Jokes

**RVR110** · 3rd January 2017, 08:16 AM

A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after a minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant mortician.

**d2dave** · 3rd January 2017, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by RVR110

A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after a minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant mortician.

Posted 12 days ago. Post #3560

**cuppabillytea** · 3rd January 2017, 01:06 PM

I regret to inform you all that I have pulled out of the 2020 Olympics for fear of sight seers.

**kogvos** · 3rd January 2017, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

I regret to inform you all that I have pulled out of the 2020 Olympics for fear of sight seers.

Which works for all of us. No one is ready for Billy's mankini.

**d2dave** · 3rd January 2017, 08:08 PM

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

I regret to inform you all that I have pulled out of the 2020 Olympics for fear of sight seers.

I don't get it

**cuppabillytea** · 3rd January 2017, 08:15 PM

Originally Posted by d2dave

I don't get it

You don't have 2020 vision?

**cuppabillytea** · 3rd January 2017, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by kogvos

Which works for all of us. No one is ready for Billy's mankini.

Nice try but I'm not showing.

**Chenz** · 5th January 2017, 11:49 AM

Husband:
My wife is missing.
She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Policeman: Height ?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Policeman: Weight ?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Policeman: Color of eyes ?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Policeman: Color of hair ?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.

Policeman: What was she wearing ?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Policeman: What kind of car did she go in ?
Husband: She went in my truck.

Policeman: What kind of truck was it ?
Husband : A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Policeman: Take it easy sir,

we'll find your truck!!!

**d2dave** · 7th January 2017, 08:06 PM

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier

"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

"Sir, you stepped away from the counter" said the cashier.
"We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank."

"Well ok" answered the customer.
"Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra hundred. Bye."

**Roverlord off road spares** · 9th January 2017, 11:45 AM

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and AMA paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career.

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