Thread: Jokes

People who don’t know how to spell are such loosers

Originally Posted by Eevo

People who don’t know how to spell are such loosers

That appears fine to me but shirley you mean Peeple?

Originally Posted by NavyDiver

A old Sailor was just lamenting his knees are wobbling and he feels like he is getting old and frail.


I suggested he get out of the pub and off the turps

I hope bob took your advice.

A retired couple, Denise and Bob, moved to Tamworth NSW. Bob always
wanted a pair of R.M. WILLIAMS boots, so, seeing some on sale, he
bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
'Notice anything different about me?'
Denise looked him over. 'No Darl.'
Frustrated, Bob stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen completely naked except for new R.M. Williams
boots.
Again he asked Denise, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything
different NOW?'
Denise looked up and exclaimed, 'Bob, what's different? It's hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down
again tomorrow, 'cause it's always that way.'
Furious, Bob yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, DENISE?
DO YOU?'
.....'No Darl', she replied.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT ME NEW R.M. WILLIAMS
BOOTS!!!!'
Without changing her expression, Denise replied, 'Shoulda bought a
hat, Bob.
Shoulda bought a hat.'

Originally Posted by Eevo

A retired couple, Denise and Bob, moved to Tamworth NSW. Bob always
wanted a pair of R.M. WILLIAMS boots, so, seeing some on sale, he
bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
'Notice anything different about me?'
Denise looked him over. 'No Darl.'
Frustrated, Bob stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen completely naked except for new R.M. Williams
boots.
Again he asked Denise, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything
different NOW?'
Denise looked up and exclaimed, 'Bob, what's different? It's hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down
again tomorrow, 'cause it's always that way.'
Furious, Bob yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, DENISE?
DO YOU?'
.....'No Darl', she replied.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT ME NEW R.M. WILLIAMS
BOOTS!!!!'
Without changing her expression, Denise replied, 'Shoulda bought a
hat, Bob.
Shoulda bought a hat.'

No one can ... deflate..a bloke like his Wife.

A Catholic priest asks a Jewish rabbi: when will you finally start eating pork?
The rabbi replies: at your wedding.

For some reason the wife was dropping hints about buying her flowers at the weekend. I didnt know which to get so i bought her both plain and self raising.