Lost my Mum today

[Debacle]

My Mum died today, I am still shocked. Got a message from my brother midway through my shift that there was an emergency. She has been suffering from dementia for a few years and has been in a nursing home for the past couple of years, but her physical health has always been excellent, which is better than can be said for her mental health. Today she either had a fall which caused a stroke or had a stroke which caused a fall, whatever, but she has passed on.

One of the really annoying things about this is that even though it was obviously a case of an elderly lady with ailing health expiring, it is apparently treated the same as a death in custody, due to her being in a nursing home, and her body has to be shipped to the coroner for an autopsy, which I find quite upsetting.

She was a wonderful, compassionate woman without an enemy in the world, which is why I always got upset about why she had so many security bars on her house when she was there, before she had to move into the nursing home.

I have already told my son, aged 14 and he doesn’t seem too bad about it, but a bit confused, but tomorrow is when my nieces and nephew aged 9, 6 and 4 find out. I am glad I don’t have to explain it to them because they never understood that Mum was sick and would remember how her eyes would light up whenever she saw them even though she didn’t remember their names. Bugger of a Xmas coming up.

Anyway, just thought writing down my thoughts might help me deal with it, but we will see. I am sitting here drinking way too much, I don’t feel tired, but I know stuff needs to be sorted out tomorrow. I am going to feel like **** in the morning.

[V8Ian]

Sorry to hear mate, my thoughts are with you.

[digger]

I am so very sorry to hear that..

sympathy from myself and my family.




You didn't die just recently,
You died some time ago.
Although your body stayed a while,
And didn't really know.

For you had got Dementia ,
You failed to comprehend.
Your body went on living.
But your mind had reached its end.

Those rare fleeting moments
When the twinkle of your eye
Let us know you saw "us"
Those days were for us a high.

So we've already said, "Goodbye",
To the person that we knew.
The person that we trully loved,
The person that was, "You".

And so we meet again today,
To toast your bodies end.
For it was true and faithful,
Until right at the end.

And so, when we remember,
We'll think of all the rest.
We'll concentrate on earlier,
And remember all the best.

For in the real scheme of things,
Your illness wasn't long.
Compared to all the happiness,
You brought your whole life long.

We think of you as yesterday,
When you were fit and well.
And when we're asked about you,
It's those things that we'll tell.

And so we meet in 'membrance,
Of a mind so fit and true.
We're here to pay our last respects
To say that, "We love you".

Dick Underwood 2010

[Tank]

Sincerest condolences to you and yours, my Mum passed recently under similar circumstances, Regards Frank.

[JDNSW]

My sympathy. My mother went in similar circumstances about thirty years ago - but she had really been gone for several years before this.

John

[d@rk51d3]

Condolences for your loss. :(

[Chops]

Sorry to hear of your loss DB.

Remember and cherish the good times.

Our deepest sympathies go out to you and yours from our family.

[Ralph1Malph]

I offer my heartfelt condolance for your loss.
Please drink a little to remember her in better times, not a lot to forget her in bad times.

Ralph

[sheerluck]

My sympathies. There's never a good time of year to lose a loved one. Cherish the happy memories you have of her, dementia is truly a cruel beast.

[edddo]

Condolences to you and your family mate

[extreme]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Killer]

So sorry to hear of your loss John. As others have said, try to dwell on the good times you had with your mother, and maybe the grief won't be as bad.

Mick.

[Chucaro]

My deepest condolences to you and your family. Be strong and remember your mother in the good times. She will be with you for ever.

[TheTree]

My condolences to you and your family

[shorty943]

So sorry to hear this John.
Keep the good times to the front of your mind.
Our mum's are the most important women we blokes ever learned from.
Condolences to you and your family.

[Ean Austral]

So sorry to hear of your loss, Our condolences to you and your family.


Ean & Louise

[incisor]

Condolences from me and mine to you and yours...

[DiscoMick]

Sorry to hear this mate. As others said try to focus on the good memories. Got my father-in-law in hospital with Q fever at the moment so you're not the only one. Christmas is not a happy time for some people. Suicide rate goes up too. Focus on the positives.

