Who raises kids like this?????

[stevo68]

Hey All,

Not often I have a beef but would be interested in other peoples view/ opinion as I can get hot under the collar if called for :wink: My 9 yr old daughter and her friend have been teased by a couple of boys at their school. One in particular has been called up before the principal as he seems to have an unhealthy obsession with my daughter and has said he would kill her at one stage if she didnt come and play with him.

Her mum ( we are divorced) kept the first incident and consequent meeting with school from me as she knew my reaction. She is passive and politically incorrect, Im not...................read sue their arse off and confront parents :wink: . On Friday she seemed upset and that is unusual for her as she is pretty tough emotionally and physically and apparently it has started again, though another lad has been roped in. These 2 charmers were calling her and her friend "lesbians" and would proceed to using their elbows to strike them as they walked past.

Running a company with over 50 staff, people no matter the age will "bump" heads, but there is a difference between an "incident" and a "campaign". This has apparently happened over a period of a couple of weeks, and when she questions the lad he just laughs off the fact that he has been bought up before the principal all ready.

When she told me I was fuming, as a parent if my son behaved like that he wouldnt be able to sit down like that for a week, secondly I take pride in how I raise my children as they are a reflection of myself and would be horrified if he as a boy treated a girl like that at school. Do other parents think the same, I sometimes wonder. Having gone to a private school in Parramatta and subsequent discipline etc it seems to be lacking in public schools. Its all very PC.

Having spoken to the school today, I have given them the options of they deal with it, or I do. If that means having a chin wag with the boys and their dads present so be it. If it were my son I;d just tell him to snot the biggest one, but daughters are different, though having seen her take on my son, she'd most likely do the same, but that is not the message I want to teach them.

I dont think it is an overeaction, as I explain to my children we all get teased at diffent times and to ignore it, but this is on a more sinister aspect and as much as Id like to take these little ****** out the back and give them a flogging as my ex tells me ( studying to be a lawyer) I would be up on assault, but a good scaring might suffice :twisted: . Id be interested from any teachers, knowledge of what can/ cant be done in these circumstances. I know in my day and Im not that old, we would get the cane or some other physical punishment, but of course bloody bleeding hearts took that away. Anyway rant over, am being contacted today as to what will take place.

Regards

Stevo

P.S. Other thing that ****es me off is the excuse that some of these little barstards have A.D.D. funny didnt have it when I went to school, more a case of lack of discipline and a good smack on the butt

[Ace]

I agree with you steve, but (and i am biased) the public school system isnt to blame. You need to remember that in private schools parents pay considerable sums of money to send their students to school and as a result pay very close attention to what their child does. In the public school system some of the students get sent to school everyday so they dont bother their parents, the parents dont care what happens and no amount od detention or suspensions seems to work because to them its a holiday as the punishment isnt carried on at home.

If you are at all concerned about the situation my advice would be to inform the principal that you wish to inform the police of this continued harrassment, which is turning violent. A knock on the childs door by the local seargeant can work wonders. It can also be arranged for the Officer to come to school and meet with the student and his parents with the principal. The student that is harrassing your daughter is commiting a criminal offence (this may sound harsh for a school incident).

The school has set procedures they need to follow in order to deal with the student. The problem with bullies is that they are very good at what they do and rarely carry out these acts when being watched. If a teacher witnesses the incident then something can be done but your daughter needs to report every incident to the principal or another teacher they can trust and keep a written record of everything that happens. If a written record is kept then there is documented evidence of this happening over a set period of time. Provided the school is doing its job, i know the system works here as i deal with this sort of stuff everyday, then the boy that is harrassing your daughter will get whats coming to him. I understand how you feel and as a parent i would want to kick heas in if this was happening to Marcos but in order to stop this happening for good it will take a while.

Have your daughter tell you evrything that happens of say a 2 week Period, write this down each day and at the end of the two week period go to the school with the written eveidence (make sure your daughter tells you the names of any other kids who witnessed any of the incidents) and give it to the principal. This student by this stage should begin to go through a series of suspensions if it continues (this is documented and will follow him for the rest of his schooling life) first one day then 4 then a week the 20 days if this continues and he doesnt pull his head in the school is obliged to advise the parents of alternative places where their child can continue his education. This might seem like a long winded way of doing things but these are the guidelines teachers must follow (i agree it would be nice to take the kid behind a builing and give him a hiding and there have been kids i wouldnt mind doing that to but in the end the system works. We have only recently followed these procedures and had a student expelled.


