Jokes

WORLD WAR III
IN THE PLANNING STAGES
Former President Bush and VP Cheney are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman,
'Isn't that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'
So the guy walks over and says,
'Wow, this is a real honour! What are you guys doing in here?'

Bush says, 'We're planning WW III.'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Cheney says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and
one blonde with big tits.'

The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?
Why kill a blonde with big tits?'

Cheney turns to Bush and says,
'See, I told you, no one gives a **** about 140 million Muslims

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gusthedog

Q: With daylight savings, what time is it now in Adelaide?

A: 1985.

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And still just the way we like it :)
(that also means we have 30 years of Defender production left :) )

Subject: Man killed on Golf Course

A foursome waited at the men's tee while a foursome of women was hitting in front of them--taking their time.
When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet.
Then she went over and missed it completely.
Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it another five feet.

She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically,
"I guess all those f***ing lessons with the golfpro I took over the winter with the golfpro didn't help."

One of the men immediately responded, "Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!"

He never even had a chance to duck.
He was only 43.

I am not sure if it is a joke or the truth

In this world, we invest five times more in medicine for masculine virility and silicone for the woman than medicine for Alzheimer. In a few years we will have old woman with big brests and old mans with stiff penis but not one of them will remember for what it can be used

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chucaro

I am not sure if it is a joke or the truth

In this world, we invest five times more in medicine for masculine virility and silicone for the woman than medicine for Alzheimer. In a few years we will have old woman with big brests and old mans with stiff penis but not one of them will remember for what it can be used

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Arthur ...................... have you forgotten that you posted this yesterday, and the day before, and .......................... :p:p:p:p

:Rolling::Rolling::Rolling::Rolling:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BMKal

Arthur ...................... have you forgotten that you posted this yesterday, and the day before, and .......................... :p:p:p:p

:Rolling::Rolling::Rolling::Rolling:

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As long as we do not forget that it can be used for pee as well :D

Mick wanders into Paddys hayshed and sees Paddy running around naked in front of his tractor , playing with himself.

"By Jeesus ", says Mick , "what do you think you're doing there Paddy"?

Paddy looks guiltily at Mick and says "y'see Mick the missus and I , we haven't been getting the excitement on much recently and I went to see a therapist and he said "do something sexy to a tractor"......

In 1802, the Kiwi's invented the condom, using a sheeps lower intestine.

In 1822, Aussies somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first ...

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend it on a hooker?" the man asked,
"I haven`t had sex in 30 years" the old man replied.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking , golf and sex.

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/im...15/03/1111.jpg