Eating Disorders.

[Ean Austral]

Gday All,


For about the last 6 months my wife and I have been battling with our youngest daughter (19 yr/o ) and her dramatic weight loss to the point of nearly bringing my wife to a nervous breakdown.
We watched a beautiful young woman just turn into a skeleton with skin on it, and the biggest issue with trying to deal with it is she is a fitness fanatic, so she believed she was just super fit. We had friends come and ask us if she was ok thinking maybe she had cancer or some other form of sickness.


Well we finally got her to the doctor and after a barrage of tests, she was told the cold hard facts about her condition. A trip to a diet specialist and some more truthful works from the doctor and she is now on the very slow road to recovery.


I can only say to people that if you notice dramatic changes in loved ones don't give up, keep trying and hopefully they will see the light.


Our daughter is a strong person and now knows how bad things got and is determined to get back to full health again.


Cant wait to see her get back to her normal beautiful self.


Cheers Ean

[Bytemrk]

Wow... hard to know what to say.

Very scary, hard road - sounds like she is a lucky girl to have such a strong supportive family Ean....

It looks like you've got her around the biggest corner.... but likely to be a long road yet...

All the best mate, having a 17 y.o and and 18 y.o. I can only imagine how hard its been so far....

If you are all pulling in the same direction now...things have to get better. ;)

[Bundalene]

Ean, Louise & family, we sincerely hope all goes well for your daughter. It must have been so hard for you both watching all this happen and feeling so helpless.

We do hope everything improves for your daughter, and that her own personal strength, and the continued support from you all pull her through this.
'

Take care, Erich &'Sheila

[Chucaro]

My thoughts are with you Ean and the best wishes as well to you daughter.
If by any reason you cannot see a continuation of the progress look into hypnosis by a qualified professional. It works!
Cheers

[jx2mad]

I understand your situation. Keep positive and give your wife and daughter a big hug

[Ean Austral]

Wow... hard to know what to say.

Very scary, hard road - sounds like she is a lucky girl to have such a strong supportive family Ean....

It looks like you've got her around the biggest corner.... but likely to be a long road yet...

All the best mate, having a 17 y.o and and 18 y.o. I can only imagine how hard its been so far....

If you are all pulling in the same direction now...things have to get better. ;)


Thanks , I wont sugar coat it and say its been easy , there has been many a tear shed and am sure there may be a few more.


The hardest thing I have had to do in my life is to look at our lovely daughter and force myself not to turn away or tear up looking at in her the condition she was in.


It has been 5 days since she accepted she had problems and the change in such a short time is positive, we have a long way to go , but im sure it will work out.


The pressure it put on my wife and me was not easy either, as we couldn't work out what we as parents had done or didn't do .


We are on the road to recovery, but , I cant stress enough if you notice it with your loved ones, don't turn a blind eye and think it will go away, its real and there is no easy short term fix.


Cheers Ean

[Ean Austral]

Ean, Louise & family, we sincerely hope all goes well for your daughter. It must have been so hard for you both watching all this happen and feeling so helpless.

We do hope everything improves for your daughter, and that her own personal strength, and the continued support from you all pull her through this.
'

Take care, Erich &'Sheila


Thanks Erich, we are one the road to recovery so will keep positive and am sure all will be good.


Thanks for your kind words and thoughts.


Cheers Ean

[Ean Austral]

My thoughts are with you Ean and the best wishes as well to you daughter.
If by any reason you cannot see a continuation of the progress look into hypnosis by a qualified professional. It works!
Cheers


Thanks Chucaro , I know what you mean about hypnosis, I used it once after I was attacked by a crocodile and was having bad nightmares. I still have them altho rarely these days , but I will say it certainly helped


Cheers Ean

[malleefowl]

The most important thing is that you are tackling this problem as a united family.
God bless and Best wishes,
Mary

[LandyAndy]

Ean.
All the best to your family on getting thru this.Hoping that you are able to get her back to the healthy daughter you know.
Andrew

[isuzurover]

Hi Ean, sorry to hear. In some way I can understand. My sister's best friend was a finalist in a modelling competition. She was already very thin but the modelling agencies told her she had to lose 5 kg. This led to her developing anorexia. In the end she was in a psych ward in a hospital and had to intubate herself every night. Relapses are common so be vigilant.

