Embarrassment

What part of " I am honoured to be your friend", don't you understand Banjo;), I see you realise the error of your ways, it has taken 23 years which is along time and Karen has grown weary of the constant pressure of trying to drag you back from the edge and like Andy says and I have suggested before, you do need advice from professionals. As a friend I ask you to do this, you can't do it on your own!!:( Several days ago I gave you some phone numbers and links to various professional services, again, as a friend I ask you to contact one of those organisations.
You started this Thread way back at the beginning of the year and a lot of well meaning people have given you help and assistance in that time and you still seem to be asking the same questions over and over, it is now time for you to bite the bullet and decide to do something about your situation. Other people cannot do this for you.:(
We are all in control of our own lives, I am in control of my destiny, Mrs Aus is in control of hers, and you are in control of yours, if you fear that you are heading to an abyss, do something about it, don't just get swept over the edge, helplessly.

Again as a friend I ask you to seek professional help, I don't know how else I can say it.:)

Mate, Good Luck and I certainly hope that you will see things clearer tomorrow!!!:):)

You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
You can't expect Karen to forget anything from the past or to tell you now she trusts you about the future. It doesn't matter how many times you ask, she can't say that. Only time can achieve that.
You've come a long way. That's great. You're on the right path now. Keep going.
Your future is up to you - no-one else. You don't need permission or approval from others.
I believe you can do it, but it's up to you.

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Originally Posted by Stuuu

That is a question that only Karen can answer.

For the past two weeks or more there has been no way that she could answer it as she has been over-tired or stressed or depressed or had a break down or whatever. Even today you have posted that she does not really feel anything about the kids. Maybe I am wrong but to me that says she is still not 100%. So it will take time for her to get to the point of really knowing how she would like to answer that question.



I know you did not ask me but anyone who owns up to doing wrong things in the past and says sorry for them and really wants to stop doing them and make an improvement in the future - then I am honoured to be called their friend.

I hope we are.

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I real realy do want to stop doing what i have done in the past ..It realy sunk in today while i was in the vegie garden after chatting with Karen it realy hit me what i have done to Karen ..& i never seen it when Karen was telling me all this over the years so that makes me feel even worse..

I'm so lost & lonely....

Ha i just realised i'm now a topic toaster woo hoo.....

Just wish i could die now that would fix everything for everyone ..I can't go back to what I cam from & i know i would only last a few weeks ....

I hate seeing Karen like this we all miss her being herself kids are starting to get worried to now . . .

But i do have to slow down some before i make it worse around here .

If i use a rope that will slow me down some. . .. .

Make some phone calls mate to the people that have been suggest in earlier posts, you dont have to leave the house, just have a breif chat on the phone to them, maybe able to also comunicate through email or such like in this day and age.
hoping your tommorrows are better than your yesterdays
cheers
blaze

Please call 13 11 14 NOW!

Jason, stop feeling sorry for yourself. By your own admittion you've been a * ri ck to Karen for 23 years. Do you really expect her to have confidence that overnight you've suddenly changed? She has to protect here own sanity, and you've tested that to the limit. Karen has offered you an opportunity, you can stay and she'll be your carer. Get your act together and take your lumps. If you do the right thing, Karen will come to realize that that you have changed, it may take a couple of years or more, you can't undo 23 years of **** in 5 minutes. Cut the crap and death talk, that's demonstrating regression, not that you are moving forward. All this talk of death is emotional blackmail, not the preferred method of cementing a loving, caring relationship. Stop wasting time worrying about having to live at one of your your parents places and get Karen better, that's going to show Karen you have changed, just don't expect it to happen next week. Learn to show her some love, maturity and patience.

just think about your kids at least how will they feel if you kill yourself i know after my incidents that it is a selfish act even if you think your doing what is best for everyone

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Originally Posted by banjo

I'm so lost & lonely....

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by banjo

Ha i just realised i'm now a topic toaster woo hoo.....

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Which just goes to show how many FRIENDS you have on the forum. People with friends are not lonely :D

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Originally Posted by banjo

If i use a rope that will slow me down some. . .. .

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And make it 10 times worse for Karen and the kids :mad:

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Originally Posted by banjo

But i do have to slow down some before i make it worse around here .

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Which is why that if you do nothing else today you should go outside and have a look in the yard and start thinking about a way to get a shed or a temporary shelter set up so you can work on something and get rid of the stress and energy that is building up inside you.

Imagine there is a little dog in the middle of a busy freeway about to get run over and you focus everthing you are thinking about on the dog and just walk out on to the freeway - then sure as eggs you'll get cleaned up big time.

At the moment Karen is the puppy dog and you are going to get cleaned up by pretty soon by a big truck! So today you need to think:

1. Shed/shelter
2. Project (those side bins for the series sound a good idea), and
3. Karen


PS. I would appreciate it my friend if you could let us know here on the forum know what idea or ideas you have for you shed/shelter.