Out of the mouths of babes.

[V8Ian]

No doubt Mitch will manage to twist it but, kids can innocently say the funniest things.
Here is a venue to share the love and humour.

[V8Ian]

Miss Grade One (now 40 yo), was picked up from school instead of catching the bus.
On seeing a charabang from the same fleet stated
"There's a bus like mine, but it has different writing on its forehead."

[Andy130]

Mike 2 1/2 yo, gets bitten by a bull ant on the thigh...

Dad, once he works out what happened " Oh that bastard ant just bit you"

Two weeks later, after reading the three billy goats gruff to Mike:

"Dad, that troll, is a real bastard"


-----------------------

Mike, when talking about the fact he has a new baby brother..and mum had stitches on her belly:

"did a big, big man got him out with a sharp knife that had claws on it?"

[DeanoH]

Grandson (6yo) at tea table with gran & grandad conversationally states .................... "girls farts don't smell but boys farts do".

Grandad managed to keep a straight face until grandma completely cracked up.

Deano :)

[Toxic_Avenger]

No doubt Mitch will manage to twist it

Don't you worry... the cogs are turning.
Just trying to find the right ratio of G rated and double entendre to make it interesting for the punters.

[pop058]

Don't you worry... the cogs are turning.
Just trying to find the right ratio of G rated and double entendre to make it interesting for the punters.

do try [biggrin]

[V8Ian]

Strathpine Road out side St Pauls School used to be an avenue of poinsettia trees from the river to the crest of the hill. We were crossing the flats, approaching the school after the council had given the trees a severe trimming when Miss 4 exclaimed "Oh look, they've put in a new hill."

[Toxic_Avenger]

With a coy look, she stood there twirling her golden locks "I've got something in my pants for you"
Plot twist: She was 3. Toilet training sucks.

[JDNSW]

My American niece, at a similar age, in similar circumstances "Its your fault Mom, you know I'm not toilet trained!"

[Don 130]

Our eldest daughter, when very young would refer to a clean shaven man, as 'that man with a ladies face'
Don.

[Toxic_Avenger]

Well according to the Beards, if your dad doesn't have a beard, you've got two mums...

[Fifth Columnist]

To my young niece I was her 'Upsidedown Uncle' - Bald on top with a beard below!

[biggin]

Well according to the Beards, if your dad doesn't have a beard, you've got two mums...
The good news though; one of them has a job.

[NavyDiver]

First day of school for Master 4- he actually starts Prep next year but the invite to a sort of Pre-Prep for an hour this afternoon. This saw him sneaking up stairs with his big sister this morning. Putting her uniform on and both getting ready for school! At the big event a entertaining Gent was sing and dancing way with Master 4 and several good friends from kindergarten right at the front. The entertainer was telling of his owns sons dream to dance and reaching his dreams to now be dancing for the Australian ballet. "Hang on to your dreams" he said to the kids!

All were silent except Master 4 who piped up with a thoughtful response “I had a bad dream” to much mirth.

[cuppabillytea]

Lachy at age 5 on the way to Kindie. First intersection blocked by queueing traffic. "
They're all ****ing clowns dad".... *Insert a word of you choice meaning copulating here.
"Really Lachy." I say. "That's what you called them yesterday." He replied.
Mum was not impressed.

[Vern]

Dad that boys got a mans head! Youngest son referring to a midget.

[jonesfam]

Our 4 boys lifting timber into a tree to build a tree house.
Wilma (Yes, a boy) is up the tree trying to drag up huge lumps of wood.
Sits in the fork of the tree & says "I'm to old for this ****!"

He is 12.

Jonesfam

[fitzy]

It was funny though.

[jonesfam]

Our 9 year old girl was throwing a balloon full water into the air & catching it.
She was trying to do this without it bursting.
When it did burst & covered her in water she said
"That was a U-tube Fail"

Jonesfam

[Graeme]

Crossing the Sydney Harbour Bridge our 2-3 y.o. country daughter exclaims "That's a big dam!"

[JDNSW]

When I was working in western Queensland fifty years ago, we brought a local hire to Brisbane with us - he'd never been east of Barcaldine. I clearly remember him looking over the side of the Victoria Bridge " Does it stop flowing in the dry season?"

[Toxic_Avenger]

Dad's Dutch cousin on a road trip from Newcastle to Brisbane for expo '88.
Around Coffs Harbour he says "Are we still in Australia?".
Back home if he'd spent 5 hours in the car, he'd be behind the iron curtain.

