Thread: My week in a Melbourne private resort

We arrived just before lunch to find that my usual room on the 9th floor was not available so was escorted to the 6th floor. Was offered lunch and had a white with it, a Hardy’s Chardy. The wife chose not to eat. Later on they asked me to change into clothes that they felt were more suitable for the private resort. They took my weight and temperature and used other stuff with gauges and screens and the staff over all were very attentive. I was asked what I would like for the evening meal and although the menu was not large it was ample, all washed down by a Hardy’s Shiraz.

For some strange reason the wife does not like my private resort and prefers to stay else were – her loss.

The next day or two was a bit of a blur, woken early with no breakfast and transported I don’t know were as that pretty pink pill they told me was good was having a strange effect on me. It may have been Tuesday or Wednesday, not real sure as they seem to have just got a new batch of drugs in and were testing them out on me, but I awoke to find that my sternum seemed to have been cut and I was asked to stay in bed and not to use the tennis courts this stay. Looking back I don’t remember ever seeing the tennis courts. Maybe this private resort is not all it’s cracked up to be.

The rest of the week never improved, oh yes, the drugs were very good but really, no wine with the drugs, all the fun is going out the window. Come on now, I remember the 70s, well I have been told I was there.

By the following Tuesday I had had enough, I spoke with some very serious men and they agreed that myself and the private resort should part ways. They even suggest that I don’t come back for a while. The cheek.

So, I am on the lookout for a new holiday suggestion, somewhere that does not include Melbourne.

Oh, the name of the resort, St Vincents & Mercy Private. They do a very fine job, have had open heart surgery there three time and are excellent.

Originally Posted by Mudnut

How long ago did you have your first operation, as I might have been the perfusionist for it.Ken

17 years ago I had a bypass in St Vinnies public. 6 years ago Michael put a bovine valve in and did a couple of more bypasses in St Vinnies private, a stroke 18 months back caused by an infection on the bovine valve. Only damage done was in the speech area but I have all my swear words so no damage. The infection knackered the bovine valve so Michael put in a mechanical valve and repaired another valve with a flap. The perfusionist this time was a bloke by the name of Charles, not sure if that is his first or last name.

Now tell me Ken, is it true that to stop it rusting up I need to lubricate the mechanical valve with good single malt whisky