Embarrassment

[banjo]

You know, I asked Banjo today " do you have any personal friends" and he said "no, only the ones like you Aus on the internet", I felt sad for him, all females need female company and all males need male company. However, I felt honoured to be called one of Banjo's friends. I really wish there was some way we can get him out to meet people, but I am afraid he has his demon's to beat and that is a big task.
BANJO, WE ALL SUPPORT YOU, AND WE ARE HOPING FOR THE BEST FOR YOU.!!!!:)


This is why i'm in Karens face so much & always around her. Its very hard for me & i'm very very lonely & i get depressed when i'm not able to talk to Karen she is my MATE my BEST MATE ..& i think this is most of the problem now & i can't do anything abaout that unfortunately....I wish i new someone close to here that i could visit & talk to as its still hard to get to Aus's...But if there was someone closer now that i'm going out abit it would be good...I'm lost & lonely ....Yeah a project would be good to have but that wont happen again for me ...I noticed down at the cheap shop the other day they have some good quality drawing stuff there so i mite get some..Looking at a TATTOO kit on Ebay that will give me something to do while Karen is out & when she is home so i can sit up at the table & fiddle with that & teach fred....

[banjo]

Its actualy not a bad profession to be in for fred most shops are so clean now a days not like they used to be.. & the money is real good $120 an hour now at most shops ....

[banjo]

This is why i'm in Karens face so much & always around her. Its very hard for me & i'm very very lonely & i get depressed when i'm not able to talk to Karen she is my MATE my BEST MATE ..& i think this is most of the problem now & i can't do anything abaout that unfortunately....I wish i new someone close to here that i could visit & talk to as its still hard to get to Aus's...But if there was someone closer now that i'm going out abit it would be good...I'm lost & lonely ....Yeah a project would be good to have but that wont happen again for me ...I noticed down at the cheap shop the other day they have some good quality drawing stuff there so i mite get some..Looking at a TATTOO kit on Ebay that will give me something to do while Karen is out & when she is home so i can sit up at the table & fiddle with that & teach fred....

Was telling Micayla about this this morning & she just looked at me like i was some retard dickhead ...

[JohnF]

Hey Banj, I am now a Chatterbox!!!:D

thought you always were :D

[JohnF]

....Yeah a project would be good to have but that wont happen again for me ...I noticed down at the cheap shop the other day they have some good quality drawing stuff there so i mite get some..Looking at a TATTOO kit on Ebay that will give me something to do while Karen is out & when she is home so i can sit up at the table & fiddle with that & teach fred....

Maybe Banjo's neigbourhood will end up with a lage number of the most tattoed dogs and cats in Australia if this gets going. After all Banjo & Fred will need something to practice on--hopefully not each other :D :twisted: :wasntme: .

[JohnF]

No one commented that this thread has gone past 4000 posts. I spent a day and a half on RFS bush firebrigade stuff--organising a Handbook for our Northern River's Communication Trailer, so got behind on this thread, and so did not notice you/we had passed 4000 posts until now.

[banjo]

Maybe Banjo's neigbourhood will end up with a lage number of the most tattoed dogs and cats in Australia if this gets going. After all Banjo & Fred will need something to practice on--hopefully not each other :D :twisted: :wasntme: .


Na that would only be Fred i have done it all before . So fred could have the practice skin & when i think she has some conferdance i will let her do my right arm as thats about the only place i can't reach as i'm right handed..

I have given Karen tattoo's before i done her hips for her a long time ago . ..

[banjo]

Ok i'm getting realy worried about Karen now she left at 9.30 to get her tattoo at 10 & by the time they would of set up they should of been finished about 11.30 12 at the latest ..I texted Karen about 20 mins ago to make sure everything was ok & haven't heard back..She is still getting very tired easy so i'm worried about her driving . . . . . . .



What should i do now..

[DiscoMick]

Nothing - she's probably gone shopping. Give her space. No news is good news. Read a book.

[banjo]

Yeah Karen got home just after 2 they didn't get started till nearly 11 & the whole shop was flat out & they all had to take turns stopping & getting up to answer the phone . .. ..

Tattoo looks good..


https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/09/1519.jpg


She said it hurt like hell this one..

Said there was nothing there it was like just getting another tattoo...

[banjo]

Nothing - she's probably gone shopping. Give her space. No news is good news. Read a book.

Yeah was just concernd as she has been going to sleep at lunch time till tea time , i wake her for tea then she goes back to sleep till i wake her to goto bed around 10 or 10.30...

Karen told me i had nothing to worry about with her getting her tattoo...

So it was only concern....

[Narangga]

....Yeah a project would be good to have but that wont happen again for me ...

Why is that Banjo?

[banjo]

Why is that Banjo?

It would keep my mind busy like the green one did..

Or if you why it wont happen again for me IS that the money that is left in the bank i have to use to buy a fridge,kettle,toaster,microwave & a materas if Karen desides i have to go...










Gotta take Karen to the gym by 10.30 in the morning for her orreintation & they show emergance procedures.. So while Karen is there i will WALK to bilo for smokes & back to woollies for some coke..Then i will wait in the car for Karen mite take me book..

OH & Karen gets her swip card to get into the gym aswell..

[Narangga]

Or if you why it wont happen again for me IS that the money that is left in the bank i have to use ...



Thanks. Wasn't sure if that is what you meant.

This thread has over 4000 posts and 400 pages :eek2: and I am getting too lazy to look back through them all - but do you still have your welder?

[banjo]

Thanks. Wasn't sure if that is what you meant.

This thread has over 4000 posts and 400 pages :eek2: and I am getting too lazy to look back through them all - but do you still have your welder?


YES i have 2 stick welders & 1 mig gassless which is live wire..

Do you need one you can borrow them if you want there just sitting in the little shed thing..

[Narangga]

Nah - just if things get a bit better for you then a project may get under way and knowing how good you skills are I was just wondering if you still had one/them.

[banjo]

Nah - just if things get a bit better for you then a project may get under way and knowing how good you skills are I was just wondering if you still had one/them.

Yeah i still have everything there engine crane engine stand pipe benders & all my tools & all the electric tools..got all my spray painting gear & compresers. .

[Narangga]

Yeah i still have everything there engine crane engine stand pipe benders & all my tools & all the electric tools..got all my spray painting gear & compresers. .

Yeah all you need is a shed :(

[bblaze]

I could do with a man with your talents over here for a month or so (what do ya reckon), drove the first nail today in the northern wall of my new shed that is already way to small. You have been doing fairly well this week mate.
cheers
blaze

[banjo]

Yeah all you need is a shed :(

I know where theres one thats only had it first nail in so it would only need puting on a truck. . :angel:

[banjo]

I could do with a man with your talents over here for a month or so (what do ya reckon), drove the first nail today in the northern wall of my new shed that is already way to small. You have been doing fairly well this week mate.
cheers
blaze

Yeah a big week this week. . ..

[Narangga]

I know where theres one thats only had it first nail in so it would only need puting on a truck. . :angel:

& boat :angel:

[Grockle]

thanks for the text Jas the other day,hope to speak soon

[Landy Smurf]

sorry i have not been on here following everything but how are you going jason?

[banjo]

Well i had my worste night sofar lastnight..I have been passing out but i have been dealing with it myself & have been ok till lastnight..I think its hit me & the realisation of ending up at my parents well use know how i said my heart beats to fast in a panic & i have to be carefull well now its getting to the point that it slows so much i pass out..Well usualy i land near my swag & just climb in once i come to..Well i must of went into shock last night & i smaked my head on some of the ferniture so i remember not being able to move or get up then i remember Karen helping me up & i think i cowered & tryed to hide from her with the shakes...Cant remember ..I do remember puting Karen back to bed & going for a leak & Karen was asleep as soon as i was finished & went to bed..

**** my head hurts today i must of smacked my left temple on something its sore with a lump..

I am staying posotive But i think the realisation of ending up at the oldies has hit me big time..

Someone asked me yesterday why am i doing everything from all the house work to shopping & looking after Karen.. UM well i owe Karen that much ,Then they said what if Karen doesn't get better, Agian i would do this for the rest of my life if needed i love Karen so its no drama...

So today should be interesting As when i was out having my last smoke lastnight there where a heap of people just up the road i could see them & they where all carrying on the one let loose & threw up so i heard it & seen it so well use know what i'm like if that happens....

Have to drop Karen at the gym at 10.30 then i have to goto bilo for smokes & then to woollies for the coke bilo is ok but woollies is a differant kettle of fish its inside the new shopping center & after seeing the clowns lastnight well this will be fun ...
Then i was going to sit in the car with me book while Karen does her orientation at the gym...

So it should be interesting today. .. .

[DiscoMick]

It could be that all this thinking about going back to your parents is the thing that's holding your life back and preventing you from moving forwards. For instance:


Or if you why it wont happen again for me IS that the money that is left in the bank i have to use to buy a fridge,kettle,toaster,microwave & a materas if Karen desides i have to go...

So why don't you decide to stop acting on the basis that its going to go wrong and start acting on the basis that its going to be OK. If so, you could move on, continue your improvement, organise a project, maybe knock up a shed that could be pulled apart if you move, and go forwards with your life.

Also, I see a problem that you are waiting for others to tell you what's going to happen with your life. Why? It's your life - you don't need the approval of others to decide how you will live. So, don't expect others to tell you what to do - make your own decisiions. Take charge - it's your life.

Your future is what YOU decide it will be. It doesn't depend on what others do or say. Its up to you, no-one else. So, if you want your life to continue to improve, then decide to make it happen and go and do it. This will reduce the fear you have about the future because, instead of feeling dependent on the decisions others make, you will be deciding your own future. You can do it, you've already shown you can change your life in significant ways, such as how you're now doing so much more and looking after Karen. That proves you can do it, so just gradually keep doing more and more, at the pace that you are comfortable with. And at some point in the future you'll look back and think, "Gee, I've really come a long way."

Just a thought. All the best, mate.

[banjo]

Well Karens up & yes i did cower from her & try & hide from her she said....
I thinks its only because she frightens me at the moment . My life is in her hands as such i spose so yeah i;m frightend of her...







BUT SHE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING TO THE GYM THIS MORNING THOUGH WHICH IS GOOD.....

[banjo]

It could be that all this thinking about going back to your parents is the thing that's holding your life back and preventing you from moving forwards. For instance:



So why don't you decide to stop acting on the basis that its going to go wrong and start acting on the basis that its going to be OK. If so, you could move on, continue your improvement, organise a project, maybe knock up a shed that could be pulled apart if you move, and go forwards with your life.

Also, I see a problem that you are waiting for others to tell you what's going to happen with your life. Why? It's your life - you don't need the approval of others to decide how you will live. So, don't expect others to tell you what to do - make your own decisiions. Take charge - it's your life.

Your future is what YOU decide it will be. It doesn't depend on what others do or say. Its up to you, no-one else. So, if you want your life to continue to improve, then decide to make it happen and go and do it. This will reduce the fear you have about the future because, instead of feeling dependent on the decisions others make, you will be deciding your own future. You can do it, you've already shown you can change your life in significant ways, such as how you're now doing so much more and looking after Karen. That proves you can do it, so just gradually keep doing more and more, at the pace that you are comfortable with. And at some point in the future you'll look back and think, "Gee, I've really come a long way."

Just a thought. All the best, mate.

Karen said i can't think or talk like that as it mite not happen or probably wont happen ......

[Ausfree]

Banjo, Banjo, Banjo, Karen made a negative statement and you just automatically accept it as fact. Prove her wrong old son, prove her wrong.!!!!;)
You have made gains since starting this thread, nobody was more surprised than me when you walked in the door at ALL FOUR x 4 on Thursday. I wasn't even looking out for you, I was reading a book in the waiting room and I heard the front door go and there you were, AS LARGE AS LIFE, MATE!!!!
YOU DID SOMETHING POSITIVE AND PROVED ME WRONG!!!:D I shook his hand and said "Well, done Mate, are you feeling OK" Banjo was shaking like a leaf, but on that day he beat his Demons...

[banjo]

Well i have ****ed up again Karen has gone to the gym ..Came out said i'm going to the gym then walked back inside to get her bag then went straight to the car & was just going to leave..So i said what you can't say bye or see ya when i get home.....

& i have made a seen apparently....All i wanted was to say bye & get one back...

YES i am jelouse i haven't been able to touch Karen for 3 months at all now i cant say i love her ...
She goes down the gym in these sexy as hell pants & i complement her on it which i have been doing all the time ...

IS it so hard to say bye or see ya when i get home..

**** me i have been doing everything Karen has wanted & i keep telling her i want to keep doing this as i love looking after her.......

I AM SO LONELY & SCARED IS IT WRONG TO JUST WANT KAREN TO SAY BYE OR SEE YA WHEN I GET HOME....

I haven't stopped doing everything she has asked of me .....

So i recon i will be at mums by tonight .....


YES i just want to DIE now i cant do a ****ing thing to proove or even just inpress Karen at all ....


I will do them all the favor & save them all the crap from me ever again....

I miss Karen so much she is all i have to talk to ever ....

