Marriage course

[carjunkieanon]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone here has ever done a marriage course - if so, which?

Some courses you can do before getting married - talk through your family backgrounds and try to identify issues that may come up.

Some courses you can do once married. A little like going to a Dr for a regular checkup (or like taking your car to be serviced). They (kind of force you) help you to take time out to chat with your spouse about how things are going.

Curious as to what people have done or if they'd do it.

PM me if you don't want to post on the common thread.

[incisor]

this could be an interesting thread...

think i would rather just nut my way thru it again.....

having some idea what is going to come your way before you get to it would have scared the crap out of me :D:D:D

[clubagreenie]

Given my current position, I really don't think it would have made a difference anyway.

[BathurstTom]

My wife and I got married in an Anglican Church and we did their version of the marriage course. It was run out of America and was highly encompassing if not a little obtrusive. It caters from people with an IQ of 1/2 and up. It asks some obvious questions of each partner, like the expectations of the other partner in regards to being the bread winner, do you want kids and if so, how many etc etc. Might seem obvious to us, but some people need it. It can ask some quite explicit questions regarding sex, but you are allowed to answer No comment or something similar.

I have not done the course once married as you describe, but I do know people that have been involved and haven't heard anything too scary about them.

Cheers,
Tom.

[Ausfree]

Didn't have "Marriage Courses" in my day, we just jumped in the deep end.:p Still married after 38 years............................................. ..................












...........................I think!!!












Just kidding, still happily married!!!!:p

[laney]

done the course once that marriage train wreck have partner now no course carn't be happier

[Disco Muppet]

Kinda seems like the point of having a relationship, to work out what you both want and to go from there.
If you need a course to work out if you want to get married, you probably shouldn't be imho...
Hopefully I won't have to figure it out for a little while yet :D

[Eevo]

sounds like something setup by a female

[loanrangie]

I think i did a dis-course, cant see the point - sounds a bit wanky to me.

Seriously, nothing will prepare you for what may lay ahead just - start off at least liking the person :)

[Blknight.aus]

the defence force has one, they stuck me on it and the course went as far as the padre getting up and saying "In gods eyes" at which point, being an atheist, I got up and left.

My entire hierarchy were somewhat ****ed off at the person who slated me for the course because they'd not bothered to check my religion on my service card and had slated me on "marriage guidance for Christians"

[Ausfree]

I think i did a dis-course, cant see the point - sounds a bit wanky to me.

Seriously, nothing will prepare you for what may lay ahead just - start off at least liking the person :)

:Rolling::Rolling: Would help, I guess!!!

[Ean Austral]

Yep i've been on the course for 23 yrs, and it comprises of the following.


YES DEAR....:TakeABow::TakeABow::TakeABow::TakeABow::T akeABow::TakeABow::TakeABow::TakeABow::TakeABow::T akeABow:


Cheers Ean

[bob10]

A marriage course? Thought that was the grandparents domain, first question I would ask of the marriage " instructor' [ for goodness sake, :no2:]
is " how long have you been married, & how many children do you have? "

The mind boggles, Bob [ 36 years, 3 boys , one girl, for us]

[solmanic]

If you are planning on getting married in a church then the minister/priest usually does some sort of basic mariage preparation. It is really just low level counselling type stuff designed to flag any obvious issues. These issues however, are usually not obvious to the couple in question. Now this is where I will get a bit political...

Roman Catholic marriage preparation is something to be wary of as no Catholic priests have any first hand experience. Also, your fundamentalist, happy clappy denominations (includes Baptist and AOG - now ACC) can also be badly skewed to the ultra-traditional and now very out-of-date models of marriage. If you want to be safe, go with the Uniting Church or maybe Anglican for a more balanced, real world approach.

A church minister however, is not a marriage counsellor. If they think there are likely problems they should refer you on to one. Also remember that church marriage preparation is based on religious faith being a part of your relationship. The religious model views marriage as a union of three, not two, where it is believed that the closer your relationship to God, the closer your relationship to each other. If you aren't into that then you need to look elsewhere.

Either way, the one big benefit of any marriage course is that they can often help identify problems that are just not apparent to either person in the relationship.