[jonesfam]

One of our boys was about 4 when he first saw the ocean when we had lunch at Cardwell.

His comment, "Wow! Big River."

Jonesfam

[incisor]

my lad, after we had bought a couple of lounge chairs and much celebrated poufs, on moving into the house we just bought, wandered out from his room and saw me sitting on the back stairs having a smoke and said "common on dad, don't sit there like a poofter"

sigh...

[loanrangie]

Back story first, my younger brother lived in china for 7 years. My now 10yo saw an ad on tv about smoking and angina, she obviously only heard gina and said " gina , thats where uncle Julian lives " .

[350RRC]

A particular baby ( [smilebigeye] ) in a crib used to endlessly recite 'doll doll der ben doll doll' and his parents couldn't figure it out.

Shouldn't take you erudite people long to figure out what it was in 58 / 59.

DL

[350RRC]

A mate of mine came home from work. His wife was in the shower and their 3yo daughter wandered into the bathroom and started mega shrieking.

He raced in to find the 3yo in a corner, pointing a finger and yelling out 'hairy spider, hairy spider!!!!!!'.

cheers, DL

[Toxic_Avenger]

Better than rock spider, I guess...

[Fifth Columnist]

Small girl walks into the bathroom while Dad was having a shower.
After appologising she returned to the kitchen to ask Mum "Why does Daddy have a handle on his botty?"

[cuppabillytea]

Better than rock spider, I guess...

Indeed


Small girl walks into the bathroom while Dad was having a shower.
After appologising she returned to the kitchen to ask Mum "Why does Daddy have a handle on his botty?"

I would like to know the answer to the question as well?

[Bytemrk]

At my mum's wake - her sister who is 83 and has emphysema was sitting in her wheelchair watching the crowd. She makes a quite loud growling kind of noise when she breaths - it can't be very comfortable.


Another guest's 3 year old lad wandered over to her chair and stood listening for a moment.... then promptly started to growl back at her. [bighmmm]

[d2dave]

Coming from a family of footy fanatics(AFL) my eldest son when he was a little tacker would often be asked what team he barracks for.

SWMBO was navigating for me one day and she pointed out that up ahead are the army barracks.

A voice from the back seat asks "does the army barrack for the demons"

He also once referred to the Hume Hwy as the Human Hwy.

Another very funny story was him and his two year younger brother were in the bath and having a farting contest, when one of them followed through.

SWMBO nearly died laughing when she went in to see how their bath was going, to find both of them standing at one end of the bath with a floaty at the other end.

[cuppabillytea]

:Rolling::Rolling::Rolling::Rolling::Rolling::toil et:

[67hardtop]

:Rolling::Rolling::Rolling::Rolling::Rolling::toil et:
X2

[V8Ian]

When my young bloke was little he never missed an opportunity to accompany me in the truck. On one such occasion we had to go to a farm in the Lockyer Valley and load an export container with cabbages. Driving up the driveway, to the packing shed, Ben observed a number of people harvesting produce and said to me "I hope we don't have to pick these cabbages.".

[Toxic_Avenger]

So, as a young bloke in primary school, my teacher was a bit of a good sort. Young, blonde leggy cheerleader for the newcastle knights kinda good sort. Even as a 7 or 8 year old it was obvious.
One day (probably a monday) all us kids walked into the classroom where we were greeted with beer bottles and general mess... she must have had a wild party there over the weekend. All our desk chairs were in the back room area in a circle, and there was a bit of mess all over the place. I think she must've forgot about it, as she was trying to clear it all up before us kids understood what was going on.

Anyway, the point was (and for some reason this stuck with me) was that I was happy to explain during show and tell to the class, that my dad got me a 'Joystick'. For some reason she seemed rather concerned, and was asking all these questions about the why and the how, and I was either too excited about my new peripheral for the DOS 386 computer, and didn't know how else to explain it other than it's got buttons, and you wiggle it, play a game etc...
Either thru my lack of suitable communication, or her frame of reference, there was a misunderstanding. To me, It was obvious that it was awesome for playing wolfenstein 3d and DOOM, but to her she must have thought it was something else [biggrin] (or probably even worth calling DOCS over!).

TL;DR, teacher was a bit of a trollop, thought my computer Joystick was a dildo.

