Non-LR sob story

[Grizzly_Adams]

What to do...

I'm at a loss all, I just don't know what else to do.

I'm baring all here, it's a sad indictement that I actually expect some caring understanding nineties type will get on and have a go at me for something I've posted in this.

I'm having some troubles with my daughter and my ex.

We had issues when I first got back to Australia in 2006. It all started literally the day I stepped back into the country, I had such high hopes of spending time with my daughter and they were crushed immediately. It went downhill after that. By the end of 2006 I was seeing a psychiatrist for severe depression with suicidal tendencies and not seeing my daughter.

Pretty sad so far eh? Well that's the short short version, the long version is terrible.

Eventually (and I mean eventually, basically January this year) I had built up enough skin to be able to get in contact with my daughter again, which was lovely - actually my wife organised the first dinner for a surprise birthday present and it's gone on from there. I've always had problems with my ex. but I guess that's nothing unusual. She's always had an eye to playing the system to her advantage beautifully.
This time around though I've been trying to build something with my daughter - she's 11 by the way, 12 in May - but I don't feel I'm getting anywhere. This I blame on my ex.'s stupid rule (but only with regards to me) of "whatever my daughter decides she gets". So seeing my daughter has become a privilege and not a right. Rather painful and urks me to the bone.

I've tried doing what I can to encourage seeing my daughter more, at the moment I take her to netball training on Wednesday nights and netball on Saturday's - and that's the only time I get to see her (you gotta remember the majority of which is spent with her playing netball). That's only because my ex. hates the lady who runs the whole netball show and had refused to take my daughter to netball this year, but was happy enough for someone else (ie. me) to take her along.

I thought I had come up with a cunning plan of going over to my ex's place once a week to play games (board / cards / etc.) with her and the family in order to spend even a little more time with my daughter. I raised this today and was kyboshed again by the aforementioned rule - my ex. turned around and asked my daughter if it was ok for me to come over 1 night a week to play games. Unfortunately (and not entirely unexpectedly), she said no. So now I'm not even "allowed" to go over 1 night a week to play games with any of the family, all because of this stupid idea of my ex's.

To add insult to injury I'm also being stopped from helping out where I can. Today my daughter said she needed a new school bag to which I volunteered to get one for her and got shot down by a aforeto unheard of statement from my ex. - "that's what child support is for". My ex. then told my daughter that she couldn't get the bag until she'd purchased some new shoes for one of her other daughters (3 kids, 3 different fathers - unfortunately me being one of them). So then doesn't that imply that my child support - which should be for my daughter - is going towards the other children? I have no real problem with this most of the time, but then why I am being stopped from getting a school bag for my daughter? All confused now.

I just don't agree / understand with this idea of my 11 year old daughter making these sorts of decisions. I just don't see that she understands the impacts or is old enough / mature enough to make these sorts of decisions.

As you may have guessed I've fallen into depression again and am tettering on worse but I just don't know how to improve the situation. Just to make matters worse I've heard from those close to my daughter (other step dads and the like) that she's very manipulative and has outright stated at one stage that she's "just using me to get to netball".

Fun fun fun.

Does anyone actually know what are my rights in this situation? I can't say I don't want to force the matter because honestly I do, even if it's to bring to my ex's attention what the actual legalities of the situation is. She's under the impression (I don't know if it's true or not) that at a court level it would be up to the child as to who she see's etc. Does anyone know if this is true?

If so then the family courts system is just as screwed up as the "child support system" (aka rob-the-father system)...

[inside]

I can not offer much advice but it seems there is help out there. There is Welcome to Dads in Distress (http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/index.html) which is funded by the federal government.
It seems that legislation has changed that ensures a children's right to a meaningful relationship with both parents. Meaningful is not access time but includes important days such as school holidays, Easter etc.

[Outlaw]

Sorry to here Glenn, can't say i know how you feel but can tell how distressed you are from your words above. I know a couple people that are involved with child related services within the government but not sure as to which capacity... will however bring the subject up with them when i speak to them this week and PM you regardless.

I have also heard a couple times about Dads in Distress as suggested by inside and they seem to have an okay reputation.

Be strong and keep your head.

[langy]

I have more than 11 years ( 17 if you count certain things) experience in being the subject of cruel and inhuman punishment. ( Since it happened to me, I can call it what I want). There are a number of things you might like to know that will enable you to survive.

