The Ramblings of a middle aged man.

[landy]

Hi all,
Im not asking for, or offering anything. I just wanted to put pen to paper so to speak.
I've been away recently, for two months. We worked 14 hour days, 7 days a week. And at 47 i'm not sure I want to do it anymore.
I received some bad news while I was away. A man I respected greatly died in his sleep. He was 43 years old and extremely fit. He had a heart scare a week earlier and was passed fit and sent home. His poor wife woke to a dead husband 2 days later. It shook me up and its very sad. The poor girl never got to say her goodbyes. I'm still deeply in love with Kerry, I tell her I love her often. I'm now glad I do.
Ive had a **** 2 weeks at work since getting back. In 14 years of doing this job I want to chuck in the towel. But like a lot of men my age what else can I do that pays the bills?
I have had a very lucky 18 months though. So I cant really complain. We sold our old camper trailer recently and purchased a Howling moon roof top tent and tried it this weekend for the first time. Im really impressed. We went to Kenilworth this weekend. Just to try it out and test a few things. As I was sitting their last night, talking to Kerry and sipping on a lazy scotch and dry I commented that i'm happiest when we get away, in fact its blissful. Even if it's only over night. Nothing makes me as happy as when we take the Rover, hitch up the camper and get away. And it puts thing into perspective, I work to do the stuff I want to do when I'm not working.
So, whats my point. Nothing really, just the ramblings of a middle age man.
But......If I could say only one thing. Enjoy what you have. Don't sweat the small stuff and most importantly, Love and adore your partner and tell them often. You may not get the chance tomorrow.

I wish you all good health and happiness.
Take care.

Cheers

Nino.


P.S. We're off to Kenilworth again next weekend. Theres plenty of room left. If anyone wants to join us to just relax, fish/swim/kayak or just talk LandRovers please feel free to come along.

[WhiteD3]

Mate,

You're not rambling at all! You're 47, got mates dying on you and adjusting to this new stage of life. Coming out the other side of this age conversion/realignment/crisis that blokes seem to go through, I can say with authority that TIME is the key.

It takes time to get your head around people not being around anymore. People die, as will you, for all sorts of reasons, with timing good and bad and with gaps big and small left in their wake.

It takes time to adjust to the change in your priorities with, interest in and enjoyment of work. As you say though, bills still have to be paid. This is the curse of being a bloke...the bread winner.

Make sure you talk things through with someone you trust. Death, work and future are big issues and not solved overnight.

[TeamFA]

Whereabouts in Kenilworth do you camp?\

We're planning on going camping next weekend, but haven't decided on a destination. Has to be somewhere where the canines came come as well.

[bob10]

I'm still deeply in love with Kerry, I tell her I love her often.

As I was sitting their last night, talking to Kerry and sipping on a lazy scotch and dry I commented that i'm happiest when we get away, in fact its blissful. Even if it's only over night. Nothing makes me as happy as when we take the Rover, hitch up the camper and get away. And it puts thing into perspective, I work to do the stuff I want to do when I'm not working.

Enjoy what you have. Don't sweat the small stuff and most importantly, Love and adore your partner and tell them often. You may not get the chance tomorrow.

I wish you all good health and happiness.
Take care.






Very wise words, thank you. You sound like you've got it sorted, mate, all the best for the future . Bob

[Barefoot Dave]

G'Day Nino.
You seem like you are ready for a change and are really focussed on what matters. This is a troubling time in our lives, but is also full of opportunities for change.
If you hate work so much, start making your exit plan.
Ask yourself "What do I really love doing?" or at least "What pays fairly well and I could tolerate doing?"
work:life. Grit your teeth doing something you don't like and ditch early every Friday, jump into the packed LR, grab your bride and head for the hills. Pay yourself for your hard work and worry by using it to do the things you love.

If it is becoming too much, start planning to leave. If you like travelling, do a short course on travel writing. Start a blog or submit stories to 4wd/ travel/ etc etc mags
If you are great at your job (that you hate), write a 'How to' book. Make it an E Book like my buyers guide and you don't have to stuff around with printers, stock or postage :)
Take care

[landy]

Whereabouts in Kenilworth do you camp?\

We're planning on going camping next weekend, but haven't decided on a destination. Has to be somewhere where the canines came come as well.
We are staying at the kenilworth homestead. It's a great place and let's you take dogs. There is a river frontage that's a great place to swim with kids. We've always enjoyed our time there.
Happy to share a spot and just relax around a fire and talk crap with fellow landrover nuts.

All most welcome.

Cheers
Nino.

[TeamFA]

We are staying at the kenilworth homestead. It's a great place and let's you take dogs. There is a river frontage that's a great place to swim with kids. We've always enjoyed our time there.
Happy to share a spot and just relax around a fire and talk crap with fellow landrover nuts.

All most welcome.

Cheers
Nino.