[V8Ian]

So, as a young bloke in primary school, my teacher was a bit of a good sort. Young, blonde leggy cheerleader for the newcastle knights kinda good sort. Even as a 7 or 8 year old it was obvious.
One day (probably a monday) all us kids walked into the classroom where we were greeted with beer bottles and general mess... she must have had a wild party there over the weekend. All our desk chairs were in the back room area in a circle, and there was a bit of mess all over the place. I think she must've forgot about it, as she was trying to clear it all up before us kids understood what was going on.

Anyway, the point was (and for some reason this stuck with me) was that I was happy to explain during show and tell to the class, that my dad got me a 'Joystick'. For some reason she seemed rather concerned, and was asking all these questions about the why and the how, and I was either too excited about my new peripheral for the DOS 386 computer, and didn't know how else to explain it other than it's got buttons, and you wiggle it, play a game etc...
Either thru my lack of suitable communication, or her frame of reference, there was a misunderstanding. To me, It was obvious that it was awesome for playing wolfenstein 3d and DOOM, but to her she must have thought it was something else [biggrin] (or probably even worth calling DOCS over!).

TL;DR, teacher was a bit of a trollop, thought my computer Joystick was a dildo.That explains a lot of things, Mitch. :tease:

[tact]

When my lad had just turned 8yo, we were in a shopping mall and passed a lingerie shop window. After a few minutes he said sagely, "I don't get why girls underwear is so decorated and pretty, after all it's always covered by clothes. Such a waste. Should be just plain like boys undies."

[Toxic_Avenger]

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?!

[numpty]

On a trip to Central Australia back in the '80's when my daughter was 18 months old her uncle (the late and great Bushie) offered to take her to the shower. I was in the next cubicle and heard her ask why did Uncle Martyn have red fur and Daddy had black fur.

I must remind her about that one day ........ maybe at her wedding in August [bigsmile]

[Toxic_Avenger]

That explains a lot of things, Mitch. :tease:

Hey, there is no oedipus complex happening here, my friend.

Although I must add, she actually was a cheerleader. We had a few occasions where paul 'the cheif' harragon and tony butterfield (early 90's knights) came to kick the ball around with us while the teacher was on the tune.

I would have much rathered be at home playing with my joystick though...

[cuppabillytea]

Hey, there is no oedipus complex happening here, my friend.

Although I must add, she actually was a cheerleader. We had a few occasions where paul 'the cheif' harragon and tony butterfield (early 90's knights) came to kick the ball around with us while the teacher was on the tune.

I would have much rathered be at home playing with my joystick though...

There was another young lad from New Castle named Hudson. He sang "Don't you ever let a chance go by."
Pity he was well before your time.

[Tins]

There was another young lad from New Castle named Hudson. He sang "Don't you ever let a chance go by."
Pity he was well before your time.

I've never looked at a "powder blue MGB GT" the same way since..

[V8Ian]

There was another young lad from New Castle named Hudson. He sang "Don't you ever let a chance go by."
Pity he was well before your time.Didn't he end up driving busses, recently (almost) retired? [wink11]

[cuppabillytea]

Didn't he end up driving busses, recently (almost) retired? [wink11]

I'm told he's taken to playing with guns. :rocket:

[numpty]

Didn't he end up driving busses, recently (almost) retired? [wink11]

He's actually an archaeologist now and featured on Richard Fidlers "Conversations" recently

[cuppabillytea]

He's actually an archaeologist now and featured on Richard Fidlers "Conversations" recently

From JJ to RN in just 30 or 40 years. The man's a mover.

[Tins]

From JJ to RN in just 30 or 40 years. The man's a mover.

Guess he never let a chance.....

[Tins]

https://youtu.be/0yXinPYK-Jk

[V8Ian]

From JJ to RN in just 30 or 40 years. The man's a mover.
A drifter.

[scarry]

Our grandson is about 3 1/2,we hang the washing out sometimes,he gets the clothes out of the washing basket and passes them to me and i clip them on the line,he loves doing it.
He can't reach the clothes at the bottom of the basket,so tips it on its side and crawls in and brings them out.

Every piece of clothing he says what it is,sock,shirt,whatever.

He calls Mrs Scarry GG,so all the undies are called GG's nickers,no matter who's they are.[bighmmm]

Anyway he dragged a bra out one day and he said what is this thing?I said,i dunno,i will just hang it up.

