This is funny

[boggo]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night
10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
my favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0
,but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....

_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system
once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child
Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear"
to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance .
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep
3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will
cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

[stevo68]

:D :D :D I laugh and laugh because it is sooooooooo true. I did upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, but that malfunctioned and caused the Warning of Alimony/ Child Support. I now have Girlfriend 8.0 who technically should be Wife 2.0, but until I can iron the bugs out of this one, Girlfriend 8.0 is where she remains :D. I also now hope that Girlfriend 8.0 doesn't read this otherwise the system will short and the resultant program Nag Nag 9.5 will come to the fore :eek:

Regards

Stevo

[MickG]

:D :D :D I laugh and laugh because it is sooooooooo true. I did upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, but that malfunctioned and caused the Warning of Alimony/ Child Support. I now have Girlfriend 8.0 who technically should be Wife 2.0, but until I can iron the bugs out of this one, Girlfriend 8.0 is where she remains :D. I also now hope that Girlfriend 8.0 doesn't read this otherwise the system will short and the resultant program Nag Nag 9.5 will come to the fore :eek:

Regards

Stevo

Just spat my coffee onto my screen:D :D :D :D

[scrambler]

Dear Tech Support,

After upgrading from Girlfriend 2.0 (never having upgraded to newer versions of Girlfriend) to Wife 1.0, I was pleased with the improved Entertainment features but found the Support Utilities to be lacking. Specifically, Wife 1.0 did NOT ship with Clean and Sweep (in any version) nor with Cook It 1.5, as advertised. I believe there may have been a Beta version of Cook It running, but it lacked all but the most basic features. I purchased Clean and Sweep 4.0 Professional however there were other problems with Wife 1.0.

The version of Do Bills (4.2) that shipped with Wife 1.0 was, to say the least, buggy. Once installed, it refused all manual over-rides, strictly allocated system resources but did not actually pay bills. Any attempt to manually pay bills resulted in system crashes and activation of Nag Nag (which seemed to be the more advanced 12.1 version, not the 9.5 as promised).

I made extensive use of Yes Dear, C:\APOLOGIZE!, Flowers 2.1, Diamonds 5.0, Cards 3.6 and Dates 9.2, without any improvement in the function of Wife 1.0.

Any attempts to debug or suggest upgrades (Wife 1.1, for example) were summarily dismissed by the Operating System. At some point Nag Nag 12.1 became corrupted resulting in activation of the little-known system tool Complete Paranoia.

With Complete Paranoia running along with Nag Nag 12.1, I was forced to completely un-install Wife 1.0. With extensive IT support and a great deal of trouble (not to mention money) I was able to avoid the troublesome Alimony/ Child Support warning - and at the same time avoid having Wife 1.0 attempting to control the lives of my 2 children - by taking on all of Wife 1.0's functions manually.

I am currently operating with Girlfriend 4.0. The main difficulty with this program is its lack of compatibility with my current hardware installation - specifically it's in another State entirely. Still, if installed as Wife 2.0, it does seem to have all its Utilities function and to date seems to only have Nag Nag 3.1 installed (the 16-bit version only).

Any suggestions on upgrade paths would be welcomed.

Troubled User

[Bushie]

SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENTS FOR INCLUSION IN THE UPGRADE RELEASE OF WIFE 2.0


*The addition of Minimise and don’t remind me again buttons
*An install-shield feature that allows wife 2.0 to be run in the background with all normal user functions enabled without the loss of cache or other system resources.
*A stripped down TSR version, (Wife-Lite V1.01?) that can be installed and operated with strict system manager control user-selected access and utilisation privileges.

I myself decided to avoid all the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0 but even here I have found many problems.
Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must un-install Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug of which I should have been aware as both versions of Girlfriend apparently have conflicts over the shared use of the I/O port. You’d think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse. The un-install program for girlfriend 1.0 doesn’t work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. These appear at random causing Girlfriend 2.0 to crash without warning, taking the whole system down. Ongoing I/O port access problems may also occur during even minor system conflicts caused by residual application traces. Another problem is that all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up unsolicited messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0. This blatant marketing ploy quickly annoys.

[dobbo]

Reformat before it's to late

or run the this simple program

1: C\ me
2: C\me run
3: run me run

[cewilson]

Reformat before it's to late

or run the this simple program

1: C\ me
2: C\me run
3: run me run


How true is that :D

[scrambler]

SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENTS FOR INCLUSION IN THE UPGRADE RELEASE OF WIFE 2.0


*The addition of Minimise and don’t remind me again buttons
*An install-shield feature that allows wife 2.0 to be run in the background with all normal user functions enabled without the loss of cache or other system resources.
*A stripped down TSR version, (Wife-Lite V1.01?) that can be installed and operated with strict system manager control user-selected access and utilisation privileges.

