Thread: Jokes

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For the Sydney members...

I dated a girl from Rooty Hill once, it was almost as disappointing as the time I climbed Mount Druitt

Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he
asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering
kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even
the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting,
Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed??😐😐😐

On a warm summer night, a young lady entered the butcher shop with startling news for the butcher: The baby in her arms was his.
Nonplussed, the butcher didn't know what to do, and eventually offered the only thing he thought he could - he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

Paddy turned up at the doctors surgery only to be told that his old doctor had now retired and that he would have to see the new doctor.
He walked into the doctors office only to be confronted with the new, very attractive, young female doctor who asked Paddy what she could do for him.
Paddy felt a bit embarrassed and said “well, I was sat in the bath this morning and I could feel a lump down there” as he pointed downwards. The doctor said “well take off your trousers and lie on the bed”.
After about ten minutes of the doctor fiddling about with Paddy’s genitalia she said “I can’t feel a lump”.
Paddy said “it’s on my toe”.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey Doc, want to look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered...... ''Try doing it with the engine running."

From Westprint Friday five.