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Thread: Jokes

  1. #3311
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    Dublin, in the 80's. An American and his wife are walking in the city, when the Wife spots an old man, sitting outside a pub, fishing line in hand, with the line dangling in a pothole in the road. The Woman whispers to her husband " Oh, that poor man. Obviously demented, we must extend the hand of friendship, and be nice to him. " Hubbie agrees."We will show him some American hospitality, " They take the confused old gent into the pub & buy him a whiskey. Then another. Hubbie cant help himself, he says " I see you are fishing, how many have you caught" [ trying to be nice. ]

    " You are the eighth , " said the old fella, " now if you don't mind, I think I will bait up again".
    I’m pretty sure the dinosaurs died out when they stopped gathering food and started having meetings to discuss gathering food

    A bookshop is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking

  2. #3312
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    Homestar is offline Super Moderator & CA manager Subscriber
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    Britain and America are in a head to head fight to see who can screw themselves over the worst. Britain is in the lead, but America has a trump card...
    If you need to contact me please email homestarrunnerau@gmail.com - thanks - Gav.

  3. #3313
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    I tried to catch some fog, I mist.

    Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

    PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

    Broken pencils are pointless.

    Energiser Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
    A thesaurus

    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, then it dawned on me.

    The girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I have never met herbivore.

    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
    Dave.

    I was asked " Is it ignorance or apathy?" I replied "I don't know and I don't care."


    1983 RR gone (wish I kept it)
    1996 TDI ES.
    2003 TD5 HSE
    1987 Isuzu County

  4. #3314
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    AndyG is offline YarnMaster Silver Subscriber
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    Walking along the beach, a man found a bottle. He picked it up and rubbed it, when a genie popped out and said , you are granted one wish. He said he wanted to live forever. No, no, no, I can't grant you that wish. Then he said, I want to die when the they win the election and make Australia debt free. You cunning Ba?.. she said.
    Last edited by p38arover; 1st July 2016 at 09:48 AM. Reason: Deleted political comment
    By all means get a Defender. If you get a good one, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
    apologies to Socrates

    Clancy MY15 110 Defender

    Clancy's gone to Queensland Rovering, and we don't know where he are

  5. #3315
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    Posted 22 days ago post No. 3290

    Plagiarism?
    Dave.

    I was asked " Is it ignorance or apathy?" I replied "I don't know and I don't care."


    1983 RR gone (wish I kept it)
    1996 TDI ES.
    2003 TD5 HSE
    1987 Isuzu County

  6. #3316
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    AndyG is offline YarnMaster Silver Subscriber
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    Quote Originally Posted by d2dave View Post
    Posted 22 days ago post No. 3290

    Plagiarism?
    No laziness, i only read the last page , SWMBO sent it to me

    Enjoy folk the election, tomorrow i start at 0500 a stock take, as least i have not seen any political waffle.
    By all means get a Defender. If you get a good one, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
    apologies to Socrates

    Clancy MY15 110 Defender

    Clancy's gone to Queensland Rovering, and we don't know where he are

  7. #3317
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    cuppabillytea is offline Loud Mouthed Rat Bag Gold Subscriber
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    That joke is so old, it could be dead tomorrow.
    Cheers, Billy.
    Keeping it simple is complicated.

  8. #3318
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    How did our grandparents killed time when there were no Smartphones and Internet?


    I already asked my mom, her seven sisters and nine brothers,


    but no one seems to know.

  9. #3319
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    England v Iceland

    Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England Team of '66 would have fared against Iceland.
    "I think we'd have won 1-0" he replied.
    "Only 1-0" said the Reporter.
    "Yes" said Bobby. "Most of us are in our 70's now!"
    Roger


  10. #3320
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    A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
    "I have an interesting case here," he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.?
    "Have you arrested her" asks the sergeant.
    "No, not yet. The floor's still wet."
    Last edited by Avion8; 4th July 2016 at 12:41 PM. Reason: " became ?'s!

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