Thread: Embarrassment

well lastnight was bad we had a big arguement & i physicly hurt Karen . While argueing i grabed Karen by the side off the head trying to get her to look at me & in the prosess i grabed her hair & ear i didn't meen it ... I am so scared as i no i cant live without Karen or the kids & Karen said that all she can give me is a carer & posable a friend & i hate the thought of that..

Karen is still in bed & when she gets up i am going to ask her to help me get things organised for my brankrupcy so i mite be able to keep my phone number & just that bill aslong as i wont loose my car....

I cant even give Karen the time that she wants without nagging her..LIKE she says its all about me me me me me i have been so selfish all the time ..i do deserve everything Karen is doing because she is just as scared as i am at me doing it again to her...

I love Karen & i will never ever be with anyone else because of my problem i don't trust anyone but Karen ....& this scares me so bad...

I will go back to mums for her & the kids , we will just have to see how i go & hope i dont get to cuicidal unfortunatly that is part of me i can't be fixed ...

I am now so scared of myself i HATE myself so much for everything & i hate that i know i can't live without Karen .. Everything i do is for Karen so i wont be doing anything once at mums ..Can't even go to the shop as its about halfway to Aus from here once at mums & i don't know the area..

maybe if you go to your mums you should get out and about and explore the area show independance i know karen would like that

Well mum was here again today & i told her everything that i have done to Karen over the years & what i have taken off Karen ..I also told her i blame her as much as the oldman for my problem as she let it happen..I also told her why i can see the kids if i go to her place ,Because of me & how bad i would be PLUS she isn't going to be alowed to pick the kids up so i can see them because she hasn't had anything to do with then so why should she get the chance now as it would only be for the glory...I also told her about how she turns up here on mondays & tells us how she goes to some of my brother or sisters place on the weeked & they drive straight past here & never call in ..There idea is well you don't visit us ...So i told yeah i don't i don't visit anyone because i have a seriouse problem but hey what does that matter ..So no she won't be given the chance now to pick the kids up..

I also told her i seriously doubt i would servive her place & that my cuicidal depression is real & bad .. I even walked in lastnight with a noose & asked Karen to push me so i don't stuff it up as i want to make Karen & the kids happy & i told her that to...Mother that is..

All she said was well you better do as Karen says & give her what she wants & show her you meen it..Then she just changed the subject to what she done over the weekend with my sisters & how bad one of my sisters kids are after an sports accidend.....& what she wants to do now..

Why the hell do i bother with her she doesn't want me to end up there obvesly . .I told her i wouldn't go out at her place because its not like here & the shops are not close by at her place...

& if it was that easy i would be doing more here ...

Originally Posted by banjo

Just had a look at the online counselling & its $80 an hour..

and how hany hours have I spent trying to give you advice? If I had $80 dollars per hour for the amount of time on this thread I would now be wealthy.














and How many hours have others on this thread have spent giving you advice [won't name them incase I forget someone]. See we have thought that you and karen are worthwhile, and worth all the time and effort.

So do not give up.

went & got the pamphlets got back & ready to start about 11.

I got Karen up & she went & had a shower & watched some of the mid day movie ..She has just left to goto the gym & then to pickup some stuff as i forgot to go down the road after getting the pamphlets...

I'm just going to make a cuppa tea & then get back into folding & if i'm lucky i wont still be going after midnight...

Jason, Jason! Why are you walking around with a noose and grabbing Karen? What caused you to behave like that?

You've gotta stop making demands on Karen that it's impossible for her to meet. You're just setting yourself up for failure. Walking around with a noose making threats to harm yourself is just seeking attention for yourself, like children do when they throw a tantrum. That's not how you win someone's affection Jason, but it is the right way to drive the person away from you in fear. I thought you wanted it to work with Karen, so why are you doing things that will only harm your relationship?

And why are you questioning your mother about this? I'm sure she simply has no idea what to do about the situation, so that's why she changed the subject.

You've shown you can change your behaviour, but now the next step is to demonstrate that the change is permanent. I'm sure Karen finds it hard to trust you because she fears your words are empty and you will revert to the previous behaviour. Last night would have confirmed her fears.

Words are empty Jason, it's actions that count. If you're serious about improving your life, then you've got to make positive changes to your behaviour - not for a day or a week, but consistently and forever.

This is difficult because it means changing our habits, which have been built up over our lifetime and shaped by all our experiences. It's a matter of will power and it is possible, but I'm not pretending its easy, because it's not. However, I believe you can do it.

Do that and, over time, Karen will come to trust you. But you can't demand trust - you've gotta earn it by your behaviour. You do NOT have a right to demand that Karen trust you, or to throw tantrums and try to emotionally blackmail her, but you do have a right to show by your behaviour that you deserve her trust.

And one of the ways to change your behaviour is you gotta show trust to Karen. If she goes out and is late coming back, well just relax. Don't get on the phone demanding to know where she is - that just shows you don't trust her. Welcome her home and say you hope she had a nice time. Demonstrate that you do trust her by keeping calm and relaxed.
You've been together for 23 years, so there's nothing new she has to do to earn your trust.

The ball in is in your court now to show her the trust you want from her. Give her trust and you'll get it back. As you sow, so you reap. That's the way forward.

Originally Posted by DiscoMick

Jason, Jason! Why are you walking around with a noose and grabbing Karen? What caused you to behave like that?

You've gotta stop making demands on Karen that it's impossible for her to meet. You're just setting yourself up for failure. Walking around with a noose making threats to harm yourself is just seeking attention for yourself, like children do when they throw a tantrum. That's not how you win someone's affection Jason, but it is the right way to drive the person away from you in fear. I thought you wanted it to work with Karen, so why are you doing things that will only harm your relationship?

And why are you questioning your mother about this? I'm sure she simply has no idea what to do about the situation, so that's why she changed the subject.

You've shown you can change your behaviour, but now the next step is to demonstrate that the change is permanent. I'm sure Karen finds it hard to trust you because she fears your words are empty and you will revert to the previous behaviour. Last night would have confirmed her fears.

Words are empty Jason, it's actions that count. If you're serious about improving your life, then you've got to make positive changes to your behaviour - not for a day or a week, but consistently and forever.

This is difficult because it means changing our habits, which have been built up over our lifetime and shaped by all our experiences. It's a matter of will power and it is possible, but I'm not pretending its easy, because it's not. However, I believe you can do it.

Do that and, over time, Karen will come to trust you. But you can't demand trust - you've gotta earn it by your behaviour. You do NOT have a right to demand that Karen trust you, or to throw tantrums and try to emotionally blackmail her, but you do have a right to show by your behaviour that you deserve her trust.

And one of the ways to change your behaviour is you gotta show trust to Karen. If she goes out and is late coming back, well just relax. Don't get on the phone demanding to know where she is - that just shows you don't trust her. Welcome her home and say you hope she had a nice time. Demonstrate that you do trust her by keeping calm and relaxed.
You've been together for 23 years, so there's nothing new she has to do to earn your trust.

The ball in is in your court now to show her the trust you want from her. Give her trust and you'll get it back. As you sow, so you reap. That's the way forward.

err...

what he said - EXACTLY.

BTW - tomorrow is a new day