Great sayings

[DiscoMick]

Sometimes people on here say great things which should be remembered with the respect they deserve. It would be a good thing to have a thread where those great sayings could be savoured in all their glory - like this one - don't you think? I saw this done on another forum and it became a long-running thread.


I'm sure plenty of people will have contributions to make. Since I'm not feeling that modest today, I'll toss in one of my own to start it!


Privacy is dead. We're just bricks in the wall now.


Over to you ...

[Redback]

If stupidity is measured by how many oranges are in a bag, then your bag is full mate.

Baz.

[jonesfam]

You are lower than a snakes belly in a wheel rut!

[Dark61]

"its like trying to poke butter up a porcupines bum with a red hot poker"

[Roverlord off road spares]

"As useless as tits on a bull"

[Roverlord off road spares]

"you want some dead horse on your maggot bag?"

[whlump]

It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys

[Ean Austral]

Your as sharp as a bowling ball


or


your so low , you could parachute out of a snakes arse.




Cheers Ean

[Chenz]

If brains were electricity, you would be a walking blackout

[ADMIRAL]

I 'm not saying your STUPID, I 'm just saying you've got BAD LUCK when it come to THINKING !!

[bsperka]

Uglier than a hatful (of arseholes)..

[DiscoMick]

Was it Tammy Fraser (wife of Malcolm) who once described someone as 'lower than a snake's duodenum'? Always liked that.


Great sayings don't have to be insults of course.


I read a past head of IBM once predicted there might only enough demand in the world for a few dozen computers. How wrong was he!

[jx2mad]

As useless as a hip pocket on a singlet.

[DiscoMick]

Found these two by accident:


Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes. (Edgard Varese, 1883-1965)

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so. (Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970

Mods, do you think this thread and the proverbs thread should be merged? Just a thought.

[Homestar]

"I wouldn't vote for you if you was Jesus Christ himself!" a disgruntled woman was once supposed to have roared at prime minister Bob Menzies during a rowdy town hall meeting.
"Madam," replied Menzies. "If I were Jesus Christ, you wouldn't be in my electorate."

[winaje]

"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you"

[DiscoMick]

"If I want your opinion I'll tell you what to think."

[jx2mad]

flat as a pancake
Done like a dinner
She's apples

[Homestar]

That'll go flat quicker than a tyre in a nail factory.

[ramblingboy42]

I heard a guy in a theatre yell at a fat woman (she really was)...."sit down in front"

she replied "go dig a hole and bury yourself"

to which he replied, "yeah, and I'll get a bulldozer to dig one for you"

[Dark61]

here's another two I just remembered:


1) = highly agitated " like Casanova at the doors of the nunnery"


&


2) = very nervous " like a long tailed Cat in a room full of Rocking Chairs"


cheers
D

[jx2mad]

definition of suspicion : Bull **** in the cow paddock

It is as rare as rocking horse manure

[bob10]

Courage is the complement of fear, Bob

[bob10]

Venture all, see what fate brings, Bob

[tact]

"Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position". (Bill Maher, HBO talk show host)

[Blknight.aus]

True, but understated in the much same way as saying Hitler had a disagreement with the jewish community.

A command driving position requires you can see all 4 corners of the vehicle from the drivers seat, to see the corners your vehicle must first have corners.

Aerodynamics do no count in low range.

Work up to a standard not down to a cost. Sure, it takes a little longer but at the end of the day I'll be the one wandering over beer in hand asking why you're still redoing it again.

Just because someone is in the command position it doesnt mean they're in control.

Sometimes the harder you work the luckier you get.

Common sense is that thing you use to prevent yourself from learning the hard way that experience is something you don't get till after you needed it most

Can't is a synonym used by lazy people in place of the phrase "I dont want to make that much effort"

Hydraulics beats mandraulics every time,is as much warning as it is advice.

There is always one more thing to do or one more preparation that could be made, the secret to success lies in knowing when the work you've done is enough to acheve your objective without expending additional resources making up for shortfallings.

Their are old drivers and there are bold drivers however there are very few bold old drivers.

An NCO in action outranks an officer asking questions.

Using a sledge hammer to crack a walnut is excessive and messy however it does crack the walnut every time.

Everything can be airdropped or amphibed at least once.

The real art to leadership is not knowing that every chain has a weakest link but how to load the chain so every link bares the most load it can tolerate.

[edddo]

Won't be still...agitated

"Like a maggot on a hot spade"


.......I have used it once or twice usually to my detriment

[DiscoMick]

If I could come back again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Say what you mean. Live what you say.

'It's only commonsense' is what people say when they can't be bothered thinking for thmselves.

As popular as a rapist in a nunnery.

Sent from my GT-P5210 using AULRO mobile app

[Eevo]

Carpe diem

[DiscoMick]

Mick Marsh said:


We will not be psychoanalysing anyone on this forum.