[Disco Muppet]

My deepest condolences to you and your family over what will undoubtedly be a tough christmas.

[bob10]

A difficult time for all of you, don't hold your grief in, let it out, now more than ever is the time for family. Help each other thru this sad time, especially the young ones. Time will heal the pain, try to remember the good times, your Mum would want that. Bob

[Landy Smurf]

Sorry to hear that mate.
Wishing you and all of your family the best

[JohnF]

Sorry for your Loss. Drinking will not help. Keep your chin up, she no longer is suffering.

[rangietragic]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

[LandyAndy]

Sorry to hear this John.
May she rest in peace.
Remember the good times.
Andrew

[wrinklearthur]

Sorry to hear of your loss so close to Christmas,
Put a light in the window for her.
.

[VladTepes]

Sad news indeed. My thoughts are with you.

[ramblingboy42]

John if it's any consolation , I lost my mum this time 3 years ago to the same illness.
Alzheimers/dementia creates so many problems most people don't understand. I felt more saddened at the periods before death and believe the inevitable death relieved all the suffering from both sides. Peace.

[gofish]

My condolances to you & your family.

[SBD4]

John, what a bugger of a time for this to happen. Even though you know it's going to happen at some point, it still takes you hard when it does happen. While you and your family are hurting, perhaps the chance to come together over Christmas will give you all a chance to talk about the good times. I found the kids to be a great help in my case, they really force you to look outwards - my sincerest condolences to you hand your family.

[RichardK]

My sincere condolences, may she rest in peace

[d2dave]

John if it's any consolation , I lost my mum this time 3 years ago to the same illness.
Alzheimers/dementia creates so many problems most people don't understand. I felt more saddened at the periods before death and believe the inevitable death relieved all the suffering from both sides. Peace.

When I started to read this thread I was going to post something along the lines of what ramblingboy posted. My SWMBO worked with dementia people many years ago. It is a horrible disease.

My/our condolences go out to you, and may your mum rest in peace.

Take heart that with her illness (although probably not in any pain) she is now in a better place.

[Tombie]

Sorry for your loss.
Having seen my GrandFather go through the same battle I know how hard it can be..

May you remember the good times...

Tombie

[Debacle]

Thank you to everyone for all your kind words. This is a fantastic community.

We have had a win, the coroner has accepted the opinion of the doctor from the nursing home that the death was resulting from complications of the dementia and so they do not need to do an autopsy and we will be able to get Mum back, funeral is on Tuesday next week.

The (only) bright side of this is that my son was originally due to come up from Tas for holidays in late January, but instead will be coming up this Sunday and staying here for a few weeks after the funeral, so we will get to spend a lot more time together than originally planned. I will be having to work a lot of that time but he is now 14 and I think he is looking forward to spending a bit of time looking after himself.

He is growing into a fine young man, better than I was at his age.

[DiscoMick]

Good to hear about the coroner. I'm sure he wouldn't want to put the family through unnecessary trauma.
My FIL is now ome from hospital too, so that's good, although he's still very weak, but at least they seem to have him on the right combinaion of antibiotics.

[BMKal]

Condolences to you and your family. Remember the good times, and talk about them with your family members.

[Roverlord off road spares]

Hi John, sorry to hear your loss of your Mum. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Just remember it isn't unmanly to cry, let it out.
We will all go through it at some time or later in our lives, it's part of living.
Just cherish all the fond memories you have, no one can take them away from you, they will live in your heart.
Mario & Heather

[UncleHo]

Our Condolenses to you and your family Debacle,Just this morning I got a call from my next door neighbour, her son (38) had a massive heart attack yesterday afternoon and is in "Prince Charles Hospital" (Brisbane) and it looks like either a stent or By-pass surgery,his kids all under 13 are distraught.

[Cobber]

I've just seen this, very sorry for your loss particularly at this time :(

[jimr1]

Sorry to hear about your Mum John , My thoughts are with you and your family .