Couple of weeks later,we are hanging out the washing again,and he pulls a bra out and says,i know what this is for,thats where boobies go...

I couldn't believe my ears[bighmmm]

[cuppabillytea]

You should have told him It's a Double Barrel Sling Shot, when he first asked.[wink11]

[V8Ian]

German for bra- stoppmflopn. [bigwhistle]

[cripesamighty]

Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders....

[Eevo]

cupcake holders

[jx2mad]

double whopper flopper stopper

[rick130]

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqxWhBZXF8Q" target="_blank">
https://youtu.be/4m57CMWq7o8

[bigwhistle] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqxWhBZXF8Q)

[V8Ian]

Oh what have you started Paul? [biggrin]

[scarry]

Oh what have you started Paul? [biggrin]

Me?

Now how could i get the blame.....[wink11]

I could post a good couple of pics up but the post would be deleted and i would get a PM from someone i bet[wink11]

Back to the OP,and on topic[bighmmm]

He is over yesterday,i am playing grease monkey on one of the vans,filling the diff with oil,he says,this looks a bit "tricky",dunno where he got that word from.

Then he notices the socket set,didn't take long before it was spread all over the floor....

i suppose that was better than spreading a container of oil all over the floor,and playing in it.

[Sitec]

Gotta ask.. 'Babes, or babies'? I opened this thinking there'd be a whole lot of dumb blond moments... [wink11]

[V8Ian]

Gotta ask.. 'Babes, or babies'? I opened this thinking there'd be a whole lot of dumb blond moments... [wink11]
Or animal noises. [bigwhistle]

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2017/06/359.jpg

[scarry]

Gotta ask.. 'Babes, or babies'? I opened this thinking there'd be a whole lot of dumb blond moments... [wink11]

Ha,a bit like the local council here,they changed there pet(dog and cat) adoption site to something like pets looking for favours,or something like that and they suddenly got thousand of hits.[bighmmm]

[Tote]

Last summer we had a few days in Sydney and did the obligatory beach trip. We ended up at Curl Curl and with an onshore wind there were a few bluebottles about. After 45 minutes or so I got a good one on the thigh and Miss, 13 got a sting on the cheek. We decided to get out and nurse our wounds in the sun when a bratty kid came along the beach arguing with his parents about whether he should be jumping on the beached bluebottles with bare feet. When the inevitable happened and he started screaming to be taken to the lifeguard post for first aid my daughter casually remarked "He should harden up, I'm from the bush, Got stung on the face, not the foot and I'm not making any fuss"
I nearly cracked myself as we watched him get told pretty much the same thing by the lifesavers.

[John_D4]

During our trip earlier today -

Miss 12: “is the Landy a girl or a boy?”
Me: “it is a bit temperamental at times, I think it’s a girl”
Miss 12: “aren’t they all a bit temperamental? So if they’re all girls how to more Landy’s get made?”

Good question

[RANDLOVER]

My mate was at the local water park with his 3 sons and the youngest wanted to go to the toilet, so he said to him to go up the hill to one that he could still keep and eye on while watching the other 2 in the pool, within seconds he was back and when asked why he replied "The picture on the door says I have to go with a lady" obviously it was a unisex toilet and had both male and female symbols on the door.

[crash]

My wife was sitting at an outside table at a cafe one day when an older gentleman with very bad kyphosis that had him bent nearly in half. As he was walking - bent right over some young girl around 4 or 5 walked up to him and asked if he had lost something and needed help looking for it.
Bless the young girls heart.

[DeeJay]

My Autistic son, when he was about 6 was given a "blaster" water pistol/gun at a family Christmas party by an elderly rellie. Bad move. He promptly unpackaged it & proceeded to start squirting peoples feet. I told him he couldn't do that & he replied yes I can ( in a tone like "what would you know"?) & continued. Luckily they were all rellies & understood, but some were WTF?? as it was from behind & not expected. So a second time I said "Will, you cant do that" - Him- Yes I can, Me -no you can't Him- Yes I can & showed me the packaging that said "Squirts up to 26 feet". How do you come back at THAT one..[smilebigeye] ( He was perfectly happy to stop after 13 people- lucky that there were enough there...)
David

[Disco-tastic]

My 5yo son Ethan hurt his hand today playing as Batman. Mum came over to check if he was ok and he says, pointing to his knuckles:
"This one hurts, and this one hurts, and this one hurts. Thats 3 finger caps!" As in knee caps on your fingers.