ITS LIKE AUS SAID I DONT HAVE ANY PERSONAL FRIENDS & THAT HAS BEEN PLAYING ON ME FOR SO LONG EVEN KAREN HAS VICKIE.....




I WILL DO THE WORLD THE FAVOUR & JUST DROP DEAD...

[Ausfree]

C'mon Banjo, don't get down in the dumps again, its too nice a day. When we are talking about personal friends I notice in the above post you took the negative side again. I also said in my recent post that it was an honour to be one of your friends. I am sure the other supporters on this Thread would love to meet you if they lived closer. Remember Banjo there is a negative and positive side to every occurance, even though you might not thinks so at the time.:D

[Ausfree]

I think I mentioned to you Banjo that we bought one of those $399 Aldi washing machines, mate, its going like a ripper, Mrs Aus has put several loads through it already. Going in next week to have a look at their $99 water blaster. The driveway badly needs a pressure clean.:) Well, I'm outta here mate, have to do a wedding this Arvo, they are getting married on the waterfront at Bolton Point, couldn't ask for a better day,aye what!!!!:D

[DiscoMick]

Can I toss in a challenging little thought, Banjo? Here it is:

Your happiness DOESN'T depend on Karen's, or anyone else's, approval.

I realise you will find that very hard to consider or accept, but it's true.

You don't need the approval or Karen or your parents or Ausfree or your children or me or anyone else to be happy. There's only one person your happiness depends upon: Can you guess who it is?

I'ts...















YOU. No-one else, just you.

Just a little thought for the day.

[Narangga]

It could be that all this thinking about going back to your parents is the thing that's holding your life back and preventing you from moving forwards. For instance:



So why don't you decide to stop acting on the basis that its going to go wrong and start acting on the basis that its going to be OK. If so, you could move on, continue your improvement, organise a project, maybe knock up a shed that could be pulled apart if you move, and go forwards with your life.


Just a thought. All the best, mate.

You mentioned the money for the fridge. I am sure that if (and ask Karen's approval if you feel you need to) you spent the money on a shed or shelter for you to do some 'project' work in, then your FRIENDS here would probably be more than happy to chip in for the fridge IF you end up needing it.

Just a suggestion - or as Mick says - just a thought. ;)

[banjo]

I think I mentioned to you Banjo that we bought one of those $399 Aldi washing machines, mate, its going like a ripper, Mrs Aus has put several loads through it already. Going in next week to have a look at their $99 water blaster. The driveway badly needs a pressure clean.:) Well, I'm outta here mate, have to do a wedding this Arvo, they are getting married on the waterfront at Bolton Point, couldn't ask for a better day,aye what!!!!:D

I have a presure cleaner here if you don't want to buy one ......

[banjo]

You mentioned the money for the fridge. I am sure that if (and ask Karen's approval if you feel you need to) you spent the money on a shed or shelter for you to do some 'project' work in, then your FRIENDS here would probably be more than happy to chip in for the fridge IF you end up needing it.

Just a suggestion - or as Mick says - just a thought. ;)

Not even game to ask . . .

[banjo]

C'mon Banjo, don't get down in the dumps again, its too nice a day. When we are talking about personal friends I notice in the above post you took the negative side again. I also said in my recent post that it was an honour to be one of your friends. I am sure the other supporters on this Thread would love to meet you if they lived closer. Remember Banjo there is a negative and positive side to every occurance, even though you might not thinks so at the time.:D

I ahve already been siting in the shed with a rope around my neck just don't Karen or the kids to be the ones to find me...:(

[banjo]

well chated with Karen after she came home from the gym..She doesn't want to work it out she thinks..& she wont let me help her by her talking to me about whats going on in her head or in her body....

Like she said even with me doing everything she doesn't feel a thing about it & couldn't care about it or us....She doesn't even talk to the kids she tells me its an efort just to do that....

She will not give me even the slitest bit of trust so that i can proove to her i wont break again & i will not under any sercomstance do this to her again & let her down......


I have promised on my life that i wont let her down & i am going to keep it up because im doing it for her......
She says she will never be able to relie on me cause i couldn't even go to the kids births or even down the road when she asked me or EVEN when she put her foot down because we just got into the bigest arguments & i would break things in the house so she says that she seriously doubts she will ever trust me or relie on me for anything...

& she has no feelings for me at all.......

[banjo]

So more than likely i will end up at mums & yes i will probably turn the lights out after a few weeks of there crap & once the oldman starts that will just hurry the process up...

[banjo]

Karen was saying to me before that i could be the problem as to why she's not geting better. .

[banjo]

She also said that since i cant or wont let her go then the most it will be is i can stay & she will just be my carer & nothing more......




I cant go back to what i came from...& i owe it to Karen for getting me away from them..

[Landy Smurf]

you are definately at a cross road it is up to you what road you take

[banjo]

Karen has said to me that she doubts she can open upto me again as this has happend before probably many times...& i say i know & she says to me how can you ask me to give you another chance...

And she says to me do you know what your asking me to do ..YES i do & she says so how can you expect me to give you a chance again..I don't think i could pull myself back out of this if it was to happen again she said..
& i do understand that ..
AND I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM ASKING HER TO DO IF SHE WOULD GIVE ME A CHANCE..


I cant gaurente i wont faulter but i do know i realy want to keep this up & make some headway so i can do even more for Karen in time......


BELIEVE ME I REALY DO KNOW HOW MUCH I AM ASKING FOR ASKING FOR ANOTHER CHANCE..

I am only doing what i am for Karen & maybe a very small bit for myself but mainly for Karen ..
& i realy do want Karen to do the things she wants like the gym i like to see Karen happy ... I wish i could make my problem go away but that will never happen But i am trying my guts out for her ...

Asking all you guys to help me is the first time i have ever asked for help & actualy recieved posotive help & i have learned so much about what i have done to Karen over the years because of use explaining what i have done so wrong ..I always thought i was doing the right thing as that is all i have seen i didn't know any better till now .With some of use being older & more expeiranced with life & relastionships to show me how it should be done...

So baby when you do catch up reading the thread ..

I do know & understand what i am asking of you BELIEVE me i realy do...

& i am busting a nut to show you i can do this right...

[banjo]

you are definately at a cross road it is up to you what road you take

Hey Tony i realy don't talk on the phone , I don't mind texting.. ask these guys how long it took me to take a call from one of them ..It was months...

[Landy Smurf]

righteo well i can text you i wont rig i dont have reception here though

[banjo]

OK this is what i am so ashamed of & embarrest of for doing to Karen which i thought was right to do ..I seen my mother bow down to my father i seen my stepmother bow down to my farther & just about everyone in the family & I bowed down for nearly 30 years ...

When i first started to date Karen all was well while i was still living at home althought I did still bow down to him which brought Karen down aswell..

But when we first moved out ir was ok for awhile but i was still running after my father..

Then i started to get posesive towards Karen & didn't like her going out without me ..

Then it was i just didn't like her going out...

I took her friends away from her as i wanted her to stay at home with me..

I also took her family off her to a degree as she stoped going to see them & stopped going over for mothers day & fathers day & birthdays..
And when her nan came into stay with Karens mum i made Karen feel like she had to stay at home with me....

I took her job from her as the hospital she worked at closed but Karen could of gone to a few others that they offered but no i made her feel like she had to stay at home with me so she gave it up ..


I took her beloved gym off her which Karen was training to be an earobics intructor & personal trainer which she was already training for ..I got jelouse so she gave it up to stay at home with me..

I used to ring her at her parents house & abuse her for being to long & all the time she would have to keep a happy face while i was doing this to her..

I took her visiting her nan when she went into a nursing home cause i wanted her to be with me..

She stoped going to her sisters for BBQs cause of me....

It had got to the point she just didn't go anywhere because i made her feel like she had to be with me at home..
& i come to rely on her for everything..

Whenwe would argue i would keep Karen up till all hours so i could fix it so my world would go back to normal & i did this even if Karen had to work early in the morning & i wouldn't care if woke the kids or anything...


So i have been an absolute bastard mongrel to Karen for so long....

Karen used to tell me yes you have a problem BUT i don't if you have a bad day or even a week thats fine but i don't have a problem so i can do stuff & go out to what i want i'm still coming home to you ..
Karen even said only a few weeks ago that she knows i will fall & have a bad day or week but don't let it drag on. I don't have a problem so i can do what i like but if you realy need me then ok...

Now if i have a bad day i have a bad day or week but if i can still pickup my smokes & the pamphlets i would still be helping Karen & if i get pistoff don't take it out on Karen or the kids as they don't have a problem..

You know Karen has never ever expected anything from me but to just let her do who thing with out the crap **** i have given her over time...

& thats the worste part about it Karen hasn't expected anything from me & i have done all this ....

So yes i do know what i am asking for in getting another chance. . .
I can only change the future for her & i realy want to...

I know i have been so lucky & i only just now know what i stand to loose.
I have been lucky to see my kids grow up from the day they came home & to have Karen stick with me for so so long..I don't want to loose any of them i want to see the kids grow up & even get married & have grandkids.. I realy want to see Karen happy & do the things she wants & not worry about me i have been such a dickhead its not funny. . .And karen keeps telling me it mite be to late ..I was just telling her i would go stay at mums for awhile but i am so scared she will just say don't come home ,& she said i probably would say that. .. .

I do completly understand what i have done now & i feel so bad because Karen has been telling me this for so long & she never expected anything from me & i never listend to her & that makes me feel worse..

I had know idea as to what i was doing to Karen as i just thought it was normal & right to do.....


SO TELL MY WHY KAREN SHOULD GIVE THE CHANCE AGAIN.......??????????



Hey Aus are you still honored to be my friend now . . .. .

[LandyAndy]

Banjo
Its well and good asking for yet another chance.
Sounds like Fatty has no confidence in you being able to change your ways.All will be good for a short time and then the old Banjo is back in town!!!!!
How about YOU contact somebody like Realationships Australia thru their website and see if they have anything to offer YOU to stop YOU going back to your old ways;);););););)
You sound genuine enough,if you are,GIVE THEM A TRY,cant hurt.May help Karen see you are willing to TRY.
GOODLUCK
Andrew

[banjo]

Banjo
Its well and good asking for yet another chance.
Sounds like Fatty has no confidence in you being able to change your ways.All will be good for a short time and then the old Banjo is back in town!!!!!
How about YOU contact somebody like Realationships Australia thru their website and see if they have anything to offer YOU to stop YOU going back to your old ways;);););););)
You sound genuine enough,if you are,GIVE THEM A TRY,cant hurt.May help Karen see you are willing to TRY.
GOODLUCK
Andrew

I'm looking on there now trying to work it out . . . .

[Narangga]

SO TELL MY WHY KAREN SHOULD GIVE THE CHANCE AGAIN.......??????????



That is a question that only Karen can answer.

For the past two weeks or more there has been no way that she could answer it as she has been over-tired or stressed or depressed or had a break down or whatever. Even today you have posted that she does not really feel anything about the kids. Maybe I am wrong but to me that says she is still not 100%. So it will take time for her to get to the point of really knowing how she would like to answer that question.




SO TELL MY WHY KAREN SHOULD GIVE THE CHANCE AGAIN.......??????????

Hey Aus are you still honored to be my friend now . . .. .

I know you did not ask me but anyone who owns up to doing wrong things in the past and says sorry for them and really wants to stop doing them and make an improvement in the future - then I am honoured to be called their friend.

I hope we are.

[banjo]

Banjo
Its well and good asking for yet another chance.
Sounds like Fatty has no confidence in you being able to change your ways.All will be good for a short time and then the old Banjo is back in town!!!!!
How about YOU contact somebody like Realationships Australia thru their website and see if they have anything to offer YOU to stop YOU going back to your old ways;);););););)
You sound genuine enough,if you are,GIVE THEM A TRY,cant hurt.May help Karen see you are willing to TRY.
GOODLUCK
Andrew

Just had a look at the online counselling & its $80 an hour..

[Ausfree]

What part of " I am honoured to be your friend", don't you understand Banjo;), I see you realise the error of your ways, it has taken 23 years which is along time and Karen has grown weary of the constant pressure of trying to drag you back from the edge and like Andy says and I have suggested before, you do need advice from professionals. As a friend I ask you to do this, you can't do it on your own!!:( Several days ago I gave you some phone numbers and links to various professional services, again, as a friend I ask you to contact one of those organisations.
You started this Thread way back at the beginning of the year and a lot of well meaning people have given you help and assistance in that time and you still seem to be asking the same questions over and over, it is now time for you to bite the bullet and decide to do something about your situation. Other people cannot do this for you.:(
We are all in control of our own lives, I am in control of my destiny, Mrs Aus is in control of hers, and you are in control of yours, if you fear that you are heading to an abyss, do something about it, don't just get swept over the edge, helplessly.

