Thread: Tool Definitions:

• Wire Wheel: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light.

so true!!!

Who ever wrote this certainly knows his tools and I wholeheartedly agree, 100% accurate and brings back many memories and a few chuckles, Regards Frank.

Originally Posted by Reads90

Saw this on another forum and found it funny and thought you lot might like to see it
Ali

Tool Definitions:
• Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the room.Today it was a bit of Ally flat into the palm of my hand.....OUCH
• Wire Wheel: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. It was actually the grinding wheel today on a socket to get into a tight spot.
The socket bounced off the window in my office......no damage but Im surprised it didnt break
• Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age,I do this all the time....just not today but several on friday just gone or for perforating something behind and beyond the original target object.I re-engined a Dingo once and drilled right through 2 Hydraulic hoses that were inside one of the rails, didnt know until I started it and oil went everywhere
• Skil Saw: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.Im no longer alowed to do house renovations
• Pliers: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood blisters.Ive moved up to shifters
• Belt Sander: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert a minor touch up job into major refinishing job.
• Hacksaw: One of a family of tools used for frustration enhancement. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence it’s course the more dismal your future becomes.I have a lot of trouble keeping hacksaws or handsaws in my workshop because they normally end up burried somewhere where the Irrigation has broken at some stage
• Mole Grips: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available thy can also be used to transfer intense heat of welding to palm of your hand.
• Welding Gloves: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.Great for retaining heat to that your hand gets really really deep burns as well as being great to suck your hand into the angle grinder
• Oxyacetylene Torch: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your workshop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside thw wheel hub you want the bearing out of.Good Cigarette lighter
• Table Saw: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
• Hydraulic Floor Jack: Use to lower automobile to the ground after you’ve changed the brake shoes, trapping the handle firmly under the bumper.
• Eight foot long 4x4: Used for levering car upwards off a trapped jack handle.
• Tweezers: A tool for removing splinters and wire wheel wires.
• Stud Extractor: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes.Done that before aswell
• Two Ton Engine Hoist: A tool for testing the tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.I have lifted a machine off the ground from a bit of wiring loom and some fuel line before with the engine crane while dismantling for parts
• Aviation Metal Snips: See Hacksaw.
• Phillips Screwdriver: Used to stab vacuum seals under lids, opening old style paper and tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt. But can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.Also great for poking holes in the palm of your hand
• Straight Screwdriver: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert slotted screws into non-removable screws. Also good for poking holes in your hand
• Pry Bar: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding the clip or bracket you wanted to remove.and breaking glass that is in the vaig vasinity
• Hose Cutter: Used to make hoses too short.
• Hammer: Originally used as a weapon of war, nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts around the target objectSecond best tool to a shifter

Thats a cracker of a post,

I added some Mcroverisms

wire brush - perfectly designed to stab under fingernails when reaching for another tool
open ended spanner - tool designed to remove skin from knuckles
self drilling screw - designed to frustrate and then snap when 3/4 way in
arc welder - inbuilt feature allows perfect welding until welding in visible areas

I saw the thread title and I thought definition of a Tool was a Toyota owner