[Vern]

Are meals provided at these 'courses'?;)

[Chops]

Married twice,, Divorced twice,,

I think I'll sit this one out :angel:

[Ausfree]

I think it basically boils down to..................

............Happy wife, happy life:D:D:D

[Vern]

I think it basically boils down to..................

............Happy wife, happy life:D:D:D

Or just don't get married, been working fine for us for 20 years now:)

[Homestar]

Just remember that you will need to compromise from time to time. Here's a good clip that sums it up nicely.

youtube - compromise (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYY5Ilo-l3I)

[Tombie]

How can there be a course?

I still can't even understand the freakin subject matter ;)

[Tombie]

One point to remember:

http://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

[Tombie]

For the record - married to my very tolerant wife 15 years this Wednesday.

Wouldn't change it...

[seano87]

Having very recently just got married - it was suggested to us, but we didn't do it mind you.

We were told by the celebrant what one of the common first parts of a course often entail - to hang a load of washing out together. Sound simple? Well... I peg shirts at the bottom of the shirt and hang it upside down, Hannah on the other hand insists on pegging it under the arms of the shirt.

It's silly things like that, that apparently can lead to bigger problems if they're not dealt with sensibly by a lot of people.

We decided not to bother. But we did sort the washing issue - I hang mine the correct way, and hang hers the wrong way. And she hangs mine the right way and still does hers the wrong way. Simple.
If all else fails, yes dear (even if she's wrong!).

[Eevo]

Hannah on the other hand insists on pegging it under the arms of the shirt.

she is wrong

[bob10]

If you are planning on getting married in a church then the minister/priest usually does some sort of basic mariage preparation. It is really just low level counselling type stuff designed to flag any obvious issues. These issues however, are usually not obvious to the couple in question. Now this is where I will get a bit political...

Roman Catholic marriage preparation is something to be wary of as no Catholic priests have any first hand experience. Also, your fundamentalist, happy clappy denominations (includes Baptist and AOG - now ACC) can also be badly skewed to the ultra-traditional and now very out-of-date models of marriage. If you want to be safe, go with the Uniting Church or maybe Anglican for a more balanced, real world approach.

A church minister however, is not a marriage counsellor. If they think there are likely problems they should refer you on to one. Also remember that church marriage preparation is based on religious faith being a part of your relationship. The religious model views marriage as a union of three, not two, where it is believed that the closer your relationship to God, the closer your relationship to each other. If you aren't into that then you need to look elsewhere..

I'm C of E, my wife is Catholic, we were married in a Catholic church, in Manly, Sydney, I'm afraid , in our case, that was not so. You don't marry the Church, Bob

[Homestar]

SWMBO can hang out the clothes however she likes knowing that I will never interfere...:D

[V8Ian]

A marriage course? :o:o:censored: For Pete's sake, what do you get if you pass? Cert I in Yes Dear, No Dear, Three Bags Full Dear?
I feel a more proactive approach by these course facilitators would be to produce an owner's manual and/or Rave disc for Wife Model XYZ etc. :angel::p

[Disco Muppet]

I feel a more proactive approach by these course facilitators would be to produce an owner's manual and/or Rave disc for Wife Model XYZ etc. :angel::p

"Customer complains of persistent whining from front end of wife. Vocal Controls appear to be working as normal"
Or just, y'know, talk about things? Seems to work for me....

[solmanic]

I'm C of E, my wife is Catholic, we were married in a Catholic church, in Manly, Sydney, I'm afraid , in our case, that was not so. You don't marry the Church, Bob

??? Who said anything about marrying the Church? You must be thinking of nuns.

[Davo]

I used to think marriage jokes were stupid . . . until I got married. I love them now.

I wonder if the best marriage course would involve the hopeful groom sitting down with several old married men, lots of talking, and alcohol. But this might just put him off, as after all, getting married is a bit like joining the Army, but do they give you counselling before you do that? :p

[3toes]

Had to go through the Roman Catholic course myself. Was lucky that the minster knew my position on his religion. Instead of spending the time attempting to convert me we had a good time discussing christian religions in general. Said he enjoyed the chance to talk with someone who was not just agreeing. Not sure how this was a supposed to prepare us for anything though.

