Thread: The best insults...

If I wanted a joke I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak.

One of my father's favourites....as ugly as a hat full of arseholes

Originally Posted by mikehzz

One of my father's favourites....as ugly as a hat full of arseholes

Anorher good one, albeit crude "As useful as a **** full of cold water"

Those clothes are not doing you any favours.

My favourite one from FMJ, very flexible so can be made to fit plenty of situations.
"You climb obstacles like old people ****"

As useful as tits on a bull; doesn't know **** from clay; wouldn't know if his bum was on fire.

Your village called, They're missing their idiot

And one I said to my Mother In Law when she accused me of putting on weight.
I'm fat, your ugly, I can diet!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

I don’t consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

I don’t think you are a fool. But then what’s MY opinion against thousands of others?

I hear the only place you’re ever invited is outside.

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.

I know you are nobody’s fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can’t count that high.

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I’d like to leave you with one thought…but I’m not sure you have anywhere to put it!

I’d love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

I’ll never forget the first time we met – although I’ll keep trying.

Couple of Teenager ones....

I had a dream about you.
Awww?
Yeah. You died.


Or....

I had a wet dream about you
Oh really?
Yeah, you got hit by a bus and I ****ed myself laughing