I myself decided to avoid all the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0 but even here I have found many problems.
Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must un-install Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug of which I should have been aware as both versions of Girlfriend apparently have conflicts over the shared use of the I/O port. You’d think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse. The un-install program for girlfriend 1.0 doesn’t work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. These appear at random causing Girlfriend 2.0 to crash without warning, taking the whole system down. Ongoing I/O port access problems may also occur during even minor system conflicts caused by residual application traces. Another problem is that all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up unsolicited messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0. This blatant marketing ploy quickly annoys.

Bushie, the uninstall/ conflict issue appears to be worse after uninstalling Wife 1.0. After some research I can confidently say that a completely new housing is required as, apparently, traces of Wife 1.0 can be detected in the physical environment. In addition, there are multiple conflicts associated with not only residual program traces but the POSSIBILITY of residual program traces. However to date none have caused the initiation of Nag Nag and in this case it would appear that clear evidence of an intention to upgrade to Wife 2.0 (rather than re-installing Wife 1.0) does reduce the number of error messages.

As you would be aware by now, Girlfriend is really a trialware version of Wife and the functionality differences between the two, and the marketing messages you mention, appear to differ between distributions. The Girlfriend 4.0 I've been playing with does not come with I/O port access enabled until upgraded (or perhaps I just haven't found the access codes yet) so I can't really compare the impact of conflict on I/O function. I do think attempting to use 2 I/O ports was always going to create conflicts.

I guess in the long run you either chose to put up with the adware or buy a license.

Good luck.

Steve

[dobbo]

There is another alternative for the less mainstream operating systems
Poof 1.0
Priest 1.0
Batch 1.0

I have no experience with the first two but have heard the first option can sometimes be a complete pain in the ****
Option two is very time consuming with only a certain minority experiencing great delight in long term use, however a great tax offset is included with this program as well as a long term aftersales support scheme
My personal preference of the above three would be Batch 1.0, it has a simpler layout and a faster running speed due to the lack of useless applications that the average user would very rarely want to use. It has had slight Nag nag problems but has the ability of ending whatever application starts Nag Nag and simply open a new one with no memory problems. A fast typing speed may be required to achieve the most worthwhile experience from this o/s.

[Bushie]

BUG WARNING


Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug with serious consequences if accidentally triggered. If you try to install Mistress 1.0 before Wife 1.0 is uninstalled, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before executing an auto un-install. Mistress 1.0 then refuses to install, claiming insufficient resources.

BUG WORK AROUNDS


To avoid the above bug try installing mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as laplink 6.0. Also beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run mistress 1.1 via a usenet provider under an anonymous name. Here again beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the usenet…………….









Martyn

[edddo]

funny barstards!!!!
some universal truths in there, probably why its so funny.
I am currently seeking the latest version of Girlfriend but find most applications on the market have some undesirable characteristics covered above. Perhaps this Batch1.0 could be the go....having tried priest 1.0 for a few months I dont recommend it.

[Yabbie]

Bushie, the uninstall/ conflict issue appears to be worse after uninstalling Wife 1.0. After some research I can confidently say that a completely new housing is required as, apparently, traces of Wife 1.0 can be detected in the physical environment. In addition, there are multiple conflicts associated with not only residual program traces but the POSSIBILITY of residual program traces. However to date none have caused the initiation of Nag Nag and in this case it would appear that clear evidence of an intention to upgrade to Wife 2.0 (rather than re-installing Wife 1.0) does reduce the number of error messages.

As you would be aware by now, Girlfriend is really a trialware version of Wife and the functionality differences between the two, and the marketing messages you mention, appear to differ between distributions. The Girlfriend 4.0 I've been playing with does not come with I/O port access enabled until upgraded (or perhaps I just haven't found the access codes yet) so I can't really compare the impact of conflict on I/O function. I do think attempting to use 2 I/O ports was always going to create conflicts.

I guess in the long run you either chose to put up with the adware or buy a license.

Good luck.

Steve


Caution my friends....

I have heard from tech support that excessive manual operation of the I/O tool on your laptop causes issues with monitor clarity.

Girlfriend 20.0 is overated as yet nothing compares to Girlfriend 1.0 but each to their own.

However the Nag Nag feature which has been the undoing of many a HARD DRIVE is able to be terminated at the source, with the introduction of the latest version of Shut the hell Up 1.0 or I'm sleeping with your best friend 6.9 both programs will require the user to be re-boot(ed) again and again.

If you are able to restore your operating system you may find the introduction of viruses such as Milkman 6.9 or Gym Instructor 1.01 either virus is terminal as the system will have been totally corrupted and warrent upgrading. There has been some talk of the use of ShotGun 12.0 to recitfiy the crash but the public server doesn't find this version compatable.