"They hurt a bit, but I can still be Batman!"

[John_D4]

My Autistic son, when he was about 6 was given a "blaster" water pistol/gun at a family Christmas party by an elderly rellie. Bad move. He promptly unpackaged it & proceeded to start squirting peoples feet. I told him he couldn't do that & he replied yes I can ( in a tone like "what would you know"?) & continued. Luckily they were all rellies & understood, but some were WTF?? as it was from behind & not expected. So a second time I said "Will, you cant do that" - Him- Yes I can, Me -no you can't Him- Yes I can & showed me the packaging that said "Squirts up to 26 feet". How do you come back at THAT one..[smilebigeye] ( He was perfectly happy to stop after 13 people- lucky that there were enough there...)
David

That’s gold. Thanks for sharing

[Disco-tastic]

Ethan, when he was 2 is following a little spider.

Ethan: what does the spider say?

Mum: I don't know. What does the spider say?

Ethan (in a high pitched voice): oh no! There's a boy near me!

[jx2mad]

Many years ago I was with my b.i.l. and wife and their 3 1/2 year old son. I was sitting up the front of the boat with the youngster.The conversation went like this.

Boy: Uncle Jim, where is your dad?
Me: My dad died a long time ago.
.
.
.Boy: Was your dad sick?
Me: Yes mate, he was very sick.
.
.
..Boy: Couldn't the Doctors make him better?
Me: No John, they couldn't make him better

At this point I glanced down the back to see b.i.l. and wife listening intently
.
.
.
.Boy: Did the Doctors put him down?
Me..keeping a dead straight face(I don't know how): No John, the Doctors did not put him down. They would get into bad trouble if they did.

I glanced back to see the others bent over double with tears running down their faces, trying not to laugh out loud.

Apparently they had just had a dog put down and the little tacker was trying to get his head around it.

[crash]

( He was perfectly happy to stop after 13 people- lucky that there were enough there...)
David
If they were all capable people that makes 26 feet by my maths.

[350RRC]

Many years ago I was with my b.i.l. and wife and their 3 1/2 year old son. I was sitting up the front of the boat with the youngster.The conversation went like this.

Boy: Uncle Jim, where is your dad?
Me: My dad died a long time ago.
.
.
.Boy: Was your dad sick?
Me: Yes mate, he was very sick.
.
.
..Boy: Couldn't the Doctors make him better?
Me: No John, they couldn't make him better

At this point I glanced down the back to see b.i.l. and wife listening intently
.
.
.
.Boy: Did the Doctors put him down?
Me..keeping a dead straight face(I don't know how): No John, the Doctors did not put him down. They would get into bad trouble if they did.

I glanced back to see the others bent over double with tears running down their faces, trying not to laugh out loud.

Apparently they had just had a dog put down and the little tacker was trying to get his head around it.

Kid is smart if morph was involved, nothing new here.

DL

[DiscoMick]

Our two year old granddaughter went through a phase of walking around with a soft toy stuffed down her front and telling everyone she had a baby. Fortunately she's a bit young for babies.

[RANDLOVER]

Sometimes kids say funny things because they heard them from their parents, like my mate who has lost a few budgies over the years, and occasionally couldn't get the right colour replacement one from the local pet shop, so he told them they change colour when their feathers molt!

[scarry]

The grandkids came over today when i was out.

So i got home to find the usual mess,kids toys everywhere.And they had made some chocolate brownies,so the kitchen was a mess as well,SWMBO was half way through cleaning it up.

So i say to SWMBO,the bloody place looks like a bomb has gone off.

On the way home,many hours later,the older one says to SWMBO,what does he mean,'looks like a bloody bomb has gone off"[biggrin][biggrin]

Apparently tonight as his Dad was reading him a story in bed,he said,'you know we have so much fun at their place,then we have to come home'[bighmmm][biggrin]

[PhilipA]

Daughter at show and tell with bishop in school room.

Excitement that morning as son had pushed an easel over and through window.

Teacher to SWMBO "Did you really say Jesus bloody Christ when the easel went through the window?"
Regards PhilipA

[jonesfam]

My 11 year old Foster Daughter has an issue with single lane roads.
When she was about 7 we were driving near Georgetown, she was in the front & piped up "I don't like one road!"