[zulu Delta 534]

My spouse and I both think that a marriage course would be a good idea.:)
After we have done that one we are thinking seriously of signing up on a "Breathing course", and then to follow that up with with an "Eating and Drinking" course.:D
Unfortunately in our days there was no "Sex course", we simply had to feel our way through that one!:(
I am sure that down the line sometime, some other useful courses will pop up that we can sign up for.
We are even thinking of signing up on a "Train the Trainer" course but we are having difficulties finding the prescribed list of criteria required.
Perhaps doing a Uni degree of "Would you like fries with that", could help considerably.:angel:
Regards
Glen

[numpty]

Married twice,, Divorced twice,,

I think I'll sit this one out :angel:

x2 :angel:

[Ausfree]

Good post Tombie..........I posted this in the wrong spot.

[Ausfree]

How can there be a course?

I still can't even understand the freakin subject matter ;)
Has to be a University course, I think!!!:D

[Redback]

A marriage course? :o:o:censored: For Pete's sake, what do you get if you pass? Cert I in Yes Dear, No Dear, Three Bags Full Dear?
I feel a more proactive approach by these course facilitators would be to produce an owner's manual and/or Rave disc for Wife Model XYZ etc. :angel::p


What happens if you fail:confused:

[JamesB71]

I used to think marriage jokes were stupid . . . until I got married. I love them now.

I wonder if the best marriage course would involve the hopeful groom sitting down with several old married men, lots of talking, and alcohol. But this might just put him off, as after all, getting married is a bit like joining the Army, but do they give you counselling before you do that? :p

If that happened nobody would go through with it...

But then I'm married twice and divorced twice too so I might be biased. Bachelor herd for me.

[JamesB71]

x2 :angel:

X3 :-/

[carjunkieanon]

Thanks for your thoughts. The trusty aulro sense of humour is coming through pretty strong.

Just to fill in the picture of why I asked...

I've been married 9 years (5 kids). We didn't do a course beforehand though I knew of them. I figured we just like each other and were committed so we'd make it work no matter what came up. Going OK so far.

We did a weekend course a couple of years ago that talked through dealing with disagreements, stonewalling, and a bunch of other stuff. A lot of the course just told us stuff we knew (or had known but forgotten about), but it was really helpful to take the time to talk it through together. Some of it actually helped us figure out how to better relate to our boys as it was just general interpersonal stuff.

I'm also an Anglican minister (delighted to hear someone commending the Anglican church :) ). I'm thinking of running a similar course to what my wife and I did. Curious as to what response it'd get. The general response from here tally's with what I've encountered from most blokes, 'marriage course, what's the point?' Most women seem to think the idea of a day talking with their husband about how their marriage is going is a good idea :(

On a side note, my Nan died last week, 98, survived by her husband of 72 years :eek: That's a loooong time.

[carlschmid2002]

To get married in the Anglican Church you have to do it. The first thing you do is answer a questionaire of about 100 questions. First mistake. Don't finish it in 20 mins when the wife takes 90 mins. Obviously I didn't take it seriously. Ww did the course with the priest in Lilydale and got married in Port Douglas. I can't honestly say it helped a great deal. Could be useful to some though.

[dobbo]

[QUOTE]Why can't they invent something for us to marry instead of women?

--FRED FLINTSTONE/QUOTE]


enough said.

[flagg]

This is a good idea, I think I should write one.. With a problems and solutions table. For example:



Problem: grubby fingerprints on the kettle.

Background: when your significant other is working hard, say in the yard or workshop there can be a great need for a cup of tea, and it can take too long to properly clean up for a short break.

Solution: make your significant other a cuppa whenever they need it with your clean paws and the kettle will remain pure.



Am I doing it right? :D

[WingsOfToa]

Without knowing your situation, i'll run down a few common problems that may help.

If you have been with your partner for awhile, her mentioning to you about a counsellor is her way of saying, I want to save this relationship, can we talk. Quickest way, is to actually talk and listen. Dont do this under the influence of alchohol or drugs. Keep an open mind and see her side of things, it may hurt. This way saves you money and gets you brownie points, (just because you tried). May take some time..

