Friday funnies

[Rovernaut]

3 blondes stuck on an island.
Three blonde women were stranded on an island. While trying to dig their way out, one of them came accross a buried lamp. Suddenly a genie appears and offers to grant each of them one wish, in return for saving him.

The first blonde woman asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

The second blonde woman asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. She is instantly turned into a black haired woman. She then builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The genie turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

RUDE CUSTOMERS:

or all Who Work With Rude Customers, shame WE can't actually do
> > this !
> >
> > An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney
> > some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point,
> > when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as
> > cargo.
> >
> > A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been
> > withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long
> > line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger
> > pushed his way to the desk.He slapped his ticket down on the
> > counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be
> > FIRST CLASS'.
> >
> > The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to
> > help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure
> > we'll be able to work something out.'
> >
> > The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
> > passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'
> >
> > Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public
> > address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have
> > your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly
> > throughout the terminal.
> >
> > 'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
> > If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'
> >
> > With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
> > glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F...
> > You!'
> >
> > Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit)
> >
> > 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.'
> >

http://images.landrovernet.com/icons/icon1.gif Where do Gloves Come From


A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was
nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his
gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank
of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in
their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them
into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile

'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure,
she burst out laughing.


'What's so funny?' he asked


'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

Gotta watch those little old ladies!
Their minds are always working:eek::eek::eek::eek:

[adm333]

Lessons in diplomacy

A young lad started his first job in the Fruit & Veg department of his local Woolworths.
An elderly man came up to him and insisted on buying half a lettuce.
"Well I'm sorry sir, we don't sell lettuce halves, only whole ones."
Realising the he was not going to take no for an answer, the lad offered to take a lettuce out the back and get approval from his manager to cut it in half.
The old man agreed.
The young lad went out the back and saw his manager ..... "Some d!ckh3ad wants to buy half a lettuce....."
Not realising that the old man had followed him out, and thinking quickly on his feet he continued, without missing a beat....



"And this kind gentleman has offered to purchase the other half"

[stock]

Subject: The Sensitive Guy







The Sensitive Man

A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft,

sweet, cuddly teddy bears.


There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds

of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.


There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized

bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.


She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large

collection of Teddy Bears, She is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
but doesn't mention this to him.




They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,

'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,'Well,how was it?'




The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:














'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'