Page 539 of 539 FirstFirst ... 39439489529537538539
Results 5,381 to 5,390 of 5390

Thread: Jokes

  1. #5381
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    antipodean
    Posts
    4,009
    "I really should have listened to the advice my old grandpa gave me."

    "Why - what advice did he give you?"

    "I don't know - I didn't listen."
    .....and then there was one

    _______
    l ___[_]|\___
    l___|"__|___|
    "(o)=====(o)"

  2. #5382
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,228
    A salty type swaggers into a bar.


    He has a ship’s wheel stuffed into the front of his trousers.


    The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s wheel in your trousers!”


    The ‘ol salt says, “Aye mate and it’s driving me nuts!”

  3. #5383
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,228
    A boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint and the crew were marooned

  4. #5384
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,228
    What do you call a sleeping bull? A Bulldozer. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.

    Farmer Tom is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car.
    He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal

  5. #5385
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    Adelaide Hills. South Australia
    Posts
    3,605
    'ellooooo. Sounds like Diver has opened his Christmas Crackers a bit early.

  6. #5386
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    New Zealand, Russia
    Posts
    1,020
    At breakfast this morning, my wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

    I nearly choked on my #Brown
    Le toubib m'a mis ex.

  7. #5387
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Blair Athol, Adelaide South Aust.
    Posts
    2,577
    Little known fact, before crow bars were invented, crows used to drink at home
    Cheers, Rod


    BETSY
    1967 Series 2a. 109 4 cyl petrol, Fairey o/drive, Athol Hedges roof.
    Currently undergoing rebuild.
    Will have-- soft top, 4 wheel disc brakes, salisbury rear diff, military colour, 12 pin nato socket, dual pintle hitch....

    1975 Series 3. 109 6cyl 186, 5 speed Nissan cabstar gearbox, mechanical winch, roo bar, kings awning, 50" light bar, roof rack, twin 6"light bars, kings awning tent.

    1969 NO. 5 trailer. ARN 176 464. soft top.

  8. #5388
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,228

    a urine test that may be relevant for us

    A simplified urine test that may be relevant for us.

    Go outside and pee in the garden.

    # If ants gather:- diabetes.
    # If you pee on your feet:- prostate.
    # if it smells like a barbecue:- cholesterol.
    # if when you shake it & your wrist hurts:- osteoarthritis.
    # if you return to your room with your member hanging outside your pants:- Alzheimer

  9. #5389
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    brighton, brisbane
    Posts
    23,019
    WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous " WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car? WIFE: "In the pool"
    halfbacks were invented to stop prop forwards taking over the world.

    Sometimes courage doesnt roar, sometimes it's the little voice at the end of the day, that says " I'll try again tomorrow."

    Illegitimi non carborundum

  10. #5390
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    brighton, brisbane
    Posts
    23,019
    From Westprint 5

    Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment and went out to a place in the scrub where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods one fellow said "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?" "I don't know" replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough."
    halfbacks were invented to stop prop forwards taking over the world.

    Sometimes courage doesnt roar, sometimes it's the little voice at the end of the day, that says " I'll try again tomorrow."

    Illegitimi non carborundum

Page 539 of 539 FirstFirst ... 39439489529537538539

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Search AULRO.com ONLY!
Search All the Web!