Thread: Jokes

Einstein developed a theory about space - and about time too!

Bubba and Billy Ray are walking down the street in Atlanta on a visit, and they see a sign on a store which reads, “Suits $5.00 each! , shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each. ”

Bubba says to his pal, “Billy Ray, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take’em back to Sand Mountain, sell ‘em to our friends, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin’ ’cause if they hear your accent, they might think we’re ignorant, and won’t wanna sell that stuff to us.

Now, I’ll talk in a slow Georgia drawl so’s they don’t know we is from Alabama.”

They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl, “I’ll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I’ll back up my pickup and…”

The owner of the shop interrupts, “Ya’ll from South Alabama , ain’t ya?”

Well…yeah,” says a surprised Bubba….”How come you knowed that?”

"Because this here is a dry cleaners, boys”

In 500BCE, the Arabs invented the first contraceptive condom by using a sheeps intestine.
It took the english another 1000 years to improve on this design- by removing the intestine from the sheep first.

But they still haven't let the Kiwis in on it.

Hillary Clinton phoned the president's office shortly after midnight.

“I need to talk to the president, it’s an emergency!”, exclaimed Hillary.

After some cajoling, the president's assistant agreed to wake him up.

“So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until
morning?” grumbled President Trump.

“One of the Supreme Court Justices just died, and I want to take his
place!” begged Hillary.

“Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary!” replied President Trump.

A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a pistol in his hand and yelling, “I have a 45 caliber pistol here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber, and I want to know who’s been sleeping with my wife.”
The bar goes quiet.
Shortly after, a voice from the other end of the bar called out, “You’re going to need more ammo”

Originally Posted by Toxic_Avenger

A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a pistol in his hand and yelling, “I have a 45 caliber pistol here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber, and I want to know who’s been sleeping with my wife.”
The bar goes quiet.
Shortly after, a voice from the other end of the bar called out, “You’re going to need more ammo”

What an odd gun.

Originally Posted by V8Ian

What an odd gun.

Glock