1. No booze, Eat healthy. Exercise or at least keep mobile. Your brain (and you) works better if it's working correctly.

2. This matter isn't going to resolve itself overnight, over the weekend,the next week or even the next year. Knowing this lets you prepare for the long haul. And a long and difficult haul it will be. (It's the hardest thing I ever had to do, and it ain't over for me yet)

3. People do bad things to other people -sometimes only because they can.
You can either join them or fight them. The old good vs evil thing. I would prefer to think that standing resolute against bad things is the best idea. You will (have) suffer battle damage however.

As to the specifics: As part of what I used to do, I notice human behavior all the time. And since I'm a guy I look at girls all the time, including mommy's (I'm mid 40's). I even see how relatives treat their ex's with children about the same age. A girl of 11 is only a mirror of her mother. It will take at least 3 more years before any original (or true) behavior surfaces.

What you describe is becoming increasingly common.

Perhaps stepping back a bit ( ie Can't see the forest for the trees) is called for.

Research your problem. You can't force the issue. Your ex is not your friend.

Good luck.

[Blknight.aus]

Mate I would hope that time is your friend here and that the daughter will work things out for herself.

I cant offer much support as I have no first hand experence in the field but what I can your welcome to if you need it

[tony]

Mate I have only just (2 years ago) finished with the CSA I had a boy and

a Girl the girl was the youngest, and the hardest to keep any sort of

relationship with, but know she's 19 in July and shes here this weekend so

all I can say is its bloody hard but keep trying and as someone has said

your x is not your Friend use the system the court will order every other

weekend and half of all school holidays make sure you never miss any

time you can spend with your daughter attend every school open

day,parent teachers night and anything to do with your daughter...

stay strong and dont do anything stupid... I know thats easy to say but

belive me your a long time dead...if you wont to have a natter drop me a

pm

Tony

[Xavie]

Very sorry to hear your going through such a hard time. As many of us know mental illness is so much worse then any physical pain about and it isn't ever easy especially when your concerns for your child are present. I have to agree with Inside that looking at that webpage and signing up might be of some use. And what Langy said about treating yourself well is so important.

Also, as Langy said. In time to come your daughter will become her own person. She is too young now and as long as you keep getting her to netball or at least seeing her for 10 minutes every now and then you have a better chance of being there for her when she is older.

I don't know if you can force the issue but I have some colleagues who work in this field so I'll have a chitty chat to them.

All the best,
Xavier

[HAK]

Mate I would hope that time is your friend here and that the daughter will work things out for herself.

I cant offer much support as I have no first hand experence in the field but what I can your welcome to if you need it


I agree with Blknight as I once was a child in that situation always grew up hating dad as I was told horrible stories about him that where not true

hang in there mate your daughter will work things out

[harry]

glen, i feel your pain in this, but have no experience of what you must be going thru.
most recently we lost my mate and work partner in that tragic aircraft accident here on the coast and i have been having my own tough time.
a counsellor from lifeline visited the hangar and chatted with the staff and several of us approached him for a private chat, which we each found to be of some benefit.
i suggest you contact lifeline and have a chat, and they should be able to assist you with the big questions you have.
i will pm you with details.
keep your chin up and keep active.
safe travels.
harry.

[graceysdad]

Crikey , you have got the short end of the stick as many do, all I can say is your among many friends on AULRO that will happily listen and offer what they can to help you, remember your time will come, Good things come to those who wait, I am a firm believer in this, chin up and by all means air your thoughts if it helps you.

[RonMcGr]

Mate I would hope that time is your friend here and that the daughter will work things out for herself.

I cant offer much support as I have no first hand experence in the field but what I can your welcome to if you need it

Hi Glenn,

I agree with Dave.
Your Ex certainly knows what she is doing and by not playing her game, you will be better off.

Your Daughter will eventually see though the charade.

Cheers,
Ron

[CraigE]

Mate that is terrible.
All I can say is go to a decent family law lawyer. Try and arrange to get the court to get some statements form your daughter without the mother present. Then apply for joint custody. It may be a hard slog but I do not think you are left with many options.
I think under new policies you are supposed to get designated time with your daughter, no matter what the mother says. They are also looking at changing the policies to equal time. It may be a long and hard road and by the sounds of it your daughters mind set may need to be changed slowly. She is actually old enough now to make some decisions in the courts eyes. I know my brother has been through similar, but with no agression and his daughter has decided to live with him now and there is absolutely nothing the mother can do about it.

[p38arover]

Glenn, I'm not much help in that I've never been through a similar situation.

I don't know if your company has counsellers available to you. When I worked for Telstra we had them as does RailCorp for which I now work. It is often called EAP - Employee Assistance Programme

However, I suspect you may need to use the courts to gain access to your daughter.