[Ean Austral]

Hi Ean, sorry to hear. In some way I can understand. My sister's best friend was a finalist in a modelling competition. She was already very thin but the modelling agencies told her she had to lose 5 kg. This led to her developing anorexia. In the end she was in a psych ward in a hospital and had to intubate herself every night. Relapses are common so be vigilant.


Thanks Ben,


It wasn't a case of her not eating, it was more a case of not eating correctly and just exercizing far to much, thus burning off what she had eaten then her body basically feeding on itself. Not to mention the so called fitness shakes she was drinking which strip fat, but you cant strip fat if there is none to strip.


We even went to the gym she was going to and asked that someone atleast speak with her about it , but think that fell on deaf ears.


We will keep our eye on her , and mum ( my wife ) is going to each doctors/nutritionist for support but also so we can keep up with whats happening.


Cheers Ean

[isuzurover]

I know a number of excellent nutritionists here so if you want any names for people to talk to then send me a pm or email.

[LandyAndy]

Perhaps you could send me the milkshakes:cool::cool::cool::cool::cool:
Andrew

[Ean Austral]

Perhaps you could send me the milkshakes:cool::cool::cool::cool::cool:
Andrew

Nah need them myself these days,:D

Cheers Ean

[George130]

It is a long hard road. Just remember that with each setback you can still move forward.
Good luck and I hope you have one of the shorter routs with less bumps.

[Ean Austral]

Just an update for those who are interested.


I must start by saying the medical people we have seen have been fantastic, cant praise them enough. We have been and seen the dietition and we have now entered the bartering stage of the illness.


Our daughter wants to keep going to the gym and doing exercise , but the doctors want her to cut back to a couple of days a week. She still realises she needs to put on weight, but to hear her trying to trade off eating certain things to be able to continue with the exercise is hard to understand. The worse part that when she hears of an improvement she thinks the problem is almost gone.


She has been reffered to see a psychologist, and to be honest I can now understand how the mental side is as bad or worse than the physical side. I just want to grab her and shake her and tell her to snap out of it, but realise that's not the way to solve the problem.


I am certain things are improving , but can see this is a slow long road.


Its certainly opened my eyes to the power the mind has.


Cheers Ean

[isuzurover]

...

Its certainly opened my eyes to the power the mind has.

...

Don't ever forget it is primarily a psychological disorder. The psychologist is the professional who can help the most, so make sure she goes.

I don't know about these days, but people with eating disorders who needed to be hospitalised used to be put in the psych ward.

p.s. - I have a close relative who is an excellent clinical psychologist if you ever need a 2nd opinion...

[Chucaro]

Do you know what is the opinion of the psychologist about hypnosis?
Works very well in many cases.
Just a thought.
Best wishes mate, she will be ok.

[Ean Austral]

Don't ever forget it is primarily a psychological disorder. The psychologist is the professional who can help the most, so make sure she goes.

I don't know about these days, but people with eating disorders who needed to be hospitalised used to be put in the psych ward.

p.s. - I have a close relative who is an excellent clinical psychologist if you ever need a 2nd opinion...


Thanks Ben, apprieciate the offer and will keep that in mind. I am sure she will go , cant see any problems there .


She was borderline hospital case due to how low her heart rate was, but they have seen an improvement so are just keeping an eye on it.


Anyway we will continue to support and encourage her, and struggle thru the harder times which with luck are behind us now.


Cheers Ean

[loanrangie]

Wish you all best of luck Ean, anyone with daughters (or sons ) will be feeling your pain.
Its one of those fears i have for my 2 girls when they get older with all the image related crap that is portrayed in the media and so on.

[Basil135]

Sorry to hear, Ean, but certainly glad things are improving.

Just a thought, and I could be way off base, and out of line.... but that's never stopped me before.. ;)

Why don't you get her to be YOUR personal trainer. Give her something to concentrate on, you get to be with her at the gym, and can keep an eye on her.

You could both set a goal weight, and head for it together...

[Ean Austral]

Sorry to hear, Ean, but certainly glad things are improving.

Just a thought, and I could be way off base, and out of line.... but that's never stopped me before.. ;)

Why don't you get her to be YOUR personal trainer. Give her something to concentrate on, you get to be with her at the gym, and can keep an eye on her.

You could both set a goal weight, and head for it together...