Again as a friend I ask you to seek professional help, I don't know how else I can say it.:)

Mate, Good Luck and I certainly hope that you will see things clearer tomorrow!!!:):)

[DiscoMick]

You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
You can't expect Karen to forget anything from the past or to tell you now she trusts you about the future. It doesn't matter how many times you ask, she can't say that. Only time can achieve that.
You've come a long way. That's great. You're on the right path now. Keep going.
Your future is up to you - no-one else. You don't need permission or approval from others.
I believe you can do it, but it's up to you.

[banjo]

That is a question that only Karen can answer.

For the past two weeks or more there has been no way that she could answer it as she has been over-tired or stressed or depressed or had a break down or whatever. Even today you have posted that she does not really feel anything about the kids. Maybe I am wrong but to me that says she is still not 100%. So it will take time for her to get to the point of really knowing how she would like to answer that question.



I know you did not ask me but anyone who owns up to doing wrong things in the past and says sorry for them and really wants to stop doing them and make an improvement in the future - then I am honoured to be called their friend.

I hope we are.


I real realy do want to stop doing what i have done in the past ..It realy sunk in today while i was in the vegie garden after chatting with Karen it realy hit me what i have done to Karen ..& i never seen it when Karen was telling me all this over the years so that makes me feel even worse..

[banjo]

I'm so lost & lonely....

[banjo]

Ha i just realised i'm now a topic toaster woo hoo.....

Just wish i could die now that would fix everything for everyone ..I can't go back to what I cam from & i know i would only last a few weeks ....

I hate seeing Karen like this we all miss her being herself kids are starting to get worried to now . . .

But i do have to slow down some before i make it worse around here .

If i use a rope that will slow me down some. . .. .

[bblaze]

Make some phone calls mate to the people that have been suggest in earlier posts, you dont have to leave the house, just have a breif chat on the phone to them, maybe able to also comunicate through email or such like in this day and age.
hoping your tommorrows are better than your yesterdays
cheers
blaze

[DiscoMick]

Please call 13 11 14 NOW!

[V8Ian]

Jason, stop feeling sorry for yourself. By your own admittion you've been a * ri ck to Karen for 23 years. Do you really expect her to have confidence that overnight you've suddenly changed? She has to protect here own sanity, and you've tested that to the limit. Karen has offered you an opportunity, you can stay and she'll be your carer. Get your act together and take your lumps. If you do the right thing, Karen will come to realize that that you have changed, it may take a couple of years or more, you can't undo 23 years of **** in 5 minutes. Cut the crap and death talk, that's demonstrating regression, not that you are moving forward. All this talk of death is emotional blackmail, not the preferred method of cementing a loving, caring relationship. Stop wasting time worrying about having to live at one of your your parents places and get Karen better, that's going to show Karen you have changed, just don't expect it to happen next week. Learn to show her some love, maturity and patience.

[Landy Smurf]

just think about your kids at least how will they feel if you kill yourself i know after my incidents that it is a selfish act even if you think your doing what is best for everyone

[Narangga]

I'm so lost & lonely....


Ha i just realised i'm now a topic toaster woo hoo.....


Which just goes to show how many FRIENDS you have on the forum. People with friends are not lonely :D





If i use a rope that will slow me down some. . .. .

And make it 10 times worse for Karen and the kids :mad:



But i do have to slow down some before i make it worse around here .


Which is why that if you do nothing else today you should go outside and have a look in the yard and start thinking about a way to get a shed or a temporary shelter set up so you can work on something and get rid of the stress and energy that is building up inside you.

Imagine there is a little dog in the middle of a busy freeway about to get run over and you focus everthing you are thinking about on the dog and just walk out on to the freeway - then sure as eggs you'll get cleaned up big time.

At the moment Karen is the puppy dog and you are going to get cleaned up by pretty soon by a big truck! So today you need to think:

1. Shed/shelter
2. Project (those side bins for the series sound a good idea), and
3. Karen


PS. I would appreciate it my friend if you could let us know here on the forum know what idea or ideas you have for you shed/shelter.

[banjo]

Yes i can stay here Karen has said & at the most she can offer me is a carer..
But i'm careing for her at the moment so i doubt she will be able to be my carer anymore once she is better .....Or once she is better am i surposed to stop doing what i am so she can be my carer ,& i dont want to do that because thats how we got here in the first place..Plus me treating her like crap...


Karen told me lastnight i am just like my oldman & that kills me i never ever wanted to be like him & thought i went out of my way to be differant..

I do show her love & respect ....I am so sick of talking to myself the kids wont talk to me they don't realy talk to Karen & ask me why wont mum talk to us very much , i tell them because use have treated your mother bad for a long time to, use have seen me do it so use think its ok so i recon mum blames use as well to a very small degree...

The only reason i have been in her face before this has happend was to spend some time with her as she is out so much she doesn't get home till sometimes after the kids get home & i just wanted a little of her time so we could spend some time together.....

Spent most of the day yesterday in the vegie garden as you only have to spit on it & the weeds grow 3feet tall ,& i had let it go for so long i lost interest in it as the soil is so full of weed & grass seeds its hard to try & keep up with it...



I'm going to ask Karen today if i can buy the chaep tattoo kit on fleabay today & if so i am going to pick up a big scetch book from the cheap shop down the road today, well if Karen lets me pick her up from the gym i dodn't want to drive down there just to get the book as i don't have to go do anything today....

Been talking with Fred & she said she would like me to teach her how to use the machines & do colour blending & liner work.She can apreiciate how much work goes into a tattoo .So i will do some drawings with her & show her some tricks to get the resolts your after..Its totaly differant drawing on skin with a needle going into the skin at about 3000 times a minute..If you don't get it right you will just rip the skin & wreck the whole thing,But its a carree she is interested in so i will teach her what i know & then she mite be able to score an aprenticeship....

Well i have to go into the garden again today as i only got one bed done yesterday & its time to but in the tomatos & all the sumer goodies..

[banjo]

Which just goes to show how many FRIENDS you have on the forum. People with friends are not lonely :D




And make it 10 times worse for Karen and the kids :mad:



Which is why that if you do nothing else today you should go outside and have a look in the yard and start thinking about a way to get a shed or a temporary shelter set up so you can work on something and get rid of the stress and energy that is building up inside you.

Imagine there is a little dog in the middle of a busy freeway about to get run over and you focus everthing you are thinking about on the dog and just walk out on to the freeway - then sure as eggs you'll get cleaned up big time.

At the moment Karen is the puppy dog and you are going to get cleaned up by pretty soon by a big truck! So today you need to think:

1. Shed/shelter
2. Project (those side bins for the series sound a good idea), and
3. Karen


PS. I would appreciate it my friend if you could let us know here on the forum know what idea or ideas you have for you shed/shelter.

I was going to cement some poles in on around the edge of the crapy slab & use timber between them to make a frame & then use tin colour bond or corigated to sheet it i think ,I'm not real good on that sort of stuff..But something on those sort of lines i guess as i cant build a frame straight onto the slab as it is all over the place .. & i can make some doors up from steel frame & the local metal place sells this sheeting stuff for signs so that would be ok to use on the door frames & it would look solid....Other than that i realy have no idea....
I'm watching Blaze build his shed..

[banjo]

Which just goes to show how many FRIENDS you have on the forum. People with friends are not lonely :D




And make it 10 times worse for Karen and the kids :mad:



Which is why that if you do nothing else today you should go outside and have a look in the yard and start thinking about a way to get a shed or a temporary shelter set up so you can work on something and get rid of the stress and energy that is building up inside you.

Imagine there is a little dog in the middle of a busy freeway about to get run over and you focus everthing you are thinking about on the dog and just walk out on to the freeway - then sure as eggs you'll get cleaned up big time.

At the moment Karen is the puppy dog and you are going to get cleaned up by pretty soon by a big truck! So today you need to think:

1. Shed/shelter
2. Project (those side bins for the series sound a good idea), and
3. Karen


PS. I would appreciate it my friend if you could let us know here on the forum know what idea or ideas you have for you shed/shelter.

Sometimes i wish that would be my little dog as he wont come out & play he is so timered...I would like to get another little dog for him he is a jack russel X ****inyourshoe thing but he looks like a jack russel all over you can't see any pooinyourshoe in him..He's only about 5 inches tall fully grown..

[bblaze]

sitting here ATM waiting for a couple of mates to turn up but still would like a man that is 5 foot 40 inches high, All my mates are like me half bloody crippled and getting a bit long in the tooth (older than I want to be) and the body sure dont like this sort of thing. Hoping for a good day for ya mate.
cheers
blaze

[Narangga]

Yes i can stay here Karen has said & at the most she can offer me is a carer..


Good - you're staying pt.




Spent most of the day yesterday in the vegie garden as you only have to spit on it & the weeds grow 3feet tall ,& i had let it go for so long i lost interest in it as the soil is so full of weed & grass seeds its hard to try & keep up with it...


I'm going to ask Karen today if i can buy the chaep tattoo kit on fleabay today & if so i am going to pick up a big scetch book from the cheap shop down the road today, well if Karen lets me pick her up from the gym i dodn't want to drive down there just to get the book as i don't have to go do anything today....

Been talking with Fred & she said she would like me to teach her how to use the machines & do colour blending & liner work.She can apreiciate how much work goes into a tattoo .So i will do some drawings with her & show her some tricks to get the resolts your after..Its totaly differant drawing on skin with a needle going into the skin at about 3000 times a minute..If you don't get it right you will just rip the skin & wreck the whole thing,But its a carree she is interested in so i will teach her what i know & then she mite be able to score an aprenticeship....

Well i have to go into the garden again today as i only got one bed done yesterday & its time to but in the tomatos & all the sumer goodies..




I was going to cement some poles in on around the edge of the crapy slab & use timber between them to make a frame & then use tin colour bond or corigated to sheet it i think ,I'm not real good on that sort of stuff..But something on those sort of lines i guess as i cant build a frame straight onto the slab as it is all over the place .. & i can make some doors up from steel frame & the local metal place sells this sheeting stuff for signs so that would be ok to use on the door frames & it would look solid....Other than that i realy have no idea....
I'm watching Blaze build his shed..

Gee mate - that's a lot of projects :eek2: :eek2: :eek2:



Good to hear you are getting outside and also looking ahead for things to do. Sounds good. You'll feel better in no time.

Once you get back to your old self I'm sure the dog will trust you more and come back to you.

We have nematodes in the soil up here and makes tomato growing a real PITA.

[banjo]

Sending Fred down to the tattoo shop monday after school ,Karen was just telling me they are after another aprentice so she mite be able to do that after school till the end of the year. .& it good down there they do body peicing as well & she would like to do that aswell...

[banjo]

Well i asked Karen if she minded i buy a kit She said yeah thats ok so this is the kit i'm buying..

"TATTOO GUY" 4 Guns DIGI Tattoo KIT SUPER PACKAGE - eBay, Tattoo Kits, Tattoos, Body Art, Beauty, Health. (end time 22-Sep-10 07:03:08 AEST) (http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=230404120458&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT)


It feels good to be doing it again & i haven't even started..

[d@rk51d3]

We have nematodes in the soil up here and makes tomato growing a real PITA.

Apparently a bit of molasses mixed with water, and applied with a watering can will kill off the nematodes.

[banjo]

Apparently a bit of molasses mixed with water, and applied with a watering can will kill off the nematodes.

Tee tree oil works great to watered down in a watering can..

[banjo]

Well i asked Karen if she minded i buy a kit She said yeah thats ok so this is the kit i'm buying..

"TATTOO GUY" 4 Guns DIGI Tattoo KIT SUPER PACKAGE - eBay, Tattoo Kits, Tattoos, Body Art, Beauty, Health. (end time 22-Sep-10 07:03:08 AEST) (http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=230404120458&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT)


It feels good to be doing it again & i haven't even started..


Well i brought it , It should get here early this week . .. .

[seano87]

Well i asked Karen if she minded i buy a kit She said yeah thats ok so this is the kit i'm buying..

"TATTOO GUY" 4 Guns DIGI Tattoo KIT SUPER PACKAGE - eBay, Tattoo Kits, Tattoos, Body Art, Beauty, Health. (end time 22-Sep-10 07:03:08 AEST) (http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=230404120458&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT)


It feels good to be doing it again & i haven't even started..

Looks to be alright for the price, though, I've gotta thank you mate, that ebay ad gave me a few laughs...

So much about beware the chinese copy, overseas inferior product - couldn't help notice the whole ad is written in Chinglish though! Example...


https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/09/1410.jpg
But good on you for starting to get back into it! Maybe Fred wanting to get into might be a positive too - something you're into, Karen obviously likes the tattoo's and stuff as well, a common interest could be a good thing.

Cheers,

Seano

[banjo]

Looks to be alright for the price, though, I've gotta thank you mate, that ebay ad gave me a few laughs...

So much about beware the chinese copy, overseas inferior product - couldn't help notice the whole ad is written in Chinglish though! Example...


https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/09/1410.jpg
But good on you for starting to get back into it! Maybe Fred wanting to get into might be a positive too - something you're into, Karen obviously likes the tattoo's and stuff as well, a common interest could be a good thing.

