Thread: Jokes

These new models are very expensive to run and maintain.

Originally Posted by Numpty's Missus

Would you care? Use once and throw away or recycle

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I am not like that I will have you know I have had the same dish washer. cook. coffee maker and ironing board for 35 years yes several time i have had to have repairs made but I replace dont replace just for the sake of a newer model if the old one is still doing its job ok. But its tempting

Hodgo

Originally Posted by hodgo

__________________________________________________ _______________

I am not like that I will have you know I have had the same dish washer. cook. coffee maker and ironing board for 35 years yes several time i have had to have repairs made but I replace dont replace just for the sake of a newer model if the old one is still doing its job ok. But its tempting

Hodgo

Should that have been ironing broad?

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY


Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good : Your wife's not talking to you
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.

Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.

Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.

Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.

Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.

Good : You just gave 'the birds and the bees' talk to your daughter.
Bad : She keeps interrupting.
Ugly : With corrections.

Good : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.

Good : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a hooker.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly : She makes more money than you do.

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.

She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently, although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".

I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?

I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f. I think deep downI just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her.

I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a veiw of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

So what should I do? Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Supercheap and try to repair it myself?

It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

So what should I do? Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Supercheap and try to repair it myself?

Answer:
Get rid of that Jap P.O.S. & buy a REAL 4wd.

Talking Spanglish. Check out some Words Of the Day. Speak them out loud as if you were Tony Montana (from Scarface)

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: WATER
My girl gets mad and I don't even know water problem is!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: BRIEF
My wife farted... bad, and I couldn't brief.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: MUSHROOM
When all my family gets in the car, there's not mushroom .

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: CHICKEN
My girl wanted me to go to the store, but chicken go by herself.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: JULY
You told me you were goin' to the store and July to me! Julyer!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: WAFER
I wanted to go with my mom to the flea market but she didn't wafer me!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: HERPES
I have some cake to share with my wife- this is my piece and this is
herpes.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: TISSUE
I told you if you didn't know how to do it, I could tissue.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: HARASSMENT
My old lady caught me in bed with my girlfriend so I said harassment nothing to me!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: CASHEW
I was running after you but I couldn't cashew!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: BISHOP
We went out to the club and my old lady got drunk and fell down, so I had to pick the bishop!

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: JUICY
Hey, I'm going to eat Paco's food, tell me if juicy him.

When your husband or boyfriend does something that makes you angry;
Don't give in to the temptation to argue, fuss and fight!
Just count to ten, remain calm & after he goes to bed,
Super-Glue his thongs to the floor.