Reply With QuoteDo you drive a Freelander? Why are you wasting time jacking up a Land Rover!?
ForumSage
Or at least - this is how SWMBO sees it .............................
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
3) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
2) Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under caravan.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among rubbish in wheely bin to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin swearing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Cleanup hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car is impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2400.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,085.00
Cheers .........
BMKAL
ChatterBox
SupporterDo you drive a Freelander? Why are you wasting time jacking up a Land Rover!?
ChatterBox
Just goes to show SWMBO KNOWS BEST !!!!
Mrs Bundalene
(PS Thanks for the story - it made us both laugh)
In reality
SWMBO driving past Ultra tune when car stops with smoke and steam coming out from under the bonnet.
Ultra tune tech comes out and helps push car off the road (in peak hour of course) and suggests that it probably should have been service 3 years ago.
Tech then pushes it into the service bay when she asks if it will be fixed in 15 mins or should she call a cab.
After taking a cab to work and calling Hubby, hubby rings Ultra tune to hear.....
Blown head gasket, 10mm end movement on the crank, auto is stuffed as is the radiator, wheel bearings and the brakes.
Hubby says but she has been getting it services at Kmart auto, I have the reciepts.......
This actually happened to a mate of mine, verdict was, EL Falcon went from Ultra tune to the wreckers and was replaced with an AU.......and the cycle continues.
Me servicing my LR.
I put it on my hoist, get the 17mm ring spanner and remove the drain plug, while the oils dropping I check everything else and top up batteries, washer bottle etc.
Replace drain plug, change filter, crush filter and put in proper disosal bin, put sump oil in my 1000ltr sump oil tank for disposal and then top up from the 205ltr Valvoline diesel oil I keep in stock....
I do like having a workshop at my disposal.
After the 15 to 20mins for the service I normally find something else to fix while having a couple of beers and then get home before SWMBO to be told....so all youve been doing is sittng on your bum on the damn forum ......
ForumSage
Now this version really DOES sound familiar.Originally Posted by mcrover
In reality
SWMBO driving past Ultra tune when car stops with smoke and steam coming out from under the bonnet.
Ultra tune tech comes out and helps push car off the road (in peak hour of course) and suggests that it probably should have been service 3 years ago.
Tech then pushes it into the service bay when she asks if it will be fixed in 15 mins or should she call a cab.
After taking a cab to work and calling Hubby, hubby rings Ultra tune to hear.....
Blown head gasket, 10mm end movement on the crank, auto is stuffed as is the radiator, wheel bearings and the brakes.
Hubby says but she has been getting it services at Kmart auto, I have the reciepts.......
This actually happened to a mate of mine, verdict was, EL Falcon went from Ultra tune to the wreckers and was replaced with an AU.......and the cycle continues.
Me servicing my LR.
I put it on my hoist, get the 17mm ring spanner and remove the drain plug, while the oils dropping I check everything else and top up batteries, washer bottle etc.
Replace drain plug, change filter, crush filter and put in proper disosal bin, put sump oil in my 1000ltr sump oil tank for disposal and then top up from the 205ltr Valvoline diesel oil I keep in stock....
I do like having a workshop at my disposal.
After the 15 to 20mins for the service I normally find something else to fix while having a couple of beers and then get home before SWMBO to be told....so all youve been doing is sittng on your bum on the damn forum ......
Cheers .........
BMKAL
ChatterBox
Just for the record, we have never used Ultra tune.
I do all my own servicing and then can't blame anyone for any stuff ups.
ChatterBox
Both sound funny.
The bare knuckle scenario does sound so familiar with almost anything to do with Landies though, sometimes just the starting process when we get any solid object to bash the solenoid.
I had a good laugh.
Like the chick way of doing better though.
Moderator
I service my own cars generally unless they are under warranty. As currently is the Stato, but the local Toyota/Ford place do a good job. Yes I know weird Holden serviced at a Toyota/Ford dealership, but friends work there and they are pretty good and where we bought it.
I have been stung a couple of times by services not being done properly, but usually pick up if something has not been done and set traps for prospective new workshops to make sure what is supposed to be done gets done.
BMKal,
If I could get an oil change and coffee for $42 I would lap it up, my oil costs more than that.
2011 Discovery 4 TDV6
2009 DRZ400E Suzuki
1956 & 1961 P4 Rover (project)
1976 SS Torana (project - all cash donations or parts accepted)
2003 WK Holden Statesman
Departed
2000 Defender Extreme: Shrek (but only to son)
84 RR (Gone) 97 Tdi Disco (Gone)
98 Ducati 900SS Gone & Missed
Facta Non Verba
RoverLord
Thats probably why it goes so well Craig
Sounds like Skaife is about to fall on his sword.He has to be the Aussie stig in top gear,the manerisms are so similar.
Andrew
DISCOVERY IS TO BE DISOWNED
Midlife Crisis.Im going to get stuck into mine early and ENJOY it.
Snow White MY14 TDV6 D4
Alotta Fagina MY14 CAT 12M Motor Grader
2003 Stacer 525 Sea Master Sport
I made the 1 millionth AULRO post
Is that why the Aussie stig cant drive
That would have to be the worst track ever as well, it just cant flow unlike the UK version.
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