Cheers,

Seano

Yeah the add made me laugh to for the same reason..But they are the only ones to offer the aussie power suply & a year warranty with it ,..The guns are of fairly good quality & i can update the coils to the best later on..
Yeah Fred is looking forward to it i think she thinks she will be great the first time she uses them but with some practice she will get . It is fairly easy to do ,Its just setting up the machines & getting the needle depth right & having a steddy hand cause if you shake its shows in the lines your doing...

[Narangga]

Well i asked Karen if she minded i buy a kit She said yeah thats ok so this is the kit i'm buying..

It feels good to be doing it again & i haven't even started..

Its easy to feel good and positive about something we like doing mate ;)


Apparently a bit of molasses mixed with water, and applied with a watering can will kill off the nematodes.

Plenty of nematodes but not too much molasses up here :(


Tee tree oil works great to watered down in a watering can..

Bit more of that tho' (or easier to get) :D


Looks to be alright for the price, though, I've gotta thank you mate, that ebay ad gave me a few laughs...

So much about beware the chinese copy, overseas inferior product - couldn't help notice the whole ad is written in Chinglish though! Example...

Cheers,

Seano

Ab-so-root-ree :p

Good to hear you getting stuck into it Jason. :BigThumb:

[DiscoMick]

It's great to hear you sounding so positive Jason. Keep going - look forwards, not backwards.

[banjo]

Its quiet in here tonight....

Got half the garden bed done today.....

Been doing washing & house cleaning vacumning & that. . . . .

[LandyAndy]

Just had a look at the online counselling & its $80 an hour..

Sounds expensive.
I thought Relationships Australia was a not for profit mob.
Try Googling again incase somebody is using a similar name that come up at the top of the list.
GOODLUCK to the pair of you and the kidz.
Andrew

[DiscoMick]

Lifeline is free.

[Narangga]

Its quiet in here tonight....

Got half the garden bed done today.....

Been doing washing & house cleaning vacumning & that. . . . .

Did some more pressure cleaning the concrete around the house. The Wet will be here soon :(

[The ho har's]

Since we are talking about what we did today....went to the coolest swap meet today and bought more whitworth tools....need them for old Landys;)...had a chat to some friends and saw a really cool series 2a workshop that was bought directly from the army..and generaly had a great time:D


Mrs hh:angel:

[banjo]

Since we are talking about what we did today....went to the coolest swap meet today and bought more whitworth tools....need them for old Landys;)...had a chat to some friends and saw a really cool series 2a workshop that was bought directly from the army..and generaly had a great time:D


Mrs hh:angel:

I brought a complete set of whitworth tools off a realy old guy when i did my aprentaship 20 odd years ago , still have them all ...

I used them on pommy trucks at the time , Thats why i ended up buying them...

[Narangga]

I used them on pommy trucks at the time , Thats why i ended up buying them...

The tools or the trucks?

[banjo]

The tools or the trucks?

The tools . . . . . .:o

Wouldn't mind one of the older leyland trucks though to restore . . .

[Narangga]

The tools . . . . . .:o

Wouldn't mind one of the older leyland trucks though to restore . . .

Then you'd be like bblaze and need a bigger shed!

[The ho har's]

Then you'd be like bblaze and need a bigger shed!


OR us:D


Ms hh:angel:

[bblaze]

drove a leyland hippo for a bit a lot of years ago, shattered my thumb driving the pig.
cheers
blaze

[LandyAndy]

Lifeline is free.

Lifeline is for the suicidal isnt it???
I believe Jason WANTS to change in his relationship with Karen.
NEEDS help doing so.
Andrew

[banjo]

Well now i'm not even alowed to speak to Karen at all ever . ..
****ing great like i'm not lonely enough as it is. . . . .

[Narangga]

Well now i'm not even alowed to speak to Karen at all ever . ..
****ing great like i'm not lonely enough as it is. . . . .

At times like this mate all men need to be able to retreat to their shed.

I think the shed is your priority as the first project ;)

[banjo]

At times like this mate all men need to be able to retreat to their shed.

I think the shed is your priority as the first project ;)


Well that will never ****ing happen now Karen has told me that is all she will ever give is carer & just a friend i will be sleeping on the ****ing floor from now on .. And i have to stop doing everything from now & just stay at home ..So if this is going to be my life i give up on it all completly . I can't go back to where i came from & i would rather be dead ..Karen has me so scared of her i am running to hide & cower from her ...I wont be back on here any more My life is now afficialy ****ed & over so i wont be doing a ****ing thing from now on but sitting & looking at four ****ing walls ...Thanks for everything use have done & for your help... I will say my good bye's & wish use all the best.....
THANKS Jason . . ..

[Landy Smurf]

jason you have everything to live for you only get one life dont end it it is already to short as it is live it up

[bblaze]

Dare I say it, maybe Karen dosnt want you to have independence
cheers
blaze

[banjo]

well lastnight was bad we had a big arguement & i physicly hurt Karen . While argueing i grabed Karen by the side off the head trying to get her to look at me & in the prosess i grabed her hair & ear i didn't meen it ... I am so scared as i no i cant live without Karen or the kids & Karen said that all she can give me is a carer & posable a friend & i hate the thought of that..

Karen is still in bed & when she gets up i am going to ask her to help me get things organised for my brankrupcy so i mite be able to keep my phone number & just that bill aslong as i wont loose my car....

I cant even give Karen the time that she wants without nagging her..LIKE she says its all about me me me me me i have been so selfish all the time ..i do deserve everything Karen is doing because she is just as scared as i am at me doing it again to her...

I love Karen & i will never ever be with anyone else because of my problem i don't trust anyone but Karen ....& this scares me so bad...

I will go back to mums for her & the kids , we will just have to see how i go & hope i dont get to cuicidal unfortunatly that is part of me i can't be fixed ...

I am now so scared of myself i HATE myself so much for everything & i hate that i know i can't live without Karen .. Everything i do is for Karen so i wont be doing anything once at mums ..Can't even go to the shop as its about halfway to Aus from here once at mums & i don't know the area..

[Landy Smurf]

maybe if you go to your mums you should get out and about and explore the area show independance i know karen would like that

[banjo]

Well mum was here again today & i told her everything that i have done to Karen over the years & what i have taken off Karen ..I also told her i blame her as much as the oldman for my problem as she let it happen..I also told her why i can see the kids if i go to her place ,Because of me & how bad i would be PLUS she isn't going to be alowed to pick the kids up so i can see them because she hasn't had anything to do with then so why should she get the chance now as it would only be for the glory...I also told her about how she turns up here on mondays & tells us how she goes to some of my brother or sisters place on the weeked & they drive straight past here & never call in ..There idea is well you don't visit us ...So i told yeah i don't i don't visit anyone because i have a seriouse problem but hey what does that matter ..So no she won't be given the chance now to pick the kids up..

I also told her i seriously doubt i would servive her place & that my cuicidal depression is real & bad .. I even walked in lastnight with a noose & asked Karen to push me so i don't stuff it up as i want to make Karen & the kids happy & i told her that to...Mother that is..

All she said was well you better do as Karen says & give her what she wants & show her you meen it..Then she just changed the subject to what she done over the weekend with my sisters & how bad one of my sisters kids are after an sports accidend.....& what she wants to do now..

Why the hell do i bother with her she doesn't want me to end up there obvesly . .I told her i wouldn't go out at her place because its not like here & the shops are not close by at her place...

& if it was that easy i would be doing more here ...

[JohnF]

Just had a look at the online counselling & its $80 an hour..

and how hany hours have I spent trying to give you advice? If I had $80 dollars per hour for the amount of time on this thread I would now be wealthy.














and How many hours have others on this thread have spent giving you advice [won't name them incase I forget someone]. See we have thought that you and karen are worthwhile, and worth all the time and effort.

So do not give up.

[banjo]

went & got the pamphlets got back & ready to start about 11.

I got Karen up & she went & had a shower & watched some of the mid day movie ..She has just left to goto the gym & then to pickup some stuff as i forgot to go down the road after getting the pamphlets...

I'm just going to make a cuppa tea & then get back into folding & if i'm lucky i wont still be going after midnight...

[DiscoMick]

Jason, Jason! Why are you walking around with a noose and grabbing Karen? What caused you to behave like that?

You've gotta stop making demands on Karen that it's impossible for her to meet. You're just setting yourself up for failure. Walking around with a noose making threats to harm yourself is just seeking attention for yourself, like children do when they throw a tantrum. That's not how you win someone's affection Jason, but it is the right way to drive the person away from you in fear. I thought you wanted it to work with Karen, so why are you doing things that will only harm your relationship?

And why are you questioning your mother about this? I'm sure she simply has no idea what to do about the situation, so that's why she changed the subject.

You've shown you can change your behaviour, but now the next step is to demonstrate that the change is permanent. I'm sure Karen finds it hard to trust you because she fears your words are empty and you will revert to the previous behaviour. Last night would have confirmed her fears.

Words are empty Jason, it's actions that count. If you're serious about improving your life, then you've got to make positive changes to your behaviour - not for a day or a week, but consistently and forever.

This is difficult because it means changing our habits, which have been built up over our lifetime and shaped by all our experiences. It's a matter of will power and it is possible, but I'm not pretending its easy, because it's not. However, I believe you can do it.

Do that and, over time, Karen will come to trust you. But you can't demand trust - you've gotta earn it by your behaviour. You do NOT have a right to demand that Karen trust you, or to throw tantrums and try to emotionally blackmail her, but you do have a right to show by your behaviour that you deserve her trust.

And one of the ways to change your behaviour is you gotta show trust to Karen. If she goes out and is late coming back, well just relax. Don't get on the phone demanding to know where she is - that just shows you don't trust her. Welcome her home and say you hope she had a nice time. Demonstrate that you do trust her by keeping calm and relaxed.
You've been together for 23 years, so there's nothing new she has to do to earn your trust.

The ball in is in your court now to show her the trust you want from her. Give her trust and you'll get it back. As you sow, so you reap. That's the way forward.

[Narangga]

Jason, Jason! Why are you walking around with a noose and grabbing Karen? What caused you to behave like that?

You've gotta stop making demands on Karen that it's impossible for her to meet. You're just setting yourself up for failure. Walking around with a noose making threats to harm yourself is just seeking attention for yourself, like children do when they throw a tantrum. That's not how you win someone's affection Jason, but it is the right way to drive the person away from you in fear. I thought you wanted it to work with Karen, so why are you doing things that will only harm your relationship?

And why are you questioning your mother about this? I'm sure she simply has no idea what to do about the situation, so that's why she changed the subject.

You've shown you can change your behaviour, but now the next step is to demonstrate that the change is permanent. I'm sure Karen finds it hard to trust you because she fears your words are empty and you will revert to the previous behaviour. Last night would have confirmed her fears.

Words are empty Jason, it's actions that count. If you're serious about improving your life, then you've got to make positive changes to your behaviour - not for a day or a week, but consistently and forever.

This is difficult because it means changing our habits, which have been built up over our lifetime and shaped by all our experiences. It's a matter of will power and it is possible, but I'm not pretending its easy, because it's not. However, I believe you can do it.

Do that and, over time, Karen will come to trust you. But you can't demand trust - you've gotta earn it by your behaviour. You do NOT have a right to demand that Karen trust you, or to throw tantrums and try to emotionally blackmail her, but you do have a right to show by your behaviour that you deserve her trust.

And one of the ways to change your behaviour is you gotta show trust to Karen. If she goes out and is late coming back, well just relax. Don't get on the phone demanding to know where she is - that just shows you don't trust her. Welcome her home and say you hope she had a nice time. Demonstrate that you do trust her by keeping calm and relaxed.
You've been together for 23 years, so there's nothing new she has to do to earn your trust.

The ball in is in your court now to show her the trust you want from her. Give her trust and you'll get it back. As you sow, so you reap. That's the way forward.

err...

what he said - EXACTLY.

[Narangga]

BTW - tomorrow is a new day ;)

[banjo]

BTW - tomorrow is a new day ;)

Na its pickup papers about 10.00 to 10.30 bring them home fold & bag with the pamphlets & if lucky get them delivered . . .

[banjo]

Jason, Jason! Why are you walking around with a noose and grabbing Karen? What caused you to behave like that?

You've gotta stop making demands on Karen that it's impossible for her to meet. You're just setting yourself up for failure. Walking around with a noose making threats to harm yourself is just seeking attention for yourself, like children do when they throw a tantrum. That's not how you win someone's affection Jason, but it is the right way to drive the person away from you in fear. I thought you wanted it to work with Karen, so why are you doing things that will only harm your relationship?

And why are you questioning your mother about this? I'm sure she simply has no idea what to do about the situation, so that's why she changed the subject.

You've shown you can change your behaviour, but now the next step is to demonstrate that the change is permanent. I'm sure Karen finds it hard to trust you because she fears your words are empty and you will revert to the previous behaviour. Last night would have confirmed her fears.

Words are empty Jason, it's actions that count. If you're serious about improving your life, then you've got to make positive changes to your behaviour - not for a day or a week, but consistently and forever.

This is difficult because it means changing our habits, which have been built up over our lifetime and shaped by all our experiences. It's a matter of will power and it is possible, but I'm not pretending its easy, because it's not. However, I believe you can do it.

