Thread: Cancer. The awkward conversation.

Originally Posted by BMKal

atrial fibrillation.

A bit off topic,but you gotta watch that AF,it put an end to my Mother.
I inherited it from her,but got it at an age,25yrs earlier than she did.

Had an Ablation 5 yrs ago,good so far.
Hoping its gone for good.

Anyway,good luck with it all.

Originally Posted by scarry

A bit off topic,but you gotta watch that AF,it put an end to my Mother.
I inherited it from her,but got it at an age,25yrs earlier than she did.

Had an Ablation 5 yrs ago,good so far.
Hoping its gone for good.

Anyway,good luck with it all.

It really is a bit of a bastard Paul, innit?


We are doomed to deal with the cards that are dealt to us.

Not all bad here now, but 30 years ago I had Bowel Ca. "Oh ****, that's the end of me life" stuff which was the thinking back then but thank God diagnosis & treatment has improved since then, so still here after many Routine Colonoscopies. (SP?)

My old Dad of 49 died with Lymphoma & the treatment for that seemed horrendous especially from the "Ray" treatment (in it's infancy then) which burnt the poor bugger to buggery & he lost his voice to a whisper but that may have been the surgery I recall he had.

I still miss him even to day & that was nearly 60 years ago. Dads can have that effect.

And now my youngest Bruv is being treated for months for something "they" have not quite put their finger on it but each month it does seem more positive so fingers crossed for him.

They have had a shufti at his brain (but I told him that was a pointless exercise ) but they did find summat, so who knows??

Maybe all this **** is simply hereditary?

Originally Posted by BradC

My neighbour (one of 7 brothers and 2 sisters) was diagnosed and treated about 4 years ago. When he put a broadcast out to his brothers about the diagnosis his older brother said "Oh yes, I had that 2 years ago". Had he actually spoken about it, my neighbour would have had the test earlier, got earlier intervention and required a much less severe treatment.

Sorry to bring it up again (actually not sorry, get tested!). So my now aforementioned ex-neighbour is currently in Tamworth. One of his other brothers just died after a terrible decline. He had un-detected prostate cancer that was eventually found and treated, but unbeknownst to the powers that be (because he didn't ask to get tested for it) it had already spread to a kidney. From there it spread like wild fire and by the time they found it he was ****ed.

Get tested! Every year my GP says "Brad we should do some tests, what do you want to do?" My response is always "Do all of them! If you're taking any blood you may as well take as much as you need to do all the tests".

I know nobody gets out alive, but we in Australia have a socialist medical system that in general manages to treat the bad stuff (if you find it in time). Take advantage of it. Get tested! Please.

Get tested? Indeed. My late wife and I avoided the doctor, unless we needed a cert. Had she been tested, earlier, they would have found that she had Hep C. There are no symptoms, until it's too late and the liver gives up. It was not a good time. Since then I have regular blood tests etc.

But, it still slips through. I have mentioned here how I discovered my illness, but the short version is I fell and fractured my T6 vertebrae, which hurt btw, and had many subsequent scans. I had a follow up twelve months later, and a shadow was noticed, lung area. So, of for another scan. No shadow, but a suspicious lump was found. Sure enough, I could feel it when I became aware of it. But I highly doubt I would have discovered it on my own, at least not in time. Very aggressive tumour, and my feet didn't touch the ground.

You make a very good point about talking, Brad. It's why I started my thread in the first place, and the previous one about my wife. Men aren't good at it, unless, as Ramblingboy said, they meet others in the same boat. In my case that doesn't happen, because 99% of people with breast cancer are women. But I have had a fair amount of time with a psychologist, which began as grief counselling, and continues today to deal with other stuff, too, such as ADHD. In counselling, the whole thing revolves around talking, bringing whatever into the open, exposing it to the light. I have taken this into the rest of my life, and have become an open book. I'll talk about anything. It is so healing it's brilliant. And, I should add, my wife would not recognise me now, because the only time I used to talk was with a glass in my hand, and even then I probably didn't make sense.

