Thread: Things I've learnt.....

Originally Posted by digger

After we left there we were called to a terrible industrial accident... yes, Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 20 feet and crushed him underneath.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted ?The milky bars are on me? everyone cheered.


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That has to be 'Comment of the Year'.

So I've had a busy few days, Seems a famous American actor had got lost here in Australia in the snow. So, knowing I had some tracking skills learnt from local tribesman they contacted me. Almost immediately they asked me ?How do we find Will Smith in the snow??
It took me a few hours but I formulated a plan...
? You look for the fresh prints? I told them. So they found him.


I decided maybe I should be writing this stuff down for the future so I headed to the news agency. The sign in the window said 2015 diaries. I went in and counted them. LIES!! There were only 133.


Things have been rough at home, I just swapped our bed for a trampoline. My wife hit the roof.
This of course comes after last week when I decided to sell my Vacuum Cleaner. (It was just collecting dust.)

The vacuum was pretty average anyway, I seem to be able to select average products with ease! You know the ones, they work enough that they cannot be claimed to be faulty but they are less than impressive in any way. Anyway this got me to wondering, so I typed into my computer (the googletron) ?Where are average things built??
Apparently it's satisfactory.


Only an hour later, things got scary!, I looked all over the house, I could hear a woman singing but I was at home alone, I was terrified but then I realised it was just my computer singing....
You see its a dell.


I needed to get out of the house, my local pet store had a bird contest. Luckily no perches necessary. I went there and as I approached a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.


The pet shop is on the second floor, as I type this I am trying to think of a good lift joke. I said to the elevator attendant, ?What's the best thing about elevator jokes??
He said, ? They work on so many levels.?

I got out in the pet store, its a huge store and very busy, they also sell cloned dinosaurs, so they are world famous. A man in a very tight suit walked up to me, staring at me he said ?Does this uniform make me look fat?" ?I didn't get to answer before he ran off crying. I spoke to the store assistant and asked who the guy in the suit was. He told me he was the store insecurity guard.


They we telling us all about the things they've learned from the cloned dinosaurs. Like, Why can't you hear a pterodactyl ?using the toilet??
Turns out its because the P is silent.


I've been worried about being addicted to stuff, like originally I went to my Dr, I said:
? Doctor you've got to help me, I'm addicted to Twitter.?
The Doctor said : ?I don't follow you?

I now know that "Connect the dots" isn't always dangerously addictive, (so long as you know when to draw the line.)

I've got an addiction to water, I actually think I'm an aquaholic. But I do know one thing I have learnt, and that is that if you think you can survive on just water, you're diluting yourself

Anyway, I'm off to bed
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