Jokes

The quicky mart

Barack Obama is invisible, and walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. Why are you invisible?"
Barack says "Well, I found a bottle on the beach and...then I rubbed it." "And then...importantly...A genie came out." "He said I could have...3 wishes."

For my first wish, I said "Let me say this, and this is profoundly important...I want Michelle to marry me...I love her,...and I think America will love her too." That wish was granted.

For my second wish, I said "Like all patriotic Americans, I am deeply patriotic...and I want to be President...of the United States...so I can serve my country." That wish was granted too.

And then, for my third wish, I started by saying "Let me be clear..."

As someone once said to me when I wasn't being clear......"Be careful what you wish for."

The DJ played the Macarena, I did the Macarena. They played the Twist, I did the twist. They played Come On Eileen…
And that's how I got kicked out of the nightclub.

Once upon a time ... (many a true word spoken in jest) . The king called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The royal weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain for at least 4 days. . So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area." . The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "Thanks for your concern, but don't worry. It's not going to rain today. I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him." . So the king continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. . Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. . The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtained the information about rain today from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain very soon." So the king hired the donkey instead. . . And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions. . The practice is unbroken to this day...

A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are each given a red rubber ball and are asked to find its volume.
The physicist drops it into water and measures the displacement.
The mathematician sets up a triple integral, and then solves it.
The engineer says "Damn, has anyone got a red rubber ball look up table? I only have the ones for blue and purple"

Enjoy

Hi,
WRONG!

It should be CDO.

It MUST be in alphabetical order.

Cheers

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder.

Hi,
Some get anxious if the order is not to their 'correctness factor'
Cheers