Ron

[Bushwanderer]

Hi Grizzly,
In my experience the best counter for depression is to keep active, associating with others.

Don't spend time at home, thinking about things.

It sounds like your daughter doesn't realise it yet, but she needs you. Be there for her.

Hang in there,

[stevo68]

Mate, first and foremost lose the "depressed etc attitude" it will only further the ex's cause.....I say that to be blunt as I have been through the same thing. People go two ways they sink like a stone or they swim and make it happen. I went to the post office and came back and my 2 week old son and 18mth old daughter were gone. 48 hrs didnt know where they were, driving all over the coast looking for them. Finally my ex's mothers partner in WA told me they were on a plane back to Perth. I had my one night downer....a bottle of Jack....and that was it. Cutting a long story short, I missed most of my sons..Ashton as many of you know...first 6mths. I finally convinced the ex to come back to QLD, we had a trial reconciliation and 6mths later kaputt.

My only concern was my children, when I finished my degree she threatened to go to Perth with them.....these were my blood, my angels and hell or high water wasnt going to take them.....but one has to keep it together. You have to have a plan, I went and saw a lawyer to find out my rights...she couldnt just take them interstate...she could go but not the kids and the case wouldnt hit the courts for at least 6 mths. Against my lawyers advice I went to my ex and spoke with her...letting her know I had a court order to soon be delivered...as I said to her before we were anything we were friends, then lovers etc....this had nothing to do with our children...can we come up with a suitable arrangement otherwise be prepared for war,$$$$ etc. We came up with a private arrangement and that has stuck ever since. I have my children on Tuesdays after school, drop them back Wednesday and every weekend Friday to Monday. I drive from the coast to Brissie and back at least 6-8 times a week ( hence why I needed a TD5). For sure over the last 8 yrs there have been issues, CSA stuff, but at all times...especially the male... you have to keep it together.

Classic was my old man at a b'day party for my daughter when she was 3, my ex's new man was there. My old man left. I spoke later and he asked..."How do you do it?"...."Another man with your children??" I told him...I just have to, if I have to take it up the hooty so that my children are close by and I get to see them...so be it.

With your ex.....once upon a time you 2 were friends, lovers etc...appeal to that side, first try mediation...then if required go legal. Don't make your daughter a pawn in this...your right she can't make those decisions. Come up with a plan of time together....you do have rights and by the sounds of it there is nothing in place. Work with the ex...not against her....you will lose. If she is an absolute cow...then seek legal advice. Your still a father to the daughter as well, same age as mine funnily enough and they are at an age of ascerting themselves, she just needs to know you are there.

I know a bit long winded, but only cause really frikin close to my heart, it still hurts the days of not seeing my children, knowing they were growing up 1000's of kms away....so much so I took down their pics at one stage cause it hurt so much. But the hurt had to stay inside to be released at another time. It can be done mate, and my thoughts are with you but don't be a sinker...be a swimmer, stay strong and positive, no matter what is thrown at you remain vigilant. To many Dads go the wrong way, it really is a case of hardening up a bit but appropriately so. If you want to PM on anything let me know as I would say from a pretty shoit situtation, it has become a success and my brats are as happy as larry and the ex...we're friendly but that can change.

Regards

Stevo

[abaddonxi]

What to do...
<snip>

As you may have guessed I've fallen into depression again and am tettering on worse but I just don't know how to improve the situation. Just to make matters worse I've heard from those close to my daughter (other step dads and the like) that she's very manipulative and has outright stated at one stage that she's "just using me to get to netball".

Fun fun fun.

Does anyone actually know what are my rights in this situation? I can't say I don't want to force the matter because honestly I do, even if it's to bring to my ex's attention what the actual legalities of the situation is. She's under the impression (I don't know if it's true or not) that at a court level it would be up to the child as to who she see's etc. Does anyone know if this is true?

If so then the family courts system is just as screwed up as the "child support system" (aka rob-the-father system)...

All time with your daughter is quality time. Don't listen to the words, just remember that in a couple of years she'll look back on this time with different eyes and remember that you were there.

Focus on what is important - time with your daughter - all the rest is just the sh*t that gets between you and her.

Same thing with the money. Unless there is significant evidence that can be verified it is better to just hand over the money with a smile.

More time spent arguing equals less time with your daughter.

All the best.

