Thread: Xmas sexism

Originally posted by 84RR

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.


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GPS is a wonderful invention.

8O

Not only were the female but they were high on magic dust to make them fly

Is There Really a Santa?

No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organism yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has seen.

There are 2 billion children (under 18 ) in the world. But since Santa doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Jewish children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total; 378 million or so. At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000 th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat the snacks, get back up the chimney, get back in the sleigh, and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million homes are distributed evenly (which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we will accept) we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 1/2 million miles, not counting bathroom stops. This means that Santa's sleigh is travelling at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, while the average reindeer runs at 15 miles per hour.

The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321 300 tons not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point one) could pull ten times the usual amount, we can not do the job with 8 or even 9. We need 214,000 reindeer. This increases the weight, not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison this is 4 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2 oceanliner.

353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as a spacecraft re-entering the earths atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second. each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of reindeer, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be vaporised within 4.26 thousands of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to acceleration forces 17,500 times the force of gravity. A 300 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

Conclusion : There was a Santa, but he's dead now.

Now if only the female reindeers could show the human females how to read a map!!!!!

Fortunately.......despite Bushies logical analysys.... the pressies will still arive on time Happy Christmas all

Hi all and Merry Christmas,

We all (including myself) seem to have forgotten that the reindeer argument does not apply in Australia.

My young son and Rolf Harris have known for years that in Australia the sleigh is actually pulled by
.
.
.
Six White Boomers.
I was reminded of this at my sons kinder concert.

If the leeching anti file share record company lawyers hadn't shut down WINMX, I would post the song and lyrics for us all to enjoy (a copyright and royalty free version).

Instead here's what I remember of it........

Six white boomers.. Six white boomers.. Six white boomers..
da da da da da dada da dada da dada da da (I forget these bits)
Six white boomers.. (a whole heap of words and music here)...

finishing crescendo of ...

through the blazing sun .. Six white boomers....Boom Boom Boom

Catchy tune isn't it?

Regards
Ralph

PS.
Can anyone recommend a file share program I can use for sharing MP3, JPG that I own and share only with friends and family :wink: .
Thinking about Limewire or Bearshare.

Did not forget about 6 white boomers. Have a look at my chrissie pics. Do have to explain to a lot of kids though. Normally gets a smile and has the ones that have not heard of them entertained.