Ethical Dilemma

[Lemo]

Hi Wise Ones,

Bit of a long story! About 7 months ago my father in law passed away after a long battle with cancer and as you would expect this was a hard time for all family concerned!

My father in law Frank and Pop to my kids was a very respected mechanic and ran his own business for most of his working life until around 5 years ago when the service station he rented the workshop from for the last 30+ years changed hands to a 7Eleven, that was the end of the workshop and his business!!

Being close to retirement age the workshop was closed up and Frank was at a loss and being the typical hard working bloke didn't know what to do with the rest of his life and went into a depressive state!!

Thankfully one of Franks old employees who now had his own business offered to have Frank come and work for him at his workshop, he did so for a few years until he became to sick. So getting to the point, Frank left all his tools at this workshop and I was asked after he'd passed if I and my son would want them, at the time I didn't have my D2 and wasn't planning on working on cars every other weekend!! And didn't really have the space for a large tool chest, So it was suggested that the tools go to the daughter of the owner who works on cars with her dad in his workshop. I agreed and thought this was good as they'd offer Frank work etc.

So here's the dilemma I now would like the tools! For my son as a keepsake as he is also working on the D2 with me and It'd be handy to have some more tools!!

Any advice appreciated

[Toxic_Avenger]

Maybe just say you were in a bit of a tough place at the time, and not in the right state of mind to be making those calls so soon, and if the daughter could see it in her heart to let some (or all) of the tools go, it would be a great memory of your father in law. Maybe even mention your son really misses his pop and has been wanting to learn more about vehicle repairs etc. Most reasonable people would take that as a decent thing to get involved with I'd think.

Probably an easy decision if the tools are old and loved, but you might have a fight on your hands if it was $25K of Snap-off gear with all the accoutrements. [thumbsupbig]

[travelrover]

Tricky. Did the daughter actually accept/want them? If she accepted out of curtesy but is not using them then perhaps you could suggest you could put them to good use. Otherwise I suspect you are stuffed and would need to adhere to your original decision.

[Lemo]

Tricky. Did the daughter actually accept/want them? If she accepted out of curtesy but is not using them then perhaps you could suggest you could put them to good use. Otherwise I suspect you are stuffed and would need to adhere to your original decision.

Think she really wanted them and would be using them,
And if I asked they would probably be returned hence the dilemma!

[Lemo]

Maybe just say you were in a bit of a tough place at the time, and not in the right state of mind to be making those calls so soon, and if the daughter could see it in her heart to let some (or all) of the tools go, it would be a great memory of your father in law. Maybe even mention your son really misses his pop and has been wanting to learn more about vehicle repairs etc. Most reasonable people would take that as a decent thing to get involved with I'd think.

Probably an easy decision if the tools are old and loved, but you might have a fight on your hands if it was $25K of Snap-off gear with all the accoutrements. [thumbsupbig]

Tools were old and loved and he'd engraved most of them with his initials so the sentimental value is high!
Monetary valve isn't a factor for me as I have my own tools but I think now my son would like to have them, I thinks this is the angle I'll take???

[Toxic_Avenger]

It's the angle I'd take. It's a bit more emotionally charged and reasonable than "uhhh maaaate... I changed my mind, hey"

[pop058]

Maybe an offer to replace the tools with other/new ones as some sort of compensation. By sounds the father and daughter are good people so start with a cuppa and a chat

[B.S.F.]

Stick to your word and accept the situation. We all make decisions which we later regret. There is no need to make another person feel miserable just because you want to change your mind. Harsh words ? Yes. .W.

[trout1105]

I agree.
Stick to your word as it looks like Old Mate did you father in law a great service by letting him back in the game in his workshop and it would not be a good idea to "Renege" on your word as his daughter may also have a sentimental attachment to the tools as well having most likely worked with your father in law and gained experience from him during the time he spent in the workshop.

[350RRC]

Maybe an offer to replace the tools with other/new ones as some sort of compensation. By sounds the father and daughter are good people so start with a cuppa and a chat

Good idea.

My uncle was the custodian of my grandfather's favourite tools, including a Snap on socket set that was probably one of the first in Oz. The breaker bar and ratchet have been carefully stamped with his name. A couple of years ago my uncle passed them on to me.

The are just magic to use and are a constant reminder of all the times from a very young age that my grandfather and i worked on stuff and I learnt big time.

DL

[Tombie]

Maybe an offer to replace the tools with other/new ones as some sort of compensation. By sounds the father and daughter are good people so start with a cuppa and a chat

This would be the most gracious method.....

[DiscoMick]

And maybe not all the tools, maybe just some with his name on them, for sentimental reasons - and offer to replace them all with new ones.

[Lemo]

Thanks for all the advice!
I new the answer! But was hoping someone would convince me i wasn't being an arse!!
Will keep to my original decision and be happy the tools are being put to good use!
My son and I have lots of other fond memories of Frank/Pop and a few tools won't change these!!

Cheers Lemo

[loanrangie]

Thanks for all the advice!
I new the answer! But was hoping someone would convince me i wasn't being an arse!!
Will keep to my original decision and be happy the tools are being put to good use!
My son and I have lots of other fond memories of Frank/Pop and a few tools won't change these!!

Cheers Lemo

If it was me i would put a proposition to them and see what they say, worst that can happen is they say no,

[TasD90]

Hi Lemo,
I think your father would say ," if you've made the agreement you had better stick to it".
They will be loved and used but not by you.
It doesn't diminish anything.
Peter.

[pop058]

Thanks for all the advice!
I new the answer! But was hoping someone would convince me i wasn't being an arse!!
Will keep to my original decision and be happy the tools are being put to good use!
My son and I have lots of other fond memories of Frank/Pop and a few tools won't change these!!

Cheers Lemo

Sounds like a great time to start your own Father/Son tradition. Some new tools with both your names engraved on a couple of special ones. [smilebigeye]

[vnx205]

Does it have to be an "all or nothing" situation?

Would you feel better if you asked if there were any tools that were duplicated or of no use to the daughter for some other reason?

If you insisted that you only wanted a few keepsakes that she didn't need, would that keep everyone happy?