Good suggestion , last time I suggested something similar got told it was SHAME JOB to do sport with your parents.:o

On a serious note, we both would prefer the gym got a rest till the weight started to get put back on, but in true style our daughter bargained it into the equasion with the doctors, altho its meant to be a very mild work out, so will see how it progresses.

Its by far as a parent the hardest issue I have had to deal with, its plain to see her condition but for whatever the reason, peer pressure is my guess , she wants to be lean and fit, well no doubt about the fit side, but I would be happy with lean, she is way past that.

Cheers Ean

[Redback]

What can I say, it's got to affect everyone around you, things seem to be heading in the right direction so far, I hope for yours and your families sake it continues this way Ean, all the best for the future.

Baz.

[DiscoMick]

Its great you've been able to tackle this together and she has accepted there is a problem.
Has she accepted why the problem happened? What do you think caused her to think that way? Was she under some kind of pressure from peers or other sources? Hope you don't mind me asking...

[Ean Austral]

Its great you've been able to tackle this together and she has accepted there is a problem.
Has she accepted why the problem happened? What do you think caused her to think that way? Was she under some kind of pressure from peers or other sources? Hope you don't mind me asking...


I don't think in her mind she had a problem , it wasn't until we finally got her to accept there was an issue and the doctor told her how bad her health was that she realised it.


As for what caused it , having time to think about it I would guess that about November last year she broke up with her boyfriend and I doubt it was the case that he would have told her she was fat, think it would be more that she decided to get into exercise to pass time and take her mind off things, from there it just became an obsession.


This isn't something that we woke up one day and said, wow there is a problem with our daughter, we noticed it over several months and when we tried to talk about it she denied it , it even got to the point where she moved out of home. When you have friends come and ask if one of your kids is sick it hits home even harder, and think of how hard it would be for you to approach one of your friends and say that. We managed to get her to move back home about a month ago, and since then things have changed for the better.


I never posted this to try and get any form of sympathy , I did it because if it can happen to us it can happen to anyone , and just want it out there so if you think your kids are for whatever reason looking not there normal self, get onto it and don't stop. Our daughter is 19 so it can happen at any stage not just at high school / puberty age as I thought was the likely time.


Cheers Ean

[DiscoMick]

Yes, anyone can become obsessive. I'm very obsessive about some things.
I was reading that many of the highest achievers in science, maths and other fields actually exhibit many obsessive compulsive behaviours, with some actually being disgnosed as autistic or OCD. Einstein was an example. They might not have achieved so much unless they had been able to blot out other things and focus on their area of interest for very long periods, when the rest of us would have become bored.
Actually, I don't think labelling people as having a problem helps much, I just see it as stages along the full range of human behavior.
The real issue is whether the obsessive behavior can be channelled into productive actions or gets sidetracked into destructive stuff.
I wish the very best for your daughter for the rest of her life.

[Ean Austral]

Yes, anyone can become obsessive. I'm very obsessive about some things.
I was reading that many of the highest achievers in science, maths and other fields actually exhibit many obsessive compulsive behaviours, with some actually being disgnosed as autistic or OCD. Einstein was an example. They might not have achieved so much unless they had been able to blot out other things and focus on their area of interest for very long periods, when the rest of us would have become bored.
Actually, I don't think labelling people as having a problem helps much, I just see it as stages along the full range of human behavior.
The real issue is whether the obsessive behavior can be channelled into productive actions or gets sidetracked into destructive stuff.
I wish the very best for your daughter for the rest of her life.


Thanks for your wishes, and I agree with what you say, but, when those compulsive behaivours affect the human bodies normal functions then that compulsive person does have a problem.
Our eldest daughter is a dialysis nurse and she said if a patient on the ward had a heart rate as low as our youngest daughter they would go into code blue.. basically ready for resuscitation I assume she means.


She is off to get another round of tests today to see if her kidney/liver function has improved so I hope they have, and we can continue to see a constant improvement.


Cheers Ean

[Chucaro]

T................................................. .....
She is off to get another round of tests today to see if her kidney/liver function has improved so I hope they have, and we can continue to see a constant improvement.


Cheers Ean

Bugger Ean that you are strong, this grandpa just by reading you posts have watery eyes.
I will never get tired to say that my thought are with you and your dear family.

