The dummy?

[Sparksdisco]

as some of you are aware my wife and i have had our firs daughter Emma
Now its been a trying few weeks and plenty of sleepless nights. Any way she has been harder and harder to grt to sleep and now every 15 min or so we have to try and settle her and at 3oclock in the morning it's starting to wear on both of us.

Tonight I tried using a dummy for the first time:eek:

Seemed to work but wife burst into tears because she thinks she is a no good mother now.:(:(:(

so instead of a crying baby i have a crying wife.:angel::angel::angel:

Thats life i guess

[Scouse]

Every baby is different & you just do what works best for you.

If the dummy works, great :).


Mrs Scouse was upset that breast feeding wasn't working out & copped some grief from the Breastfeeding association which made matters worse. In the end, we had to do what worked for us - in our case, bottles worked fine.

[tastrax]

Support your wife... your daughter will be fine.

My son was a screamer for three months and nothing would console him...not even a dummy... that was until he found his thumb one night. From that night on he slept like a lamb.

Thumb, dummy...who cares ..they will grow out of both later in life.

[justinc]

Don't let it get to you guys, sleep deprivation can make all sorts of situations seem worse. Dummys are a perfectly normal and useful 'tool' for chid rearing, both of ours used them in between breast and bottle feeding as a 'change' or at a time when either of the other options wasn't available at a moments notice.

ABOVE ALL, don't feel 'not a successful parent' for using a dummy or any other device to help you settle or 'pacify' a child, it isn't constructive.

Again, sleep deprivation is a serious contributor to stress and anxiety, so don't think it is 'your fault', you are NOT yourself in these circumstances.

I once spent literally 3 months with little and interupted sleep when our youngest had colic, neverending writhing screaming baby, walking up and down in a 17ft caravan in the wee hours and then going to work:( While I was at work, the other half dealt with it during the day AND our 4 year old in a caravan park. Wife says she has blocked out those months and doesn't remember any of it:(

Anyway, enough of my rambling, I say anything that helps you two get sleep so you can function as normal humans the next day:) then try it!

Big hugs for the better half from us:)

JC etc

[bblaze]

IMHO a successful parent is one who has raised their children to adulthood and those young adults treat others fair and with respect, its not what the young adults have achieved in life to that point, its about how they treat their fellow human beings. Every thing between the baby and young adult is about the end result and the most harmonious way of getting there. Do what feels right at the time, if it dosnt work, try something else. I myself had trouble dealing with the early months of our kids (had/have a great wife and wonderful mother to the kids), but when they turned into little humans (about 6months), loved every minute of being a parent.
cheers
blaze

[hiline]

if the wife is breast feeding maybe bubs aint getting enough milk

my wife had this problem,then we switched to bottles and all was fine

all of our 4 kids had dummy's

[lardy]

you got it way off the mark its 9 months prior to getting born bumping around in a land rover then when you get born all that is familiar gets taken away from you .....i think i would be cross at that too!!
You can't just go cold turkey on Land Rovers like that ask the community nurse in your area if they have a land rover simulator available!!

On a serious note support your missus best you can and make sure this little stumbling block doesn't leave her feeling inadequate or depressed, there are books but all kids are individuals and have their own quirks.....just like Land Rover ownership you have to work out what works for you....good luck

[Jamo]

How old is Emma?

With most things there is no wrong, unless you do something simply because of pressure from others as they 'consider' it the right thing to do. Try to tell your wife not to get upset. Every bub is different. If it makes Emma happy to have the dummy, then let her have it.

[3toes]

If it is pressure not to use a dummy from those who appoint themselves as the deciders on these matters do not concern yourself.

Advice from a dentist is that a dummy if correctly shaped it will do no harm to the mouth which is still developing. A thumb has the potential (potential not saying will) to do so resulting in extra dentist fees to correct the teeth later in life.

Also is relatively easy to stop a dummy a thumb not so as it is always there. You prepare the child that the dummy(s) is going in advance so they can come to grips with it then send them somewhere they will appreciate. We had a letter from Santas Clause who was looking for dummies for his baby reindeers. Santa then left a thank you letter with picture which was a treasured possession for some time.

Have a cousin whose party trick is to drink straight from the tobasco sauce bottle. Can do this as parents as a last resort used the hot sauce on the thumb as adversion therapy. Did not work but she has won many bets over the years.

[CraigE]

Do what is right for you. Not allowed to call them a dummy anymore, have to call them a pacifier.;) You both need to get your sleep and if a dummy works then by all means use one. It DOES NOT make you bad parents and most of the people that say it does are not parents, ignorant, liars or just plain stupid.
I would however try to ween them away from them before they are 3 years old. Personally I think 4yo with them and 5yo at pre-school and school is a bit old, but that is the parents choice.
If you can be rested and spend quality time with your bub, then you will all be far better off and will be better parents for it.

[Skellz]

We have had our third baby 8 weeks ago all three of our kids have had dumbs you can get rid of a dumb but not a thumb if you wife is breast feeding make sure you get the breast feading dumbs. Also none of our kids would sleep on there back or side so all our kids have slept on there front.

Ever mother goes through the crying stage just be there for your wife you will all get through it. If you are down south I know if you wife speaks to your health sister they will be able to give you some more idears.

P.S as I am typing this My little girl just through up all downs mums back.

Happy Days

:):):):):):):):)

[willem]

Support your wife... your daughter will be fine.

My son was a screamer for three months and nothing would console him...not even a dummy... that was until he found his thumb one night. From that night on he slept like a lamb.

Thumb, dummy...who cares ..they will grow out of both later in life.

This is good advice. Support your wife, encourage her, build her up ... and she will make it work for your daughter. She will feel better, your daughter will feel better ... and you will feel better.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world, and the ups and downs that you have on the way are not measures of success or failure. Long term faithfulness will bring results in the long term that will show in the lives of your children when they too become parents. That is a much better indicator of success than if you use a dummy or not or if you breastfeed or not. As others have said, you need to figure out what works best in your situation.

Don't let the 'thought police' bully you into doing something that does not work for you. When our children were young there was a group that insisted on 'demand feeding'. They were quite vocal about it and my wife was quite a bit intimidated ... but it didn't work. My wife ended up exhausted because the baby thought it was a good idea and would wake up every hour or two for some more. Eventually I put a stop to that and looked after him for a few times while he had a scream but after a day or two it settled down to regular timed feeds according to our schedule rather than his. Since then we have decided to do things in a way that works for us, carefully and thoughtfully ... and we worked things out as we went.

Your own judgement ... applied wisely, is the way to go. And the first thing is to look after each other.

Willem

[Signal1]

To repeat the others - Support your wife with positive feedback and re-enforcement. My wife went through a very 'bad' period when Oliver was between 3-6months. I didn't know at the time but my support and outward praising of her efforts as a mother validated her and gave the reassurance she needed. Sounds strange but whatever works.

Now the dummy...
I too was the one to introduce it. It worked wonders and enabled us to have at least 3-4hr blocks of sleep. Ollie was going down at 10pm, waking at 2 for a dream feed then up around 5:30-6am. Ollie became dependant on the dummy to sleep however and would wake and cry whenever he spat it. Nearing 6 months, we were up every 10-15mins to reinsert the thing and I'm sure it became a game for him.

Suggestion...
So may I suggest, when you feel the dummy isn't working or would like to move to the next step, get yourself a copy of Save Our Sleep by Tizzie Hall. Her website is fantastic and the book can be ordered online here On Sale : Tizzie Hall - Save Our Sleep® Orignal - Save Our Sleep (http://shop.saveoursleep.com.au/product/2390/4190/)

Also, you have AULRO, does your wife chat on a forum? Consider places like www.bubhub.com.au or the many others out there. Parents group worked well also.

I have not met one parent who hasn't appreciated something from the book - which is saying something. Our experience - Ollie was off the dummy and sleeping 12hrs straight through withing 5 days. (Aged 6 months).

Sleep deprivation and an upset wife detracts so much from being a Father.

Wish you luck.

[rfurzer]

The advice you get from the baby health nurses/ lactation nurses is (usually) along a strict 'party line' that has questionable scientific support.

Many mothers are left feeling as if they have failed in some way after such advice.

Occasional dummy use is common and okay (if the baby wont give it up when you decide its time ,the trick is to gradually shorten it until there's nothing left)

Sometimes replacing some feeds with bottles or even going all bottle is the only way for mum and bub (although the good effects of breast feeding- antibodies etc- warrant a good try with professional help)

Dont let them make you feel guilty/wrong.

[cookiesa]

We have 4 kids, 8 month old daughter, 4 year old Daughter and identical twin boys 7

Boys hated dummies so we didn't use them, eldest daughter LOVED hers... (different post for that one... eventually we broke that habbit lol) youngest depends on the day/night.

As others have said do what works for your family, what is being pushed today will be frowned upon tomorrow. A happy mum and dad is more important in the scheme of things.

Another thing that can be useful, especially if your wife worked prior to having the bubs is for her to get out and have some time to herself, even if it is just going to a local cafe and having a coffee, makes a big difference and allows her to put things back in to perspective. Sometimes you have to push for them to do it but once you see the change it makes it makes it worth it!

Good luck, it is hard, especially at the begining but before long bubs will be following you around and wanting to go everywhere with you, then of course you start to forget the bad points.

[Jedimastermat]

At the end of the day its you, the missus and the kids. What works works. Food in the tummy, roof over the head, cuddle from mummy and daddy thats successfull parenting in my view. Forget the dont do this, dont do that, do it this way, do it that way, each and every little bundle is their own joy. Not even close to failures as parents. You have not stuffed up enough to have failed yet!!!!

We have been there done that too. What did work for us may not work for you. The "gug" served its purpose and Miss Jedi came off it rather quickly in then end as we were first time bad parents for using a dummy, so what!!. Yes we bribed her too, simple. Shocking to some I know.

Please support your wife. It really is the simple little things, hour sleep here, load of washing there, daddy's turn at bath time. Your wife must have free time to do absolutely nothing as nothing is when her brain recharges. Some to listen too, not tell her all her faults but someone who listens in a non judgemental relationship. Support is your actions. 4 years of post natal depression and sleep deprivation is my sorry tale after 30 weeks emergency delivery. Its a hard slog. it aint easy, youll wonder why you did this more than once. There is no instruction manual. Sometimes you just have to close the door. Make sure they cant hurt themselves and eventually they run out of energy. Sometimes that goes for Mrs Jedi too.

Dont be sucked in by "other experts". Good family doctor is essential, leave Mum's stone age times of when I was a kid behind. It was 2002-2006 not 1969. Mum got her knickers in a knot a bit but thats over too.

Jess is seven now and I wouldnt not have either of them for anything, nor would I not have anything we have gone through. Someone earlier said they become human at six months. Soo true, they then become little people at 2 and then start school WOW, thinking caps on.

Good luck and warm regards
Mat

[Sparksdisco]

Thanks guys for all your words of wisdom and kindness. we had a good sleep last night and in the light of day we both know that a dummy is the right choice for us. She dosent even use it all night!! we put it in on her first night feed then she spat it out in around 10min. then the feeds after that we dident even need it and she went straight to sleep.
The wife is still breast feeding and going good but she wished she had clear boobs so she could see how much she was giving her.:p:p
We seem to be feeding her enough as the health nurse weighed her and she put on 600 grams in 4 weeks!!

Anyway thanks for all your support and care.

Cheers


Sparks

[twitchy]

If you have many more sleepless nights I can email you a book which we bought while at the end of the tether with our 3rd. Lots of useful info.

The dummy is fine & a normal thing. The missus needs plenty of TLC as well.
Good luck & enjoy the new found wonder in your life.