If there is anything i can do for you Steve regarding documents etc that might help just PM me. If you deal with this by the book, even if it takes a bit longer this kid will suffer more as a result of it. Matt

[stevo68]

Thanks Ace, at least that gives me a bit of an idea of what the process is, my aim is more marked at the parents, but as it happens at school and as far as I am aware they have a duty of care, then they best be taking the appropriate action this time. She will be going to a private all girl school in the next 2 years, as I agree with the comment that public does get lumped with kids from sometimes disagreeable backgrounds and that some of the crap from people in the profession have to put up with is unbelievable. Hence why I take my hat off to people who teach as it cannot always be an easy job. Thanks again for the advice,

Regards

Stevo

[Knight]

Man - i am sorry to read such an upsetting story stevo68!!

Really - it is sad to read that there are kids going around doing things like this and NOT being properly disciplined!!!

If i could help i would (but i got nothing - sorry)

You have my thoughts (as your lovely daughter has too)

GOOD LUCK with dealing with this - and NO!!! - NO CHILD SHOULD HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT CRAP :evil: :evil: AT ALL!!!

(I cringe when my step-mum tells me some of the things my little half-brohters tell her sometimes - i just wonder who raises kids like this?!??! (or doesnt raise them?!)

your poor little angel!!!
She is VERY LUCKY that DAD (and Mum) has got her back all the way!!
She is blessed with great parents :wink: !!!!

Cheers
Knight :wink:

[stevo68]

Thanks Knight for your thoughts/comments, thankfully she has her fathers intestinal fortitude :wink: but even for her this is a bit much.

Regards

Stevo

[crump]

Ohh being bullied in the playground, what fond memories.I recall all thru school being a year younger than everyone else due to some deal back then if you were born in the first 2 months of the year you started school a year younger then everyone else, so due to my parents genetics and this I was the shortest kid in the class for 12 years, and had to put up with all the crap that went with that.Remember one particular guy in high school that used to bail me up in the locker area and give me a hiding with an octupus strap for fun every lunch hour. My parents contacted the school, who gave him a talking to which increased the attacks on me, they then contacted his parents who told my dad to naff off.So I just spent lunch time for 3 years in the library and its comparative safety.Trust me, you dont want your daughter ending up doing that!!
But it didnt turn out all that bad, by I was 18 I was 6'1" and 90kg with a strong sense of karma.
Bumped into that guy at a pub one night around then and remember asking him if he remembered me as his head kept making repeated contact with the tiles above the urinal.
I know this isnt much use Stevo68, but just to illustrate the point to nip it in the bud ASAP.Being bullied as a kid sux bigtime.

[stevo68]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>So I just spent lunch time for 3 years in the library and its comparative safety.[/b][/quote] Yeah I spent a bit of time being bullied and remember the old library well, on the upside it gave me a thicker skin and most of it was because of my surname which has "cock" in it. My figuring was it was better to be knocked because of a surname as opposed to other typical bullying ie race, the way you looked, overweight etc.

I also remember that being a day boy and interested in agriculture, joined that class with mainly boarders and blokes from the counrty. Boy did I cop it on an overnight excursion to Orange, Im talking food thrown at me, ostracised so was pretty lonely. Apparently as a day boy I didnt deserve to be there. This changed when in Cadets I topped the shooting as I was a crack shooter ( still have the target), so begrudgingly I earnt respect, plus for taking a ****load of crap. By the time I hit 6th form ( this went on for 3 yrs) it had turned to mucking around as opposed to bullying.

These are the only 2 *****, she is already class captain from being voted by her peers, and if I let her of the leash she would give either a hiding. She looks like a princess but is as tough as they come for her age. But if it persists, I would look at hitting the parents where it hurts, in the hip pocket :twisted:

Regards

Stevo

[NOZ]

Originally posted by stevo68
most of it was because of my surname which has "c*ck" in it.

Not wanting to change the subject as this type of stuff gets up my nose.

I had a similar surname problem my last name is Biffin and that seemed to attract every bullie and they all wanted to go the knuckle.

I won most of my fights by 100m or so. :wink:


Regards

[Redback]

Originally posted by crump

But it didnt turn out all that bad, by I was 18 I was 6'1" and 90kg with a strong sense of karma.
Bumped into that guy at a pub one night around then and remember asking him if he remembered me as his head kept making repeated contact with the tiles above the urinal.
I know this isnt much use Stevo68, but just to illustrate the point to nip it in the bud ASAP.Being bullied as a kid sux bigtime.