Also there has been reported cases of people using Pirated versions of wife 1.01 which are deemed unsafe as they often are unstable versions, not to mention their total incompatabilty with your current software i.e. Girlfriend 1.0 or Wife 1.0. If however you do decide to continue using the pirated copy of wife 1.01 may I suggest that you purchase some Virus protection programs which will stop the new program unexpected child processing error.


Cheers
Yabbie

[scrambler]

Yabbie - ROFLMAO!

Very true.

[dobbo]

Just a question

Has anyone any experience with Charasmatic cultleader V7.0 ?

I have heard this programme has a similar setup as seen in Priest 1.0 and the Guru programmes versions 1.0 - 9.0. Apparently it can simulaniously run multiple Wife and Girfriend style programmes without Nag Nag interferance. It also seems to have a similar tax offset as seen on Priest 1.0 but is less restrictive in the general operational setup.

[scrambler]

Just a question

Has anyone any experience with Charasmatic cultleader V7.0 ?

I have heard this programme has a similar setup as seen in Priest 1.0 and the Guru programmes versions 1.0 - 9.0. Apparently it can simulaniously run multiple Wife and Girfriend style programmes without Nag Nag interferance. It also seems to have a similar tax offset as seen on Priest 1.0 but is less restrictive in the general operational setup.

I've no personal experience.

My Uncle for a time was running Wife 1.0 with Mistress 3.2 in the same environment. Had managed to operate a virtual system where Wife 1.0 saw Mistress 3.2 as a version of Boarder. What system mods were required to make Mistress 3.2 operate under those conditions I don't know, but eventually Wife 1.0 self-un-instaled and Mistress 3.2 was upgraded to Wife 2.0. I'm fairly confident there was other software running on other virtual machines (most commonly the virtual machines appeared on the System as Business programs) but none of these seem to have been continued past the free trial period.

The big difficulty with Charismatic Cult Leader 7.0 is the tendency for one of the Mistress installations to eventually access the Wireless Broadcasting software resulting in a security breach opening the network to public viewing.

Steve

[Yabbie]

....having tried priest 1.0 for a few months I dont recommend it.

Tech support advises that the use of a parental control program be used where ever Priest 1.0 (catholic) as there has been previous interference issues, most resulting in severe truama to rear access programs.

Anyone having issues with Priest 1.0 interference should refer to the agent responsible, which will automatically convert the affected files to hidden files after the Un-install feature has been automated as there will be a file sharing issue.

[DEFENDERZOOK]

I've no personal experience.

My Uncle for a time was running Wife 1.0 with Mistress 3.2 in the same environment. Had managed to operate a virtual system where Wife 1.0 saw Mistress 3.2 as a version of Boarder.

Steve



sounds like an early version of 'ALLO ALLO'.......

was your uncle french.....?

[scrambler]

sounds like an early version of 'ALLO ALLO'.......

was your uncle french.....?
No. Do you think it would have worked better for him if he was?

Speaking of French...

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House," in French, is feminine-"la maison."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine-"le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2. The native languagethey use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

[LieutenantRover]

I decided not to install Girlfriend 2.0 and bought a 2nd hand version of Wife 1.0. I find that any problems that arise can be erased by purchasing Landrover 1.0 to 10.0 in sequence and promising more of the same should the program play up It hasn't uninstalled yet.

[Mud_Bogger6]

I'm still running Girlfriend 7.0, bit too early to be thinking about upgradeing to wife 1.0......................Yet

[lokka]

Got rid of girlriend 7.0 after kids 1.0 and 2.0 were instaled then child support 11.0 was automaticaly installed program ran with complacations til i instaled solicitor 1.0 with great sucsess and now am currently running custody 4.0 with sum minor probs was told to instal hit man 6.0 to permently uninstall g/f 7.0 but cant afford it so i installsd restraining order 4.5 to overcome g/f 7.0 ..

currently running g/f 8.0 which came with kid 3.0 allready installed and all is fine cook clean 3.2 are working great and kid 1.0,2.0 and 3.0 all work well together and now sanity 12.0 is working well

cheers

chris

[Blknight.aus]

I decided not to install Girlfriend 2.0 and bought a 2nd hand version of Wife 1.0. I find that any problems that arise can be erased by purchasing Landrover 1.0 to 10.0 in sequence and promising more of the same should the program play up It hasn't uninstalled yet.


Im in a similar situation I updated Girlfriend xx.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that by hurling abuse at the annoying paperclip type feature I could con the system into automatically sourcing Landrover upgrades although they were not always strictly in sequence and one time even got it to purchase a version of Sportscar.