Next option, same scenario: Tell her that you will look for a councellor that you feel comfortable with (there is no shame in this, and will bring you brownie points). The reason why I mention this, believe it or not, if you choose a female councellor, you have immediate sympathy on your behalf as the female psychie is a protective one, and you will have a councellor that works with both of you (especially you) unless your an ass.. You will most likely get what you want, with minimal pain, and she will be happy. There are exceptions to this rule: As a few proffessions like councellors that deal with traumatic issues all the time, same as servicemen from war, mental health workers, police who deal with child molestations etc, I have seen them all. They have been damaged and need help themselves (you will pick up on this) and try another councellor.

If your about to get married it is quite a normal thing to do now "to see someone", males dont tend to talk about all their feelings, so you will get a good scope on what she really wants, as she will open up. This could save you years of pain, and maybe a costly and heartbreaking divorce down the track.

Comments on here about how long they have been together are fantastic! They are great stories, but it dosnt pan out that way for everyone.

If she has brought up the isssue because you are getting married in a church, and it dosnt bother you, then keep her happy and suck it up.

If the situation does bother you ethically, talk to her about why it bothers you.

If you are doing it because the church is nice, then two ways come to mind: If you believe in lifes creator, then talk to the pastor, minister, rabbi, priest, cleric etc about your beliefs. If they dont like your way of belief, remind them there are many ways to get to Melbourne, car, train, bus, plane, bicycle, walk etc. We are all headed to Melbourne on our own journies, there is no right way, and tolerence needs to be accepted. If he dosnt play ball and see this analogy, do you really want to get married in such a closed minded place?

If so, agree with whatever they say, and take it with a pinch of salt.

Remember the clergy mostly do not have higher education on matters like these. Only what their beliefs are, and they are many.

If you can open up and talk honestly about stuff, then you shouldnt need to see anyone.

Easier said than done for most blokes.

Just to throw in a light hearted answer: If she complains about the dunny seat up, do it in the sink...
Cheers,
Mik

[Davo]

[QUOTE]Why can't they invent something for us to marry instead of women?

--FRED FLINTSTONE/QUOTE]


enough said.

They're working on a man+man version if that suits you. :p

[mattadelaide1975]

The wife and I have been learning the "Marriage" trade for the last 13 years. Have we got things right.... who knows, we have our moments of arguments and blues... and we have a moments of bliss (can you guess which ones we have the most of??)

I was bought up in A military family, was trained to do things a certain way by the military, and still do certain things that way (ironing clothes for instance) she was bought up in a highly religious family....and ultra disciplined family (bordering on abuse if I was being honest). In the main we compromise, I do things my way, she does things her way, and we co-exist :) and every now and then we come together and do something the same way.

One thing about being married for so long... you certainly know when to bite your tongue and not say a word!!!!!!!

Cheers

Matt

[incisor]

For the record - married to my very tolerant wife 15 years this Wednesday.

that would have to be the understatement of this thread!

never trust a man that uses Fezzy logic!

[Hay Ewe]

its all good till stuff changes
life events happen and attitudes / physical ability changes
age difference can have an effect - for the worse

Dire Straits have got a new song out - Looking out for Caroline - has lines something like "when your in a hole, its great to have her there"

yep, it is, but some times its bloody hard work

worth sticking at? sitting here right now, yep

(didn't answer the question but I read the whole thread looking to check I am (trying to) getting it right)

Hay Ewe

[crash]

My wife is Catholic I am not.
Wife wanted to get married in Catholic church- no biggy, but had to to do marriage course. My wife and I had been living together prior to getting married and we had already discussed alot of the issues / scenarios that the course brought forward. This to me indicated at least we were discussing things and had a good understanding of each other. One thing I did like about the course was doing the personality tests and comparing each others personality traits and it made us understand why we each acted differently to same scenario. I personally think it is a good thing to do and suggest it to couples that are heading down that path, has it contributed it to the "success" of our marriage - I really do not know.

[Hoges]

Quote:
Why can't they invent something for us to marry instead of women?

--FRED FLINTSTONE/QUOTE]


enough said.




