Thread: Lawnmower jokes wanted

teach all the really young kids he has that come round about the this little piggy went to market..

My wife decided that she would cut the lawn while I was away on course for 6 weeks, inpreperation for the event she decided it best to refuel the mower before starting it so she grabed the first oil can insight and filled the tank with 90 gear oil, after trying to start it over a long period of time she gave in and took it to the mower shop after departing some dollars she took it home and refilled the tank with oil again.
When I came home I had to buy a carby gasket kit and while talking to the mower shop man I told him whst had happened, his reply was i had a woman do the same thing the other day.
When I got home I was telling her she had another stupid mate some where near by that had done the samething about 2 weeks ago, our daughter piped up and said mummy had to take our mower down there too to get some oil taken out.
It took some time to live that one down and has never touched the mower again since 1978

I didn't find this funny at the time but........

My first house, on an acreage with a dam. SWMBO insisted she could do her bit so onto the brand new Greenfield ride-on she goes.....................straight into the dam.

Not funny.

Pulled the spark plug and air filter out, turned it over 20 or so times until the water stopped coming out , put it back together and with the help of lots of WD40, off she (the mower...not the Mrs) went again.

Upside was I had a story to torture her with for the last 25 years

You could ask him when is he next going to mow the lawn.
Tomorrow or Toeday??

Or tell him there is a new - super safe mower coming on to the market, you dont have to bend down to pull the rope, it has a electric starter & you just use your big toe to push the starter button...

Turn up with [nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VexO1L0_d2U&feature=related"]YouTube- Vanessa Mae Toccata and Fugue[/nomedia] playing on the stereo. ( i cant edit that back down to toccatta)

hand him some tickets for a trip to tocata then take them back telling him "never mind, I see youve been"

give him a pair of sandles, tell him they are thongs for the toeless

ask him if you can have is steel toe boots, they wont be needing them in the near future

tell him you wont play any sports with him, If hes not going to toe the line why should you.

advise him you dont want to have him on your side in a bar brawl, if hes got to go toe to toe with anyone hes had it.

Get him an Electric one, at least he could follow the cord home to get help.

Don't tell jokes.

He might get toey.

Or maybe he might get cut up about it.

Don't be so mean.

Just offer to get a pair of Kiwi safety boots shipped over for him ..........