I have also found that Ignoring any occourances of NAG NAG and applying BEERINSHED or PLAYWITHLANDY in any version seems to reduce the frequency of NAG NAG.

With my system running so smoothly I have allowed the system to upgrade with the application of CHILD 1.0 hardware and associated software.

Hope it all stays stable.

[p38arover]

Like others have experienced, the I/O port didn't work on Girlfriend 1.0 to 3.0 and only commenced working sporadically after upgrade to Wife 1.0 which has been running reasonably well for the past 36 years albeit with occasional crashes.

Flowers 10.5 and Diamonds 4.2 worked well in the past to resolve certain operating system issues but now have little effect.

When the I/O port became intermittent I suggested co-installing Girlfriend 4.0 to take over I/O functions but was advised that it would be necessary to uninstall Wife 1.0 at a cost in the region of $500,000 (plus a new enclosure). I then suggested Secretary 1.0 but was told it would then cost even more to install Wife 1.0.

I tried Landy 1.0 through Landy 3.0 until I found Landy P38A. This worked well for some time but has recently become buggy requiring a lot of expensive tech support.

At the moment I don't know whether to upgrade to Girlfriend 4.0 or Landy D3. They are mutually exclusive as the cost of uninstalling Wife 1.0 would preclude purchase of Landy D3 and add-ons.

Would it be possible to install Girlfriend 4.0 as a background task?

Any suggestions would be welcomed.

[Vandermorph]

I agree with mud_bogger6 but at least while im running a 7.0 girlfriend im not getting wife 1.0 pop ups nagging me about updating the house 2.3 and claenup gear 3.5 and Newcar 6.2

[dobbo]

I agree with mud_bogger6 but at least while im running a 7.0 girlfriend im not getting wife 1.0 pop ups nagging me about updating the house 2.3 and claenup gear 3.5 and Newcar 6.2


At your stage of program development I'd just be working on improving the overall Keystrokes per minute so upgrading to a reality girlfriend program is possible in the future.

Just a suggestion

[Vandermorph]

At your stage of program development I'd just be working on improving the overall Keystrokes per minute so upgrading to a reality girlfriend program is possible in the future.

Just a suggestion
It may work:D

[Bigbjorn]

My late father's accountant, for many years, at least 25, ran Wife 1.0 and Mistress 1.0 in separate enclosures, one each side of the Brisbane River. Each system was aware of the existence of the other but refused to interact.
Major operating problems occurred when the accountant attempted to reduce travelling time servicing the i/o ports by arranging to purchase adjoining enclosures. Neither Wife 1.0 nor Mistress 1.0 would operate in close proximity forcing a return to the previous installation.

[cartm58]

well what you have all forgotten is that in the software license for girlfriend it clearly states that if you keep it installed and functioning for period of 12 months or more it has all the legal rights of wife.

This has cost me on the two occasions l uninstalled girlfriend programmes v1 and v2 am now running a new unix software called sex slave 1

[Blknight.aus]

are there any versions of the sex slave program that are compatable with wife 1.0?

[dobbo]

are there any versions of the sex slave program that are compatable with wife 1.0?


Yes, keystrokes 1.0

[stevo68]

I now have Girlfriend 8.0 who technically should be Wife 2.0, but until I can iron the bugs out of this one, Girlfriend 8.0 is where she remains :D. Well as per my quote above some time back, it would seem that Girlfriend 8.0, who I mentioned should technically speaking become Wife 2.0 has relegated herself if she is lucky to being Girlfriend 0.5 :twisted: . I mentioned bugs and ironing them out, well when this sort of thing happens, perhaps one can understand :mad:

http://images1.pictiger.com/thumbs/3d/a54f0dcaa6e2a317860332b36dfdce3d.th.jpg (http://server1.pictiger.com/img/112104/picture-hosting/28112006260.php)
http://images1.pictiger.com/thumbs/aa/b30852df5a652b3599fd1e6a4e5ab6aa.th.jpg (http://server1.pictiger.com/img/112105/picture-hosting/28112006261.php)
http://images1.pictiger.com/thumbs/dc/bc66dab7f86fe79abcf214557b03bedc.th.jpg (http://server1.pictiger.com/img/112106/picture-hosting/28112006262.php)
Free Image Gallery with PicTiger (http://www.pictiger.com)

Famous last words " Hey hun, you can take mine tonight if you want!!!!" Bugger bugger bugger,

Regards

Stevo

[FenianEel]

How funny is your face in the reflection - priceless:D

I assume that's a stress relieving ciggy in the hand!!

http://images1.pictiger.com/images/3d/a54f0dcaa6e2a317860332b36dfdce3d.jpg

[stevo68]

I assume that's a stress relieving ciggy in the hand!!
Yep, so I didnt disconnect now Girlfriend 0.5. :o

Regards

Stevo