Do that and, over time, Karen will come to trust you. But you can't demand trust - you've gotta earn it by your behaviour. You do NOT have a right to demand that Karen trust you, or to throw tantrums and try to emotionally blackmail her, but you do have a right to show by your behaviour that you deserve her trust.

And one of the ways to change your behaviour is you gotta show trust to Karen. If she goes out and is late coming back, well just relax. Don't get on the phone demanding to know where she is - that just shows you don't trust her. Welcome her home and say you hope she had a nice time. Demonstrate that you do trust her by keeping calm and relaxed.
You've been together for 23 years, so there's nothing new she has to do to earn your trust.

The ball in is in your court now to show her the trust you want from her. Give her trust and you'll get it back. As you sow, so you reap. That's the way forward.

I have no idea i was scared , frightend both of us where argueing .. .






I wasn't questioning her was telling her that i blame her for my problem as much as the oldman as she let it happen...

[Sleepy]

Hi jase, you may think things are all screwed up but you MUST concentrate on being patient. Pick just one thing each day and try to achieve it. It doesn't have to be a big thing - plant some veggies , clean the shower, fix the tv antenna .... Whatever ! Life goes on! Grab it by the balls mate ... Sleepy

[banjo]

The only reason i'm still here Karen tells me repeatedly is that i will never let her go & that she will feel traped....

I tell Karen every day that i'm sorry for what i have done to her in the past & now....

& she tells me that all its going to be you can stay & sleep here on the floor so that you can be with your kids .I will be your carer & maybe a friend..


Karen said something a few days ago about me doing everything & how it has to be from now ,& said what you like feeling like a slave ????..
I'm not a slave i am doing this because i love & care for Karen & the kids & i want Karen to get better...She is still in bed & its so strange that Karen isn't up in all the movement & busel of morning stuff..Although when she was i just sat here had a cuppa went for a smoke then shower...

Yes i'm realy scared of loosing Karen & the kids But Karen tells me i have already lost her & thats that.....

[banjo]

I am so lost at the moment..And i am etreemly worried about Karens health & welbeing also her mental health..Karen is such a strong person it realy does hurt to see her this way....


I am still being posotive even though Karen tells me not to be I am still doing everything that i can.....

I am finding it hard to give Karen her space & to leave her alone its hard as i just want to talk to her about anything not whats happening......

If i knew if i went to mums for a few days & left Karen so she could have space from me all to gether i would & i would take the kids although there isn't much for then to do there at all...I would but i am so scared Karen wont let me back at all....

I want to give Karen everything that she wants to do & still keep on trying my guts out to improove myself & do things with them all so i can be involved in all there lives & what they do , schooling ,sports everything..


Its like i said Karen is the first person to show me love & care & respect ..
I'm so scared of loosing that & her & the kids & my life as such..

Yes i want it all back to normal but with the differance of ME being stronger & able to help Karen & also so that Karen doesn't feel like she has to be at home with me all the time , Occationaly would be good but never all the time ..I have enjoyed listening to Karen when she comes home from the gym telling what she has done & about the machines that they have (not that i have any idea as to what they do).I asked Karen if she could take some pics of the differant machines to show me as she tells me what she does but i have no idea what they do or what they actualy are..she said she did but hasn't shown me yet looking forward to that as i feel useless when she tells me about them not knowing what they are or what they do...

[Landy Smurf]

ok i think that the only thing you can do to get her back well this is what i think by going off what you have been saying lately is to get out and do things yourelf thik to yourself staying inside or going out and being indpendant aka no karren or karren

[banjo]

Well I went & got the papers & Karen helped fold & bag them so it was much quicker & they are all delivered...

[banjo]

Well been talking today & i honestly did not do any of this to Karen on perpos or deliberatly...& i am very very sorry for it & ashamed of myself because it took getting told from some men that what i was doing was wrong before i took notice & not listening to Karen...

Karen is pretty sure she doesn't want me or for us to work it out & has told me that she doesn't know what she wants & she cant even think of us anymore or even remember anything good from the past..

I told (asked) Karen to organise for all our stuff & i will go to mums as i cant keep doing this to Karen or the kids.
Things like the mobiles i will have to declare bankruptcy cause we cant aford them without each others payment. & there in my name only so it wont afect Karen in anyway which is good as we have been there before.Asked her to sort out a bank account for me or maybe get one for herself & change all the payments...

I know what i loose & i have brought this on myself by not listening to Karen when she has asked or offered to help me & get me out..
I will never see any of them again as if i came here to visit i wouldn't want to leave & if Karen brought them to see me i wouldn't want Karen to go & she said i would just give her trouble over it..& both of us don't want the family to help now after not helping for so long...& i will not have the kids seeing me while panicing big time nor do i want any of my family trying manipulate them which we both know WILL happen thats my family for you....SO i would rather give up everything to make Karen Happy & the kids a good life..I wont even be coming back to get my tools as i don't have anyway of picking them up & i would probably just cause Karen trouble...I am not saying this to feel bad about myself or for sympathy or for anyone to feel bad about or for me ..I am just being honest & think it could be the right think to do for Karen..I also want to do all this for Karen & keep up doing it i even said i would look at some help for myself for her see a shink ..But i am only doing that for Karen no one else .Cause if i'm back at the oldies they will soon have me believing i don't need it & that they can fix it for me..& YES THAT IS RIGHT & TRUE..EVEN KAREN WILL TELL YOU THE SAME THING...

I did not tell this to KAren to make her feel gillty or emotionaly blackmail her i am trying to do the right thing by her & if thats what she wants then i will do that for her , I will go & i will probably give her some greif over it at the time of leaving...
Karen is a very speical person she is amazing , strong , goodwilled & just a very happy person to everyone she is always nice to people even if there not. AND i am very sorry for ever doing this to her ...& causing her to break down so bad Karen is very special to me & alway will be..
I would rather die old & lonely then to see Karen go through this or to ever see her have to go though it again..


THANKS Jason...

[banjo]

Karen has gone out for awhile & i think she thinks i was in her face over it wanting to know what she was upto ..But i'm not i have watched Karen fall asleep after doing so little for the last 4 weeks i am worried about her driving she goes to the gyn & isn't eating very well & she is so skinny ..I don't want to get a phone call asking me to pick her up because she has had an accident or worse if she falls asleep driving....
SO no i wasn't giving her greif i am just worried about her.....

[banjo]

Hey Aus i forgot to give you a blank DVD the other day for FJ Holden movie..

[banjo]

OK so what have i done no ones talking to me ????????

[banjo]

Hey banjo whats the weather like your way .

[banjo]

Hey banjo whats the weather like your way .

Its wet & raining...

[banjo]

So hows Karen today .

[banjo]

So hows Karen today .

Not to bad she is staying awake for longer now but still gets tired easy...

[banjo]

So how are you & Karen getting on. . . .

[banjo]

So how are you & Karen getting on. . . .

I'm learning to stay away & give her her space . .But as it stands Karen still doesn't know what she wants & that is scarey . I live in hope . I realy want to do the things Karen has asked me to do as i have been doing more than she wants & i know i have to slow down when Karen gets better or i will push myself backwards... .

[banjo]

Its a bit slow in here hey...

[banjo]

Its a bit slow in here hey...


Yeah a bit like you hey Banj . . .;)

[banjo]

Gees i wish this house had carpet insteat of polished boards its hard sleeping on it plus i sit on it aswell most times so i can give Karen some space...

[banjo]

Gees your gettin a bit boring banjo...Got any better answers..

[banjo]

Gees your gettin a bit boring banjo...Got any better answers..


Hell no i just ****up everything if i talk to much . . . . . . Just ask Karen .

[banjo]

So any body out there HELLO ...:D

[banjo]

Hey MEANZ whats your name i know everyone else's who chat in here. . .

[banjo]

So has anyone seen Ian or jim around they haven't droped in here for a couple of days which is unusual....

[Narangga]

Sorry mate - been out visiting friends and only just got home.

How did the pamphlets go?

[Quarks]

Hi Banjo,

You're bored!! :p:p

Anyway, it's about time I said something... I'm sure I'm one of many who have been having a look from time to time and seeing how you're doing & hoping for the best. :cool:
I was away back in January when you started this thread, and I can honestly, it's been pretty amazing watching everyone on here trying to help you to improve. :ohyes::thumbsup:

Yeah, and I don't know if anyone's mentioned it, but I think everyone who's posted in here + a few more would be pretty :mad: to have this thread come to a premature end. ;)

:)

[Fifth Columnist]

Hi Banjo
I think a lot of them are in the pub on the other side of the world.
Why not join us?

[banjo]

Sorry mate - been out visiting friends and only just got home.

How did the pamphlets go?

Gees some of us are lucky . . ;)


Yeah got them all done today Karen helped so it was quicker..

[Didge]

Hi Banj, oh I mean Jason. Mate, I haven't been able to keep up with all the posts on your thread. Been working a lot lately and this thread has to be probably the most active on the site, so its easy to miss a heaps of pages if you don't visit for a few days. Shows you how much everyone cares about the pair of you and your kids. Funny though, you've both been talking about walking out for quite a while and nothing like that has happened which firstly is good, especially for the kids and secondly it makes me think that you deep down you both feel you are good for each other. It seems to me you're both going through a bit of self help therapy, which can be a painful experience and you're both looking at all the good and bad things that have happened over the years and what you've done that is good and bad. Do you know how many couples just put up with each other and live a life of misery without saying what's really ****ing them off cos they know if they start telling the truth its going to get really ugly? I don't either, but I bet my life its heaps of couples. At least you too have been brave enough and I mean really, really brave to put it out there for the world to see and try to help. That shows you do really care about each other and your family. Although from what I've read there has been a lot of good, common sense advice dispensed here, my fear is that none of us commenting and giving advice from our own houses are psychologists ( I stand to be corrected) who are adequately trained to give you the best advice and it may well be best for you to visit a counsellor who can deal with your needs better than we can. Usually the local doctor can give you a referral to a local psychologist/ marriage counsellor for help. I'm not in any way trying to suggest this discussion doesn't help cos I think it's brilliant, not only for you guys but also for everyone who has even bothered to comment here (you have helped a lot of us look inward towards our own problems as we sought to help you), it's just that from what I've read it seems to me you've stopped sinking and now you're treading water. What we want to see is you guys start swimming toward a better future. Sometimes we need to put the bad times behind us and look at our partners as we see them today. Do we like what we see? Yes? great get on with life and enjoy it. People change and it seems to me both of you are putting in more effort for each other; you're not behaving as you were before and it seems to be moving in a positive direction.
By the way, for anyone who has commented or offered advice here, my words above are meant with the greatest respect to all of you and in no way do I mean offend you.
cheers Gerald (formerly pirasea) :)
Yeah I know, after all that I'm not a psychologist either :( bloody hypocrit!

[banjo]

Hi Banj, oh I mean Jason. Mate, I haven't been able to keep up with all the posts on your thread. Been working a lot lately and this thread has to be probably the most active on the site, so its easy to miss a heaps of pages if you don't visit for a few days. Shows you how much everyone cares about the pair of you and your kids. Funny though, you've both been talking about walking out for quite a while and nothing like that has happened which firstly is good, especially for the kids and secondly it makes me think that you deep down you both feel you are good for each other. It seems to me you're both going through a bit of self help therapy, which can be a painful experience and you're both looking at all the good and bad things that have happened over the years and what you've done that is good and bad. Do you know how many couples just put up with each other and live a life of misery without saying what's really ****ing them off cos they know if they start telling the truth its going to get really ugly? I don't either, but I bet my life its heaps of couples. At least you too have been brave enough and I mean really, really brave to put it out there for the world to see and try to help. That shows you do really care about each other and your family. Although from what I've read there has been a lot of good, common sense advice dispensed here, my fear is that none of us commenting and giving advice from our own houses are psychologists ( I stand to be corrected) who are adequately trained to give you the best advice and it may well be best for you to visit a counsellor who can deal with your needs better than we can. Usually the local doctor can give you a referral to a local psychologist/ marriage counsellor for help. I'm not in any way trying to suggest this discussion doesn't help cos I think it's brilliant, not only for you guys but also for everyone who has even bothered to comment here (you have helped a lot of us look inward towards our own problems as we sought to help you), it's just that from what I've read it seems to me you've stopped sinking and now you're treading water. What we want to see is you guys start swimming toward a better future. Sometimes we need to put the bad times behind us and look at our partners as we see them today. Do we like what we see? Yes? great get on with life and enjoy it. People change and it seems to me both of you are putting in more effort for each other; you're not behaving as you were before and it seems to be moving in a positive direction.
By the way, for anyone who has commented or offered advice here, my words above are meant with the greatest respect to all of you and in no way do I mean offend you.
cheers Gerald (formerly pirasea) :)
Yeah I know, after all that I'm not a psychologist either :( bloody hypocrit!

Thanks Gerald I am hoping that Karen & i can work it out ..Karen realy is an amazing woman & very kind hearted ask anyone who knows her she lights them up in there darkest times & it great to watch her light up a room with her personality & smile..