The social organiser is on to them presently... we were aiming at Sandy Creek, but they are fully booked.

Kenilworth Homestead is on our list of places to check out. It will be interesting to see if they have room on a long weekend in the school holidays...

Thanks!

[Chucaro]

During our 2 years touring and living in our motorhome we have the chance to know about a dozen of couples in the early fifties doind the same as us but with one difference, one in each couple was terminally ill. :(
All of them were working full time with the weekends doing the house duties and just expending money in things that are not important before they got the bad news.
It is extremely sad to see people in that situation and a good lesson for all of us to appreciate what we got and what it is and what it is not important.

Pepe Mujca is spot on when he said, quote:

"We have sacrificed the old immaterial gods, and now we are occupying the temple of the Market-God. He organizes our economy, our politics, our habits, our lives, and even provides us with rates and credit cards and gives us the appearance of happiness.

"It seems that we have been born only to consume and to consume, and when we can no longer consume, we have a feeling of frustration, and we suffer from poverty, and we are auto-marginalized."

[wardy1]

What a wonderful start to this thread. Landy you summed up how we should prioritise our lives beautifully I think.

I'm 58 and as many know, split up with my wife of almost 30 years about 21/2 years ago. Funnily enough, we get on better now than we have in a long time. In fact, she's occupying the passenger seat on boxing day on a trip to Brisbane via the Warrumbungles which she never saw when we were together. Of course we still have our differences, but we are still important to each other. IMHO life is way too short to carry grudges or to carry anger forward in our lives.

I too have lost a friend or two over the last couple of years. None of them actually went off and did the things some of the people Chucaro met travelling have done. I congratulate those people unreservedly.

Live life to the full, hug those you love often and be good to others, you will then have few, if any regrets when your own time comes.

[Chenz]

I hear you landy. I have had the same thoughts recently. You are here for a good time not a long time. We are reaching that time in our lives when we start to feel just that little bit more vulnerable.

Having watched my mother die of an aggressive bowel cancer I was none to pleased to be told that recent bouts of diverticulitis would mean my bowel needed resection (cut out the bad bit and join it back up again) and they would not know the reason until they did a biopsy.

Luckily they found no cancer but it gets you thinking - do I need to work a full time job anymore? Luckily we paid off our mortgage this year and I have taken a much less stressful job.

Having recently done another EDJIT Adventure with my wife and the usual crew you realise there is more to life than 9-5. I will looking seriously at a transition to retirement and get out and about with Er Indoors,the 130 and the Trayon a bit more often.

http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/640x480q90/674/3CLCjG.jpg (https://imageshack.com/i/iq3CLCjGj)
https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2014/09/49.jpg (https://imageshack.com/i/iq56W7bEj)

[numpty]

We hear you Landy.

Life is yours to do with what you wish, but there are lots of things which dictate how your life or wishes should or will pan out.

I went through a ****ty time a few years ago when looking at only a short time to early retirement. Life was tough, I had to buy half my house again and relinquished half of my super and no, I'm not ready to forgive and forget. :angel:

I'm fortunate to have good health (so far) and 4 years on have retired on a more meagre subsistence. It suits me.

Life is good.

[marting]

Hi Nino

Great message. I understand where you are coming from. Struggle with the same thoughts.
It is camping and getting away with the wife and kids that makes everything I go through on a weekly basis worthwhile.
I can't get to Kenilworth this weekend but hopefully one day we can catch up and spend some time talking about life and landrovers!
Martin

[JamesB71]

Thanks Nino. Its hard at times to keep perspective. I wish I could find some joy but it all seems pretty bleak right now.

Im lucky in so many ways, but at 42 Im about as miserable as Ive ever been. Life has beaten the **** out if me in the last 3 years and it seems an eternity since anything good has happened to me or I had any good news or even a trouble free purchase.... My wife ran off with her best friends husband and Ive been really really alone and bitter since. Im about to go in for the old camera date to see if I have bowel cancer and there are times when I wonder what result I would prefer.

Thanks for your post. I really have to learn to count my blessings and see some positivity in my life, but Im struggling with that.

[Chucaro]

Thanks Nino. Its hard at times to keep perspective. I wish I could find some joy but it all seems pretty bleak right now.

Im lucky in so many ways, but at 42 Im about as miserable as Ive ever been. .................................................. ..............................

Be strong James, never stop talk with your friends and people who care.
Meditation have worked wonders for me, some how the answers are deep with you and it is only a matter to hearing your wisdom within. Something like gut feelings but never with negative thoughts.

[superquag]

James, from my own depression/mid-life crisis (late, due to habitual procrastination...) I found 'Doing something Radically DiFFerAnT to be a liberating experience. Silly changes seem to work better than logical, rational & pre-planned gradual changes.