Then a couple of weeks ago we were driving to Cloncurry, she was in the front again & asked "Why do they make one road? Why can't it all be 2 road?"
I explained that it was cheaper because they did not have to use so much tar, gravel etc & it didn't take as long.
A 100 or 2 k later we stopped at a large fully paved truck pull off area so I could have a smoke.
When I got back in the car she said "There is plenty of road here, why don't they move it & make one road into 2 road?"
I didn't really have an answer.
Jonesfam

[V8Ian]

Kids' logic can be hilarious at times.[bigrolf]

[scarry]

The two grandkids were over on the weekend.
Boy is about 6, girl around 4.She is still in nappies.

Anyway,yes we would love to play under the soaker hose,they say.Grass needs a water anyway.

So the boy is in his jocks,I say to the girl,get your nappy off,that will be OK,in the back yard,there is no one around.

The boy says,that’s “inappropriate” [bighmmm][biggrin]

I am sure it’s the biggest word I have ever heard him say.

Oh well,how things have changed.

[V8Ian]

Mrs 8 was heavily pregnant with number three, when we took one and two to Dreamworld. Not unexpectedly Mrs 8 was easily fatigued, so to give her a rest, we unashamedly conned the kids, telling them that if they wanted a ride on the steam train, we would have to wait on the shaded platform. There was only a handful of other patrons waiting and Mrs 8 appreciated the opportunity to sit down. Number 2 was the first (and only) boy in the trilogy, declared his need to use the toilet. At almost three years old, he was still proud of the control he had over his bladder. I obviously had to escort him to the gents. It never occurred to either of us, that up to that point, number 2 had never used an urinal.
On return to the now crowded platform, number 2, bursting with pride, declared in the biggest voice a nearly three year old could muster, "Mummy, mummy, I weed on the wall, like the men do!" to the great amusement of dozens of other young parents.

[Hogarthde]

Our two daughters where born and bred farmers, well until uni and marriage altered things a tad, anyhow the eldest was about six and my father was quite ill , so hogarth femme thought she should broach the subject of mortality .

She sat with our daughter and asked” Do you know what happens when people are sick and may die” .?

” Yes, you take them down to the bush and skin them “

[jonesfam]

Today, due to my being incapacitated I got the 16yo Son to mow. He did about half the yard then came & asked if he could finish it tomorrow? I said it had to be done & he might as well keep going.
His reply "It's bloody hard work you know!"
Yes, I said, I usually do it!
Yeah, but you need the exercise.

Cheeky bugger.
Jonesfa
PS It will be finished tomorrow!

[spudfan]

My daughter with special needs fell asleep one night with her glasses on as she was on her tablet in bed. Next day I mentioned it and she replied
"To see my dreams".

[spudfan]

Was in a big hardware place some time ago and I over heard a little one tell it's mother that he had been to the toilet. "So you found the toilets alright?" said the mother. "Oh yes" said the child pointing to one of the display units.....

[scarry]

So the Grandkids are over again,the doorbell rings.
I am in the toilet,so young Zara,I think she around 5yrs old runs outside and tells them I am in the toilet having a poo.[thumbsupbig][bighmmm]
Anyway,eventually Mrs Scarry goes and sorts it out.[biggrin]

Then they are with us at the old fisherman’s shack at Arrawarra.There is something in the letterbox,I can see it half hanging out.So I get the 7 yr old grandson to go get whatever it is.
He pulls it out and reads it,it’s a flyer from the local real estate agent.It says we will give you some $$$ and bulldoze the house.
So he comes running inside in a panic saying someone is coming to bulldoze the house[biggrin]
Then he says we need to rip up the piece of paper into a million pieces and put it in the bin.
Which he does,
So now whenever the phone rings I say to him that might be the guy who wants to bulldoze the house.[biggrin][biggrin]
He is still trying to work out exactly what is going on with the bulldozing[biggrin]

[cuppabillytea]

Miss Grade One (now 40 yo), was picked up from school instead of catching the bus.
On seeing a charabang from the same fleet stated
"There's a bus like mine, but it has different writing on its forehead."
What's so funny about correct terminology?

[spudfan]

"OOOHHHHH,that was wonderful. Do that again!!!"
OOOPS wrong type of "BABE".....

[scarry]

So the oldest Grandson,is now 8,and has just got Kids messanger.
Its messanger his parents can monitor,and only has certain approved friends.

Anyway,he has been annoying me today as he is off school,because SHE shut all the schools and TAFES,i still cant work out why,except to inconvenience thousands of parents,i presume,but that story is for another thread.

