Jokes

A man walks into a pub with 3 ducks the bar tender says you can't bring them here the man says there talking ducks the bar tender agrees thinking another nut job after a while the man goes to the bar says can you look after my ducks I need to go to the toilet the bar tender reluctantly agrees. While the man was in the loo the barman thinks I'll talk to theses ducks so he says hi to the first duck amazingly it says hi back barman says what's your name mike the duck replies barman says how's your day been great I've been in and out of puddles all day great says barman he says hi to the second duck it say hi my name is ralph I've had a great day to I've been in and out of puddles all day to. The barman turns to the third duck and says so how was your day the third duck looks at the barman and absolutely crap why asks the barman my name in puddles.[bigrolf]

A horse walks up to the local cricket ground and says to the captain "I can play cricket too" the captain says "Wow a talking horse" and gives him a go at batting, the horse hits a six of the 1st ball, and then a 4 off the 2nd but the 3rd is only a single, so the captain shouts "Run,run!" the horse replies "Do you think if I could run I'd be playing cricket?".

I was recently diagnosed as being colour blind.
It totally came out of the purple

i didnt think wearing orthopedic shoes would help, but i stand corrected.

Australia is the only country where a dark horse can be called a fair cow.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Eevo

i didnt think wearing orthopedic shoes would help, but i stand corrected.

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Jayzuz Eevo! I don't know if your jokes are getting better or worse but are certainly all funny.

Are you chewing on Eucalyptus leaves perchance?[biggrin]

the inventor of the throat lozenge has died.
there will be no coffin at his funeral.

I thought the drier made my clothes shrink.
turns out it was the refrigerator.

The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
But the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut,
Which eventually pulled out the Ford
With some difficulty
Well more rain than we'd seven for a thousand years
Caused financial joys and biblical fears
It caused some smiles it caused some tears
But more to the point of our story
For The first time in the collective memory,
That old brown prairie that had been so dry for so long was very muddy
Boggy and sticky
We'd pull one truck out and get another stuck in
And motors would roar and tires would spin
We'd sink right down, down to the diff, and we'd all take turns and do it again
Till no one could move, we'd call one more friend,
Come on out here, we need you'bring your truck
The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
But the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford
And the Dodge
They got me stuck in the mud, so they couldn't rehearse
And Chavase too has missed his work
Richie, he now fears the worst, he stood up his ex wife she called him a jerk
Course Holman didn't have nothing better do to, 'cept ranch.
The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
But the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford
Well it was truck after truck, we all got stuck
cept the big old four by hutterite truck
We all thought 'lord are we in luck!?
But he wouldn't come anywhere near us,
Mighty neighborly, mighty neighborly.
So we used a lot of our backs, a little of our brains
We jacked up the jacks, and snugged up the chains,
We all did our very best to refrain from shovelin?.
We put what timber we had, underneath the wheels
And we was all out of sand, but managed to steal
Two sacks of the best modern canola seed you ever did see,
That 'oughta give us some traction
The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
But the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford
We spilled genetically modified canola seed
That was genetically modified for controlling the weeds
And for big old yields and margarine oil, raised hell all over that native prairie soil

I just spent $400 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesnt include a driver!
Cant believe i spent all the money and have nothing to chauffeur it.