Landrover Joke

[XK150]

Three 4x4 drivers go to heaven
The 1st man approached the pearly gates and St Peter asks "What did you drive on earth?"
The man replies " I drove a Nissan Patrol"
St Peter replies " Well I am afraid you cannot enter and it is off to hell with you"
The 2nd man approaches and again St Peter asks " What did you drive on earth?"
The man replies "I drove a Hilux"
St Peter replies " Well I am afraid you cannot enter and it is off to hell with you"
The 3rd man approaches and St Peter asks " What did you drive on earth?"
The man replies "I drove a Landrover"
St Peter replies "Well in that case, you are more than welcome as you've already been to hell.

[ezyrama]

And back!!!!

Btw, its pootrol and pusslux :)

[ezyrama]

Q: What do you call a Series Landy with brakes?
A: Customized.

Land Rover jokes

How to know when you're a Land Rover owner:


-If you use a hose to clean the inside and the outside.
-When the best route from point A to point B is through the mud.
-When a scratch or a dent is a beauty mark.
-Your mum and sister can't get in without help.
-You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb.
-You search for trails in a helicopter.
-You get custom pin-striping from trails.
-If it takes more than 6 hours to get donuts.
-Your friends won't ride with you 'cause they don't want to wind up in the
desert in the middle of the night.
-When your boss's secretary calls to "recommend" that you wash your Rover
-When you finally wash the mud off, everyone thinks you bought a new Rover.
-You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know where you will end up.
-When it rains and you don't care that your tops and doors are off.
-When you change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break.
-When you take your Mum 4 wheeling and she has to help you flip the Rover back onto its wheels again.
-You use an ice-scraper on the INSIDE of the windshield.
-You get more heat from holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents.
-Every page of your repair manual has fingerprints.
-Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!" when you take them wheeling.
-You spend more time under your Rover than under your significant other.
-Winter comes and you can't remember where you left the roof.
-You spend more on car washes than on insurance.
-Even worse the car wash won't let you in.
-You complain about everything but smile when you fix everything yourself.
-When you think Mud Brown should be a factory paint color.
-When you feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Nissan Patrol.
-If you get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snow storm and get paid
for it.
-Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it.
-You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Rover.

A Land Rover doesn't leak oil, it marks its territory.

Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil?
The factory took it back and worked on it until it did.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked
the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night,as they all look the same
?"
"He replied, it does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"

When Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon 30 years ago Cape Canaveral mission control came through and asked him to comment on what he saw?
He turned around, looked at the Earth and replied.
"I can see two things"
"I can see the Great Wall of China"
"I can also see the gap between the Land Rover's door and frame"


What about the guy that walked into the factory one morning in 1948
with the spare wheel, didn't know where to put it, so left in on the
bonnet. Another guy walked in later, noticed the wheel on the bonnet
and decided to secure it with a bolt.


Lucas jokes

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented the darkness.
But they still claim the "sudden, unexpected darkness"

What is Joe Lucas also known as? The Prince of Darkness.

Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.

The other three switch settings - Smoke, Smolder and Burn.

The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

"I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou...

How did Joe Lucas die? He used one of his own pacemakers.

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo - It sank!

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's
Law. They withdrew their efforts when they meet too much resistance.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency
that's all.

Reasons to own a Land Rover:

My LR is like a child: she has a mind of her own which has set new boundaries to my limits of patience, she needs constant attention, she is unique and made me experience the full spectrum of human emotions ... but is impossible not to love her.

In the event of a nuclear war, you can roll your melted window down and
ask'where did everybody go?'

You can always get spares no matter where You are (in the world) -

The smell of diesel hides that of the oil leaks -

No more resprays, just get out the tin of Nato Green!!! -

You have seen the rest now ...now drive the best....

You can park on the kerb (which others can't!) Or alternatively, you can
try to make a U-turn and drive OVER the kerb!!!

There is nothing more instantly recognisable than a Landy!

Why spend $40,000 on the newest sport utliity today when you can spend much more than this on a Series IIA over 20 years.

Standing on the roof of a Landrover with a chainsaw is the only way to trim
trees

Land Rover: To go where the Jeep has gone before - and the Jeep still lays
there, broken

With Lucas (The Prince of Darkness) you pretty soon qualify as an
electrician

Unlike a Porsche, you can drive it to it's limits and never get a ticket! -

Better to push a Landy than to drive a Jeep

IN A LAND ROVER,THE OTHER CAR IS YOUR CRUMPLE ZONE.

Land Rover engineers went to visit the Mitsubissanota factory to see how they tested the seals on their vehicles. The Mitsubissanota engineers explained they shut a cat in the vehicle - if they came in on Monday and the cat was dead the seals were all OK.
The Landy engineers figured they would test the defender over the weekend - when they came in on Monday the cat was gone.

[harry]

Way too much information!

[Shepp]

Funny look at the kids shirts.

[ezyrama]

Funny look at the kids shirts.

"O'h what a feeling :(
Step aside and protect yourselves:D
I bought a jeep!:(

[Reads90]

A Land Rover mechanic was on holiday in Japan when heard Toyota factory workers talking.
They said they test their cars for leaks by making sure it was air tight as well as water tight. What they do is put a cat in the car the end of the day and come in the next day to see if it is still alive. If they are dead the car passes
So the Land Rover factory worker thought wow what a good idea. So when he got to back to the Land Rover factory he told his bosses and they set about doing it on their cars.
So that night they got a Land Rover and place a cat in it.
The next morning they all came in excited to see how the car got on over night and if it was dead or not only to find that the cat had escaped.

[ezyrama]

WHAT DO YOU DO?
You are driving in your land rover at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your motor and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Answer:
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round" ... you are ****ed