With PC, one of the treatments they use is hormone blockers. Same for my form of BC. Speaking of Mister Floppy. In my case they used quite a lot. I post this bit as a warning. It's not too common, but these drugs are known to cause depression. Coupled with the radiotherapy fatigue, they caused in me "passive suicidal ideation". Bloody nearly died, and was being monitored in case it became active. If you find yourself on drugs like Letrozole and/or Zoladex it's vital that you and those around you are vigilant. I don't have anyone here, but I do have brilliant health care pros. I now do not take any anti cancer drugs. I prefer to take my chances with the cancer returning. I do not advocate that others do this, but I do say that each person has the choice. I was on a fast moving treadmill of treatments until I became ill with depression. after this I decided to chart my own course, and found that the oncologists actually supported my decision. I'd rather five years of normality than ten. on those drugs. Some folk tolerate them. I do not. And talking also means asking questions.

So far I'm clean of any of the other usual suspects, but trust me, they won't slip by me like the BC nearly did. Because men don't talk, I had no idea that we could get BC. These days I tell everyone I meet. So what if they're bored? It might sink in. Mastectomies suck. I imagine prostate removal would also suck.

I'm glad this thread resurfaced. I have been sort of invited to apply to be an ambassador for the Men's Breast Cancer Global Alliance. I wasn't sure, but I think I am now. First thing to change that. It isn't men's breast cancer, it is simply breast cancer, just the same as the girls get, and just as lethal.

Hey John,

I kinda figured you'd weigh in and I'm glad you did. I also re-read the thread from end to end before I posted.

This thread was started based on a preventable death that was prevented. A couple of years later resurrected based on a preventable death that wasn't prevented because "real men don't talk about that stuff".

I think I'd rather be a girly and survive thanks.

Originally Posted by BradC

Hey John,

I kinda figured you'd weigh in and I'm glad you did. I also re-read the thread from end to end before I posted.

This thread was started based on a preventable death that was prevented. A couple of years later resurrected based on a preventable death that wasn't prevented because "real men don't talk about that stuff".

I think I'd rather be a girly and survive thanks.

As would I. I came to believe that it is stronger to actually talk, that stoicism is for mugs. What I find amazing is how, once the topic is broached, that a lot of men open up, albeit briefly. But it took me a while to find anyone I could talk to about my cancer. Obviously most of those with it are women, and I find that it's them who won't talk to me. It's a woman's disease, after all. I began to wonder if I was the only bloke to get it, and nobody could point me to a group. I found one though. On FB of course. I detest FB, but I need it. The group is mostly US based, and there's only a couple of hundred of us, but hey. Guys turn up, and like me, are really pleased to find it. But, there is still a lot of stigma attached, mostly due to, you guessed it, men not wanting to talk about it, and women trying to claim it. I need to stress, many women I speak to are happy to talk about it, especially if I start the conversation by telling them to tell their partner, brother, dad etc that it happens.

The disturbing part, at least to me, is how many people, men and women, just get on the medical treadmill and don't think their journey is a personal one, and they have choices. I was due to begin chemo on 23/12/2024. I got on to a trial where they want to see if chemo should be the default. I was randomly selected out of the control group. They then told me that I did not have to have chemo. YAY! But, when the drugs nearly caused me to take my own life I thought, once they agreed that I should pause them, I found myself thinking "what else don't i have to do?" Quite liberating really. Of course, this should be judged on a case by case basis. But I am glad I could realise that it's me, and my life, and I don't have to jump through hoops I don't want to. This is NOT something that is clear on first diagnosis.

Even though I have had two siblings die of cancer, one who was 9yo, first born, I cannot imagine the cost to you and your wife. I do know that my folks, Dad especially, were terribly affected by it. And Dad was as stoic as they come, and we all paid. Not blaming him, although god knows I used to, but he didn't know any different because he was born in Victorian times, stiff upper lip, old chap. He wouldn't talk, and therefore Mum couldn't.

I really appreciate this thread. I hadn't seen it before. And I am especially grateful to Dave ( Inc ) and all of Aulro for allowing threads like these. After all, at a guess I'd say that over 90% of us are blokes.

The title of this thread.... The conversation should not be awkward. It should be natural. But some inhibitions are difficult to break through. But we must.

Some people are different. I know a woman who had triple x rated cancer and she was quite happy to just have the people who needed to know, be in the know. No support groups, faecesbook, head scarf or car stickers for her. I had a mate of 52 years, who I would meet, every three weeks at an Oncology unit. He too, was quite prepared to accept his fate, in a quiet and gentlemanly manner. We buried him this year. The woman is going well, after twelve months of hell.

Discussion and social interaction is obviously a great assistance for many, but it's not for everyone.