supplies or you may well expire!
Using an allen key to cut through the deep jungles of Swedish chattels and goods
May be much more dangerous to tackle than the evilest and roughest of neighbourhoods

If you can not get away and enter such a place you must,
I beg you to be wary as like Willie you may die and turn to dust,
Please think hard before you go, put yourself right through the mill,
And at least before you try the meatballs,-- Update your bloody will !!!

[FeatherWeightDriver]

One of the Ikea stores has a "manland". Think of it as daycare for husbands and boyfriends :D

Manland: IKEA's day-care for husbands - The Week (http://theweek.com/article/index/219328/manland-ikeas-daycare-for-husbands)

PS: All the stores seem to have shortcuts, and you can generally bypass all of the "showroom" areas to get to the "buying" areas. I'm still waiting for HEMA to issue maps for these though ;)

[scanfor]

Ok, couple of things need to be said here...

Firstly, if anyone can get a couple of those models, drop me a line... PLEASE :D

Secondly, Digger, from one bloke to another, from one father to another, from one Landy lover to another......

Next time you are forced to attend Ikea against your own free will, let me know. Under sufferance, I will attend, and show you the "secret blokes short-cuts" ;)

Built into every Ikea store, are a series of short-cuts, back alleys, and secret paths that are invisible to women, thus can only be seen by men. :D

Actually thinking of setting up a service for like-minded guys. $5 per tip sounds fair to me... :angel:

They got upset with me and made veiled threats to exclude me from future visits (yeah, big threat) when I took a shortcut clearly labelled EXIT - it set of some sort of free-thought alarm and warned them that a rat was leaving the maze.

[The ho har's]

https://www.aldi.com.au/typo3temp/pics/ALC6937_LongKVB_Welcome_1896x720_d96797c8e9.jpg

Cheers digger should make your day:D


Mrs hh:angel:

[disco 3 door]

Hey Digger, 3rd February I beleive for S.A.;););)

[DiscoMick]

It's fun in Ikea to get separated, turn around and walk in the opposite direction to everyone else, following the lines on the floor back to the beginning. Then I go to the coffee shop and await a summons from The Navigator.


My BIL went totally claustrophobic in Ikea and forced his way out a door which led to a balcony with no exit, and set off the alarms. Didn't make him popular.

We have six stores that shall not be named within a 15 minute drive of home - pampered, we are. Its useful if you want a special - just tour the stores until you find one.

Nice model.

[digger]

The new building for the STMNBN is going up quickly at Berri. Its all concrete slab construction and looks like IKEA designed it!

Interested to see how it turns out

[V8Ian]

Don't get your hopes up Digger, you've missed nothing at the store that may never be mentioned.

[DiscoMick]

The new building for the STMNBN is going up quickly at Berri. Its all concrete slab construction and looks like IKEA designed it!

Interested to see how it turns out

Is it going to be the branch that sells alcohol or the branch that doesn't? Apparently the brothers who own the STMNBN had a disagreement about this, so they divided the business into two sections, one with alcohol and one dry. NSW has the alcohol branch, but Qld. is dry.