PS i had noticed you had cganged your user name . . ..

[banjo]

Hi Banjo,

You're bored!! :p:p

Anyway, it's about time I said something... I'm sure I'm one of many who have been having a look from time to time and seeing how you're doing & hoping for the best. :cool:
I was away back in January when you started this thread, and I can honestly, it's been pretty amazing watching everyone on here trying to help you to improve. :ohyes::thumbsup:

Yeah, and I don't know if anyone's mentioned it, but I think everyone who's posted in here + a few more would be pretty :mad: to have this thread come to a premature end. ;)

:)

THANKS Quarks that meens alot to me I honestly didn't think this thread would last 2 pages ...

I do hate to say that if it goes pear shaped at home i doubt i will be back on here so the thread will probably die off . . . . .

[banjo]

Hey Gerald how is your son getting on with his ocd . . .

[Didge]

Jason, I think from the sounds of it you're both the kinds of people who can lighten up a room and a person when they're down. Mate, I'm finding it hard to believe you're the same guy whose story I read 60 odd thousand posts ago. You are so much more out there now, you're always talking about what you want to do for your family whereas when you started this thread it was about your agrophobia (did I get that right?). I can't even remember the last time that was mentioned. So mate, you've changed for the better in a HUUUGE way. I'm sure you can sort it out cos you're a winner in my books. I certainly look up to you and I'd like to buy you a drink (whatever it is, be it water, wine or whatever) when we meet some day.
cheers Gerald
oh, changed the username cos my old nickname was didge (got a bit of aboriginal in the family, although I'm usually told I look more italian)and I'm gonna get a sticker for the Def with didge on it.

[banjo]

Hey i just noticed this thread is catching upto the jokes thread fairly quick now..

[banjo]

Jason, I think from the sounds of it you're both the kinds of people who can lighten up a room and a person when they're down.story Mate, I'm finding it hard to believe you're the same guy whose I read 60 odd thousand posts ago. You are so much more out there now, you're always talking about what you want to do for your family whereas when you started this thread it was about your agrophobia (did I get that right?). I can't even remember the last time that was mentioned. So mate, you've changed for the better in a HUUUGE way. I'm sure you can sort it out cos you're a winner in my books. I certainly look up to you and I'd like to buy you a drink (whatever it is, be it water, wine or whatever) when we meet some day.
cheers Gerald
oh, changed the username cos my old nickname was didge (got a bit of aboriginal in the family, although I'm usually told I look more italian)and I'm gonna get a sticker for the Def with didge on it.

I'm not to sure about how its going to end up between Karen & i....
I'm not alowed to giver Karen a kiss on the forhead when i put her to bed now...

Yep still the same bloke from back then...

I seriously doubt i would light up a room...

Yeah me to i wanna get one later to..

Was going to get a jumper aswell but with all this going on i told Lou i couldn't anymore..Would like to get Karen one to..

[banjo]

well i'm off to bed ,um well me swag on the lounge floor anyway..:o

[banjo]

well got the house to myself for awhile Karen has gone visiting & probably stop at the gym...

I have to sit around today & tomorrow waiting for my parsel to turn up...

[JohnF]

OK so what have i done no ones talking to me ????????

As far as me not talking to you, you have done nothing to stop me from doing that. But there are other things I also need to do and so sometimes I may get behind, then have a real lot to read to catch up on this thread. For instance I have written 70 pages of two booklets on Religious topics that have nothing to do with AULRO, and had to do some internet research for these. These topics will not interest most people on this forum, and will not be put on here.

And
I have wriiten my ideas for a draft copy of a new handbook for our RFS Northern Rivers Operational Support brigade Communications Trailer--that took the whole of Wednesday last week out looking at the trailer and much of Thursday writing this up.

And also I do not always know what to say on this thread, but still keep in touch with it.

So because you do not hear from me does not mean that I am deliberately ignoring you, and I am sure others also do not deliberately ignore you.

Now I am pages behind and do have to catch up. I would never skip paes of this thread if I can help it--so far have not skipped pages, John.

[bblaze]

Me, had to go and do a couple of jobs this morning, then spent the last 2 hrs in the rain trying to build a shed, bit heavy now so having a coffee break. So like john I read the pages regularly.
cheers
blaze

[banjo]

Well Karens home we walked up to the pie shop when she got home got a breadroll each had them now Karen is asleep on the lounge..

She had a good day today visiting for a couple of hours & then went to the gym for an hour or so..
Went to woolies & called into the tattoo shop to get a new tounge bar as she says the one with metal balls leaves a funny taste in her mouth , Also found another tattoo she wants she's just thinking where to get it ..IT is the word corage (spell check anyone)....

I was saying to Karen while we had our lunch its so odd & unusual not to hear from her though the day ...Usualy Karen texts me just to say what they are upto or they changed there minds & went elswhere or she just has conversation through text or just asking if we need anything at home or some lunch for us....

[JohnF]

Hi Banj, oh I mean Jason. Mate, I haven't been able to keep up with all the posts on your thread. Been working a lot lately and this thread has to be probably the most active on the site, so its easy to miss a heaps of pages if you don't visit for a few days. Shows you how much everyone cares about the pair of you and your kids. Funny though, you've both been talking about walking out for quite a while and nothing like that has happened which firstly is good, especially for the kids and secondly it makes me think that you deep down you both feel you are good for each other. It seems to me you're both going through a bit of self help therapy, which can be a painful experience and you're both looking at all the good and bad things that have happened over the years and what you've done that is good and bad. Do you know how many couples just put up with each other and live a life of misery without saying what's really ****ing them off cos they know if they start telling the truth its going to get really ugly? I don't either, but I bet my life its heaps of couples. At least you too have been brave enough and I mean really, really brave to put it out there for the world to see and try to help. That shows you do really care about each other and your family. Although from what I've read there has been a lot of good, common sense advice dispensed here, my fear is that none of us commenting and giving advice from our own houses are psychologists ( I stand to be corrected) who are adequately trained to give you the best advice and it may well be best for you to visit a counsellor who can deal with your needs better than we can. Usually the local doctor can give you a referral to a local psychologist/ marriage counsellor for help. I'm not in any way trying to suggest this discussion doesn't help cos I think it's brilliant, not only for you guys but also for everyone who has even bothered to comment here (you have helped a lot of us look inward towards our own problems as we sought to help you), it's just that from what I've read it seems to me you've stopped sinking and now you're treading water. What we want to see is you guys start swimming toward a better future. Sometimes we need to put the bad times behind us and look at our partners as we see them today. Do we like what we see? Yes? great get on with life and enjoy it. People change and it seems to me both of you are putting in more effort for each other; you're not behaving as you were before and it seems to be moving in a positive direction.
By the way, for anyone who has commented or offered advice here, my words above are meant with the greatest respect to all of you and in no way do I mean offend you.
cheers Gerald (formerly pirasea) :)
Yeah I know, after all that I'm not a psychologist either :( bloody hypocrit!

A nd it may be a good thing that you are not a psychologist. Colin, a man I know, but have not seen for years studied Psychology at Sydney University, getting his PhD in Psychology. Colin said that he had o forget everything that he learned at University to be come effective in helping and councilling people--He became a Minister of Religion.

[banjo]

Me, had to go and do a couple of jobs this morning, then spent the last 2 hrs in the rain trying to build a shed, bit heavy now so having a coffee break. So like john I read the pages regularly.
cheers
blaze

I thought you would have the shed finished by now your been going for a week now. . .:angel:;)

[bblaze]

I thought you would have the shed finished by now your been going for a week now. . .:angel:;)
Back in now because a thunder storm just passed, got bloody wet covering all my tools, did I say it was raining and blowing its butt off. Been trying to put noggins in the side walls, single row in the back and a bloody double row in the sides, over engineered I say. What do ya need noggins for when the colorbond is in place, it aint going any where. Work been taking up my presise time too but still need to earn a buck the way Im spending ATM. Also gotta keep a few Dollars as I have the disco booked in to JC next month for a timing belt amongst other things.
Be good when your tat machine turns up just keep it away from me :D
cheers
blaze

[banjo]

Back in now because a thunder storm just passed, got bloody wet covering all my tools, did I say it was raining and blowing its butt off. Been trying to put noggins in the side walls, single row in the back and a bloody double row in the sides, over engineered I say. What do ya need noggins for when the colorbond is in place, it aint going any where. Work been taking up my presise time too but still need to earn a buck the way Im spending ATM. Also gotta keep a few Dollars as I have the disco booked in to JC next month for a timing belt amongst other things.
Be good when your tat machine turns up just keep it away from me :D
cheers
blaze

I don't think Karen wants me to do hers at the moment she will probably book in down at the shop when she works out where she wants it i spose...

[bblaze]

Be positive mate and things may slowly, so very slowly change. This tat machine may be the tool that helps turn your life around.
cheers
blaze

[banjo]

Be positive mate and things may slowly, so very slowly change. This tat machine may be the tool that helps turn your life around.
cheers
blaze

Yeah i am but if Karen wants to go to the shop to get hers done then thats ok , I;m not to worried about it he does do good work & on top of that its been quiet a few years since i have tattood anyone..... .:D

[banjo]

Looks like i could be in for a night like lastnight ..Its empty in here ..
I'm not alowed near Karen so it very quiet round here & the kids will be in bed very soon , so that just leaves me here..

[bblaze]

get the pencil and paper out and design some new tats
cheers
blaze
ps
still bloody raining here

[banjo]

Yeah micayla found one of my realy old drawings its the first eagle i ever drew...& we only have the stencil not the origanal . . .

[banjo]

Hey aus where have you been hiding of late .You have been to quiet for a while now what up.??????

[Quarks]

THANKS Quarks that meens alot to me I honestly didn't think this thread would last 2 pages ...

I do hate to say that if it goes pear shaped at home i doubt i will be back on here so the thread will probably die off . . . . .

Hey, well, it took me over 9 months to get round to saying it! :eek::angel:

:)

[banjo]

Gees i been on the lounge floor in me swag sleeping going on to 2 weeks tomorrow night..So uncomfortable...Cant wait to be alowed back in the bed next to Karen....:(

[Narangga]

Gees i been on the lounge floor in me swag sleeping going on to 2 weeks tomorrow night..So uncomfortable...Cant wait to be alowed back in the bed next to Karen....:(

How thick is the foam in it?

[banjo]

How thick is the foam in it?

Its only about 4 or 5 cm.& soft being on a hard floor i feel the floor but i recon on grass or sand it would be great . .. :o

[Narangga]

Aldi got a foam mattress you could put under it?

[banjo]

I don't fit on our lounge .Karen said i could sleep in the bed & she will sleep on the lounge , But i can't do that i will wait till i can sleep next to her again..But Karen has said she is leaning towards us breaking up .
She has also said she doesn't know what she wants .. Everything is changing for her , Her mind set is down & her body is changing on her ...:(:(:(:(:(

[banjo]

Aldi got a foam mattress you could put under it?


I will have to have a look for there catalouge see if its in there , i Haven't seen any down there . .. .

[Quarks]

I'm sure you can make it softer - there's got to be something close to hand to give a bit more padding? ;)

I can't tell the difference between my bed and strecher+thermarest combo (I set them up next to each other one night)... maybe so putting a couple of things together would work better?

:)

[bblaze]

I have a Mitchel swag, one of the 3 hoop ones and it only has a 50mm matress and I dont take much care about where I unroll it, certainly have never cleaned under it. I have never had a bad night in it.
cheers
blaze

[Narangga]

I have a Mitchel swag, one of the 3 hoop ones and it only has a 50mm matress and I dont take much care about where I unroll it, certainly have never cleaned under it. I have never had a bad night in it.
cheers
blaze

Mine is a Sar Major with the high density foam as well.

What about Big W or KMart Banjo, either of them close by?

[banjo]

Mine is a Sar Major with the high density foam as well.

What about Big W or KMart Banjo, either of them close by?

Sorta ..Cant remember what brand mine is but it was reduced from $99 to $79 ... At aussie disposals...

[Narangga]

Sorry what I meant is Big W or KMart - they might have a foam mattress.

Or do you have BCF there?

[banjo]

Sorry what I meant is Big W or KMart - they might have a foam mattress.

Or do you have BCF there?

Yep i'm a member so i get the discounts. . .

[Narangga]

Yep i'm a member so i get the discounts. . .

Do they have foam or camping mattresses that you could slip under the swag?

Just a thought. Catch you tomorrow.

[banjo]

well another day at home today , although i had to run down the road late yesterday..
Got a bloke coming to do a quote for the awning that fell down in the wind sometime this morning...
Have to mow the lawn as the bins go out to night ....

[bblaze]

Ok and mornin to ya
My lawns need mowing too, got a spare hour or to mate. Supposed to go to work (on roofs today) wind gusting to 130kmh, guess there will be a couple of disapointed customers. Have one inside one to do and a shed to build
cheers
blaze

[banjo]

Ok and mornin to ya
My lawns need mowing too, got a spare hour or to mate. Supposed to go to work (on roofs today) wind gusting to 130kmh, guess there will be a couple of disapointed customers. Have one inside one to do and a shed to build
cheers
blaze

Hey I take it you do antana's & foxtel for a living ?