Simon

[Hucksta]

Grizzly,

First and formost mate, get your mental health under control. Talk to your doctor about some solutions for this. If he suggests that you take some medication to hep then do it. Just remember, your brain is an organ just like your liver is, if he said take some medication to keep your liver healthy then you would without hesitation, your head is the same. I would hazard a guess that it is very difficult for you to see any way through your problems at the moment.

Secondly, your ex is full of crap. You will be able to get more custody of your daughter than you are getting at the moment, probably a minimum of every second weekend and one night a week. Prior to going to court there is what they call a mediation process that all couples go through, it's compulsory (in Victoria anyway, I assume it's same elsewhere) as a posible way of bypassing the expensive court process. This is a relatively uncomplicated way of gaining more access compared to the Family Court, look into it.

I would say that your daughter's thoughts about you are heavily influenced by your ex, it sounds like she is poisoning her about you. Don't worry man, your her dad, she will see through all that stuff the older she gets. Hang in there dude, get some help and get some firm advice, there are a few Mens Health services around that help blokes through this stuff, you just have to seek it out. Your Doctor will be a good start.......

Hope this helps

Hucksta

[seqfisho]

Hi Glenn,

Been in your shoes, and still not clear of the woods yet, give me a call or your more than welcome to drop around for a coffee or beer and chat, I have some suggestions that might work for you and I can also lend an ear to lighten your load.

What ever you do, dont let it consume you as you are no good to anyone if your head isnt in the right place.

[B92 8NW]

Grizzly,

First and formost mate, get your mental health under control. Talk to your doctor about some solutions for this. If he suggests that you take some medication to hep then do it. Just remember, your brain is an organ just like your liver is, if he said take some medication to keep your liver healthy then you would without hesitation, your head is the same. I would hazard a guess that it is very difficult for you to see any way through your problems at the moment.



If I could say just one thing about depression, it would be to fight it, be strong enough to make the changes you want to see in your life, to surround yourself with friends and people you care about, and to talk. Medication for this isn't like medication for the flu or an infection - its long term and a very turbulent experience. I can elaborate via PM.

[Ken]

Drop me a PM if you need to chat mate I am more than willing to listen to you and will help in whatever way I can
Ive been through similar situations on a different level and can relate to your plight
If its an ear you need its yours if its a shoulder you want you can lean on me
Im sure with the support of the AULRO mob and some sound advice you can get through the situation at hand
After all what are mates for ;)

[WhiteD3]

Glen,

I've no direct experience with what you're going through but I've had my tough times...so please email/PM/call me anytime mate if you need an ear or shoulder.....

[Rob101]

Grizzly,

Firstly, I need to say that I can’t comprehend what your going through. All I can say is that I feel for you and hope some of this helps.

Stress is something that I have experience with. I subscribe to the bathtub model of stress. Imagine you have a bathtub, and it gets filled with stress.
When the tub fills, stress overflows out of your control and spills, causing panic attacks, butterflies, felling like you want to vomit, depression, `combat dumps' etc....
You want to work towards the biggest bathtub possible, (strong/intense) physical exercise, eating healthy; friends, routine, sleep etc help make the bath tub bigger. A bigger tub means you can deal with more stress without it overflowing.
Coffee/caffeine (stimulants), alcohol (depressants) lack of sleep just don't help, they make the bath tub smaller, and in some cases rock the tub.
Having good sleep, good routine help stabilise the tub and make it bigger, and prevent it from being rocked.
If you want a book talking about strategies for dealing with extreme stress, buy and read: 'On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace by Dave Christensen Grossman and Loren W. Christensen'. It explains stress and the physical and psychological reactions of the body to the most stressful events possible - the threat of imminent death. The bathtub model is explained in more detail there.

Also, your brain is not like an engine. It IS an engine. When I introduce students to university at a first lecture / prac /tute, i always say - If you have a wobbly wheel on your car, you see a mechanic.
If your head goes wobbly, you should see a head specialist, it is the same thing.
Be it a counsellor, a close mate, a preacher, lifeline whomever NEVER FORGET - PAIN SHARED IS PAIN DIVIDED - JOY SHARED IS JOY MULTIPLIED.

I'm not a doctor, but you should ALWAYS couple anti-depressants with counselling. It is common for people to take pills to feel better - they feel better, stop taking them and the problem is still there.
Counselling treats causes, and develops strategies for coping with problems. Pills treat symptoms.

I know a dad that started taking his partners children and him to martial arts classes to bond. All of them started from the ground up, training for strength together. Capurera is a good family art.
My hockey team used to have a division 4, where oldies and kids uses to play together - ever played mixed netball?

