Thread: Embarrassment

Originally Posted by Papa Smurf

hey banjo how is this fine long weekend treating you?
papa smurf

Pretty crap the kids came to see me today on the train they got here at 10 & left on the 11 oclock train the ride on the train up here was better than being here for them .. They where so bored that they went home on the next train...

Its killing me being up here i hate it here & i hate being here...
I cant live without Karen so i will just die up here lonely & of a broken heart....I miss being apart of there lives down home so much ......

karen & the kids have been my life for so long i dont know what to do ..
I'm so lonely up here ....I have no one to talk to except my mother & stepfather & we dont have anything in common......
so i just sit here for awhile then i walk up & down the driveway a few times then come back & sit around some more then i go up & down the driveway gain & i do this all day everyday..I cant aford to just go out anymore so this is my life from now on..

Jason,
Mate hang in there, it has to get better!.

If you can't do project work due to the noise, maybe go another direction?

I would think that you would probably be a good gardener as you are around the place to look after the plants, I suggest you think about striking plants like lavender or rosemary to build up lots of small plants (people want them in uniform sizes and in bulk for hedging), then move to include roses etc.

A mate of mine (well acquiantance really) turned his life around by doing this and graduating to bonsi plants (is that spelt right??) so much so that he has met a sheila from the US and moved there!!

Its a no noise and time consuming as you want project, I can even see you could call it "banjos botanicals" !!!

Its something to think about, with everyone impatient to have everything already grown (eg the roll down lawn instead of seed etc) and once you crack a display home builder or similar you'll be set!

Lastly with hedging etc comes topiary - the sculpting of hedges etc etc...
most people who do these really well are people who wear their emotions closer to the surface and so are more in touch with their emotions... sound familiar?

This is just a thought though.... and once you start you could sell through here to get a kick off...

Think outside the square mate, if you cant do something because of the noise what is opposite you can do... gardening!

Just keep your head held high, its hard for you and the kids I know, the novelty of the train ride will wear off and they'll start to miss you more as time passes so will stay longer, and if you do go with the plants etc, you can have them help and take some home... nothing better than something they can say they helped grow themselves (with dad!)

cheers mate...time to move to the next stop Jason,no use standing still too long as nothing good will happen unless you make it.!!

we are all on your side here.
digger

Originally Posted by digger

Jason,
Mate hang in there, it has to get better!.

If you can't do project work due to the noise, maybe go another direction?

I would think that you would probably be a good gardener as you are around the place to look after the plants, I suggest you think about striking plants like lavender or rosemary to build up lots of small plants (people want them in uniform sizes and in bulk for hedging), then move to include roses etc.

A mate of mine (well acquiantance really) turned his life around by doing this and graduating to bonsi plants (is that spelt right??) so much so that he has met a sheila from the US and moved there!!

Its a no noise and time consuming as you want project, I can even see you could call it "banjos botanicals" !!!

Its something to think about, with everyone impatient to have everything already grown (eg the roll down lawn instead of seed etc) and once you crack a display home builder or similar you'll be set!

Lastly with hedging etc comes topiary - the sculpting of hedges etc etc...
most people who do these really well are people who wear their emotions closer to the surface and so are more in touch with their emotions... sound familiar?

This is just a thought though.... and once you start you could sell through here to get a kick off...

Think outside the square mate, if you cant do something because of the noise what is opposite you can do... gardening!

Just keep your head held high, its hard for you and the kids I know, the novelty of the train ride will wear off and they'll start to miss you more as time passes so will stay longer, and if you do go with the plants etc, you can have them help and take some home... nothing better than something they can say they helped grow themselves (with dad!)

cheers mate...time to move to the next stop Jason,no use standing still too long as nothing good will happen unless you make it.!!

we are all on your side here.
digger

Thanks digger

Yeah i have been doing all there yard work & getting sick of it quick..
Doubt i will be able to do anything from here unless theres something in it for my parents thats how they think..

Well guys i have about 30 or 35 hours left on my internet & once that runs out i wont be able to get any till i get paid again in a fortnight..




& if Karen & i dont sort it out how in the hell am i going to meet a lady & even if i do who in there right mind is going to want a retard for a partner..

Theres not a lot i can offer a woman except um well nothing..
I dont go out so she would be going on her own to most things so that wont last long....

& on top of all that i have so much baggage who is going to want that..

So yeah i will die lonely & i honestly hope it happens fast as i cant handle not being around Karen or the kids..They are all i have ever had in my life & Karen meens more to me than life itself she is an amazing person who has lost alot because of me..She is going to the gym everyday now & is having so much fun without me because she doesnt have to worry or stress over me..& she told me today that she is able to relax now & she loves it..

I do know what i would have to do if Karen would let me back home .. all i want is to enjoy Karen being happy & be a family again...All i ask for is to be shown a little love ....& i dont want Karen worrying or stressing over me & it would be great if she would relax around me..
I do want to get the help for my agerophobia & also my anger & honestly i cant do that here my doc is down there & if i was able to just goto him from here then i probably wouldnt need him in the first place....

I am so petrafied of Karen throwing me away & loosing her & the kids its not funny ..
I still cry myself to sleep most nights ..
ITs killing me up here ..
If i dont end up back home i just hope i could die as i cant live without my family..

I have been reading your posts for a few weeks now Banjo and it seems to me that you are your own worst enemy. How will anyone ever think highly of you when you spend most of your time putting yourself down?

I wont pretent to sympathise with your situation and insult you because I dont know what you are going through. I have had friends in your situation however who have worked through their problems to have relatively happy and meaningful lives. Sometimes it can be hard to keep a positive outlook on thing when it seems the world is out to get you. But take each day one day at a time and confront individual problems one at a time so they dont pile on top of you. From what you have been saying in your last few posts keeping busy is something that you need to focus on, Digger had some good suggestions, at the moment just look for anything that you can do to keep busy. God take up walking and just go for along walk each day. Nothing will get better if you sit at home wallowing in your own unhappiness, things will manifest themselves and get worse.

If being with Karen means so much to you then work your arse off and get her back, no point throwing your hands in the air and saying oh well, thats it for me, life is over. Heaps of people separate, have their time appart and get back together at a later date. Sit down with Karen and find out what it is that has made her want to separate, acknowledge her feelings and then make a mental note of what was said and work on fixing it.

ok so you can admit what the problems are.good work
you know what you need to do.great work
do you know what your kids are interested in? remember they look up to you, you are there guidence.
couldn't some one pick you up from where you are now and take you to the doc?
karen and the kids they want to see change not just hear it.
newcastle is a very busy place, why not move some where, where you will have more room to go and with less people, trains and busses cover most of australia you know.
wishing you all the best papa smurf

Originally Posted by Papa Smurf

karen and the kids they want to see change not just hear it.

papa smurf hit the nail on the head. Unless you suck in a deep breath and take the plunge to get things on the right track nothing is going to happen.

People will only put up with someone saying things are going to change for so long if nothing actually changes.

You have plenty of support on here Banjo, more support than alot of people do in your situation, and having the ability to sit there and read through peoples thoughts and then write your own thoughts down can be a huge advantage. its less confronting than a face to face conversation.