[Ean Austral]

Bugger Ean that you are strong, this grandpa just by reading you posts have watery eyes.
I will never get tired to say that my thought are with you and your dear family.


Don't worry Chucaro, there has been many many tears shed in our household, not to mention the sleepless nights, but that's the role we take when we become parents , in our eye's our kids are always just that, KIDS , and you spend your life looking after them in one form or another. My wife has been affected by this more than me, (well maybe not true), but we have handled it differently , it would be her maternal instincts that have made her suffer the way she has, and not taking 1 thing away from her she has been rock solid , just I know many nights she has laid awake and asked if she as a mother has caused this or what she could have done to prevent it.
I have looked at it from the lets fix the problem side, sure I have been worried and have shed tears as well but my focus has been on moving forward and trying not to dwell on how or why we got to where we are.


I really am humbled by the support from the people on this site , its a hard topic to put out there and no ones likes to talk of issues within their family, but I feel if 1 person can see the signs in someone they love and care for and take action, then it will all be worth doing so.


Im positive things will work out fine and as a family unit we will be stronger for it, she has accepted the problem and put in 100% effort to address it so far. We are extremely proud of her and will continue to deal this no matter what comes our way.


Thanks again for your kind words of support.


Cheers Ean

[Ean Austral]

A few people have enquired into how things are progressing with our daughter so here is a quick update.


Its about 3 weeks on now and its been slow going, 2 steps forward 1 back but we are still going forward.


The medical help we have received has been outstanding, I cant say enough good about them from her doctor , the dietician, and the psycologist and all the others we have seen.


Her health is improving and slowly she is gaining weight, I would have thought the target may have been a bit higher each week , but its not my field of expertise so will leave it to those who know.


The main thing is she has accepted the problem and is trying hard to get back to full health, and think the realisation of how bad things got have finally sunk in. I think we still have several hard months ahead, but the main thing is we are moving forward not backwards so for that I am eternally greatful.


Thanks to those who have sent their best wishes.


Cheers Ean & Family

[Chucaro]

Thank you for sharing the good and positive news. :)

[disco man]

G'day Ean, I have started to notice a bit of a problem with my 9 year old daughter.Not as dramatic as what you have gone through and i am not trying to put this in the same light as what you and your family have been through.

My little girl is obsessed with wanting to be thin like American celebrities she admires.It has got to the stage where it's a battle at meal times and her school lunch box coming home with tiny little bites taken out of her food.

One thing that alarms me is when i have talked to her teacher about this she tells me this is not as rare as i thought.Quite a few young girls are doing this.She is the perfect weight for her height and age yet she thinks she is fat.

She has also become obsessed with the type of clothes she wants to wear.Most of what i see young girls wearing is just ****ty.I am very vigilant with watch she views on tv and the internet and even what magazines she can read.

This trend in today's society of being perfect in how you look is just ****ed.She see's girls on tv with the perfect skin the perfect hair the ridiculous white teeth,and i tell her normal people don't look like that.I wish these American stars could see what they are doing to young people that look up to them.

[Ean Austral]

G'day Ean, I have started to notice a bit of a problem with my 9 year old daughter.Not as dramatic as what you have gone through and i am not trying to put this in the same light as what you and your family have been through.

My little girl is obsessed with wanting to be thin like American celebrities she admires.It has got to the stage where it's a battle at meal times and her school lunch box coming home with tiny little bites taken out of her food.

One thing that alarms me is when i have talked to her teacher about this she tells me this is not as rare as i thought.Quite a few young girls are doing this.She is the perfect weight for her height and age yet she thinks she is fat.

She has also become obsessed with the type of clothes she wants to wear.Most of what i see young girls wearing is just ****ty.I am very vigilant with watch she views on tv and the internet and even what magazines she can read.

This trend in today's society of being perfect in how you look is just ****ed.She see's girls on tv with the perfect skin the perfect hair the ridiculous white teeth,and i tell her normal people don't look like that.I wish these American stars could see what they are doing to young people that look up to them.


Its good you have noticed, and hopefully its just a phase she is going thru. I was amazed at the range of people visiting the same health professionals we are at the moment, it has really opened my eyes to this form of illness.
I can only wish you luck and hope it is a phase your 9 y/o is going thru. The media certainly needs to lift its game when it comes to portraying what is fashionable.
There is an amazing amount of help out there if you want or need advice.