Amyway,i sent a message back and asked if he has done all the jobs around the place,mowed the lawn,cleaned the toilet,pulled out a few weeds,and i get this back.


"I don’t do that (although I’ll have to do it later in life)*groan*"

:Rolling:

I couldnt stop laughing.[biggrin]

[Hoges]

So the oldest Grandson,is now 8,and has just got Kids messanger.
Its messanger his parents can monitor,and only has certain approved friends.

Anyway,he has been annoying me today as he is off school,because SHE shut all the schools and TAFES,i still cant work out why,except to inconvenience thousands of parents,i presume,but that story is for another thread.

Amyway,i sent a message back and asked if he has done all the jobs around the place,mowed the lawn,cleaned the toilet,pulled out a few weeds,and i get this back.


"I don’t do that (although I’ll have to do it later in life)*groan*"

:Rolling:

I couldnt stop laughing.[biggrin]

Obviously well grounded sensible kids! well done![thumbsupbig]

[Roverlord off road spares]

saw a vid the other day, can't post it here due to language,
An adorable 3 yr old, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth little girl is looking out the kitchen window. She alerts her mother of a. goat in the back yard.

I wonder who this parrot picked this up from/

177426
Girl casually says , "there's a ****ing goat"


Mother says in loud voice " IT'S JUST A GOAT"

177427

Girl rebuts - "no it's a ****ing goat

177428

[JDNSW]

Dad?

[Don 130]

No, it's a toggenburg goat😆
Don.

[Chenz]

I was telling my 4 year old grand daughter about an incident up at my farm with a brown snake. I said "It ran between my legs and I jumped out of the road." She said, "Lucky you jumped Poppy, it could have gone up your leg and into your vagina". We all had to bite our lips to stop from bursting out in laughter.

[OldGuy]

I was telling my 4 year old grand daughter about an incident up at my farm with a brown snake. I said "It ran between my legs and I jumped out of the road." She said, "Lucky you jumped Poppy, it could have gone up your leg and into your vagina". We all had to bite our lips to stop from bursting out in laughter.
Thats an absolute cracker that one..
[bigrolf]

[scarry]

saw a vid the other day, can't post it here due to language,
An adorable 3 yr old, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth little girl is looking out the kitchen window. She alerts her mother of a. goat in the back yard.

I wonder who this parrot picked this up from/

177426
Girl casually says , "there's a ****ing goat"


Mother says in loud voice " IT'S JUST A GOAT"

177427

Girl rebuts - "no it's a ****ing goat

177428

A mate of mine had a parrot that would say that word all the time,it wouldnt shut up.
Eventually someone left the cage door open,and it flew off, never to be seen again.

[350RRC]

A mate of mine had a parrot that would say that word all the time,it wouldnt shut up.
Eventually someone left the cage door open,and it flew off, never to be seen again.

Just effed off really.

[Roverlord off road spares]

A mate of mine had a parrot that would say that word all the time,it wouldnt shut up.
Eventually someone left the cage door open,and it flew off, never to be seen again.
When l was a kid my neighbour had a talking cage galah. (the poor thing had lost some toes caused by cotton tangled around from torment of the neighbours kids).
We gifted it but it had bad habit of using it's beak to climb up my bare legs when i wore shorts. It started biting so you couldnt let iy out the cage.

We knew a couple in Castlemaine Vic who had avaries with galahs and cockatoos so we retired it there. The woman was always calling her husband 'a bloody bastard'.
Well the galah picked that up and taught all the other galahs and cockies those words. in the end every time the husband went past the avaries a symphony of birds would call in a bloody bastard. The galah lived out it's years and died of old age.

[ramblingboy42]

every pub years ago had a swearing Galah or Cockatoo in the beer garden.

[350RRC]

every pub years ago had a swearing Galah or Cockatoo in the beer garden.

A small flock of swearing Galahs gather around a table every evening for half a dozen schooners at a pub not far from here.

Their calls haven't changed in 30 years.

DL

[1950landy]

I was telling my 4 year old grand daughter about an incident up at my farm with a brown snake. I said "It ran between my legs and I jumped out of the road." She said, "Lucky you jumped Poppy, it could have gone up your leg and into your vagina". We all had to bite our lips to stop from bursting out in laughter.