[quote=dobbo;1967440]

They're working on a man+man version if that suits you. :p

Most on here seem to be wedded to their Land Rover (or several...for those into Big Love:angel::twisted::wasntme:

[Hay Ewe]

Its ok to do a course or a short counselling session before getting married.
Its ok to get the books and to read the books

what you have to do is follow through, read the books again. review what you are doing.

interestingly it was Mrs Hay Ewe who hunted down the books, encouraged me to read them. I think that I have read them more, and am going to get them out again this weekend.

I alluded to changes in my post a few previous, Mrs Hay Ewe was hit by a car whilst on her bicycle just over two years ago. She suffers a lot of pain still and it affects how she walks, how fast she walks, what she can, can't do. She has had lots of physiotherapy and similar. we have a swiss ball collecting dust, a foam roller in the box. over two years I would say that I have only ever seen her do the recommended exercises twice.
She says she cant sit at the dinner table for long and is stiff when getting up, but she wont sit straight, always has a leg folded under her other leg. The body isn't designed to sit like that.

Men are generally programmed to want to fix things, Woman want to talk. Its hard to see all this and live with it when the other party wont do much to help themselves except take more pain pills.

If the above sounds off topic or like a rant, it is not intended, though maybe I am venting, but to point out that as time goes on people change, events happen and counselling before getting married doesn't always cover future events.

I had meeting with Doctor yesterday and made an appointment with a clinical psychologist - so I am doing something about it.

Hay Ewe

[Yorkie]

SWMBO can hang out the clothes however she likes knowing that I will never interfere...:D

i agree. :)

[d@rk51d3]

Just to throw in a light hearted answer: If she complains about the dunny seat up, do it in the sink...
Cheers,
Mik

Wait till she's finished doing the dishes though.

:o

[Cobber]

It seems to me any advice given in this kind of thing is based on a whole lot of assumptions? :confused: even one-on-ones are only as good as the councillor/therapist/con-artist ...

Speak to each other, communication is way under-rated! If both parties are willing to talk that's where the answers lie IMHO :)

[Hay Ewe]

It seems to me any advice given in this kind of thing is based on a whole lot of assumptions? :confused: even one-on-ones are only as good as the councillor/therapist/con-artist ...

Speak to each other, communication is way under-rated! If both parties are willing to talk that's where the answers lie IMHO :)

I totally agree about the talking and we do often, I feel at the moment though many confused messages. Last week it was you dont cycle with me on a saturday, this week its ok, you can go a ride with you mate, I shall meet the others as normal. confused messages.

[jimr1]

[QUOTE]Why can't they invent something for us to marry instead of women?

--FRED FLINTSTONE/QUOTE]


enough said.
The way things are going , you soon will " Another Man ":D:D:Dcheers jimr1.

[Disco Muppet]

Speak to each other, communication is way under-rated! If both parties are willing to talk that's where the answers lie IMHO :)

^ This.

[carjunkieanon]

^ This.

x2.

Communication can feel like banging your head against an engine block at times.

One of the most helpful things I learnt on a course was to do with communication - specifically stonewalling.

When someone stonewalls ie, goes silent, don't relate, don't make eye contact, its actually a normal psychological reaction to being emotionally overloaded.
BUT...and here's the critical lesson.... to the person who isn't stonewalling - it looks like the stonewaller is just being difficult, refusing to talk, or doesn't care anymore. So...the non-stonewaller gets angry...which then adds to the emotional loading on the stonewaller making things worse.

When I did something to upset my wife it used to take 2 hours for her to talk to me. Most of that was because I kept trying to get her to talk - I made it worse.
Finally learnt the stonewalling thing, now I shut up and wait. Once she's figured out how she feels and why she tells me - usually in a calm voice and we go from there.

[Tombie]

When I did something to upset my wife it used to take 2 hours for her to talk to me.

2 hours...

Mine takes up to 2 days....

It's blissfully quiet ;)

[Disco Muppet]

2 hours...

Mine takes up to 2 days....

It's blissfully quiet ;)

Isn't it always quiet in the desert Mike? :p

[JamesB71]

Dont expect consistency mate.

[brend0n]

we're getting married next year but just did a four hour course last weekend.