Best wishes.


Cheers Ean

[disco man]

Its good you have noticed, and hopefully its just a phase she is going thru. I was amazed at the range of people visiting the same health professionals we are at the moment, it has really opened my eyes to this form of illness.
I can only wish you luck and hope it is a phase your 9 y/o is going thru. The media certainly needs to lift its game when it comes to portraying what is fashionable.
There is an amazing amount of help out there if you want or need advice.


Best wishes.


Cheers Ean

I hope it's a phase,it scares my that a 9 year old girl is even thinking about this sort of stuff.I know i have to be on top of this so it doesn't get out of control.If things don't look like improving i will be looking at some outside help.Just would like to say thanks for your kind words and offer of help and hope things get better for you mate.

[Brett1066]

Ean, I feel your pain. I went through a similar thing. My missus suffered anorexia for several years when she was young, and even when I met her, she was still battling this disease, and to be truthful, still does. We now have four beautiful kids, but early on she was told by her doctors that she would be unable to have kids as a result of her anorexia. At her lowest point in her early 20's just before we met she weighed only 40kg, was anemic and was only a shadow of a person.
Took a lot of hard work on my part to get her eating better and to get her to seek the help she needed, and a lot of research to try and understand what she was going through. Honestly, I still don't have my head around it fully.
Keep your chin up, and when there are dark days, which unfortunately there will be, just remind yourselves of the good things. Your daughter is very lucky to have your support and love, unfortunately my wife came from a broken home and probably didn't have the support structure she needed at the time. Thankfully for us, 13 years on, she seems to be over the worst of it, is now a healthy weight and doesn't have as many health issues as she once had, but it still weighs on her mind sometimes. As some people have pointed out, the media has a influence on the self image of young people, particluarly females, and really need to be held to account. Easy for us to say "don't worry about it" and the like, but convincing them to be happy with their appearance and how they see themselves etc is another kettle of fish.
Best of luck mate, it will take time but I'm sure it will work out for you all in the end

[LandyAndy]

Ean.
Good to hear you think progress is happening,it can only be good news.
Hope she continues to stay on track.
Cheers
Andrew

[eczact]

Hi Ean,

I had a partner in a similar position for years. She has recovered but its a long road.

Your doing every thing you can by supporting her and being there. Professional regular help is a really good thing. I know in qld there is only one group that work directly in the area (isis eating disorders centre) Isis - The Eating Issues Centre | Support - Understanding - Change (http://www.isis.org.au/)

Good on you for taking it on directly it makes a difference.

The best advise my ex gave me was compliment them on things with in their control like you have a nice dress on. or you have nice hair today. it can give them some thing else to focus on other than weight.

good luck

[Hay Ewe]

Sort of on topic I think, in the way of outside influences, but I don't think it is helpful really (so should I post it)

I am having to listen to local commercial radio at the moment, and the songs are SO influential, its no wonder many young people are having problems these days. People who are supposedly 'Rock Stars' that are publicized 24/7 are listened to a viewed by the influential people (those influenced by).

Quite shocking really.
Good Luck Ean
thoughts with you

[Epic_Dragon]

i do not think you ever stop battling this disease, as body dismorphea seems to go hand in hand with it. sending you, your family and your daughter all the support in the world in getting through the tough road ahead. I know what it is like from her side. It is only now when i see photos of my 14year old self (29 now) that i am horrified at how skeletal i was. I had a lot of nasty things happening during that time as well. and was in a bad place for so many reasons. i ran, and ran some more and ate basically nothing. my reflection was not how i actually was, and i did not see me how everyone else did. i still have this problem now. what i see in the mirror, or when i look down at my stomach for example, i see a very distorted vision of myself. (i also now see wrinkles which are not there and no i am not a vain person in the slightest) It is hard to not fall into the trap of limiting food, exercising until the sun goes down. and your daughter will always fight with herself over it, she will just become like me, and be aware of it. and manage it that way by having a healthy approach to exercise, and eating more food that is good and wholesome. sometimes in life it will get worse. i find when i am super stressed everythign is worse, but i just stick to my guns and know i need to keep eating. i also cannot exercise like i once did by force due to disabilities. I am glad your daughter has started her long road to recovery. there will be screams, anger, tears, and happiness too. just hold on, the light is shining brightly at the end of the tunnel!