Revenge is sooooo swweeeeet eh https://www.aulro.com/afvb/ https://www.aulro.com/afvb/ https://www.aulro.com/afvb/ :roll:

Some kids are real mongrels Steveo, hopefully it's resolved quicky and your kids can enjoy school.

Baz.

[Jamo]

Hope it's sorts itself out soon, Stevo68.

It makes me wonder what home life is like for the offending kids!

[George130]

Sorry to hear that stevo.

Ace private schools don't make a difference. I went to a private school and after 4 years of constant systematic abuse by certain high standing students and being ignored by most teachers I had to be hospitalised for people to realise things were out of control. By that time I always carried a knife and so did those who would attack me. What finnaly stoped it for me was a friend telling his dad about the incident and that friends dad being good friends with the ringleadrs dad brought it up with him.
The ring leader had the %^# kicked out of him by his father followed with a prommis htat if he did it again he would end up in hospital.

Stevo hope your daughters issues don't go this far.

I still won't stop for those guys and have left one of them stranded on the side of the road. I won't even speak with them unless I know I have witnesses.

[RoverOne]

Sorry about your daughters predicament.

My daughter Alana now aged 26 & pregnant, back when she was in about 5th class as pictured, a tiny girl and still as she is now only 5'1"
http://www.aulro.com/albums/album312/Alana_Dec_1990.sized.jpg
was systematicaly harrassed & punched by a very much larger boy over a long period, who lived accross the road also going to the same school.

Parents & teachers refused to acknowledge or punish this kid, my daughter of course was a liar :evil: :evil: :evil:

So over quite a few months, we practised some karate moves & she became quite good. So when I thought she was proficient I told her the next time it happened to deal with him.

One afternoon not far from home she & her friend were confronted by Mr Bully & his two fat mates. After a well aimed fist into the solar plexis & whilst on his knees gasping for air she broke his nose, all this witnessed by a good neighbour next door, who clapped knowing about our problem.

The father 6'2" and 200lbs, dragged his kid over to confront us with what my terrible daughter had done. Not only stupid was he & who would admit his strapping boy was demolished by a little girl, threatened us & I quickly showed him my brown belt in karate, & like his cowardly son was last seen crossing the road promising to sue us, & was not heard from again. Back then I was 5'9" about 150lbs.

He never stayed in his yard when I was out in mine, but scurried inside, he eventually moved away, our gain, "the Shires" loss I'm afraid.

It is the answer in most cases with bullies Stevo, I'm quite proud of my daughter, to this day bullies look out.


Cheers
Bryce

[tombraider]

Sorry to hear of your predicament.

My son (skinny, grade 4) had horrible issues early last year with being harrassed by an entire gang of kids (big grade 7's). They decided he was the one to pick on and never relented.

At his soccer training one evening 3 of them attacked him and wouldnt leave him alone even when the coach (a teacher) demanded they do so.

With all the childrens parents watching, my son being kicked and punched by the 3 of them I wandered over............

2 of them had their heads meet each other at high speed and I picked up the third little bastard (the leader) and lifted him to my face....

Growled at him for 2 minutes and then sent him flying :wink:

Felt bloody brilliant.... All 3 of the ****** were crying and ****ting their pants!

"A cry of you cant touch me like that!" sent me verbally going the leader and I told him to get his father over (who conveniently wasnt around) so we could take this further...

Well, I got a round of cheers from the other parents and feedback many of their kids had been bullied in a similar manner.

Conveniently, when called to the school the next day regarding alledged assualt(s) none of the other parents recalled me doing any such thing.

I'm not condoning my actions, but when nothing else worked for 7 months something had to be done.

Cheers
Mike

[Ace]

Originally posted by stevo68
Thanks Ace, at least that gives me a bit of an idea of what the process is, my aim is more marked at the parents, but as it happens at school and as far as I am aware they have a duty of care, then they best be taking the appropriate action this time. She will be going to a private all girl school in the next 2 years, as I agree with the comment that public does get lumped with kids from sometimes disagreeable backgrounds and that some of the crap from people in the profession have to put up with is unbelievable. Hence why I take my hat off to people who teach as it cannot always be an easy job. Thanks again for the advice,

Regards

Stevo

No worries Stevo, if you want to put it back on the parents ask the principal to organise a meeting with the boys parents. Have the principal mediate the meeting and have your daughter and their son in the meeting. If your daughter eplains what has been going on to the boys parents with him there it is very difficult for him lie his way out of it. Thats another option.