We're getting married in a cathedral, so it was mandatory, however the 'bible bashing' was not pushed at all and it wasn't a pass fail course either.

there were ~140 Y/N/Don't know questions, you and your partner do separately. results collated and then discuss.

we found it pretty good and just a confirmation of our similar values. biggest highlight was talking about issue that will come up in the future that we haven't discussed previously.we already live together so the major topic there was raising kids/parenting etc. (which without talking about it we pretty much were on the same path anyway)

[samuelclarke]

My wife (Mel) and I are coming up to 1 year married and 2.5 years together. Some of the biggest things we've found for us are:

Open, honest communication and we don't keep secrets (unless it's a surprise or something). Plan time each day to talk - nothing is accidental...if you don't make time it won't happen.
Study your partner - what makes them tick, what annoys them, what they love.
Do stuff together! Find shared interests or if you don't have any create new ones. Mel and I are best mates and enjoy doing a whole lot of stuff together from off road touring to shopping (I don't really enjoy shopping for womens clothes, but I man up and choose to enjoy it and become familiar with styles and fashions...and let me tell you it rewards very well ;) - the same is true for my shopping interests...she takes interest in them because it's what I like)
Choose to give each other compliments and praise...even over little things like passing the butter, doing the dishes, servicing the vehicles, making the bed, making an effort to look good for each other etc.. Might sound like nothing and even a bit corny, but over time it makes a massive difference.
Let go of things - we're humans and we're going to stuff things up and hurt each other, often without meaning to. Forgive and move on...and once forgiven, never bring up something from the past in a hurtful or malicious way. EVER.
Learn to argue and disagree productivity - sounds strange, but I think in a healthy relationship being able to disagree and say so freely is something that can make it stronger.
Don't take each other too seriously - laughter is truly the best medicine.


In terms of marriage courses, we've found the Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage (http://www.laughyourway.com/) to be great - don't agree with everything, but overall for us it's been fantastic as a tool to understand each other better. There's a few clips on YouTube:
Tale of Two Brains - Men's vs Women's Brains
Ask More Than Once (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=cwBKIQ__q7Q)
Men's Sex Drive

Also the Five Love Languages (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/) is worth its weight in gold...understanding what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated is great. For example, Mel loves surprise gifts (doesn't have to be expensive, just something small like flowers, a love note, chocolate bar), but gifts don't do anything for me...I love spending quality time together in the great outdoors or working on our Defender or Hilux getting ready for another trip. I can be doing everything "right" but she can still be feeling unloved because I'm not speaking her primary love language (everyone has more than one).

A marriage or long term committed relationship can be the best thing ever in life when you put the effort and hard work in...it comes back to you in spades! :D

[Tombie]

Give it time :)

You're still Honeymooning ;)

[olbod]

To achieve a lasting marriage, a bloke just needs to heed his mom's advice and be strong and do as he is told.

Cheers I think.

PS: Betty and I were mates for fifty fours years.

[samuelclarke]

Give it time :)

You're still Honeymooning ;)

Haha very true...however I've spent 20 odd years observing the couples around me and seen the ones that have successful relationships, as well as sadly very first hand some that don't. As a saying goes..."Learn from the mistakes of others as you'll never live long enough to make them all yourself"

Keeping a Land Rover going is all about preventative maintenance...look after it before it fails. While vastly different, relationships are similar...I'd rather invest in the relationship and create habits that are going to last now in the "honeymoon stage" of our relationship than wait until there are issues and go oh sh*t what went wrong! :)

[wardy1]

Just something to add to that list......
NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER!
This from my late grandmother and mother. Best advice I ever got.

Sadly, times change and so do certain personal things and I'm no longer with my lady. Some here know why, it doesn't matter. The advice is still valid.

