HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

[Bundalene]

A friend sent this today and even though we don't have a cat, I thought about a few cat people on the Forum ...eg Derek:D. You might be able to relate to this.......

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL....

If you've ever had a cat, you will know just how true this is!

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left
arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger
and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently
apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,
holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws
open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.

Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat.

Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill
from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and
repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one
side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie
on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open
with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to
humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply
Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another
pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard,
and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard
door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of
scotch. Pour a shot, drink. Apply cold compress to
cheek, and check records for date of last tetanus shot.

Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from
across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed
into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill
from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little sucker's front paws to rear paws with
garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table,
find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to
drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill.....

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.



That's what I like about dogs!!!

[Shonky]

Much the same as drenching Boer Goats, but cats don't have horns... :mad:

[Jock The Rock]

I remember my dad once told me a story of when he was a kid (in the '70s). His dad used to be the local GP and also the vet, one of the hardest things my old man did was hold down a cat while it was being castrated :o

[Tank]

I remember my dad once told me a story of when he was a kid (in the '70s). His dad used to be the local GP and also the vet, one of the hardest things my old man did was hold down a cat while it was being castrated :o
You'd have trouble holding me down as well, if you were trying to castrate me, LOL, Regards Frank.

[foz.in.oz]

I must live with the cat whisperer then. SWMBO can take her cat, lay it on her lap, open it's mouth and scrape the plaque of it's teeth without it it even flinching. I couldn't beleive it when she showed me as most people I know that have cats get the things knocked out at the vets for this sort of stuff.

ps. I still think they should be used as crab bait:D:D:D.

[Shonky]

ps. I still think they should be used as crab bait:D:D:D.

It always takes a pussy to catch crabs foz!

:twisted:

[vnx205]

I love that description.

The worrying thing is I got a fair way down the list before I got to something that hadn't happened with my cat.

[Bearman]

Hey Erich, I can relate to all of that. We have 2 cats, 1 is fine to get pills into but the other is almost impossible. Have experienced almost all of the situations mentioned. Gave it a dose of flea repellant one day,on the back of the neck and then it ran around foaming at the mouth for about an hour after that while the other one calmly lay down watching the performance. Like chalk and cheese, the two of them........Brian:D

[UncleHo]

G'day Folks :)

After having our cat for 9 years,"Usama-Bin-Laden-Bin-Pussing-Salami":D and living in a tick area, he has become used to having his "Proban" tablet every 2 days, lost count of the dead and dieing ticks we have removed from him, him, and the dogs are "Probaned" every 2 days, it is calculated by weight, has saved $hundreds in vet bills:D


cheers

[Narangga]

C'mon Erich you're slipping! Where's the photos????

[Bundalene]

C'mon Erich you're slipping! Where's the photos????

OK Dale, you asked for it......

http://img239.imageshack.us/img239/8770/cid74da0695c57e4c078a97yg8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Cat from Hell

http://img80.imageshack.us/img80/5238/cidf51ae6e368314e569d11pr5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Obliging Pooch

[PhilipA]

I inherited a Ginger tom named Pepper and his sister Salt in Saudi Arabia, and Pepper loved to have a fight.

It got abcesses all the time, and after lancing I had to give it Amoxil.

It was the biggest meanest strongest cat I have ever had anything to do with.

OK here is the formula.
Get beach towel
Wrap cat in towel twisting the towel at the front of the cat so no claws can escape.
Kneel on cat while ensuring no claws escape
Spray Amoxil into mouth with syringe while holding mouth open with the aforementioned fingers and making sure no claws escape.

I had to go away on a trip and my 12 year old son and wife were not quite strong enough, resulting in a claw through fingernail and several months infection.

After a while I got sick of the USD 120 the vet charged so I would just hold him down and lance the abcesses with a razor blade.

He got the last laugh . Ended up in Geneva in the lap of luxury.

The mongrel would hide in my daughter's bed and take swipes at me and hiss and growl when I picked him up.
Regards Philip A

[Grover-98]

That is all so true!


Us males like our pets like out woman, Smart enough to entertain us and help us when needed and for company but not too smart as to challenge us :p

I had 4 cats now only 3 and they are all great with tablets! they are trained! Cats can be trained! and our dog is also very good with tablets well all dogs are :D

James.

[Treads]

Take one of these:

http://www.wildlifetasmania.com/images/cat1.jpg

and one of these pills:

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2009/02/1365.jpg

administered by one of these:

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2009/02/1366.jpg




Problem solved :D

[DirtyDawg]

Best way to give a cat a pill is about 820m/per second:twisted:

[Rosscoe68]

How To Wash The Cat



1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water.

3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and
close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so
that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too
close to the edge, as his paws will be
reaching out for anything he can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides
a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be
quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure
that there are no people between the toilet and the
outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and
quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and
run outside where he will dry himself.

[Rosscoe68]

A Conversation With My Dogs

IT IS LATE AFTERNOON. Seated at my desk, I call for my dogs (Bob and Stan) to join me in my office, they do.