The only one needing psychoanalysing is me, and I'm leaving that to the professionals.

[bob10]

There is no I in team, but there are two in nitwit......... Richard Benaud. Bob

[87County]

I really like the one used by someone (unfortunately can't remember who) on this forum....

"Land Rover - making mechanics out of drivers since 1948"

(used it myself this morning - many thanks to whoever first wrote/posted it, I've often had cause to recall it :) )

[Tombie]

A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer. Bruce Lee (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/b/bruce_lee.html)

[Tombie]

There is no I in team, but there are two in nitwit......... Richard Benaud. Bob

But there is:
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2015/04/293.jpg

[S3ute]

An old San bushman saying from the Kalahari:

There is no right way to do something wrong.

Cheers,

[S3ute]

On the same theme - another San bushman saying:

"Don't flee from a roaring lion towards a crouching lion."...

Finally, one from my late father-in-law on effecting a bush repair:

"A blind man would be pleased to see it".....

Cheers,

[AndyG]

Like trying to push a marsh mellow into a parking meter (when contemplating an amatory conquest)


My current favorite

KEEP CALM
and
CARRY ON

(could almost be a LR motto)

and almost anything from Winston Churchill

[Blknight.aus]

There is no I in team

Nope, but theres five of them in IndIvIdual BrIllIance.


I really like the one used by someone (unfortunately can't remember who) on this forum....

"Land Rover - making mechanics out of drivers since 1948"

(used it myself this morning - many thanks to whoever first wrote/posted it, I've often had cause to recall it :) )

I've been known to sling it around when trying to encourage new owners into not being scared of the gubbinary that is my world.

I Know I didnt come up with it just like I didn't come up with " In a landrover the other vehicle is your crumple zone, I've just been using it so long it feels like it.
b

[trog]

it is best to regret something you did than what you didn't do

[Cruiserlux]

I knew I married Mrs Right. I didn't know her first name was "Always"

[Homestar]

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected - Will Rogers

[ezyrama]

I used to be indecisive, but now i'm not so sure.

True wilderness,, the space between a greenie's ears.

Schizophrenia, it beats dining alone.

It's so hot, i'm sweating more than Rolf Harris at a wiggles concert.


Sent from my iPhone using Quasi nuclear phase interlocked
dipthrong retarder technology.

[landy]

In the absence of orders just go find something and kill it!

No plan survives contact with the enemy

Never take a knife to a gun fight.

And my personal favourite,

The double tap. If it's worth shooting, it's worth shooting twice!

[Kevin B]

Im not saying I dislike you but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone..

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[ramblingboy42]

...you're a great friend , but if zombies were chasing us , I'd trip you.

[woko]

Living the wifes dream

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[AllTerr]

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Abraham Lincoln


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[loanrangie]

Face like a half sucked mango.

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[superquag]

( Small, light-weight aircraft Taking off today into a strong & steady wind)

'... Climbs like a home-sick Angel"

[DiscoMick]

What goes up must come down.


Father (to son complaining that breakfast cereal is boring): "We're eating to get fuel, not entertainment."

[Disco_Fever]

Growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional.

Sent from my SM-G900I using AULRO mobile app

[DiscoMick]

Superquag said:

"...Happy wife, happy life, my missus is Italian.... so when she is happy everything is better"

We need to say (type) that with waving hands.... getta the Accent right !

:arms::arms::arms:

[ADMIRAL]

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.
John Adams

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic Bastiat, French economist(1801-1850)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap...except when government does it.
Anonymous

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
Ronald Reagan

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
Thomas Jefferson

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Aesop

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
P.J. O'Rourke

[ADMIRAL]

ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR
A place where women curl up and dye.


CHICKENS
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN
A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.


WRINKLES
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

[Tote]

Said the southern (white trash) blonde on the back seat of a Trailways bus somewhere between El Paso and Abilene in 1993. "I don't give a flying banana ****", always kinda stuck with me that one....

Regards,
Tote

[brad56]

Its about as use full as an ash tray on a motor bike

[Blknight.aus]

VIctory is when I beat you, defeat is when you beat me, Compromise is when I beat myself on your behalf,

Overkill, the very best kind of kill.

If its worth shooting its worth double tapping

A volume of fire can beat accurate fire, accurate fire can beat a volume of fire but nothing beats a volume of accurate fire.

No-one tells jokes in base 13

Anything not nailed down is mine, anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.

Any landing you can walk away from is a good one, If the planes reusable thats great.

The aviation industry has a perfect safety record, they havent left anyone up there yet.

Ground support mechanics are better than Aircraft technicians. We can change wheels without 3 levels of supervision and none of our gear has ever lost a wheel on takeoff.

Careful, that victory you think you're having might just be the bait in my ambush.