Reminds me of the seen in the movie Kindergarten Cop .:Rolling:

[V8Ian]

I was out in the shed with my grandson, building a billycart.
He said "Grandad, I need to go to the toilet."
Rather than traipse all the way back to the house, I suggested he go on the lemon tree, behind the shed. A few minutes later there was a panicked shriek from behind the shed.
"Grandad, there's no toilet paper here!"

[cuppabillytea]

I was out in the shed with my grandson, building a billycart.
He said "Grandad, I need to go to the toilet."
Rather than traipse all the way back to the house, I suggested he go on the lemon tree, behind the shed. A few minutes later there was a panicked shriek from behind the shed.
"Grandad, there's no toilet paper here!"
What? No date roll at Lemon Tree Passage! Honestly. the world is in a state.

[scarry]

What? No date roll at Lemon Tree Passage! Honestly. the world is in a state.

Covid issues strike again.[biggrin]

We had the same problem a while ago,granddaughter wants to do a wee,we are on the way back from Arrawarra.
Middle of no where.
Ok bush toilet,so we stop.
She goes behind a bush,then comes out,how did you go?Says SWMBO.
I just did a number two she says.

Any toilet paper?
Well the roll that’s always in the car has vanished[bigsad][smilebigeye].
Luckily the water tank in the car was half full and we had some soap.

[350RRC]

......................
Any toilet paper?
Well the roll that’s always in the car has vanished[bigsad][smilebigeye].........................


The one under the driver's seat, and the the spare one under the passenger seat? Has saved a couple of mates of mine in my country limos.

DL

[austastar]

Pfft!
As kids, we used rocks when caught short.
Cheers

[V8Ian]

Pfft!
As kids, we used rocks when caught short.
Cheers
As a stopper, to prevent leakage? [wink11]

[austastar]

Hi,
We could often be playing in the bush well over an hour's walk from home. Too far to go if caught short.
Needs must.
Cheers

[Tombie]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220610/c9f637e0b6f5c3a37d8ade0888a0e5fa.jpg

[scarry]

So we are at the Sons finishing loading the car and trailer to go out to the property for a couple of weeks.
Pep, the Sons Koolie always comes,but she went a few months ago and they had her cremated.

The Grand Daughter,4yr old,says,cant we take Pep in the bottle?

We couldn't believe our ears[biggrin]

[PhilipA]

wife picked up child from Catholic School one day. Exciting day as the bishop had visited to see show and tell.
6 year old daughter excitedly told of blackboard easel incident at home where 9 year old son had pushed it through a window glass.
Teacher came up to wife as she picked up daughter and asked "Did you really say Jesus Bloody Christ" on witnessing the easel going through the window?
Don't know the bishop's reaction.
Regards PhilipA

[scarry]

So on the weekend we are talking about going to Fraser island next week.

Anyway,today i get a message from Elephant ears(9yr old Grandson),as i call him,he listens to everything going on,and has an elephant memory.
And there is nothing he doesn't know about Teslas.

Anyway,he has kids messanger,and the message says " Do you know that Fraser island is called something funny now.I don't know why they changed the name,it had nothing to do with me"[biggrin]

[RANDLOVER]

My mate's hot water unit stopped working this week so he said to his teenage son that he'd drive him over to his ex-wife's house to have a shower, but his son said if he goes there he'll either get a spray or a job, so he'll have a cold shower instead.

[V8Ian]

From Kurt Johannsen's autobiography, remarking on a camel drawn wagon in 1921. The contingent was a Pastor and his family, passing through the Johannsen property, north to Alice Springs, at the sedate rate of ten miles a day.
"We thought this was a great joke because on both sides of the caravan Pastor Kramer had written in large, bold writing, 'Behold! He cometh quickly. ' "
Young Kurt was six years old at the time.

[cuppabillytea]

The Pastor may have been referring to his conjugal responsibilities.

[RANDLOVER]

In Colesworth the other day a kid was looking in the hot food display at the roast beef, pork and chicken, then asked his dad, "Do they make pork out of chicken?".

[NavyDiver]

wife picked up child from Catholic School one day. Exciting day as the bishop had visited to see show and tell.
6 year old daughter excitedly told of blackboard easel incident at home where 9 year old son had pushed it through a window glass.
Teacher came up to wife as she picked up daughter and asked "Did you really say Jesus Bloody Christ" on witnessing the easel going through the window?
Don't know the bishop's reaction.
Regards PhilipA

No issue from this 'Bishop; mate :)