
Originally Posted by
Blknight.aus
if we want to go by the count using just my experience.
The drugs don't work, they mask the symptom, while the person is on them there is no symptom so therefore there is nothing to treat the person feels fine, then you take them off the drugs and they fall right back in the hole and often falling back into is worse for them. Thats cost me 3 friends. I could have done without all the phone calls from friends and family wanting after being the last person the person spoke to wanting to know how they sounded to me. I could quite happily go the rest of my life without ever hearing the phrase "but he was doing so well while he was on the antidepressants" ever again. Want to know the best way to rip someones heart out through their ass? When you've just learnt you're friend has recently been pulled off antidepressants and has offed himself, ask how he did it because explaining that "no he sounded great, we talked through getting the car he was working to start and run smoothly, he was really pleased when he finally got the idle stable" is a pretty poor condolence when he gassed himself with that car. Its also a really good way to get yourself alienated from a sub group of your friends.
dont offer support you cant or wont deliver, Thats the same as giving a person in a hole your hand helping them half way out and then letting them fall in the mud at the bottom, I can guarantee you the next person who comes along to try and help them out of the hole are going to be a lot less likely to have that hand accepted. And well done, now instead of at least being on their feet, up to their knees in the mire at the bottom of their hole, they're stuck flat on their backs in that mess, in the bottom of the hole. Those clouds on the horizon he cant see, coming this way? dumping rain? the run off from that is going to go where?
IF you offer support and you attempt but fail to deliver, It doesnt matter why it failed, they wont care. If you offer its your responsibility to deliver. telling them you delivered on something when it hasn't been delivered successfully looks exactly the same as offering to deliver and then not even making the effort. It just feels worse because now it looks as though the reason why you couldn't do what you promised is their fault.
If theres a history. look at it. look at all of it don't discount the tiniest piece dont censure, censor or manipulate. if the info doesnt look complete, unadultered or congruent it most likely isn't dont talk about the person about it talk to the person about it. If you miss one little bit because of miscommunication, misrepresentation, misunderstanding, misfiling or not being able to see it through the eyes of the person you might just miss the whole context, you might just be looking at a symptom and calling that a problem. If you're working on a symptom you're not actually fixing the problem you're fixing a symptom, Let me know how your resolution to a problem holds up long term when all you worked on is the symptom.
a detail that seems so small to you might just be whats stopping what you're trying to do from working. Doesnt matter what it is, if something occurred in a room with beige paint and brown leather seats it might just be that you're trying to treat them in a room with beige paint and brown leather seats but you didnt think of it and they dont want to mention it because it seems silly and thats whats baulking them. It could be something big and blinding you dont know about, advocating turning to god and the church probably isnt a great idea if it turns out that root cause is the person was assulted by a priest in a church.
Listen to them, doesnt matter what all the paperwork, all the history says, what spin is on that or anything else, the facts in play, what you get to work with are the ones they tell you about, thats going to tell you what the problem is, and as you fix one bit its going to change, you deal with that as the problem changes you adapt the solution if they tell you somethings not working you need to try something else probably best to listen, if they suggest something and its not unreasonable or actually un-achievable work up to it, include it. You absolutely can not say "no that wont work" if you havent actually tried it on if you try it and it doesnt work and they want to have another go do it again, but work with them to make it work as best you can. Then and only then can you tell them "no, that doesnt work" IF it works, by only the tiniest amount, do it again, work out how to make it better, I dont know of anyone who ever completed a thousand mile journey without taking the first step.
you need them to trust you none of anything you are going to try is going to work without trust. they're possibly not going to want to trust you, you earn it and, if, you earn it you protect it because that trust is just like virginity, once you screw it its gone and you wont get it back.
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