Thread: "Dad Jokes" and sayings.

Gold
My kids are going to be delighted now that I can expand on the cemetery joke

I only knew the first part

great, its even better if it helps!!

But there were so many others....
(kid) "can you pass the sauce?"
Dad grabs it waves it across in front of you and continues it back to where it started on the table... (it has passed you..)

(kid) Dad do you know what the time is?
(Dad) yes.

(kid) Dad can you make me a sandwich?
(Dad, waving hands about) abracadabra, youre a sandwich!

(mum) can you put the cat out?
(Dad looking shocked) How long has he been on fire?

(kid) Dad where are we?
(Dad) in the car...

the classic "Ive pee'd on the table" if a pea rolls off his plate..

(kid) I'm hungry (thirsty/hot/cold/tired/bored)
(Dad) "Hello hungry (thirsty/hot/cold/tired/bored), I'm Dad, nice to meet you"

(kid) excuse me
(bear hugged by dad) "Oh sorry I thought you said squeeze me"

Did you hear about the light aircraft that crashed into the cemetry in Dublin? So far the authorities have recovered 27 bodies and are confident of finding more.

kid - i'm thirsty
Dad - Hello Thursdy, I 'm Fridy

I'm keeping my dad locked away from this thread, he doesn't need any encouragement
As we have about a dozen sheep, all of which we raised as pets, my dad finds it hilarious to bleat in the most inappropriate situations.
Like the security line at Singapore airport, metres away from the guard with the submachine gun....

Originally Posted by digger

and the bug vs windscreen jokes...

(when bug hits hard and splatters...)
(Dad) "Bet you he won't have the guts to do that again."

or

(Dad) 'What was the last thing that went through his mind?"
(Child) "I don't know"
(Dad) "His bum"

(Child) "I feel like a biscuit|icecream|drink" etc
(Dad) Squeeze childs arm "Nope - you don't"

Many, many more - but they are subconscious and I cant recall them on demand, apart from any discussion on planets/astronomy etc has to finish with a carefully crafted Uranus reference.

Steve

Originally Posted by Disco Muppet

I'm keeping my dad locked away from this thread, he doesn't need any encouragement
As we have about a dozen sheep, all of which we raised as pets, my dad finds it hilarious to bleat in the most inappropriate situations.
Like the security line at Singapore airport, metres away from the guard with the submachine gun....

I disagree.
Spontaneous bleating in any situation that represents sheep like behaviour is entirely appropriate. Queuing or being herded through any sort of gate are prime examples

Steve