The most common deathbed regrets thread

[Tins]

I think the list of death-bed regrets recorded by the palliative care nurse sadly suggests that Australia is generally a nation self-obsessed people and that this does not magically change as we face death.

I haven't been privy to many people's death-bed regrets; on the other hand, I have been present at a great many unexpected deaths, so have been privy to the reactions of those who have suddenly and unexpectedly lost loved ones. They often yearn for a chance to say the things they didn't say, for one last embrace, to take back harsh words.

Don't agree with the first sentence. I reckon you'd get much the same list worldwide, or at least in the developed countries.

Agree 100% with the second.

[scarry]

A mate of mine,quite a few years ago was with his 86yr old "Mother",she was dying.

She told him she was actually his Aunt,not his mother.

As can be imagined,he was pretty shocked.

He is also the only person i know of that has survived a saltwater crocodile attack.
One mangled left arm that took years to heal,after many operations.

[d2dave]

My biggest regret is not being able to win lotto

On a serious note though. If I had my time again I would change a lot of things, but I don't have any regrets.

At 68, I am happy and content.

[BradC]

Timely as my dad has been on his for a couple of weeks now. To paraphrase Monty Python "He's not dead yet!".

When asked the obligatory question about regrets I got : "I have none, I've had a great life". After a couple of weeks wait, he's finally in Hospice. Comfortable, and quite happy. Can't really ask for more than that.

[workingonit]

To paraphrase Monty Python "He's not dead yet!".

Some times there is humor to be had before the final moment.

Father in law in palliative care. Was somewhat of moral character, never swore. Family gathered around, along with a nurse monitoring for the last breath in his sleep. Surprising us all he suddenly wakes, and asks for food. Told the kitchen was closed. His response, a gruff 'Oh, poppycock!' then straight back to deep sleep. Later woke with some other request, to the answer he responded 'Oh, bolderdash!' then back to deep sleep. Died a few hours later.

The 'apparently dying' must sometimes wonder about the attitude of the living. I live in Darwin (derr!) and my brother with dad in southern NSW. Brother rings to say dad has severe congestion, doctors say not long to live, get down here ASAP if you want any chance of seeing him alive. I arrive 36 hours later with no sleep. Brother and I striding down the hospital corridor. Brother telling me don't be shocked by his visual appearance, its not good. As we turn the corner into his room my brother goes 'Oh God, he's recovering!!'. Dad, propped up in bed eating, looks over none the worse for wear, 'Uh, what did you say?'. Nothing dad, nothing, good to see you. He went on for another 4 years. All three heads close together because of his hard of hearing, we chatted. Next day we visited to find a quarantine notice over the bedroom door. We had to wear masks. A dangerous fungus in the lungs. Bit late for bro and me...we both died the next day...humor wise that is...both exhausted.

[BradC]

Some times there is humor to be had before the final moment.

Most of the time if you can break through the "inappropriate barrier". The Nurses are particularly special at those amusing moments.

For several nights my son woke and sat up bright as a button, had 2 lines of conversation and went back to sleep. My favourite was :

"Daddy, daddy the pipes bwoken!"
"No worries Callum, what are we going to use to fix it?"
"The glue gun!" <-- said with incredible gusto and enthusiasm.

I console myself that for those 4 odd days (and they were odd), he was either in a happy place or replaying happy memories. Thanks Fentanyl and Ketamine.

I had a mate over last night for a beer. He has a particularly sharp sense of humor, so I said "I've wondered if Dad pegs it on Friday, does that mean he'll come back to life on Monday?". His response was "I'm not entirely sure how to respond to that". There's a barrier there with darker humour that some have trouble getting past.

[workingonit]

Most of the time if you can break through the "inappropriate barrier". The Nurses are particularly special at those amusing moments.

For several nights my son woke and sat up bright as a button, had 2 lines of conversation and went back to sleep. My favourite was :

"Daddy, daddy the pipes bwoken!"
"No worries Callum, what are we going to use to fix it?"
"The glue gun!" <-- said with incredible gusto and enthusiasm.

I console myself that for those 4 odd days (and they were odd), he was either in a happy place or replaying happy memories. Thanks Fentanyl and Ketamine.

I had a mate over last night for a beer. He has a particularly sharp sense of humor, so I said "I've wondered if Dad pegs it on Friday, does that mean he'll come back to life on Monday?". His response was "I'm not entirely sure how to respond to that". There's a barrier there with darker humour that some have trouble getting past.

I guess there is the spoken response 'of not knowing what to say' and then there is the unspoken thought, where people have trouble with the idea you can die on Friday and come back to life a few days later, and wonder if they're missing out on some opportunity.

My father was from Yorkshire so it was 'popping the cloggs' rather than 'pegging it'. I like the bit from ‘to pop one’s clogs’: meaning and early occurrences – word histories

A Joking Parson.
A parson who preached the anniversary sermons at the Idle ² Baptist Chapel capped the congregation with the announcement, something like this: “The choir will now sing; be not afraid.” The folk wondered what they hadn’t to be afraid of, but they “tumbled” when the choir struck up the anthem “Be not afraid.” The same parson said that it was no use bothering about piling brass up, because nobody could take it with them when they popped their clogs; in fact, he said, it would melt before they got to the other side. He must think rich folk will have a warm passage as well as a warm reception!

Sorry to hear about your young son.

My 26 year old bought a new vehicle late last year - not a Land Rover - he'd learned his lesson after I foisted a Discovery 1 on him for the first 6 years of his driving career. But he's a pretty good mechanic now, as the saying goes when you own a LRover.

Anyway, he optioned it out intending to leave just after last Christmas, with his spouse, for a round Oz trip, only to be told a couple of days before Christmas that he has a large tumor on the pituitary gland. The best laid plans just fell into a heap.

The tumour is benign. The specialists say it is 'the best tumor to have' (their humour) as it responds well to a particular medication. We're guessing it's shrinking given the headaches have stopped. These tumours can affect 1 in 10 people I believe, so if you get severe migraines, from the act of standing up, get a head scan. As parents no matter how maudlin we feel we have to remind ourselves we are not the ones bearing the true burden, and he surprises us how cheerful and upbeat he remains. We're sad sacks while he just gets on enjoying himself - treatment is in Brisbane so we get lots of photos of places he and spouse have visited. The phrase "we love you" gets used a lot more.