Thats a little windy to do anything ....

Hey if it takes an hour or so to mow your lawn i would buy a ride on...:angel:

[bblaze]

correct on the job area,been doing it way to long now. Close to eleven years and it WILL end in january when I go on the road. Probably end up your way as I have a brother somewhere near you (not sure of the town though). Got a ride on and still takes an hour + to mow and the wind is still up there.
This is the area I am supposed to Go to
Cape Grim 24 hour history graph of temperature, wind and rainfall (http://www.weatherzone.com.au/station.jsp?lt=site&lc=91245&list=ob)
This is 50km north of me and is the cleanest measured air in the industrised world. They can measure a single cow fart and the woolnorth property holds about 20,000 head of cattle (from memory, milkers, heiffers and others. Used to be a big sheep property
cheers
blaze

[Tobacco Bush]

Here is a better link Cape Grim, Tas (Cape Grim Baseline Air Pollution Station) (Profile - Facility) (http://www.csiro.au/places/Cape-Grim.html)
Was there about two months ago

[JohnF]

Hi Jason, Hope everything is going okay. Left my laptop home--forgot to bring it--Grrrr, up way too late starting to write the user guide in the Firefighting trailer thread. So using a public library computer today, which I always did before getting the Laptop--and hate it. Using your own laptop is so much better even if it is only a cheapy.

[DiscoMick]

Keep being positive Jason.
I been very busy with work and study but still thinking of your situation .

[Ausfree]

Hey Banj, bought the high pressure water cleaner at Aldies today, 2400w for $99, went over to Bunnings and they had a 1200w one for $109, so I reckon I got a good deal . The Aldi stuff I have bought recently has gone great, including the washing machine we bought last week for $399, its going like a rocket.On the way home I called in at ISP at Glendale and bought the Oil Suction Transfer Gun as I want to do an oil change in the rear diff on the FL1.The diff does not have a drain plug, so I have to suck the old oil out through the refill plug.
Sitting in the barbers shop ( Pauls) at Cardiff this arvo, I saw Karen drive past in the Toyo. So you can't do anything around here without somebody seeing you.
Mate, when you are ready to step up one step and say "I am going to bite the bullet and beat this" let me know, only too willing too help!!!!!:D:D

[banjo]

Hey Banj, bought the high pressure water cleaner at Aldies today, 2400w for $99, went over to Bunnings and they had a 1200w one for $109, so I reckon I got a good deal . The Aldi stuff I have bought recently has gone great, including the washing machine we bought last week for $399, its going like a rocket.On the way home I called in at ISP at Glendale and bought the Oil Suction Transfer Gun as I want to do an oil change in the rear diff on the FL1.The diff does not have a drain plug, so I have to suck the old oil out through the refill plug.
Sitting in the barbers shop ( Pauls) at Cardiff this arvo, I saw Karen drive past in the Toyo. So you can't do anything around here without somebody seeing you.
Mate, when you are ready to step up one step and say "I am going to bite the bullet and beat this" let me know, only too willing too help!!!!!:D:D

Unfortunatly i can't beat it .But i'm going to give it a ****ing good go at controling it a lot better though..

[banjo]

My tattoo stuff turned up today & since the kids have got home it come on let get one...Karen went to the gym & said when she came home the she expected that Micayla would of talked me into giving her one....

[Ausfree]

Unfortunatly i can't beat it .But i'm going to give it a ****ing good go at controling it a lot better though.. Jason, that's all we can ask!!!
:)

[Narangga]

Just did the back lawn - you do any today Banjo?

[bblaze]

I sat 6 off 6metre x 215 x 45 laminated hardwood beams up into place today, head to the big smoke tommorow. Have to buy a new compressor as the other one is chucking a hissy fit and wont start even with no air in it, just tripping on overload.
still blowin 80kmh
cheers
blaze

[Narangga]

I sat 6 off 6metre x 215 x 45 laminated hardwood beams up into place today, head to the big smoke tommorow. Have to buy a new compressor as the other one is chucking a hissy fit and wont start even with no air in it, just tripping on overload.
still blowin 80kmh
cheers
blaze

Pity you couldn't harness that in a compressor :(

[banjo]

Just did the back lawn - you do any today Banjo?


Yep got all mine done & in the bin & there out ready for tomorrows pickup..

[Narangga]

Yep got all mine done & in the bin & there out ready for tomorrows pickup..

:eek2:

Our's goes out in the morning. ;)

[JohnF]

Jason, have a good weekend, and enjoy your Tatoo kit. Hope you do not mind that I do not ask you for one, but I do hate Tatoos--do not hate people who have them, but Just think they are ugly--any of them.

But do like a lot of people who have Tatoos, as I can look right past the Tatoos.

So enjoy the kit.

[banjo]

Well stuuu is off camping for the weekend & i'm back at mums & i think it could be for good, i'm ****ting bricks.....

[banjo]

Oh & i made it without getting lost this time....:D



I Miss the kids so much theres no noise here like when there around....:(

[Landy Smurf]

****ting bricks why

[banjo]

****ting bricks why

This is only the second time i have been away from Karen & on my own ,I have to rely on myself & i'm panicing being away from Karen after23 years she has looked after me...

[banjo]

OH and i'm also freezing..

[banjo]

Very lonely tonight..I haven't been herelong & already i miss Karen & the kids..I should of stayed at home on the floor atleast i would be around them..:(

[bblaze]

You will be ok Jason, things may look tough at the moment but it will be what ever you make it, go for a bit of a walk (dont get lost though), get some good thoughts in your head and work on making them better, one little step at a time.
Brought a 17 cmf peerless compressor today for $1050 on special, best price I could get on a 12 cmf was 1100 dollars, go figure.
cheers
blaze

[banjo]

Not much going on in here eigther .. .. . . .

[banjo]

You will be ok Jason, things may look tough at the moment but it will be what ever you make it, go for a bit of a walk (dont get lost though), get some good thoughts in your head and work on making them better, one little step at a time.
Brought a 17 cmf peerless compressor today for $1050 on special, best price I could get on a 12 cmf was 1100 dollars, go figure.
cheers
blaze

I left all my tools at home got nowhere to put them here & i cant go back without hurting Karen because i wont want to leave..

[banjo]

I left all my tools at home got nowhere to put them here & i cant go back without hurting Karen because i wont want to leave..

Oh well Karen can sell them & it will help her with the rent for awhile..

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

Oh well Karen can sell them & it will help her with the rent for awhile..

haaay dad, its micayla and ashleigh. how aree youu ? we brought my matress out to the loungue room cause me her and cody are sleeping on it tonightt lol. xo

[banjo]

haaay dad, its micayla and ashleigh. how aree youu ? we brought my matress out to the loungue room cause me her and cody are sleeping on it tonightt lol. xo

AH HA that should be fun (not) ash farts to much & she mite have to check her undies in the morning :D:eek::p

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

AH HA that should be fun (not) ash farts to much & she mite have to check her undies in the morning :D:eek::p

hahahahaha i know on my matress tooo lol. and sam trying to talk to me again nowww :S hahaa xo

[banjo]

Make sure use all help mum while i'm here & HELP mum remember the fun we have had together with you 3..

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

AH HA that should be fun (not) ash farts to much & she mite have to check her undies in the morning :D:eek::p
aye :)))))))))))) its ashleigh :) i m isss u rippping me offf and asking me for photos LOLOL

[banjo]

How are you 3 going ? Keep an eye on Cody for me cause i don't want him to faint & have fits again & the stress mite do it to him...






PS my internet is so very very very slow..

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

Make sure use all help mum while i'm here & HELP mum remember the fun we have had together with you 3..
yeah i willll :) its ashleigh ive been telling cody think positive cause if you think negative it will never happen !

[banjo]

aye :)))))))))))) its ashleigh :) i m isss u rippping me offf and asking me for photos LOLOL


It could be a very long time before see any of use unfortunatly..& i miss all 3 of use already..Your part of our family & we think of you as our daughter thats why we gave you a key to the house. . . . . .

[banjo]

I was shocked to see you upset over me leaving mate ....BUY PLEASE LOOK AFTER MUM FOR ME ..

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

It could be a very long time before see any of use unfortunatly..& i miss all 3 of use already..Your part of our family & we think of you as our daughter thats why we gave you a key to the house. . . . . .
u willllllll be coming back
cody said hai dad we lll having cuppa :")

[banjo]

u willllllll be coming back
cody said hai dad we lll having cuppa :")

I don't think so mate I have hurt mum to much cause of my problem...


G'day Cody , charge the batteries for the crawler so you can use it...

I hope mum managers to stay away from the shop while i'm here...

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

I don't think so mate I have hurt mum to much cause of my problem...


G'day Cody , charge the batteries for the crawler so you can use it...

I hope mum managers to stay away from the shop while i'm here...

mum said to ask you where the charger is please ?, and we miss youuu :(

[banjo]

pretty bad this morning with no kids & there going to the beach today so i wont get hear about that which is something i.m going to miss not hearing what they have been upto they always tell me how there day has been & i enjoy hearing about since i dont go out....Miss them all big time...I got the shakes bigtime today...

[Sleepy]

Hey jas, well I gotta bloody work....another 11 hour day :(.
Have you got something to do? Maybe some gardening or maybe fiddle with the landy? Maybe even wash the car.... Ok I'll retract that last one.... God forbid a clean landy... Haha.... Hang loose , thinking of you buddy

[Landy Smurf]

i was going out with my girlfriend for 5 weeks before she had to go back to sweden we have now been apart for 3 months and still have another 6 weeks to go until we are together it was on the way home on the train after she left the airport that i realised you cant take things for granted i kick myself all the time that i did not do more i think you are realising the same now if you get the chance to get back there or back together never take things for granted come back and read this thread from time to time and see what you have been through and what you have be thankful anf live life to its fullest you never know when it might cahnge drastically.i do belive it is true when they say 'love conquers(spelling) all' maybe you need to think about this jason are they worth fighting for ?if so it is time to move on and leave your past behind you not just for you but for them,i believe you can do it,so does alot of other people.so it is in your hands even if you dont think so

[banjo]

i was going out with my girlfriend for 5 weeks before she had to go back to sweden we have now been apart for 3 months and still have another 6 weeks to go until we are together it was on the way home on the train after she left the airport that i realised you cant take things for granted i kick myself all the time that i did not do more i think you are realising the same now if you get the chance to get back there or back together never take things for granted come back and read this thread from time to time and see what you have been through and what you have be thankful anf live life to its fullest you never know when it might cahnge drastically.i do belive it is true when they say 'love conquers(spelling) all' maybe you need to think about this jason are they worth fighting for ?if so it is time to move on and leave your past behind you not just for you but for them,i believe you can do it,so does alot of other people.so it is in your hands even if you dont think so

Yeah Tony i'm trying to push lots away in my memery so i can move on ..& i want to learn to control this problem so it does make a differance..

Karen & the kids are the only thing worth fighting for ,for me . I dont want to rely on Karen to much as i want her to do the things she wants & enjoy them instead of worrying what sort of mood i'm going to be in when she gets home . & i dont want her to feel like she has to stay at home with me just because i'm bored ..It would be nice if she just wanted to spend a little time with me...

[banjo]

everyone must have something on this weekend its very quiet today tonight....

[banjo]

3rd night away from Karen & the kids . Its very hard ....

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

3rd night away from Karen & the kids . Its very hard ....

hay, how aree you ? cody wants to say hi :)

[banjo]

I'm not the best ..How are you cody.. Did you have fun at the beach today..

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

I'm not the best ..How are you cody.. Did you have fun at the beach today..

sortaa, and a whole he of bikeys rode past there was lots of them

[banjo]

I got stuck in the midle of a big pack on my way up here..

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

I got stuck in the midle of a big pack on my way up here..
lol and we seen a new black defender landrover : )

[banjo]

cool thats what mum wants...my internet is very very slow . . .

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

cool thats what mum wants...my internet is very very slow . . .
yeeer, and that would suck. why is slow ?

[banjo]

did ash go home tonight..Let mum rest she has had a big day out with use all...

[banjo]

the wireless key thing doesnt seem to work very good up here....so its very slow...

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

did ash go home tonight..Let mum rest she has had a big day out with use all...
noo. mum said she could stay so i think she is cause she has already had a shower.

[banjo]

noo. mum said she could stay so i think she is cause she has already had a shower.

Ok dont keep mum up all night & behave yourselves..

[banjo]

Its a huge thing for me to be away from Karen & the kids... karen wants time on her own & with me at home i'm in her face .. I asked Karen if this was the right thing me being up here cause thats what she wanted to have peace & alone time ..& Karen said ( YES HOPEFULLY ).. So if i'm lucky i may get a call or mesage to come home some time this week as the kids are on school holidays from friday & i would like to be able to have that with them.....So everyone cross your fingers . . .I am going to try not to mesage her to much from now on i hope . . . . .