[DiscoMick]

Not really a great saying but... Wife came home and glumly announced that the doctor said she had parasites and would have to take a foul mixture for three months or, if that didn't work, Plan B was to carpet bomb it with antiobiotics. Husband, trying to be positive, said: "Well, think on the bright side - at least you won't be lonely!" Apparenly that was the wrong thing to say...

Sent from my GT-P5210 using AULRO mobile app

[J RAD]

"That's about as useful as a screen door on a submarine"
"toeyer than a roman sandal"
"shining like a new shilling in a politicians arse"
"Flat out like a dog shot in the arse"

[AndyG]

Not really a great saying but... Wife came home and glumly announced that the doctor said she had parasites and would have to take a foul mixture for three months or, if that didn't work, Plan B was to carpet bomb it with antiobiotics. Husband, trying to be positive, said: "Well, think on the bright side - at least you won't be lonely!" Apparenly that was the wrong thing to say...

Sent from my GT-P5210 using AULRO mobile app

How often do we put our foot in, and not even realize our mouth was open

[DiscoMick]

"You can't run away from your own feet."
Flint Lockwood in the movie "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.'

[Pocket Rocket]

From Skyfall:

Q, "Age is no guarantee of efficiency"

007, "Youth is no guarantee of innovation"

[ADMIRAL]

93502

[AndyG]

93502

And usually deleted by the mods :wasntme:

[Pedro_The_Swift]

This one cost me ten bucks;)


Mary Gilmore
1940


Sons of the mountains of Scotland,
Welshmen of coomb and defile,
Breed of the moors of England,
Children of Erin's green isle,
We stand four square to the tempest,
Whatever the battering hail-
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

Our women shall walk in honour,
Our children shall know no chain,
This land, that is ours forever,
The invader shall strike at in vain.
Anzac!...Tobruk!...and Kokoda!...
Could ever the old blood fail?
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

So hail-fellow-met we muster,
And hail-fellow-met fall in,
Wherever the guns may thunder,
Or the rocketing air-mail spin!
Born of the soil and the whirlwind,
Though death itself be the gale-
No foe shall gather our harvest
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

We are the sons of Australia,
of the men who fashioned the land;
We are the sons of the women
Who walked with them hand in hand;
And we swear by the dead who bore us,
By the heroes who blazed the trail,
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

[C00P]

Good Judgement requires Experience!

(Unfortunately, Experience is what you get from Poor Judgement...)

Coop

[DiscoMick]

A chicken and a pig are discussing cooking a tasty breakfast to thank the farmer for looking after them so well. The chicken says, "I'll provide an egg and you provide the bacon." The pig thinks for a minute and then says, "For you, that's only a donation, but for me it's a sacrifice."

[Blknight.aus]

While any large task can be completed by applying the maxim "you eat the elephant one bite at a time" you should at least first establish the requirement to eat the elephant.

Some advise only works one way, what goes up must come down does not work when you express it as what goes down must come up.

[bsperka]

You don't have to outrun the lion, just the next slowest prey...

[DiscoMick]

A tennis coach once told me this:


To win at tennis, all that really counts is you have to be the last person to hit the ball over the net to land inside the lines. Everything else is just showing off.

[DiscoMick]

Just read this one in a grammar lesson, of all place:



I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

[ADMIRAL]

94348
94349

[digger]

My father used to say "it's as much use as a sore arse to a boundary rider"

Pretty much sums it up. 😀

[ADMIRAL]

Know when to give up and have a Margarita !!

[Ferret]

"I have no respect for a man who can spell a word only one way."

Suposedly Mark Twain sed this but sum disagre.

[Disco_Fever]

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog its too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx.

Sent from my SM-G900I using AULRO mobile app

[RVR110]

Another from Goucho Marx:

"I don't want to belong to any club that will have me as a member"

[DiscoMick]

"I have no respect for a man who can spell a word only one way."

Suposedly Mark Twain sed this but sum disagre.



Didn't know that was from Mark Twain. Thanks.
I've heard this version of it: "It's a small mind that can only think of one way to spell a word."

[Ferret]

Didn't know that was from Mark Twain ..

What was said and who said it are a matter of dispute. Still, it's a witty saying.

No Respect for a Man Who Can Spell a Word Only One Way - Mark Twain? Nyrum Reynolds? Hiram Runnels? Andrew Jackson? (http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/06/25/spelling/)

[bsperka]

Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon - they'll crap all over the board and strut about as if they won.

[Ausfree]

"You have to risk it
to get the biscuit".


Competitor on a quiz show deciding to play on or not..........he did!!:D

[ADMIRAL]

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating
the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another
person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the
government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

[DiscoMick]

Once bitten, twice shy.