[Roverlord off road spares]

I don't think a course is going to help anyone. There are no text book cases that apply to everyone. Its not one size fits all. Don't rush into things if you are you. Most of my mates got married very early and ended up in divorce.
I had a couple of early relationships but I did not meet my soul mate until until I was 28year sold.
I met my wife on a blind date, and instantly fell in love ( love at 1st sight.) We went out the following weekend with the same friends who introduced me to her. Safety in numbers I thought.( I was too chicken to ask her out after the first meeting. I did give her a peck on the lips as we left that night after our first meeting and sent her roses to her work the next day
I called into my local sports store on the Monday and told the owner who was a friend of mine that I found the lady I want to marry. Proposed to her 3months later and got married 18months later. Been together for over 22 years. I probably should tell I love her a bit more often Than I do now. But she is my soul mate. I only started to remember her birthday a few years ago, I always thought it was in Aug instead of June. But she still loves me.

[carjunkieanon]

Just something to add to that list......
NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER!
This from my late grandmother and mother. Best advice I ever got.

Sadly, times change and so do certain personal things and I'm no longer with my lady. Some here know why, it doesn't matter. The advice is still valid.




Yep, I got this advice from my Grandpa too. Always sort the issue out before you sleep (sometimes this has kept us up till 4am).

His other advice was, 'only buy a double bed, nothing bigger. You can't fall asleep angry with each other in a double bed.'

My Grandpa's just clocked up 72year married (to the same woman).

[Roverlord off road spares]

I think this materalistic world has a lot to do with stress on relationships these days. Every one wants this and that and it causes arguments, especially over capitalising on the income you have.
Think clearly, and buy what you can afford, don't look at what others have, Buy things as you can afford them. That way you have no stress about money matters. Money matters can break up couples

[AndrewGJones]

Recently did this one;

What is The Marriage Course? | Relationship Central (http://www.relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course)

I'm not christian, but was pleasantly surprised (relieved) to find this one was well put together and only christian mostly in name, despite being run by a church.

there is no group, or lectures, it is set up as a dinner for two, each couple has there own table and discusses the topics on their own with a meal provided for $25 a session once per week over eight weeks.

Dido't agree with some of it, but have benefited from the general effort made to have a regular 'date' with the wife (15 years) and some of the communication and conflict resolution topics. Overall, things are ticking over nicely now, where as before, it was a bit rough. Like my Landrover...

If you have an immunity to religion, which I have built diligently over a long time (being married to a christian), it is a good course. If you freak out at the mere mention of a god, or someone praying ( apparently to the floor with head bowed) then give it a miss...

Andy

[BST4X4XFA]

My dad told me two things regarding marraige:

1. Son, marry for money and work for love!

I didn't, I married for love and now I'm working for money and so did he.

2. In any argument with your spouse you have to get in the last word, no matter the cost. "Yes Dear"

[DiscoMick]

I've done a couple and led some and it seems their main value is in weeding out the people who:

Have totally unrealistic expectations of their partner and themselves
Are ignoring the facts about each other
Are in love with the idea of being in love
Are gold diggers after money and security
Are marrying because of pressure from others
etc

The main thing I look for is if the couple are actually good friends with similar interests and outlooks on life. Once the honeymoon glow wears off, will they still want to be around each other?
If they're real friends, they'll be OK.

[AndrewGJones]

Are in love with the idea of being in love


That would sum up western society wouldn't it? ;)

[carjunkieanon]

I've done a couple and led some and it seems their main value is in weeding out the people who:

Have totally unrealistic expectations of their partner and themselves
Are ignoring the facts about each other
Are in love with the idea of being in love
Are gold diggers after money and security
Are marrying because of pressure from others
etc

The main thing I look for is if the couple are actually good friends with similar interests and outlooks on life. Once the honeymoon glow wears off, will they still want to be around each other?
If they're real friends, they'll be OK.


Getting a realistic expectation seems pretty critical. You've heard the adage, don't wear rose tinted glasses before the wedding, but put them on afterwards.

[NT5224]

Never been on a marriage course. Lived together with my wife for ten years before we tied the knot so knew what we were getting into.

I reckon some religious denominations insist on marriage courses as ways of trying to ensure that resulting offspring are raised in their particular faith. Make of that what you will....

However -and at risk of going off topic- I see considerable value in having preparation for parenting. Lots of couples just have kids because its somehow expected and are not particularly prepared to do so. Parenting is one of the greatest responsibilities somebody can assume and yet in most cases there is no preparation.

Cheers

Alan