Thread: How old is old enuff to leave home?

Perhaps you could do well to remember that your boy only a year and a half ago was 14. What experience has he picked up from then? What have you and your wife done to prepare him for this? You need to be strong and lead by example, maybe you need to change your ways?This needs very careful consideration. Remember he is not you. His perceptions are of an inexperienced kid. What you say to him can be totally distorted, hence the negative feedback you receive. We need to communicate with clarity and do it passively. People will say "we've tried, we've tried!". When do we succeed?When we keep trying. Listen to him, you dont have to agree but you can understand he is unique and at that stage of life where he is going to make both right and wrong choices. It is only natural what your family is going through, keep it together.

You can give anyone a map. If they don't know how to use it it's only good to wipe their 4r53 with. You are his guide through life, however he will ultimately do what he thinks is right. If it is wrong I would tell him the hard truth and then respectfully let him make the decision. Knocking seven shades of 5h1t out of him to get him to make the right choice with only burn bridges.

Hi Sorry to hear about the dramas.
Take heart your not alone!!
Had pretty much the same scenario 6 months ago with my 16 yo.
Still have sore shoulder from tearing it in the melee!

"Skanky ho" hanging around was making it worse.
The boy dropped out of school and is now systematically stuffing his life.

My boy needs a good flogging... but I don't reckon a Father should do it. ( I feel like it though)

Me and the wife have just tried to keep communications open so we can try and influence him a little, which is better than not at all.

This has worked so far and some improvement has been noticed. A long way to go yet.

I have to keep reminding myself that he is still my son and too silly to see reality yet. He doesn't realise he is not 10 ft tall and bullet proof..

I am a believer that, if you have raised them right, they will get their act together eventually.

The wife takes it worse. She feels shes failed as a mum and it is somehow her fault.

Take your msissus out to her favourite spot and remind her why you're with her.

This situation is truly a test of patience and perserverance.
You have to be there for the rest of the family and yourself, which is no easy task.

Despite the ridicule that some may give me, I firmly believe that earnest prayer is answered, maybe not when I want it, but in perfect timing.

Hang in there.
Bad things happen to good people, but so do good things!!.
Sometimes life sucks but God doesn't.

Well he is your son, you raised him, you gave him his value set, your marriage and your relationship is his reference plus whatever crap he believes he knows from looking at tv, movies and his mates.

Question is what do you want

He is too old and too self centred now to obey you so trying the do as your told under my roof routine won't work.

If he is incapable of acting like an adult in your house and showing respect for the other adults there and contributing to the household as an adult same as if he was sharing a rented house with strangers.

Then a good option is a strong dose of reality of putting him out telling him to find his own accommodation his own money furniture and seeing how well he copes with a firm padlock on his bedroom door to prevent him returning.

Been through this with ex partner teenage son and your wasting time supporting them while they got the attitude they don't listen they don't co-operate and its one way traffic, the sooner he is out on his own the happier you will be.

After a while they realise that they were wrong and you get the chance to re-establish a relationship.

He isn't a child anymore so adjust to it

Take heart as several have said you are not alone in this.

I kicked my son out at 15, came home once to often to find him home with his mates stoned out of their tree instead of at school as he was supposed to be. He went and lived with his mother who not only condoned it but actively encouraged it. So the bit of control I had completely disapeared, we are both strong willed and it took time for the rift to heal, he now has a daughter to the girl and working as a cook but gee the potential he has, has not ben realised.

Hard thing to say though is that it is his live and he can do what he wants.

The most important thing I did after I cool off was to let him know I loved him and that the door was always open if he chose to come back but no illegal drugs. He can back about 3 yearts later after she booted him out then left again when she say she would take him back.

I remember talking to my father about it and said something along the lines of "bloody kids I could kill them at times" he looked me straight in the eye and said one word -

"yeah"

I laughted and said touche, he then went on to give a brief over view of the dramas he and mum had with me. All of which were similar I guess.

It's hard but try to not close the door on him as we are the adults even if they think they are.

Blythe

well, anyone who doubts my parenting skills come live here for a week, we are constantly banging our heads against a brick wall with this boy, we have tryed and tryed to keep him on the straight and narrow, other family members have tried, he quit school last year coz he just couldnt do it, he admitted he only went to school to be with his mates, trouble after trouble with cops and courts the list goes on, I run a hard ship I was bought up by a copper under an iron fist, I know right from wrong, I see things in black and white, its wrong or right left or right, no inbetween, we thought we were doing ht eright thing by giving him some independence coz he was showing signs of maturing quicker then his big brother, we got slapped in the face again, coppers said what can u do, legally he can leave home but also we are still responsible for him, I wont take anymore of my dear wife being verbally and near physically abused by a punk, my wife bore the brunt of last nights explosion and she is a mess, naturally she blames herself, know matter what I say to try and console her it doesnt help, I dont know at the moment, I just hope he makes the right decisions and stays out of trouble, he chose his girl and friends over family, what can we do, take it on the chin and try and make sure the other two are guided in a different direction? wheres me scotch!

Hope u r all ok I would just like to add to the comments above.
Text him saying you hope he is ok,?
PS Dissapointed with the way you spoke to Mum both of us very dissapointed.

I left home at 15 and was in gaol by 18 as father was very hands on man Ex SAS, Police Officer and Queens Guard no I am not kidding. and I spent lots of time in hospital due to child abuse in very violent and verbally abusive house I would say home but for me it never was. Must add it is now when I visit and stay over.
In my opinion hitting or any other form of violence is never constructive as I ended up violent towards other inmates.
I now Get on well with both parents now all is forgiven now that I know how they grew up in the UK under harsher parents.
I have 2 kids 12 yr old girl and 14 yr old boy.

Can Honestly say I have only ever spanked son once in his life for playing with power lead at 5 and blowing himself up with house keys.Scared the ???? out of his mother and I.
We have a great relationship at the moment and allways have.
When he is rude or swears at his Mum I just wait 5 or so minutes and then knock on his door and walk into his room and let him know that I am truly hurt and dissapointed in his attitude and language.
5 to 10 minutes later he is out and appolagising to both of us.
I believe your 16 yr old son is trying to do what I did when I was this age i would imagine, he feels he needs to have a certain amount of authority in his own home especially when he is around his new girl???
He is acting to prove something to his lady friend I would imagine, best advice I can offer is as I said, let him know you r worried and dissapointed but will allways be there for him.
god bless and good luck. I know this is going to happen in my house and I shall follow my own advice.

cheers.
PS Take the little lady out for a movie and meal to cheer her and yourself up. When he comes home he will be a different man I am sure.

Mate, what can we say? We can only feel for you and give a little of our experiences.

The bottom line, and the one that really hurts, is do you and your wife want the best for him? That's a silly question but somehow these 'kids' need to know they are wanted even if they are a pain.

I went through similar problems with my eldest daughter when she was 16. Door slamming was the order each time she got upset. We were renting and I did not want to have to explain to the landlord that the doors needed repairing so I reacted harshly toward her. We never hit her as this would have sealed our fate.

She moved out as soon as she left school and it was then that my good wife explained that confrontation would not solve the issue. I made it clear to my daughter that she was out of the house as far as living with us was concerned. I also promised to be there and support her if things went pear shaped.

It was not till 6 years after that she realised that I loved her, and that was after her wedding. Now we are the best of mates and she knows that we care.

It is very difficult I know, but try to let him know that you are really concerned about him.

Keep positive and support your wife through this.