Failing that the only way you can really put it back onto the parents is to follow procedure and have the boy suspended. After having him around the house causing trouble for a few days the parents attitude may change. Matt

[abaddonxi]

Another option, if you're getting no joy from the school, is to contact the regional/district office of the education dept. I don't know if it is the case in Qld., but in NSW there are hordes of people in the regional offices who are there to deal with this kind of stuff. Disciplinary policy differs from school to school, as does how much they're willing to adhere to dept. policy.

After all, making sure your kid has a pleasant school environment isn't your problem, that's what the dept. is there to do.

It's an awful problem; how do you deal with bullies? You'd rather your kids learn the skills early so that they have the tools to deal with the bullies that appear in later life. Somehow, satisfying as it would be, thumping your boss doesn't work quite as well in the office as it does on the playground.

:?:
Cheers
Simon

[noddy]

Stevo -- sorry to hear about your predicament. For what is it worth, it sounds like your daughter has some excellent parents!

I was sent to a boarding school from the age of 11 and it is interesting how kids in such circumstances come together and dish out their 'own' justice.

I will never forget we had one BIG kid in our year, he was so much bigger and mature he was shaving in year 7 8O For 10 months he caused havoc, bullying anyone and everyone. One night, after an incident at dinner the whole dorm agreed to take matters into our own hands. That night ~40 kids wrapped their cakes of soap into their towels and pounded this kid while in his bed. By the time the lights came on and the Brother emerged to see what was going on their was one big kid balling his eyes out....everyone else were in their beds asleep.

The big kid never touched another kid again, although he was also never really accepted either.

IMHO it is always better if the kids can sort it out themselves, BUT if that fails both sets of parents should be brought in. I blame the parents, not the kid.

Hope it is sorted out quickly. Not good for any of the kids if it goes on too much longer.

[stevo68]

http://images1.pictiger.com/thumbs/0d/8c289e1a1e4fd9a05f8e1e1c006fb80d.th.jpg (http://server1.pictiger.com/img/101897/picture-hosting/09042006138.php)

Here's a pic with her brothers https://www.aulro.com/afvb/ . Thanks for all your stories and advice/ comments etc much appreciated. I picked her up from school yesterday from Brisbane ( I have her and her brother on Tuesday nights and weekends) and said she had been spoken to by the principal plus the other 2 girls he has been harassing were spoken to as well. The little ***** were hauled up and given a very strong warning and are not to approach or talk to the girls in any manner at all and that they will be monitored. They have also been told that if they do, they will be made to sit and be addressed by the fathers of the daughters in question. Apparently they almost pooped themselves :wink: . As far as I am aware the parents have been told and if it happens again will also be addressing the fathers/ mothers of the girls in question.

I explained to her that we all go through stages where someone for whatever reason can be a pain in the arse towards us, but to remember its their problem not hers. The main thing is too stand up for yourself but remember there are boundaries that no one should cross and thats where hitting etc is involved and to let someone know ie teacher and of course myself or her mum. So hopefully that will be it, and once again thanks for the stories,

Regards

Stevo

[NOZ]

Sounds like you have the parenting thing sorted Stevo. Dont suppose you would be interested in raising another 4 :wink: https://www.aulro.com/afvb/ https://www.aulro.com/afvb/ https://www.aulro.com/afvb/

[stevo68]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>Dont suppose you would be interested in raising another 4 [/b][/quote] Well we already have 4 between us, her son 11, my two at 9 and almost 8, and then "our" son at 3, the D3 only has room for one more :wink: , which dependant on how she recovers from her open heart surgery, another one maybe on the cards :wink: So Noz at this stage, thanks but no thanks https://www.aulro.com/afvb/ ,

Regards

Stevo

[George130]

Good to hear there is a resolution and quite a friendly one at that. Hope its come soon enough to not leave emotional scars. Keep an ear out to make sure its not continuing though.

[Ace]

Its good to hear it is part way to being resolved. Quite often scaring the pants off them is the way to go. The would be **** scared of having to stand infront of you and the other fathers of the girls being bullied.

A bully will never target s stronger person, bullies are cowardly week people who target individuals who they know to be weaker than them. These things have a way of sorting themselves out. Matt

[stevo68]

Yes resolved at this stage, gave her a bell at her mums place yesterday to see if there were any "carrying ons" and she said they dont come anywhere near her or her friends. Bullies never are much chop when you either get them on their own or if they themselves are threatened, so hopefully that will be it.

Regards

Stevo

[Ace]

Originally posted by stevo68
Yes resolved at this stage, gave her a bell at her mums place yesterday to see if there were any "carrying ons" and she said they dont come anywhere near her or her friends. Bullies never are much chop when you either get them on their own or if they themselves are threatened, so hopefully that will be it.

