FenianEel
15th December 2005, 01:25 PM
THE new Industrial Relations regime, pioneered in the far-off land of Oz, also came into effect in Fairy Tale Kingdom today.
The changes received mixed reaction from participants in a medium-level enterprise company negotiation.
Boss's daughter Snow White had a meeting with Vertically Challenged Mining Workers Union shop floor steward Grumpy in what many are seeing as a test case for the new IR regime in the class kindergarten classroom struggle.
"No more will it be once upon a time and a half story favoured by the unions," said Ms White, as she emerged from the meeting with Mr Grumpy.
"As part of the competitive need for greater overall efficiency all workers are to put in longer hours, have fewer meal breaks and fewer holidays and there will be no more striking in support of co-unionists in mining and construction such as the three little pigs," Ms White said.
"As a salary package trade-off I am prepared to increase the dwarf singing allowance. But, of course, I will expect a corresponding productivity increase in the number of hi-hos."
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Ms White also announced that with the abolishment of unfairy dismissal law she regrettably had to let one of the employees go.
She, however, expressed a hope that the retrenched midget miner, Sleepy, would find a suitable position, probably a reclining one, with his previous employer the public sector.
Mr Grumpy meanwhile said that things in Fairy Tale Land had grown so Grimm that one of his members, Happy, was considering changing his name.
"All I got from Snow White today was a snow job," said Mr Grumpy, who admitted that despite his best negotiating efforts he had come up short.
Ms White had totally ignored an OH&S issue, Mr Grumpy claimed, where union medical officer Doc had advised of an increased health risk of working alongside non-union member Mr Sneezy.
"The new IR laws also prevented me from raising a workplace sexual harassment complaint made against Ms White by union member Bashful," Mr Grumpy said.
According to Mr Grumpy at the conclusion of negotiations he had told Ms White that it would be off to work he would go.
Ms White's alleged reaction was to menacingly hold out an unsigned individual contract with a pen, while saying "I wouldn't bet on that".
Meanwhile a union study claimed that the introduction of new IR laws in nearby Nurseryrhymeland had been nothing to sing about.
The drop in real wage take home pay meant that Old Mother Hubbard's dog had gone even more weeks without a bone.
Dropping incomes also meant in the sample home of Mr and Mrs Jack Sprat there was no longer either fat or lean and the couple was forced to live solely on gristle.
Meanwhile executive remuneration continued to soar such that the kings of industry were feasting on pies with almost twice the once standard ingredient of four and 20 blackbirds.
The union study concluded that under the new laws no worker could live happily ever after.
However, a spokesman for an employers lobby group said unions were still living in the land of make believe if they didn't realise that the final sentence in the union story was rapidly approaching.
That sentence simply was The End.
The changes received mixed reaction from participants in a medium-level enterprise company negotiation.
Boss's daughter Snow White had a meeting with Vertically Challenged Mining Workers Union shop floor steward Grumpy in what many are seeing as a test case for the new IR regime in the class kindergarten classroom struggle.
"No more will it be once upon a time and a half story favoured by the unions," said Ms White, as she emerged from the meeting with Mr Grumpy.
"As part of the competitive need for greater overall efficiency all workers are to put in longer hours, have fewer meal breaks and fewer holidays and there will be no more striking in support of co-unionists in mining and construction such as the three little pigs," Ms White said.
"As a salary package trade-off I am prepared to increase the dwarf singing allowance. But, of course, I will expect a corresponding productivity increase in the number of hi-hos."
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Ms White also announced that with the abolishment of unfairy dismissal law she regrettably had to let one of the employees go.
She, however, expressed a hope that the retrenched midget miner, Sleepy, would find a suitable position, probably a reclining one, with his previous employer the public sector.
Mr Grumpy meanwhile said that things in Fairy Tale Land had grown so Grimm that one of his members, Happy, was considering changing his name.
"All I got from Snow White today was a snow job," said Mr Grumpy, who admitted that despite his best negotiating efforts he had come up short.
Ms White had totally ignored an OH&S issue, Mr Grumpy claimed, where union medical officer Doc had advised of an increased health risk of working alongside non-union member Mr Sneezy.
"The new IR laws also prevented me from raising a workplace sexual harassment complaint made against Ms White by union member Bashful," Mr Grumpy said.
According to Mr Grumpy at the conclusion of negotiations he had told Ms White that it would be off to work he would go.
Ms White's alleged reaction was to menacingly hold out an unsigned individual contract with a pen, while saying "I wouldn't bet on that".
Meanwhile a union study claimed that the introduction of new IR laws in nearby Nurseryrhymeland had been nothing to sing about.
The drop in real wage take home pay meant that Old Mother Hubbard's dog had gone even more weeks without a bone.
Dropping incomes also meant in the sample home of Mr and Mrs Jack Sprat there was no longer either fat or lean and the couple was forced to live solely on gristle.
Meanwhile executive remuneration continued to soar such that the kings of industry were feasting on pies with almost twice the once standard ingredient of four and 20 blackbirds.
The union study concluded that under the new laws no worker could live happily ever after.
However, a spokesman for an employers lobby group said unions were still living in the land of make believe if they didn't realise that the final sentence in the union story was rapidly approaching.
That sentence simply was The End.