In my case, bought an old RR Classic.... went on a health-kick, (had to, but did it in violation of all medical advice) joined a 24/7 gym - at 61 - for the first time in a physically lazy life... and set myself idiotic challenges... row 100 metres in 20 seconds at max. load, - just reached 180kg seated leg-press. :D
Grew a beard and went long-haired for a few months... just to upset my critics. - Saved over $120 in barber's fees. Still got the beard.

You might not be able to walk out on your job/bills/mortgage, but how you spend your TIME/ spare money when not in those.... is still your choice.

And had my First Flying Lesson yesterday.

:):) :D :):)



Which I can't afford on my super....
- going again next week.

[TeamFA]

And had my First Flying Lesson yesterday.

:):) :D :):)



Which I can't afford on my super....
- going again next week.

Lucky fella! I got bitten during a flight on (not in!) a Thruster for my birthday present from my wonderful wife a couple of years ago. Now aiming for (in a few years) a trike microlight.

Hey Nino, we're booked in for camping at Kenilworth, so hope to see you there. We'll be in a white 110.

Cheers!
Michael.

[Hall]

I was lucky in away. At 42 I had signs of stress. You know chest pain that sort of thing. Was nature's wake up call and I mostly have taken notice. Stopped working seven days a week and started to have whole weekends of. You do reassess your priority's and learn that money is necessary but not all controlling. As posted it is just one phase of life we all get to and work through. Not sure getting a land rover was good idea for some one prone to stress issues though :)
Cheers Hall

[boa]

It is not good when someone dies But to die in one's sleep would be okay. I watched my mother die from lung cancer over a period of two weeks in the end she died from starvation dehydration as the hospital did nothing it was not there fault. They could not help her.

[landy]

Hey Nino, we're booked in for camping at Kenilworth, so hope to see you there. We'll be in a white 110.

Cheers!
Michael.[/QUOTE]

Hi Michael.
I look forward to meeting you both on the week end. Don't talk about flying in front of Kerry. (Although I'm really interested) my dad started flying in his sixties and so far spent my entire inheritance haha.

Any other takers for Kenilworth homestead?

Nino.

[landy]

Thanks Nino. Its hard at times to keep perspective. I wish I could find some joy but it all seems pretty bleak right now.

Im lucky in so many ways, but at 42 Im about as miserable as Ive ever been. Life has beaten the **** out if me in the last 3 years and it seems an eternity since anything good has happened to me or I had any good news or even a trouble free purchase.... My wife ran off with her best friends husband and Ive been really really alone and bitter since. Im about to go in for the old camera date to see if I have bowel cancer and there are times when I wonder what result I would prefer.

Thanks for your post. I really have to learn to count my blessings and see some positivity in my life, but Im struggling with that.

James. I'm so sorry to hear your story. Mate, I know it's rough but it will change. My ex wife ran off with a mate of my dads. At the time I was devastated. She left me with the kids and just effed-off. I didn't see it coming.
In the Devorce she wanted the house and I kept the kids. So at 31 I was a homeless single parent. I moved back to Australia and 18 months later met Kerry and her two kids. We've been inseparable since. My point is, hitting rock bottoms not a bad thing. You won't know when you're really happy until you know what it's like to have the crap kicked out of you. It will get better. Get back into the dating scene, but just for the experience and fun. Be honest with those you meet so as not to string them along and form friendships first. When the right one comes along, you'll be better prepared.
I wish you the best luck mate. But really, you don't need luck. Just get out there!!
Cheers
Nino.

[Plane Fixer]

Nino,
I have been in that dark place too and it took me a long time to come back.
My last full time job for ten years was in West Africa which was recovering from a civil war, and for a while I was in the thick of it. I worked for a Swiss company which was fantastic in the way they looked after their people and I worked in many fascinating countries with them. Even coming back after years away from them I retained my seniority increments and other benefits.
The last ten years started off great, but went downhill when the South African management of the operation took over. It was then do as I say, not do as I do and anyone non Africaans speaking were simply slaves.
It is said as an expat one has two buckets, one fills up with crap and the other with money, which ever one is filled it is time to go. For me they overflowed at the same time, and I was starting to have serious health issues, both physical and mental.
I resigned and came home and sat around for six months with my wife calling me lazy, but fortunately she came to realise there was more to it than that. Eventually some small contracts came my way and as we were in a reasonable position and they did not pay very well, I was able to take them and slot back into working again. This time it was totally different as the crews were great and I was not compelled to make a living. I only did the ones I wanted.
Meanwhile I got professional help which sorted the problems, and with the best wife in the world I am back to normal. I am currently in the middle of Indonesian Papua and enjoying my job as I look forward to the challenges these days; even after 49 years in the industry I love. Sadly I have lost my pilot medical, but at various times I still get to fly some interesting aircraft.
There IS a way out of that dark place but one has to work hard at it and have a lot of help; Mens Sheds are a good start.
Graeme