Still worried & scared and been a bit panicky , What if Karen says i cant come back....

[bblaze]

Hi Jason
been putting the huge bloody beams up on the shed today and just started the purlons. Hope to be screwing cladding on next friday or saturday. Must take some more pics.
Hope your day was ok, havnt had a read yet.
cheers
blaze

[Landy Smurf]

worring about it wont help try to take your mind off that by doing something else

[Sleepy]

Fingers and toes are crossed for you jase

[banjo]

Cleaned the kitchenett today so i can use that theres no stove but i have a portable grill that i can use to cook some stuff on I haven't realy eatin since thursday had a little today & i also went for a drive & found the paper shop & bilo but bilo was shut & its inside a big complex so i dont know how i will go getting in to it & getting some stuff...

[DiscoMick]

Thinking of you a lot Jas, stay well.:(

[banjo]

Very quiet in here today ..whats everyone been upto over the weekend . . Not to sure if Karen is going to want me back home ..Should be interesting here .I asked my parents to get some stuff from bilo & some meat Cause of my ocd i don't trust the meat they have here as they get meat from a cow a year so not sure how old it is . .so some fresh sosages would of been nice but that was to much to ask for , So not to sure if i will cook what they gave me ,They also gave me some Tbone but it looks older than me . . . .. . .Having trouble not being around the kids as i have been around them everyday as i cant work so its real hard .. I also miss Karen so much & i am trying to do all that she has asked ..She told me today that she is enjoying being on her own .......Getting upset now .I know what its going to be like here ......So hard not seeing or hearing the kids i love to hear what they have been upto since i can't do as much with them i love to hear it same as when Karen tells what she's been upto....Everytime i have spoke to the kids i break down so do they FRED starts her trials for her HSC tomorrow so i wont get to hear about how they go, I think they go all week to.....

[banjo]

I feel such a retard & huge looser for what has happend to Karen & i probably deserve what ever happens , But everytime i think about it i feel so sick & then end up in a panic attack big time...I hate being here so much.. because i have a problem & my parents dont understand it or give a **** i sit in this one room with a ****ta & shower at one end .. . .I brought all my tattoo gear but not game to get it out & do any as karen has always been involved in most of the stuff i do she gives me all my conferdance to do things so i don't want to stuff up.....I am such a ****up retard & am going to end up in a mental hospital for the rest of my life if Karen & i don't work out .I cant stay here like this atleast in a mental home they can medicate me so i am out of it most of the time...



**** i miss my family so much the kids meen so much to me cause i have been one of the lucky men to have seen there every first while growing up..
Havent been cuicidal here yet & am hoping to be able to push that out the way like i usualy can...Its much easier at home to do with them around me ...

I ****ing hate my life now & hate what i have done so bad.....

You know Karen meens so much to me she has done an amazingly lot for me But most of all she loved me & got me throught the worst & never realy asked for much but i seem to of ****ed that up on her & i didn't even see it happening nor did i meen to do any of it to her of all people she is the BEST thing to have happend to me plus gave me 2 great kids.....

[Grockle]

pop over to the pub for a chat Jas,I'm sure all you mates over here are missing you and it's your round :D

[DiscoMick]

You're gonna go thru the stages of grief. They're not just when someone dies, but any situation where we feel loss.



Denial (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denial) – "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.
Anger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger) – "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.
Bargaining (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bargaining) – "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."
Depression (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_%28mood%29) – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
Acceptance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance) – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with their mortality or that of their loved one.
[/LIST]
]

It's OK to grieve. It's healthy.

[banjo]

**** i miss my kids im used to getting there lunches for school & making sure there ready on time....
The mornings & afternoons & nights are the hardest for me i have been around them every day of there lifes...

[banjo]

Well was talking to Karen earlier & it looks like i wont be going home or atleast for months so i wont see any of them for that long or maybe never..I doubt i will last to long here i miss my kids to much..
Theres nothing to do as all my tools & everything else is at Karens .I cant go anywhere cause i just panic & i was doing so well when i had all of them to do it for & i was going to get some help when Karen was better so i wouldn't let her down now i have nothing, plus i dont have any money ..I want to leave any money & our payments alone so Karen & the kids can stay in the house....




It hurts so much to know i am going to die lonely because of my problem i cant see Karen or the kids i will never be with another woman..

**** i cant even eat & when i do i can only cook meat theres no stove i just got this small electric grill.....
I'm using there WEACO fridge & there ****ed at that so it wont be long before that goes .....


So i just keep living in my little room . . .

[edddo]

Hi Banjo

I dont know you from a bar of soap but you are obviously in a painful place. I see that you mention OCD and panic attacks so I assume you have had those looked at professionally and at least have tried medication and other therapy?
If not then you really need to follow that up now through your GP or local community health service. But otherwise Like the previous post from Discomick-you are going through a massive life change with huge amounts of loss and grief and an uncertain outcome. At the same time you are looking at how what you have done has hurt others..it can be pretty hard to look at the bloke in the mirror sometimes hey! Of course that is sooooo painful to acknowledge and to process in a healthy way.....so....again if you have already got professional help from a mental health point of view than I would encourage you to

stay in touch with GP anyone involved with management of your OCD etc
stay in touch with friends and do stuff you like
get in touch with a grief counsellor asap (different kettle of fish to psych's altogether)
eat well
exercise
keep posting here
did I mention eat well and exercise?

all the best Banjo

[Ausfree]

Good advice there, Linds, I certainly hope Banjo follows through on it!!!!!:)

[JohnF]

Banjo, there is a total health program, the best health program on the market, a program called "Newstart" and I am going to give you this health program totally free, it will not cost you a extra cent. It works very well, and it is totally free--No one will make a cent from you doing this health program--it is not a money making program, and this program will give you a "NEW START" physically, which will help you mentally because you will feel so good about yourself.


N is for Nutritian--so eat well. "Junk in Junk out," so watch what what you eat, and eat well--fruit/vegies, etc.
E is for Exercise--so go for a daily walk, or swim or paddle a kayak/ski.
W is for Water. Drink plenty of fresh rain water to flush toxins out of your body.
S is for Sunshine--we need some as it, as it converts Cholesterol to vitamin D, etc., and makes you feel good.
T is for Temperance-- do not use harmful substances.
A is for Air that is fresh and invigorating--breathe deeply.
R is for Rest--Get a good nights sleep to rejunivinate the System, in bed asleep before 10.00PM is best.
T is for Trust in divine Power--Learn to hand over your troubles to God in prayer, and trust him.

[banjo]

I'm still being posotive today has probably been my best yet & i am hoping with the time away & the space Karen is getting i mite be able to go back home & be with the kids for the hols & Karen of corse...




Got bore today so i got out my tattoo gear done one on my lest hand on top bloody hurts like hell when you hit bones & me being small skinny i hit the bones nearly the whole time ..I will put some pics up later of my phone there not the best but you can see what it is....


I have to go upto the tobacco shop to get some pipe cleaners to clean my tips , Then i can use them again.....:eek:

[banjo]

Hi Banjo

I dont know you from a bar of soap but you are obviously in a painful place. I see that you mention OCD and panic attacks so I assume you have had those looked at professionally and at least have tried medication and other therapy?
If not then you really need to follow that up now through your GP or local community health service. But otherwise Like the previous post from Discomick-you are going through a massive life change with huge amounts of loss and grief and an uncertain outcome. At the same time you are looking at how what you have done has hurt others..it can be pretty hard to look at the bloke in the mirror sometimes hey! Of course that is sooooo painful to acknowledge and to process in a healthy way.....so....again if you have already got professional help from a mental health point of view than I would encourage you to

stay in touch with GP anyone involved with management of your OCD etc
stay in touch with friends and do stuff you like
get in touch with a grief counsellor asap (different kettle of fish to psych's altogether)
eat well
exercise
keep posting here
did I mention eat well and exercise?

all the best Banjo

I want to get some more help when i get home as thats where my gp is & i would like to help Karen get better first then we can arrange some help for me ..I told Karen i would if she gives me a hand with it after she is better...

[banjo]

Good advice there, Linds, I certainly hope Banjo follows through on it!!!!!:)

Hello stranger ...dont leave it so long to post .....;)

[banjo]

Here you go the pics aren't real good from my phone....


OUTLINE

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/09/755.jpg


SHADED


https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/09/756.jpg

[Landy Smurf]

wow jas that i s reely good do you do these from home if not you should you can get some reely good money from it

[Mrs banjo (fatty)]

Here you go the pics aren't real good from my phone....


OUTLINE

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/09/755.jpg


SHADED


https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/09/756.jpg


it looks madd : ) i love ittt

[banjo]

wow jas that i s reely good do you do these from home if not you should you can get some reely good money from it

Na i used to do all our friends & family....


You should see it now its that swollen i can't make a fist & the bruise & the PAIN . . . .

I done Karens hips for her years ago aswell...

Now fred is so excited for one , I told her i would do one for her when i get home.....She already has 1 got it for her 15th birthday.....

[Narangga]

Here you go the pics aren't real good from my phone....


OUTLINE

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/09/755.jpg


SHADED


https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/09/756.jpg

Wasn't sure - is that your hand or a mirror? :D :D :D :wasntme:















Looks good mate. ;)

[banjo]

Well couldn't get online lastnight having trouble with the internet key thing..Which sux because i signed up to MSN so i could chat to the kids so couldnt do that lastnight..

Went out yesterday & got some petrol in the car & went to the shopping village to get some pipe cleaners to clean the tips of the tattoo guns..
While there i ran into one of my sisters & was chating to her for a little bit then came back here.....

Getting bored lots & walking around alot just doing nothing The internet is bad here so cant jump online much which sux cause that passes the time chatting to you guys...


Not going anywhere today though...

[banjo]

Well bored ****less if i was at home i would be doing the papers today & pamphlets yesterday , Plus Karen said that the yard needs mowing & to top it all off its Cody's birthday on sunday so i wont get to see him for that cause if i do go visit i wont want to leave & they would get realy upset when i had to go . . .so i wont be doing that...



Bored now ..I did some poisening for my parents today as they cant use the whipper snipper so done along the front fence for them & around the posts...

[banjo]

Anyway how is everyone what did use all get upto over the weekend ...

[Quarks]

Hey Banjo,

Missed a bit as I took my Scout Troop hiking on the weekend.

It sounds like you lot need all need to see each other again. ;)
Maybe if you all went out somewhere for Cody's birthday, it wouldn't be so hard as you'd all be going, just separate ways?

Why don't you sort out something, so perhaps once a week you do the mowing & other odd jobs and stuff that Karen wants done? I reckon that would give you a bit of regularity (something to aim for each week ;)), plus it would be helpful to her. Maybe too, it would help with getting used to you being away (but not completely isolated). And I'm sure you'd be too busy then to be getting in the way. :cool:

Yesterday marked 15 years since my father passed away (I was 6 at the time), and I have to say that is not something I'd wish upon anyone. I guess I have the reality that there's no chance of seeing him again. :(

:)

[bblaze]

trying to build a shed mate, my life is pretty boring ATM too. Cold and windy in tassie, not good for work. Going to look at one more job for the day and then back on the shed (I hope). With the internet stick, mine wont work right if I plug it into the wrong usb port, logs on but wont let me see pages outside telstra. vJust started raining (bugger). Bet the hand is sore today.
cheers
blaze

[Ausfree]

Hey Banjo,

Missed a bit as I took my Scout Troop hiking on the weekend.

It sounds like you lot need all need to see each other again. ;)
Maybe if you all went out somewhere for Cody's birthday, it wouldn't be so hard as you'd all be going, just separate ways?

Why don't you sort out something, so perhaps once a week you do the mowing & other odd jobs and stuff that Karen wants done? I reckon that would give you a bit of regularity (something to aim for each week ;)), plus it would be helpful to her. Maybe too, it would help with getting used to you being away (but not completely isolated). And I'm sure you'd be too busy then to be getting in the way. :cool:

Yesterday marked 15 years since my father passed away (I was 6 at the time), and I have to say that is not something I'd wish upon anyone. I guess I have the reality that there's no chance of seeing him again. :(

:) Mate, I feel your pain, my first wife passed away at the age of 27 in 1974, leaving me with two children aged 6 years and 12 months to raise. Still haven't got over it!!!!:(

[Ausfree]

I want to get some more help when i get home as thats where my gp is & i would like to help Karen get better first then we can arrange some help for me ..I told Karen i would if she gives me a hand with it after she is better...
Banjo, the problem with that idea (as I see it) is if you concentrate on getting Karen better, all you are doing is going back to square one, you will be just the same.:(
Now is the perfect time to say "RIGHT, THIS IT, I AM GOING TO SEEK HELP, IMPROVE MYSELF AND WHEN I SEE KAREN SHE WILL NOTICE A DIFFERENCE". I feel that if Karen see's a POSITIVE AND PERMANENT change in you, she will feel a lot better and that will improve your situation dramatically.:)
Mate, all you are doing at the moment is talking, talking, talking and feeling sorry for yourself, TIME TO ACT,MY BOY,TIME TO ACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!:burnrubber::BigThumb: