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Thread: Things The Movies Have Taught Us

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    Things The Movies Have Taught Us

    During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

    When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

    If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.

    All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

    The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

    All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

    It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.

    The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - noone will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

    Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.

    The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

    All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

    If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

    You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.

    If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

    A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

    When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

    Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

    If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

    Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

    Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

    All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

    Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

    Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

    It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

    Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

    It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

    A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

    It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
    predecessors.

    When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

    No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

    Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

    You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

    Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

    Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.

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    Defectives solved every crime in the 60 mins the show ran for,unless ratings were low then something happened to the lead actor and they made you wait till the next week for the climax. Pat

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    And the goody in a gun battle will be the sole surviver, emerging unscathed, using a 22 cal hand gun against half a dozen machine guns.
    If you don't like trucks, stop buying stuff.
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    Every lane way in the city has several stacks of empty cardboard boxes and garbage truck reversing to block a hero's path whilst driving.

    Whistling for a taxi in the middle of a busy city will summon one immediately, and even more surprising, the driver will speak English and know where he's going.

    You can zoom in and 'enhance' any photo or CCTV footage regardless of format or quality.

    Cops can only monitor a conversation if they're in the back of a van with large tape reels rolling whilst smoking with their ties undone and complaining about 3 hour old cold coffee and stale donuts.

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    Role models and anti- heros can drive at insane speeds through crowded city streets without hurting anyone, including themselves if they have a prang. No wonder our kids think they're invincible.

    Violence is merely a discomfort and death is not permenant.
    If you don't like trucks, stop buying stuff.
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    In order for a grenade to work, the pin MUST be removed using your teeth.

    Car doors will stop bullets.

    Punches never bruise the good looking main character.

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    All the above is true and I have to add the following:

    If the goodie is using a six shooter it always holds more than six bullets.

    If the goodie has to swim with a knife to attack a baddie, the knife must be held between his teeth.

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    The good guys hat never comes off in a fight.

    The good guys hair is perfect all the time

    You can back out of any driveway fast without looking and there is never any traffic

    You can drive along talking to the passenger without looking where your going...."Unless" the passenger is going to die at some point, then they will hit another car or drive off a cliff.

    Steven Segal will always make a bad movie

    Baz.
    Cheers Baz.

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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redback View Post

    Steven Segal will always make a bad movie

    Baz.


    The many expressions of Steven Seagal (went to the same school of "show me love, show me anger" acting classes as our boy Chuck.....

    Wife just had a baby...



    Receiving the Academy Award for most movies with the word "kill", "vengeance" or "justice" in it...



    Just had a crap....




    Being awarded the gong for "man most likely to star in a movie where he is shot, becomes comatose and wakes up after 7 years to avenge the loss of his family but somehow manages to fall in love with the hot nurse" award....



    Receiving communion in church...



    and to wrap it all up.....



  10. #10
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    A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
    this is true in real life too.

    The 555 phone number thing is quite amusing, when you are aware of that you notice it all the time.

    Here's another: After a night of hot, sweaty sex the characters will always wake up dressed in underwear or pjs.

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