[Phred]

This is the sixth go at an answer. !st and formost look after yourself, you will be no good to her if you can't offer yourself as a loving stable parent. Don't let yourself be walked over by her either set boundries about respect and honesty how you expect to be treated. Do not include your ex in this, this is about you and your daughter and your relationship.
2nd thing to to is GET A CUSTODY CONSENT ORDER IN PLACE wether negotated through medation or through the courts this takes your ex's power out of the equasion and makes a huge difference. If you end up in court it will be a long expensive and painfull exersize. The current law states the basic presumption is a base of 50/50 shared custody. The reality is that the courts are advised be lawers and more importantly the child psycoligsts are the people who's opion will carry the most weight in court. The court will require a family report where a psycoligst will look at you with your daughter and your ex with her. The likely hood would be to get the every second weekend type of arangement as from my experences in the family court over the last 12 months you would have to be an axe murderer not to, or as my my barrister told me "the court would not concern itself if a parent was a drug dealer because drug dealers could be good parents as long as the child was not pysically at risk"
The next basic right is shared parental responsibality you have equal rights and responsiballities as a parent in the eyes of the law. The problem is you may have to resort to the courts to assert your rights.
As for your ex's thing about what your daughter wants is what goes time will heal that. My ex used to use my place as a threat to my son if you don't behave i'll send you to daddies, well last easter at 5 1/2 years old he called her bluff. She dumped him on my doorstep screaming that we all hated her the next day she wanted me to take him to her so he could tell her to her face he didn't love her. When i refused to do that she turned up at my place demanding him back ( it was my weekend to have him, we had a verbal agreement not lodged in the court) when that was refused we had an hour and a half that was extremley ugly. $20000 plus and 12 month later I have my son every second weekend and a share of school holidays. The outcome isn't what I wanted but for my son he now has stability I can start to rebuild my life with my partner.
The important thing is to make sure your daughter knows that no matter what the situation you will always love her.
I've raved on too much feel free to PM me if you need to bend an ear for a while (I had a few good people who I could vent to so It's only fare to offer) If you end up in court I might be able to advise you about the mistakes I made so you don't do the same. Good luck with it, it will be hard but when you work through and you get it sorted it will be good
Reguards Peter

[Grizzly_Adams]

Thanks for all the support and advice everyone, it's been overwhelming :dbcry:

I don't believe in taking drugs for depression as I believe it only covers up the symptom and doesn't fix the cause (ie. the thoughts in your head).

However I do usually take a few drop of St John's Wart every day (which is a very very very mild medically accepted / approved natural anti-depressant).

Believe it or not just the action of posting on this forum and getting all this positive response has helped a lot - thank you everyone.

On Saturday afternoon I went for a 30km bike ride from Greenslopes to Carina and back to try and burn off some of the pain, alas it did not work.

On Saturday night I was having a bad night of it, the 'black dog' of depression (as Sir Winston Churchill use to call it) had raised it's ugly head and was biting at me badly. By mid-Sunday (and no thanks to all your support) I was feeling a lot better.

I have since signed up with "Dads in Distress (http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/)" as well as "Relationships Australia (http://www.relationships.com.au/)" and will pursue assistance (for both myself and my relationship with my daughter) through them.


so much so I took down their pics at one stage cause it hurt so much
Alas I know that feeling as well :( Photo's are back up now though, what few I have....

I will bookmark this thread so I can fall back to it whenever I am feeling blue - so you may see it pop up periodically every now and then if / when I post something new....

[Hucksta]

Good work grizzly,

I mentioned in my post about taking medication, by no means do I suggest that you do that, i was just saying it as a means to say that you need to do whatever it takes to get your head right, then you can tackle other problems. Getting sound advice is the first step.

I have done an enormous amount of work with the 'Sunrise Foundation'. It was set up by ex AFL footballer Wayne SCHWASS and it's primary function was to tackle depression in athletes but has since spread to all people from all walks of life. I, along with others have helped Wayne raise funds and spread the word about depression since the foundation started. Wayne has suffered depression for many years and is a fantastic bloke who has done wonders for breaking down the stigma of depression. His main message is that it is no shame to suffer depression. The fact that you are willing to discuss it and meet it head on is one of the first main hurdles, the next will be to continue meeting it. Keep the chin up mate and I have no doubt that you will have many people on here to offer you support.

You have obviously done a little research if you know about Winston and his 'Black Dog'.

