John, sorry to read of the difficulties you are having, one thing is for sure, you never have to apologise for reaching out. That's what your mates want you to do when you are going through tough times.
Crazy thing is, I just had dinner tonight with a very old friend who I haven't seen for 7 years or so. Over that seven years I had tried reach out to him to try and get in touch without success until about 6 months ago. It's taken until tonight to finally catch up with (with much hounding). I am just stunned at what he has been through in that time. Any one of the many things would turn anyone's life upside down so he's really been through the ringer - turned a man who was well on top of his game into a broken wreck. Needless to say we spent many hours talking. Anyway, the reason I tell this story is to point out that he chose to deal with it all on his own, whether because of embarrassment or stoicism or other, it has caused him a great deal of suffering and loneliness. His journey was much the more difficult for it - it just kills me that I was not there for my mate when he most needed me.
Whatever happens keep reaching out, any one of us would gladly lend a sympathetic ear for you off load (or anything else you might need).
All my best wishes to you and Jan for the best possible outcome.
Cheers,
Sean
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.” - Albert Einstein
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