It sounds like you are trying to rationalize into a single car family with a vehicle that can tow, has long range, big HP, comfortable and auto (or so it sounds). That's a lot of territory to cover in one vehicle without giving into some compromises...
Have you considered something a bit boring as a commuter for the missus + kids? older diesel benz wagon? or similar? while you still have a toy that can tow for work?
My brood are between 5 and 8 now and when they were younger all I could think of was how impractical the county is, how crap it was having to climb into the back in order to put on their seat belts etc... but guess what, I'm out the other side now and all the impracticalities when considering the needs of little kids are gone and I'm rapt I kept it, despite having to lift them into the back still!
PS my little missus maybe only 5 foot nothing, but she can still drive the county ;-)