[WhiteD3]

I don't believe in taking drugs for depression as I believe it only covers up the symptom and doesn't fix the cause (ie. the thoughts in your head). ..

No, they allow you the ability for logical thought which you can use to address the underlying causes.

Glen, I have two people very close to me that suffer extreme anxiety disorders and one of these people also suffers depression. I'm an electrician, not a shrink or GP.......but while there may be external factors effecting your thought processes and general mental well being, the symptoms you feel are physical and chemical by nature.

I would be the last to suggest you take something that is not good for you and you should get a 2nd or even 3rd opinions on medication if you feel the need, but these drugs have a purpose and can help you.

If at the very least they lift you up to a level where, while not smiling at the world, you're better placed to make logical, non-emotional decisions.

Go and see your GP and talk about the options mate. I've seen what happens when these things go untreated, and it won't be good for you, your daughter or those around you.

[29dinosaur]

Grizzly I wouldn't even know where to start wrt the legal machinations. On the score of the black dog that won't go away I can only empathize with you as I (like many) have him snapping at my heels.... The reasons in my case were different than yours and go back a long time - 40 years ago. However the long and short of this .... you seem to be switched onto ways of handling your stress ... well done. You need encouragement to continue even when there does not seem any way out of this quagmire. Having someone 'walk' with you during these black times is important - a mate who can be an ear ... in my case I had a friend who had similar life experiences and he became my ear and I to him. I am fortunate enough to have a wife who bore a lot of my tears and collapse into the black hole..... whatever. You identified, as others have, the importance of exercise - keep it up - and as others have said - keep the caffeine and alcohol down. It sounds a bit high powered but a clinical psychologist who uses cognitive behavioural therapy approach was a life saver for me.
Overall try to break down your issue into small enough stressors to handle at one time and at the end of the day - you've made it through another.Again - things will get better...hang in there...

[Grizzly_Adams]

You have obviously done a little research if you know about Winston and his 'Black Dog'.
Yes I've been wise enough to do some research in my more lucid moments. It helps to know the enemy you're fighting :)


No, they allow you the ability for logical thought which you can use to address the underlying causes.

That's an attitude I had not considered before, thanks Mark. Will go and see my GP and speak to him. It's not like I'm depressed 100% of the time, it comes and goes.. the anti-depressants could be just the thing I need to get me through the hard times to be able to fight on another day...


I am fortunate enough to have a wife who bore a lot of my tears and collapse into the black hole.....
I can't stress how supportive my wife has been, she's been terrific. She's done a lot of research herself on sites for partners of those suffering depression.. I (honestly) don't know how I could have coped without her at times...


You identified, as others have, the importance of exercise - keep it up
I'm a lazy bastard though, it's hard at times :angel:

You guys are great, a lot of fantastic advice to swallow...

[RonMcGr]

Speaking of swallowing, I take antidepressants.

In some cases they are help full when your serotonin levels drop and will not come up. (serotonin is believed to play an important role as a neurotransmitter, in the modulation of anger, aggression, body temperature, mood, sleep, sexuality, and appetite as well as stimulating vomiting.)

When the body stop secreting serotonin, things get really bad :( I take it for post traumatic stress.

It has, however been prescribed for short term depression. If you take it too long you become totally dependent on it! As I'm old, it does not matter, but I would not suggest a young person under 45 take it.
The down side is it's hard to concentrate some times, difficult to learn new things as the memory banks go into a "So what!" mode.
The good side, my kids (25 to 30 year old) now talk to me and no longer worry about outbursts of anger!

So Glen, if you get so bad it is hard to cope, that is an alternative for the short term.

Cheers,
Ron

[MickG]

Hey Glenn, Outlaw was kind enough to send me the link to this thread and mentioned you were having a hard time at the moment.

I can't really offer you any help having not gone through anything like this before, so all I can say is with my kids, Andrew 4, Charlie 2 and Hannah 11mths, being denied access to them is simply not an option of me......anytime in my life. I would like to think though, that if I were in your situation, that I would have the strength that you have and are demonstrating, to deal with the situation. You have already made some excellent decisions it would appear and have many more to make. As suggestd by most here, you are heading in the right direction and given time you will reach a happier place.
Probably the only thing I can relate to in this instance is the need to talk about your feelings and issues, this is essential. This forum would be an excellent place for that and I would suggest you post up here as often as you like, as I am sure most if not all AULRO members would be willing to assist in anyway they could.

Keep your head up Glenn, remember what you want to achieve and please let us know if there is anything we can do as individuals, AULRO or GCLRO.

Aye, Mick