A salty type swaggers into a bar.
He has a ship’s wheel stuffed into the front of his trousers.
The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s wheel in your trousers!”
The ‘ol salt says, “Aye mate and it’s driving me nuts!”
"I really should have listened to the advice my old grandpa gave me."
"Why - what advice did he give you?"
"I don't know - I didn't listen."
A salty type swaggers into a bar.
He has a ship’s wheel stuffed into the front of his trousers.
The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s wheel in your trousers!”
The ‘ol salt says, “Aye mate and it’s driving me nuts!”
A boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint and the crew were marooned
What do you call a sleeping bull? A Bulldozer. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.
Farmer Tom is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car.
He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal
'ellooooo. Sounds like Diver has opened his Christmas Crackers a bit early.
At breakfast this morning, my wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.
I nearly choked on my #Brown
Рашка парашка
Little known fact, before crow bars were invented, crows used to drink at home
A simplified urine test that may be relevant for us.
Go outside and pee in the garden.
# If ants gather:- diabetes.
# If you pee on your feet:- prostate.
# if it smells like a barbecue:- cholesterol.
# if when you shake it & your wrist hurts:- osteoarthritis.
# if you return to your room with your member hanging outside your pants:- Alzheimer
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous " WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car? WIFE: "In the pool"
I’m pretty sure the dinosaurs died out when they stopped gathering food and started having meetings to discuss gathering food
A bookshop is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking
From Westprint 5
Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment and went out to a place in the scrub where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods one fellow said "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?" "I don't know" replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough."
I’m pretty sure the dinosaurs died out when they stopped gathering food and started having meetings to discuss gathering food
A bookshop is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking
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