[digger]

This one cost me ten bucks;)


Mary Gilmore
1940


Sons of the mountains of Scotland,
Welshmen of coomb and defile,
Breed of the moors of England,
Children of Erin's green isle,
We stand four square to the tempest,
Whatever the battering hail-
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

Our women shall walk in honour,
Our children shall know no chain,
This land, that is ours forever,
The invader shall strike at in vain.
Anzac!...Tobruk!...and Kokoda!...
Could ever the old blood fail?
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

So hail-fellow-met we muster,
And hail-fellow-met fall in,
Wherever the guns may thunder,
Or the rocketing air-mail spin!
Born of the soil and the whirlwind,
Though death itself be the gale-
No foe shall gather our harvest
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

We are the sons of Australia,
of the men who fashioned the land;
We are the sons of the women
Who walked with them hand in hand;
And we swear by the dead who bore us,
By the heroes who blazed the trail,
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

Pedro,

You have quoted a changed version of Mary Gilmores poem,

(written during the Second World War. Published in The Australian Women's Weekly, 29 June 1940. Therefore Tobruk / Kokoda would have been accurate predictions! YOUR VERSION IS FROM TOWARDS THE END OF ww2 :) )

This is the unchanged version..


No foe shall gather our harvest

Sons of the mountains of Scotland,
Clansmen from correi and kyle,
Bred of the moors of England,
Children of Erin's green isle,
We stand four-square to the tempest,
Whatever the battering hail ?
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

Our women shall walk in honor,
Our children shall know no chain,
This land that is ours forever
The invader shall strike at in vain.
Anzac! . . . Bapaume! . . . and the Marne! . . .
Could ever the old blood fail?
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

So hail-fellow-met we muster,
And hail-fellow-met fall in,
Wherever the guns may thunder,
Or the rocketing ?air mail? spin!
Born of the soil and the whirlwind,
Though death itself be the gale ?
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

We are the sons of Australia,
Of the men who fashioned the land,
We are the sons of the women
Who walked with them, hand in hand;
And we swear by the dead who bore us,
By the heroes who blazed the trail,
No foe shall gather our harvest,
Or sit on our stockyard rail.

? MARY GILMORE.


She was 75 at the time

Some notes:-

Bapaume = a town in northern France, which was captured by the German army, and regained by Allied forces (including Australians) in March 1917; it was recaptured by the Germans a week later, and subsequently regained by the Allies in September 1918

correi = a steep-sided hollow on a hillside or mountainside, especially referring to one in the mountains of Scotland (also spelt as ?corrie?; also called a ?cirque? or ?cwm?)

Erin = Ireland

kyle = (Scottish) a narrow sea channel or strait (from the Gaelic ?caol?, meaning ?narrow?)

Marne = the Marne River in France, around which the Second Battle of the Marne was fought in 1918, between the Allied forces (including Australians) and the German army



Just thought Id add the original, I heard the original from a bloke at an RSL night years ago and it stuck with me... Cheers Pedro!

[superquag]

"Experience" is being able to recognize you've made the same mistake before...:eek:

Answer to the polite greeting - question of 'How are you?'

- "Full of beans & Bulldust"

[Reddahaydn]

Im off like a bucket of prawns in the sun

Im all over it like a fat kid on a cupcake

[AndyG]

Thank your mother for the rabbits

Australian A catchphrase used as a farewell:
see you tomorrow and thank your mother for the rabbits
[Popularly attributed to the Depression years when rabbits were welcome gifts]

My understanding is the farmers wife had no flour or suger, but could give the swaggie a few rabbits, to keep them going.

[DiscoMick]

Sign I spotted yesterday on a student's locker door:


"I'd jump into your teapot to make life sweeter for you, baby."


The locker belonged to a female student, so I'm still thinking about what it could mean ...

[Ean Austral]

That could make an onion cry...




Cheers Ean

[trog]

a couple quotes i overheard yesterday .
hard work won't kill you , just makes you bitter
and
call [labour hire agency] and get some more disposables.

kept me chuckling for most of the afternoon as this was the manager talking to the leading hand

[Reddahaydn]

Money doesnt buy happiness. But it does buy a dirt bike. And you never see anyone sad on a dirt bike

[Homestar]

Money doesnt buy happiness. But it does buy a dirt bike. And you never see anyone sad on a dirt bike

My mate didn't look too happy when he rode into a tree on his and broke his collar bone.. :D

I sure as **** laughed though.

[Tombie]

My mate didn't look too happy when he rode into a tree on his and broke his collar bone.. :D



I sure as **** laughed though.


Similar thought. Guy whose job I had to cover after he was carted away on a spine board. He wasn't smiling.

[Disco Muppet]

Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine

Ahh Ted :D

Sent from my HTC One using AULRO mobile app

[Corgie Carrier]

Any woman stupid enough to want to marry me is too stupid for me to marry

The problem with internet sayings
is that you never know if they are
true or not
- Abraham Lincoln

[ultrajealous]

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2015/06/44.jpg

[V8Ian]

If you're here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I've gone.