Regards

Stevo

Fingers crossed hey.

There was this one kid who used to pick on me when i was in primary school. He would only ever do stuff to me, like kick me when i was putting my books in my bag after school etc, when the older kids were there to back him up.

One day after school i followed him out of the school grounds and beat the **** out of him (this is the only time i have ever used violence to solve my problems and dont really approve of it but i was only 12yrs old). The next day at school the bigger kids spoke to me and ignored him. I didnt really hang out with them but it was nice to see this other kid on the outer. He tried to be friends with me a week later. Matt

[Ralph1Malph]

I hope I never have to face bullying.
My 9yo was diagnosed a few years ago with 'Aspergers Syndrome' (look that up :? ) which in a nutshell manifests in the childs social adaptation skills.
That is, he prefers his own company to that of others (loner), prefers academia to the physical pursuits and is socially naive.
I was mighty p*ssed off to learn that these attributes are right up there on the bullies must do list :evil:
Anyway, so far so good. We chose a mainstream school (public) which has very a good anti bully program. We are in daily contact with the teachers, deputy principal and principal.
One of our key strategies was to not keep it from the other parents or his class mates. That has so far been our best move as they 'look out for him' and consciously include him in playground activities.
I also made it quite clear to the principal that they were to maintain control at all times.
Anyway, so far so good, no incidents to speak of although the early teen/pubescent years are still to come (higher probability of bullying I am told)

Luck all,
Ralph

[RoverOne]

Originally posted by abaddonxi

It's an awful problem; how do you deal with bullies? You'd rather your kids learn the skills early so that they have the tools to deal with the bullies that appear in later life.
:?:
Cheers
Simon

Mine learn't her important skills, don't take sh*t from anybody.

I lost my job but once, flattening my next superior for being an anal, great satisfaction for me any way....I got another job the week after!

If that doesn't work of course, don your best ninja outfit & drown the little sods with the bubbler :evil: :wink:

[p38arover]

Thank goodness your children (all of you) came and told you about it. My daughter was being bullied at Penrithg High but didn't tell us for a long time. My wife had to drag it out of her.

The school wasn't a lot of help - they didn't want to know.

A year or so later, another girl who was being bullied couldn't take any more and knelt down in front of a moving train at Faulconbridge ........ :cry: :cry:

Ron

[stevo68]

Fortunately, like in life most kids a pretty good, for sure they all have there moments at times, no doubt like many of us :wink: . I know for my daughter a couple of boys chased off these little turds, so they would wait till no one else was around. Also compared to when I was at school in the 70's through to late 80's, there is a higher level of awareness at schools of this aspect of growing up and some of the sad results that have come from children being bullied, ie in my day ( gee that makes me sound old :wink: ) it was considered almost normal unless you were the receiver, whereas nowdays in a lot of schools children are made aware of it, which I guess as Ron pointed out why children are bringing it to the attention of teachers and parents alike. It also makes you wonder what virtues the parents of some of these kids instill in their children. My son knows full well that you never hit a girl/woman even when play fighting with his sis, so for the prats to be hitting girls at 8/9 yrs old makes you wonder what happens at home.

Regards

Stevo

[JDNSW]

Can't really remember my schooling - too long ago, but my memory is that children were a lot more disciplined than they are now, although children who were 'different' could have a hard time.
I don't remember any real problems with my stepsons - but both were trained in judo (younger one was under-12 Vic champion one year), so this may have helped keep the bullies off them despite being small for their age. Now into the next generation, currently have my d-i-l & grand daughters living with me. Two (5&7) are at school, and there has been no bullying that I am aware of. Their father (qualified Kung Fu instructor) is planning to train them, when he is sure that they are old enough to understand that they must use it only for self defence. Both started school as the smallest kid in the school (trouble finding uniforms small enough)!

I heard for the first time within the last few days that a niece of mine (now 40+) was bullied throughout her school days, spending every lunchtime in the library. She still will not go to that town (only 50km away) if she can avoid it.

[Steinzy]

Good to hear that it is all sorted.

If needed I would be more than happy to take part in the scare the crap out of the bullies campaign :wink:

[stevo68]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>If needed I would be more than happy to take part in the scare the crap out of the bullies campaign [/b][/quote] Yeah see how they cope with some snarling V8 landies, oh and burbling TD's and getting a couple of nudgers from the bull bars :wink: . You must be busy mate havent see you out and about, will catch up soon,

Regards

Stevo