ME: The reason I’ve summoned you here today is I really think we should talk about something.
BOB: What’s that?
ME: Well, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I get the feeling you guys think you have to follow me everywhere and I just want you both to know that you don’t.
STAN: Where would you get a feeling like that?
ME: I get it from the fact that the both of you follow me everywhere all day long. Like for instance, this morning. We were all together in the bedroom? Why do you both look blank? Doesn’t this ring a bell at all? I was on the bed reading the paper…
BOB: Where was I?
ME: On the floor sleeping.
BOB: On the floor sleepi…? Oh, yes. Right. I remember that. Go on.
ME: So, there came a point where I had to get u and go into the next room to get a Kleenex And you both woke up out of a deep sleep to go with me.
STAN: Yes. So? What’s the problem?
BOB: We like to watch you get Kleenex. We happen to think it’s something you do very well.
ME: The point I’m trying to make is why do you both have to get up out of a deep sleep to go with me. You sit there staring at me, all excited, like you think something really good is going to happen. I feel a lot of pressure to be more entertaining.
BOB: Would it help if we stood?
STAN: I think what the lady is saying is that where Kleenex retrieval is concerned, she’d just as soon we not make the trip.
BOB: Is that true?
ME: Yes. It is.
BOB (deeply hurt): Oh, man.
STAN: Don’t let her get to you buddy.
BOB: I know I shouldn’t. But it all comes as such a shock.
ME: I think you may be taking this wrong. It’s not that I don’t like your company. It’s just that I see no reason for you both to follow me every time I get up.
BOB: What if just one of us goes?
STAN: And I don’t suppose that “one of us” would be you?
ME: Neither of you needs to go.
BOB: Ok. Fine. No problem. Get your damn Kleenex alone from now on.
ME: Good.
BOB: I’m just curious. What’s your position on pens?
ME: Pens?
BOB: Yes, How many of us can wake up out of a deep sleep to watch you look for a pen?
ME: Why would either of you want to wake up out of a deep sleep to follow me around while I’m looking for a pen?
STAN: Is she serious?
BOB: I can’t tell. She has such a weird sense of humour.
ME: Let’s just level with each other, ok? The real reason you both follow me every place I go is that you secretly believe there might be food involved. Isn’t that true? Isn’t that the real reason for the show of enthusiasm?
STAN: Very nice talk.
BOB: The woman has got some mouth on her.
ME: You mean you deny that every time you follow me out of the room it’s actually because you think we’re stopping for snacks?
BOB: Absolutely false. That is a bald-faced lie. We do it for the life experience. Period.
STAN: And sometimes I think it might work into a game of ball.
BOB: But we certainly don’t expect anything.
STAN: We’re way past expecting anything of you. We wouldn’t want you to overexert yourself in any way. You have to rest up and save all your strength for all that Kleenex fetching.
BOB: Plus we know it doesn’t concern you in the leas that we’re both starving to death.
STAN: We consume on the average about a third of the calories eaten daily by the typical wasted South American street dog.
ME: One bowl of feed a day is what the vet said I should give you. No more.
BOB: One bowl of food is a joke. It’s an hors d’oeuvre. It does nothing but whet my appetite.
ME: Last summer, before I cut your food down, you were the size and shape of a hassock.
BOB: Who is she talking to?
STAN: You, pal. You looked like a beanbag chair, buddy.
BOB: But it was not from overeating. In summer, I retain fluids, that’s all. I was in very good shape.
STAN: For a hippo. I saw you play ball back then. Nice energy. For a dead guy.
BOB: Don’t talk to me about energy. Who singlehandedly ate his way through the back fence. Not just once, but on four separate occasions.
ME: So you’re the one who did that?
BOB: The one who did what?
ME: Ate through the back fence.
BOB: Is there something wrong with the back fence? I have no idea what happened. Whoever said that is a liar.
STAN: The fact remains that we are starving all day long and you continually torture us by eating right in front of us.
BOB: Very nice manners by the way.
ME: You have the nerve to discuss my manners? Who drinks out of the toilet and then comes up and kisses me on the face?
BOB: That would be Dave.
ME: No. That would be you. And while we’re on the subject of manners, who keeps trying to crawl into the refrigerator? Who always has mud on their tongue?
STAN: Well, that would be Dave.
ME: Okay. That would be Dave. But the point I’m trying to make is that where manners are concerned, let’s just say that you don’t catch me trying to stick my head in your dinner.
BOB: Well, that may be more a function of menu than anything else.
ME: Which brings me right back to my original point. The two of you do not have to wake up and offer me fake camaraderie now that you understand that once a day is all you’re ever going to be fed. Period. Nonnegotiable. For the rest of your natural lives. And if I want to play ball, I’ll say so. End of sentence.
STAN: Well, I see that the nature of these talks has completely broken down.
BOB: I gotta tell you, it hurts.
ME: There’s no reason to have hurt feelings.
STAN: Fine. Whatever you say.
BOB: I just don’t give a damn anymore. I’m beyond that, quite frankly. Get your own Kleenex for all I care.
STAN: I feel the same way. Let her go get all the Kleenex and pens she wants. I couldn’t care less.
ME: Excellent. Well, I hope we understand each other now.
BOB: We do. Why’d you get up? Where are you going?
ME: Into the next room.
STAN: Oh. Mm hmm. I see. And why is that?
ME: To get my purse.
STAN: Hey, fatso, out of my way.
BOB: Watch out asshole, I was first.
STAN: The hell you were. I was first.
BOB: F**k you. We’re getting her purse, I go first. I’m starving.
STAN: You don’t listen at all do you? Going for pens means food. She said she’s getting her purse. That means ball.